1. Be someone trustworthy. In ALL areas. In love, in finances, etc. 2. Cover each others back. In other words, that you both know without a shadow of a doubt, that your spouse believes in you and will stand up for you. 3. Do the small things for each other that tell each other they matter. Greet them with a big smile when they come home. Sew on a button. Bother to make dinner special. Tell each other how much you appreciate them, and that you value them (tell them what it is you value about them)! Let them know that you also appreciate what they do for the family. 4. Be willing to bite your tongue and let things slide......................................once in awhile. Extend grace where you can. 5. Be able to forgive and move on. 6. Try your best not to badmouth each others family. It only makes everyone defensive. We all have flaws. 7. Do not join into "husband bashing" with your friends or family...I see women do this all the time. It is extremely disloyal (would you like your DH sitting around with all the men you know telling them awful things about you? Then don't do it to to him!!! Besides, for those of you who indulge in this past time, keep in mind that it tells other women that things aren't so perfect between you two, and lets another woman know she may be able to squeeze in. Because she won't believe all the bad things you tell her, regardless of what she says. Why, because women think that "she can change him". 8.Be each others biggest fan. Encourage one another. Ask about each others day, and actually listen and care. 9. Do not flirt, or hang around flirts. When one is exhausted, the other rallies. When one is discouraged, the other can encourage. Smile... and be the kind of person that "you" would like to come home to. Simply...love each other. It softens the hard edges in life. LEARN TO PERSEVERE...like an athlete!!!! There will be times in marriage where you feel like running. When you wonder what in the world you were thinking when you chose this person. When you look at them some days, and are not even sure you like the person...let alone love them. Hang in there. Just hang in there, and remember that another day will come when you will feel like the luckiest person in the world to have this same person. Life can be funny that way. Everyone pitch in and keep the house decent. No one wants to come home to a pigsty, and no one feels happy, let alone romantic in one. It weighs heavy on everyone in the house. Believe in something bigger than you both. There are probably more but it is late, so I will call it a day. By the way, they are not necessarily in the order of importance. Just what popped into my thoughts as I was typing.

I know how you feel, as I've had to fight those feelings as long as I can remember. I was down to a size 6 also. The reverse part was I did it with perfect eating and loads of exercise. Yes it felt great to look good in just about everything (especially your birthday suit), but it doesn't mean it's all or nothing. It's good to recognize that you were only the weight due to stress and neglect of yourself. I am currently "one size stretch all"...meaning I don't even know (I'm thinking about a 14), which isn't healthy at all. The great part though is I'm MUCH more healthy emotionally. I realize that my weight up or down does not make me more loveable, it's who I am. I'm sure there are people in your lives that are heavier then they want to be. Are they any less lovable to you? Of course not. Even though you may even notice a few extra pounds on them, it's not likely that is the first thing you think of. You like/love them for who they are. When I would see visably overweight people "strut their stuff", I envied how they could be that way. Then I got to realize, they are sexual beings just like anyone and are entitled to a full life, no matter what size they may be. Regarding your DH, please, please understand where he is coming from....he loves you unconditionally PERIOD. He loves who you are on the inside, and the outside is secondary. He wants YOU!!! Most men express their love differently them most women and that is thru sex. When you aren't able to be there for/with him, it's like shutting off the side of him that expresses his love for you. Think of how you would feel, if the way you expressed your love for your DH was rejected by him. Have this be your step towards healing yourself. Regarding your friends that you met while thin. I know how embarrassing that can be. Just remember yes, they will be surprised perhaps (just like if you styled your hair differently), but after that the friendship will go as normal from there. I used to drop weight, by strict adherence to a diet and exercise. Though I did it wisely, it consumed my every waking minute, and that is not living. I've decided to diet on my days at work (only 3) and eat sensibly on my days at home. I've stepped up my exercise (from none). I will not get on a scale, since I know that is a weakness of mine. I know what it takes to loose weight and I am doing it in moderation. My clothes are just starting to loosen up some. I try to live each day to the fullest and so can you.

My BIL's brother has always been a little.....different. We all knew something was not right about him, but no one would ever come out and ask. Here are some of the things he would do: -He would literally throw-up if someone talked about anything having to do with blood. Really this was a very dramatic thing. -He would tell his dad that he wanted to register for college, get money from his dad, go to school for a couple of classes then drop out (he did this 4 or 5 times) without telling anyone. -He was really soft-spoken in public, but gossipy in private. -He forbid his daughter to touch the walls in the house because she might get them dirty. Just a few of the things that, individually, were no big deal, but put them all together and it made for a strange person. I aked my sister if she thought he was gay and that the odd behaviors were just manifestations of trying to hold it all in. She said she always thought he was gay, but my BIL and their father would not accept him if it were so. I told her that I didn't believe that to be true and that if he was gay, it would make his odd behaviors make sense. He and his wife divorced. She kept the daughter, but he had visitation. Then the wife changed it to supervised visitation. He would never tell any of the family why this was going on or why the divorce happened. About 2 months ago (a year after the divorce was final), he finally came out that he is gay. The bad thing is that a lot of other things came out, as well. He was really into gay porn and child porn, he "defiled" his two female cousins when they were little, and he had been paying for male prostitution. This guy is 30+ years old and had been fighting being gay this whole time. The psychologist said that the fettish-type stuff came about from his attempt to hide/supress his attraction to men. If he would've come out as a teen, he probably wouldn't be facing some serious criminal charges and not being able to see his daughter. Now to my point: if you think it's possible that he may be gay and if there are family members who wouldn't be open to it, try to soften them to the idea so that SS would feel more comfortable coming out rather than holding it inside and hiding.

I like Gail Sheehy! Second Adulthood, indeed. I don't like to be introduces as "90+ years young" - it makes me think of second childhood. I like to be grown up, took me long enough to get there.