It is going to be just wonderful this year as your plants should be well established and the flowerbeds full of flowers. They should completely fill in that bed. Can't wait to see it then. Great blog. Keep up the great work and keep us informed. ~Annie

how awful....I had couple of similar stories in my life. here is one. sounds like soap opera but it is true. we had a neighbour (and my grandma's colleague also RN at the same hospital as my grandma), lady, who was never married, kind of older. she has met this guy and he proposed right away, she got excited and did everything he told her to do. she was so desperate for male attention that she would do anything. and she was this trusting kind of type, "too nice". he made her to sell her summer cottage, and whatever other vaulable possessions she had. then she did early retirement. then he insisted they sell her place and buy a house in a country with her money. when she protested, it ended with him beating her and trying to chock her, she ran out and hid her valuables at our house. then we convinced her to press charges, which she did. but when my grandmother went to police to testify about abuse, all of a sudden this lady changed her mind and said that he was just joking and never chocked her, she withdrew charges. they sold her place, bought something in a country with her money (maybe on his name) and moved and we never heard of her. my grandma tried to locate her but she dissapeared no where to be found. she never called no one and never returned any phone calls, not one person at the hospital or in the neighbourhood heard of her again. we thought he killed her. oh actually she was afraid to move to a rural area because he would kill her there, then my grandma called the police again to report that the lady is scared to move, but police would not do anything. we still think that he maybe killed her. in any case he took advantage of all her finances and posessions. as a single her whole life and RN she made a decent living and had a decent property, she lost everything. and maybe her life too, who knows. how scary...people who want to get serious too fast and push for commitment too quickly always scare me.

Sweeby, I tend to agree with you. I truely believe my SS is a sociopath. I have researched it extensively and he is dead on. Even to the point that we got puppies for each of the kids last year and he would feed and water his, walk it when the others walked theirs but he never loved on it like the others did. Never smiled at it when it was happy to see him. He was detached. Honestly, that was when I first started to notice he was a little different. He can turn it on, when he knows others are watching, or even mimic others "normal" behavior, he is just different. His puppy didn't grow and learn like the others because he didn't take time with her. When he went to his mothers and said he wasn't coming back, I was at least relieved that I could find the puppy someone to love her. To this day he has never even asked where she is! Was my husband a great father? No. He thought he was, he tried so hard. He stayed in a loveless marriage for 20 years convinced (by his wife and her family) that if he left he would never see his sons again. That is a ridiclous farce! But my husband, while the kindest soul I have ever know, isn't the most intellectual man. He was on his own at age 15 and all he wanted was a family. He endured SO MUCH to keep his family together and while he THOUGHT he was doing the right thing, it was in the end, the absolute worst thing he could have done. Children who grow up in a battle zone, watching their mother belittle their father over and over, watching their mother lose her temper and hit herself in the head, having one affair after another, that is bound to produce some twisted individuals. My husband tried to keep them busy, Boy Scouts, football, basketball, bowling leagues, track...he was at every practice, every game, helped coach..anything he could to keep them busy and focused on something positive. Yes, he feels gulity. I don't bring it up anymore, he talks when he needs to talk and I listen. Last night for the first time, he said, "I should have taken my boys and left when they were little. They would be different now." I know that is true and I know that is why he puts up with so much, he is largely to blame. No, he wasn't a mean father, but he was an ignorant one, either way, his boys are damaged. I feel bad for my SSs and I am very maternal by nature, so I have tried so hard to take care of them. I wonder if maybe there isn't some jealousy there by the 18 year old because he didn't grow up with that kind of mother. His mother is SO selfish! I have never seen anything like it! Well, my SSs....I have loved on him, he and I had one on one "date nights" and days of shopping and lunches like I do with the others, talked about everything under the sun. I just think it is too late... When his behavior affects my children I have to say no more. Some have asked about my 20 year old SS that I have only met twice. Right in the middle of the split between his parents, he "came out". He was 17. He really , really needed understanding and nurturing. He didn't get it. His mother was vested in her new relationship and his father was licking his own wounds. Both adults were selfish and not there for their son in a very, very crucial time in his life. He is still angry and hurt. While my husband now sees his mistake and wants to be there for his son, he is now going to have to wait until his son is ready to forgive him. Which is why my husband calls him very Sunday and leaves him a message, without fail. He tried to live with his mother and her boyfriend and that didn't work out because the boyfriend was calling him a *ag every day! I wish he would give us a chance but he just isn't ready... I saw on FB recently that he was saying he needed money for groceries. I told my husband (who doesn't realy do the FB thing)and he sent him money for groceries. It's a start... Need to add, the SSs do NOT get along! It's just a big mess! : ( I have to leave it all to my husband. He created this situation, regardless of his intentions, it is time for him to step up and take care of his own. I am just going to take care of mine and see in time what develops.

"Blood ties have nothing to do with it." My point exactly (see my previous post "Attachments"). I have two male cousins who divorced their first wives. I love my cousins but also cared deeply for the women to whom they were married. I still consider them family. They are welcome in my home. I visit them when I am back there. My relationship to them, my consideration of them as "family" does not alter the fact that they are no longer "family" to their ex-spouses. My one cousin refused to speak to his mother (my aunt) for an extended period of time because, like Kathline's X-MIL, she refused to renounce his XW. Her attitude was "You divorced her. I didn't." Eventually, my cousin got over himself and reconciled with his mom. In my post on another thread, I wrote that mothers and their children are and always will be family to one another; that fathers and their children will always be family to one another. In writing this, I was simply acknowledging a biological bond; in writing that XWs & XHs are no longer family to each other, I was referring to a "legal" attachment. (For those of you who did not read that earlier thread of mine, I suggested we can become attached/bonded to others on as many as seven different levels: emotional, spiritual, legal, financial, sexual, geographical, and biological/parental. We do not necessarily become attached to others on all 7 dimensions and the intensity of the attachment may be differ, also). I believe it was KKNY who responded to the post with something along the lines of "when ex-spouses share children, there will always be a relationship between them. I agree. And I would hope for the sake of any shared children, the relationship would be cooperative and cordial. It just strikes me as ironic (and somewhat contradictory) that some would deny the validity of the loving attachments that can and do exist between Stepparents and their stepchildren because of the absence of a biological bond but will vehemently insist that the bonds they have to the biological relatives of their former spouses remain valid and deserving of respect and recognition. Because, after all, "blood ties have nothing to do with it." I agree.