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I am so confused about my marriage

17 years ago

Hi I have been married for 21 years....In that time I have been very controlled by my husband I have had physical abuse and mainly mental abuse....I believe he has a personality disorder that is undiagnosed at this stage....I left the family home 18 months ago as I had somewhat of a mental breakdown and could not take anymore, I needed to find myself again....I have been struggling doing that for that time....My husband loves me very much I know and would do anything to get me back....I am not sure if I am in love with him or not because all is see is the hurts and I cant seem to see the good times....just the last month I have been thinking about him all the time and really think we should make another go of it, but I am very scared. I cant take anymore mental abuse and guilt trips....I feel maybe we should try marriage counselling or something but I seem to want this but still shut him out everytime he rings and tries to talk to me, its like I have put up this wall that cant come down....I am so confused and really dont know what to do.

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