Posted by barnmom (My Page) on Wed, Jul 26, 06 at 18:05 Hmmm. My teens are great (not perfect!), I tell them so all the time. They seem to make an effort to live up to my positive expectations. Posted by western_pa_luann (My Page) on Fri, Jul 28, 06 at 11:44 ".I just get really frustrated when you cook, clean and run them around, hand out $10 bills like lollipops and when you ask for some small courtesy such as keeping strangers out of your house when you are at work..." You taught them how to treat you and what to expect from you. Why clean if mom will do it.... Why worry about anything when mom will do it... Why work for money or even be frugal when mom will dole out cash... You have raised them that way, and it will take a lot of group therapy to reverse all they have been raised with! It will not happen easily or quickly, though. It will take hard work and committment from all parties. Posted by lindac (My Page) on Fri, Jul 28, 06 at 15:27 If you carry the attitude that your kids are miserable whiney, ungrateful human beings and not good for anything at all and the whole issue of being a parent is just too disappointing and miserable for words.....why then it's no small wonder your kids avoid you and don't call. Kids pretty much behave in the way you expect them to and the way you have shown by example. I know many many people with kind, polite successful independant kids. But then again they never expected them to be anything but that way. Sounds to me like there is more than a little resentment with the step kids here. Linda C Chloemichelle: Thank you for coming to my defense. I took all that you said along with stephanie from ga and seeker-returns. I know good, sound advice when I hear it and thank you. Please don't go round and round with the posters who wrote such horrible, judgemental comments as I have cut and pasted to remind you. Let it go. You guys reminded me that the children that I have guided really are great kids. They sometimes get me overwhelmed since three of them are in their late teens and really know how to get my goat as you said ;O). The fact remains that although it seems on some days that they are going to turn out bad... in actuality....they are good kids even great in my eyes. I need to remember that ....like one of you said they are a work in progress. I am constantly hearing how great the two at home are and I sometimes lose site of that because I work full-time, take care of my parents on both sides and when the day is done...they really know how to be living in their own world and seem to me as ungrateful. The oldest one really did make us nuts but that is not the fault of the other two teenagers. BUt often times my DH and I are shell-shocked and think "aw man, here we go again". But in actuality, there really are no comparisons. The oldest was a tough kid to raise when she was 8 let alone a teenager. The other three are not at all. I think you three are great people and I am glad that we got to air things out. No sense having a battle of wits when there is no challenge. I took what I needed from this thread and ignored the rest so you guys should do the same. We will meet again in another thread. Take care and again thank you for your support. My son gave me a card that simply said..."thanks for always believing in me" and my daughter followed my request and did not invite her friend inside the house when I was not home...So for today, I feel good. ALthough my posts do not seem poignant because I work in computers and I am sick of them by the time I get home ;O), I want to be perfectly clear in the fact that I sincerely appreciate you for being supportive and helpful when I needed it most. I do believe that my home is a great place..(:O) we eat dinner together..:O)..in between all of our jobs, football, dance, baseball and visits to grandma's. But sometimes, I stress sometimes, we can have an Osbourne moment or two. LOL. I am a better person for meeting you guys. As for the rest of you, ... thanks anyways.

We are in family therapy working on "communication" because our daughter has anxiety and there's too much stress at home. being heard,and being listened to means agreeing The therapist mentioned this and commented that you just say something like "I heard you and understand your point, but the answer is still no." We've also learned that when a person is talking to you, words are a very miniscule part of communication. Body language speaks more volume than words. The same is true for listening. In order to listen properly, one must look AT the "talker" while he's speaking, acknowledge that you are listening, not interrupt while he's speaking, and not thinking of your next argument/topic while he's speaking. You must give your TOTAL undivided attention. We also learned about "communication barriers", which is when you blame, lecture, ridicule, etc. It's important to use the "I" statement (i.e. I feel that.... I worry that...) instead of the "You" statement (i.e. You make me feel... You always make me worry about you by....) I remember more than once that I would HEAR my daughter talking to me, but I wasn't LISTENING to the words she was saying... until she started asking me "Okay, what did I just say?" then I would have to repeat it. LOL I also remember my niece who had a hard time growing up. She commented on how parents just don't listen to their kids. They're too busy interrupting them or doing their own thing! I once told my daughter when she was a preteen about writing her feelings down on paper when she gets angry, frustrated, etc. That it was a good way to relieve stress. One day she came stomping into the house, madder than hell! She had an argument with a close friend. She went straight into her room and started writing. She wrote 2 pages full about how her friend has been treating her, etc. She let me read it after she calmed down. She was mad at the whole world! She also said that she felt better, calmer, after she wrote it. It gave her a way to "vent" out her anger in a positive way!

Dilly Dally - 2 of the shooters that Kat mentioned were not teenagers, 1 was the school teacher and the other was 70 years old! Doesn't really surprise me. I would have been scared to death to have lived in the old west.. because of the indians and outlaws. Although I most likely would have died from disease instead.

Black Susan, I want to thank you for being brave and expressing your true emotions. Those judges who have not walked in your shoes should be banned, but I guess that makes a forum. I am living your life! I have a BPD SD 18....when I hear her voice, I cringe. She is so evil and devious. Her mother was also BPD and just commit suicide in March. I too love my husband but can also envision my life far away from them. I sometimes feel trapped in hell. I stumbled upon this form because I was in search of Daughter/father odd relationships. A friend brought to my attention that the BPD SD is probably jealous. She is also 95% of the reason we fight. Whenever a fight erupts, SD is right by her father in weird ways. When we are not fighting, she does what she can to get him alone. We have four children combined (all teens) and none have this issue. I once had serious concerns but watching carefully, it was SD who was trying to be more than close. I've been with them for 12 years now. The stories I could tell!!! I'm either weak or gluten for punishment. I have tried so many things. I've researched BPD, gone to therapy, family therapy....Just recently in the past year, people have seen the real monster. Just after her mothers suicide, things are making more sense to my husband. I too am on other forums, specifically for BPD....so much compassion for the disease!! These parents take a beating over and over. This is not my kid and I should be able to place boundaries, yet I am stopped and MUST tolerate because of her illness and because of the guilt her father feels. The bio mom sexually abused her and she was in foster care 3 weeks before released to her father. Uggh! So much to say...I'm sure you all have similar stories. I've had it! I know why you had an outburst. I've been there. The lies, the deceit, the con artist is enough to drive you crazy! For the past few years, I record anything that has to do with HER....she lies so much and I am always on defense. I used to just stay quiet when family would ask about our situation. I flat out give the truth and I don't care anymore. One of her goals is to go live with a wealthy aunt. (she was there a year and screwed that up). She has literally threatened me that if I tell her the truth of what goes on here, she will make my life more miserable. Entitlement!!! You earn privileges!! She graduated from a dump school and feels she gets a big party.....I refused to be involved. My house is invaded. I would love to hear from all of you who are experiencing this pain. I understand the anger, resentment and frustration. Krystal