Christy, your daughter isn't going through what my son has (he has an eating disorder...yes at age 3 and has had since two weeks after birth). My son goes to bed at 10 and sleeps to 9. That's what he needs for sleep :) he also takes a nap now (he didn't sleep more than 15 mins at a time the first year and never more than an hour at a time for the next year and a half so he owes me naps until he's 40). I think swapping out the meals (snack with you, "dinner" when you were doing that snack) is a great solution. But just for grins and giggles, I'll share some of my son's lessons (we spent three months in the hospital with therapists and doctors learning to eat). First, I wouldn't try the big guns since it sounds like your daughter is healthy. If this issue is causing a dangerous weight loss (more than 10%) big guns are necessary...but again ;) It does not sound like that's the case. So for the little guns :) Those hugs and napkin drops are control issues and you need to learn to be tough about them. If she drops her napkin, do not pick it up without the help being earned. Ie "dropped napkin...complaint" then you say, I'll pick it up after you take a bite. Do not address the issue beyond that. Don't ask her to take a bite again, do not pick up the napkin, do not give her a hug, do not laugh if she trys to preform her way out of the situation, just move along and eat, and even if she's screaming like a banshee...don't touch the napkin. Yes that's hard, but it's a big deal. That alone has made a huge difference in getting our son to eat (he's chronic fail to thrive so we do use the big gun techniques as well). If she takes the bite, immediately pick up the napkin and return it to her, or give her the hug or whatever it was that she was stuck on :) And say "Good Job taking that bite" with great enthusiam, and make sure this comes from both you and your husband. She's 3...that positive attention (on the YEA ON THE BITE reaction) is going to be a big deal to her. If she drops the napkin, wants the hug, whatever, do it all over again. We do it aproximately 40 times a meal..or did. The great thing about this technique is eventually they don't need the over abundant praise after each bite. And you don't end up with the power struggle. Many of the kids in our feeding program developed their problems in the toddler years. The stubborn little poops like control, and they can learn to turn off their hunger drive (my son has no natural hunger drive at all). You've nothing to worry about if this is only a dinner time thing...but if it extends to other meals, you have to nip it in the bud big time, and really, this is a good time to start so it doesn't extend as she continues to struggle to gain control of her life. There is no answer for every solution. Every child is different, and some have bigger issues than others. Bed times vary per child, and that's ok. Eating times do as well. And eating patterns, and even eating habits. We are so thrilled if our son eats voluntarily that I could give rip what he eats...that means we don't limit his food to "healt6hy food". If he wants an M&M while we're eating dinner (he joins us at the table late as well, but he only has his chosen snacks which he mostly plays with) we're happy to see him eat the M&M. He needs the calories. Unlike most children though, while he's allowed as many M&M's as he wants, he rarely eats more than a couple. Anyhoo, I'm a professional "mom" who's spent over a million bucks on my son's eating disorder, so I just wanted to share a trick that made a big difference for us (and one we saw work with all of the other kids as well). It's hard as a parent to listen to your child scream for whatever it is they want...but it's a control issue on your side too :) They can't always win (my son is 3 now...I totally get how much they try to win LOL) Best of luck!!!

may_flowers and sprtphntc - I seldom buy either. I have been buying and looking at a few things lately. Both my mother and my MIL downsized this year and I got a few small pottery pieces from each of them. I wanted to display them but none of them really went together and so I was looking for other pieces to set them off so I was prowling consignment stores and antique stores. So much of it was pretty but not suitable, but when a piece "spoke" to me and I thought "yes, you will set off and add to my enjoyment of my great-grandmothers water pitcher", that's when I bought something. palimpset - exactly. I agree with you. I too prowl real estate listings (used to frighten my DH) but I don't want a new house. Appreciating things does not mean having to own them. mudhouse - oh I really like that imagery of "stocking the visual library in our minds". I'm going to use that line on my DH the next time a situation arises. Then watch him try to figure what I'm saying - he won't get it, poor guy. romy718 - Perhaps like your daughter, I just want to convey my joy in seeing something that I think is, for me, pretty. I don't expect the person that I'm with to agree with me because I do know that we all have different tastes and different definitions as to what is visually pleasing. I guess I just want them to see my joy in seeing something that I find to be pretty and I want to share that - not to buy but just to stop, take a minute and enjoy looking.. Oh, and to be clear that doesn't actually happen all that often. And kevinmark - you're right ,not every gorgeous accessory is meant to buy. I suspect that if one did that the joy of owning pretty things that one found joy in would somehow be diminished over time. For me anyway.

Lars reminds me of when the announcers in Montreal would “correct” Jim Lefebvre's name. He says the Americanized “Leh-FEE-ver”. It's his name. One assumes that no matter the origin, the man knows how to say his own name. Re Jaques, I'd be glad to try to repeat your family's pronunciation, but I don't get your examples. M. Pepin says his name the way I'm used to hearing it in French. While I've heard Americans and Brits say a variety of things from Jack with a hard J, like Jack Warner, to something more or less like Pepin's but with the “a” voiced longer, I don't get the vowel from Jack vs. the vowel from Jock. M. Pepin uses a reduced vowel, like an "uh”. What I here most here is an "ah” sound, like in “father”. I have heard French speakers saying what is notated as æ, which is the vowel in cat. Other French speakers say it with an ah sound. The issue then is what happens when the speaker gives extra personality to the “uh” sound. That's where accents come in. There are more than half a dozen ways of saying this kind of an “a”, and as Cloudy Christine was saying, how you interpret that depends on what sounds you can differentiate. You can teach these coloration differences to adults—that's what dialect coaches do—but close enough is all most people can manage. I wouldn't get hung up on a vowel.

I read that Dear Abby column too. It seemed a bit odd to me - like it wasn't the whole story. I realize many of those letters are edited for space, privacy, and relevance and I wonder what else that person wrote. I do recall that part of Abby's reply was that she assumed they took the kids somewhere afterwards for more acceptable fare. I take a very small amount and take a bite or 2 to be polite, then try to discreetly get rid of it, if possible. That mainly works at casual events. When I like something, I clean my plate. I cannot get behind the idea that one shouldn't do that because it's not 'good manners'. I know some people do leave food on their plate for that reason.