What a horror story! I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. First, there is one thing they may have legal grounds for, and that is restricting how much your boyfriend can be at the apartment. Check your lease. Many leases have a clause about visitors and how long they can stay. If your lease has such a clause, then you do have to limit the number of days per month your BF is there. Or you can have him added to the lease. However, unless there is language in the lease that specifically states that guests must be accompanied at all times, he should be able to stay in your apartment without you. So you really need to read your lease carefully. And google "Maryland landlord tenant law" to find out more about the laws where you live. In most states, state law trumps the lease. So even if there is a clause in the lease, if state law says otherwise, you don't have to follow that clause. So know the lease and know the laws, so you know what your rights are. Then start to document every single little thing that happens. Every interaction with the downstairs neighbors--every time they yell at you and what they say, every time they pound on their ceiling, everything that you can clearly trace to them (so not the disappearing laundry supplies, for example). And document every interaction you have with the office. Whenever they call with another neighbor complaint, make sure they tell you the exact day and time that the supposed noise occurred, so you can write this down. Also, if you can prove that the apartment was empty at that time, put the proof down. I'd go so far as to copy a time card from work, or have a toll receipt or a receipt for a cup of coffee, a copy of your work schedule. Anything that can prove the apartment was empty. Do you have a designated parking spot and can this be seen from your apartment? If so, get a small video camera and point it out the window. Then maybe you can capture the person writing on your car on camera. Call the local police on their non-emergency phone number and tell them that you have neighbors who are screaming obscenities at you as you enter and leave your apartment. You also suspect they are writing on your car and stealing your things from the common laundry room. You are afraid they might escalate from there. What should you do to protect yourself? Write down what they tell you. Take notes for two weeks. During those two weeks, obey the rules to the letter--boyfriend only over when you are there, tip toeing around, being as quiet as possible. Then request a meeting with the highest ranking management person you can find. Bring all your documentation and proof. Tell Management that you are tired of being harassed. And use that word--harassed. You have been contacted X times by the neighbors and Y times by management in 2 weeks and it has to stop. List everything you have done to reduce the noise coming from your apartment. Point out that it is above and beyond what the lease requires. You are not going to listen to the neighbors or management about noise issues again, unless there has been an actual violation of the lease. You will now be calling the police if the neighbors scream at you again. You are tired of being harassed like this. Since management hasn't been able to do anything, you are being forced to take the next step. You have consulted a lawyer about the continued harassment from both management and the neighbors. You do not wish to proceed to legal methods, but given the seriousness of their actions towards you, that is the next logical step. Point out that you are not in violation of any of the clauses in the lease. You are willing to add additional noise reduction to your apartment, if you are told of specific things that would definitely (not "might") help your neighbors. You are willing to be a good neighbor and a good tenant. But you are not willing to be harassed on a daily basis where you live. I think these people are taking advantage of the fact that you are a young single woman in her 20s. You have probably been very accommodating and polite, so they think they can walk all over you. I think it's time to stop re-acting to them and become more pro-active. As long as you aren't violating the lease, you should be standing up for yourself. Oh, and buy a chain door guard and use it whenever you are in your apartment. That will stop the management from entering while you are in there. Can't stop them from coming in when you aren't there, but at least they won't be able to surprise you when you are sleeping or showering.

i didn't mean you whatsoever. if your DH's ex is no good, it doesn't mean every marriage is this way. i wasn't talking about your situation, my point is about OP, not you. OP never said that she cheated and left her husband, it was the other way around. she also never said that she abandoned her children the way your DH's ex did. so if you had a serious reason to annul their marriage it doesn't mean everyone has that reason. her leaving and abandoning might as well be good enough reason, i don't know what reasons church is looking for. I personally never abandoned my child, never cheated and would be hurt if my X annuled our marriage and more so asked me to sign for it. i would be hurt so is OP. it is not about you. your situation is different, his ex sucked big time, you weren't married before, and you were raised in that tradition. but i understand how OP feels.

Thanks for the words of advice and encouragement. Somedays it is really hard to know what the best thing to do is. I used to try and suggest things directly to my dh's ex, but I am always met with "you don't know what it's like because you've never been a mother" Which is true I don't and won't be having children of my own..dh had the operation after the youngest was born-due to complications he does not want to reverse it-we talked extensively about this prior to our marriage, so it was not a surprise. Maybe it has had the effect of me wanting to be closer to my step daughters knowing that they are the closest to children I will have, I just don't know how to do it without upseting her. The thing is that I can in some aspects sympathize with her-I understand that things have not been easy for her in life either. Her father died when she was young, she got pregnant at 17 (dh was 22-the man she left for was older than my dh-I suspect she has spent her life looking for a father type figure-as by accounts by dh & her sister-she did not accept her step dad) Ex is actually a couple years younger than me. Back to the point....My oldest sd was a twin; they were born at 26 weeks. The oldest twin suffered a brain tumor and the doctors felt it was best to take her off life support. Dh feels that his ex never forgave him as she feels that he forced her to consent to let their child die. I can understand this somewhat, (I know as a sister losing is not the same as a mother) my own family dealt with this when my mother became pregnant with twins (which were born at about 26-27 weeks-unfortunately within a year both passed away) when I was 13. I just feel that if bm would lose some of her anger that it could make all of our lives easier. Not that I am saying it is all her fault either-as I mentioned the conversations between dh & ex would turn into shouting matches...I know my dh still holds a resentment at coming home twice to find that she emptied out their home and moved into an apartment with another man. I just can't understand why she has to make things so hard when all dh wants to do is what's best for his daughters and have a good relationship with them. I have tried being friendly, I've tried staying out of her way, but I really don't know what it will take to make her happy-maybe if I disappeared of the face of the earth? I once asked her if her bf's ex made her feel wrong for wanting to do things with his sons...she said that her bf's ex treated her awfully and all she wanted to do was nice things for her ss, but I guess it didn't register that when it comes to her daughters I am in the same position. Hopefully it will get better!! In the meantime I just love my sds when they are with us, do things with them, but also ensure that they have quality alone time with dad as well, and try to always be honest with them....and pray A lot!!

illy, It is easy to overlook some things when we want to be with someone. Your boyfriend was not ready and is still not ready to make a promise to you. Life is too precious to make a serious decision and then "hope" life will turn out good. You are already unhappy. No, No, No Walk away and don't look back. Best to you.