Well, if you _feel_ "fat and ugly", then you need to do something about it. It sounds like there's some depression possibly going on there too. So, as a first step, see your doctor, and get your hormone levels etc checked and discuss the possibility of depression. Medication may be just the thing for you.
But also, consider doing whatever you would do to not feel "fat and ugly". Diet? Exercise? Makeover? New clothes? New hair? What? and get working on that.
Being more in sync with your DH may also help you to find the right moments for romance. Don't succumb to sleeping on the couch while he watches a movie- go out and DO something :-)

What you need to do is act "as if." Your husband says he loves you and thinks you're beautiful. Trust that he believes that.

Close your eyes, take your clothes off, and get into it. Just do it. Think about your flag or your country or anything except how "disgusting" you are.

Sounds like your marriage is on the line and your husband is being fair in giving you a "heads up."

We're all insecure. Get over it. Those A-list celebrities with the perfect bodies are even more insecure than we are. Do you think Angelina Jolie is happy with herself? I got a bridge to sell you.

Figure out a sliver of time during the day that's feasible to do "it." Set a kitchen timer for 15 mintutes beforehand. Brush your teeth; give yourself a spongebath or a shower. Then, go up to your husband and say, "How about it, Tex?"

Try to do this at least every three days--every two days if possible.

Sex is very important to men. If you want to keep him, you gotta pony up. Figure out a way that works for you.

Well, Americana (registered yesterday BTW), if OP should 'believe' what her husband says, shouldn't she also believe that he wants a separation?

'Figure out a sliver of time during the day that's feasible todo "it." Set a kitchen timer for 15 mintutes beforehand. Brush your teeth; give yourself a spongebath or a shower. Then, go up to your husband and say, "How about it, Tex?"

Try to do this at least every three days--every two days if possible.

Sex is very important to men. If you want to keep him, you gotta pony up. Figure out a way that works for you.'

& maybe she could meet him at the door wrapped in Saran Wrap?

What *is* your reading material?
The Total Woman?

OP, I don't know what else is going on in your husband's life, but it sure sounds like there's something, maybe another woman.

If so, you might try to use sex to 'bait the trap' & 'catch' him, but I don't know that that's going to work for either of you as a long-term solution.

Firstly, if he's thinking of separating from his wife, chances are that there's already a bond with the other woman, & you'll just set yourself up for heartbreak by dishing up sex to try to re-capture whatever you once had.

Secondly, using sex as bait reduces both of you to one-dimensional figures, you to a manipulator who uses sex to keep a man, him to a sort of stray man who keeps coming round because the lady of the house puts out a dish of food & lets him have sex with her.

You know each other, you've lived with each other, you've been as intimate as people can be;
can you clear the decks & talk together?

I wish you the best.

You didn't say your ages or if you have kids.

Besides the usual fear of the unknown, why are you even holding on to this boring, unfulfilling relationship? Sounds like you have both already gone your separate ways, just living in the same house. Is that what you want out of life?
"Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving."

Thank you. I need it. :)

Hoakie, your OP got me thinking what I would do if my DH told me he wanted a separation.

First I would get a really nice lace hankie and cry a few tears into it, for form's sake.

Then I would pack his things and remind him to be careful not to let the door hit him in the behind as he exited.

Then I would call my girlfriends and go out to celebrate.

Maybe this separation is not the worst thing in the world, you know.

What I mainly read in your post was that you feel fat and ugly. I think you should deal with that right now. Because whether he stays or goes, it's important that you feel good about yourself. Once you do, everything else will fall into place. So as someone else suggested, go see a doctor for depression, start a diet, exercise routine (exercise is wonderful for when you're feeling down), get a new haircut, do whatever it takes to make you feel whole again. I wish you the best.

I'm a lot hurt that he would ask for a separation. He tells me all the time he loves me and that I am beautiful. But he tells me he wants to see if he is really in love with me.

Are you kidding me? You are are telling her to lose weight????

This is not a normal thing. He wants to see if he is really in love with you???

He either does or does not, and if he is questioning this then I would guess he is looking. This is serious and should be addressed. what does he want, what is he looking for?

Cheri

You are finding out that marriage takes effort.

I'm questioning why you refuse to alter your sleep schedule to more accommodate his. He puts in a 60 hour work week plus a side job on the weekend. It sounds like you only work part time and that's on weekends too. If you can rearrange your sleep pattern, be up be 430 am when he gets home. Offer to take him for breakfast or catch the sunrise. It doesn't have to be every day, but at least try for one day a week.

A man that tells you you're beautiful isn't the kind of man that's worried about your weight. That's all on you. So believe him and accept that he accepts you for who you are. Silly things you can to to romance HIM is stick a love note in his car, get out your wedding pictures and tell him you you'd marry him all over again, text him and say how much you miss him while he's at work.

Put the effort back into your marriage. He can't do it alone. Or he WILL be alone.