Okay Nancy, I'm ready to give my opinion now. Thanks for replying to my nosiness. I don't have a problem at all with you relaying to your nephew the information of his heritage. What does strike me as wrong is the fact that once you tell him about this, you seem to expect him to change his (and that of his family) last name! Yes, your brother was most likely your uncle's child, seeing as they were so similar. But that fact was never formally acknoweledged by your mother, uncle, father, aunt or brother, and all people involved seemingly wanted your brother to carry the last name that he was given. For somebody to come along much later and expect somebody's name to be changed on the basis of assumption would be going against the wishes of those involved, I would think. You said that you thought it might have been arranged (your brother's conception) because your uncle wanted a son. If that were the case, your aunt and uncle would have had ample opportunity to decide to give the child their name, to raise it as theirs, or to have shared custody. This would have been during the decision making process, before whatever method of homemade old fashioned in-vitro fertilization was used. If this is the case then the fact that your brother was raised by your mother and father and given their last name was a choice they made consciously, and I would honor their choice. However I am more inclined to think that the conception occured in the usual manner and that your brother was given your name and raised in the same manner as you, because that's how these things were handled in those days. I would assume your aunt said "I wouldn't mind" because it was the genteel thing to do. People of that era did not wear their heart on their shirtsleeve the way we do today.

I think there are many causes contributing to youth suicides. First of all, it is glamorized. The kids carry on at funerals, get into a deep funk about it, create memorial locations where they set out flowers and candles and teddy bears for weeks on end, and then immerse themselves into it to the extent that they make it seem like an attractive thing to do in an odd way. I also think bipolar is often a part of the picture. It often first shows up in teens or twenty-somethings, at the same time when kids first leave home for college dorms across the state. Sometimes it is undiagnosed. Some medications for depression or anxiety or whatever can have suicidal side effects too. Moreover, kids often do not like to take their medications, even when the parents think that the illness is under control. And with the advent of the internet, bullying can be an unendingly, brutal experience for some kids. When my son was at NYU, they had so many suicides from the top floor of the dorm that they blocked those windows so that they could not be opened. And then illegal drugs and alcohol can lead a kid to suicide. When I grew up, life could be difficult. But we did not have drug addiction as a national scourge, and the internet was unheard of, and so bullying was more limited. Today's kids have so much more to deal with. I am a strong believer in having procedures at schools for dealing with bullying and other misbehavior. The home and schools and the community need to stand together in teaching each new generation decorum, standards of behavior, and to be kind to others. No matter how hard we parents may try, we are not perfect. But we do want the best for our kids and, in all honesty, for all kids. But our kids hopefully have had parents who are good enough since PERFECT is impossible. Unfortunately, many kids have parents who aren't even trying, who would never be accused of being helicopter parent(s). And amazingly, many of those kids focus and become great people in spite of all their difficulties. I am saddened to see such resentment expressed by adults toward today's youth. There are a lot of really neat kids out there who are doing it inspite of circumstances they must overcome.

For obvious reasons this is a topic that is very dear to my heart, and one which I feel requires much more dialogue. Previously I made a statement which many feel is incorrect but allow me to expound on that statement a bit,,, " if an individual is telling you they are going to commit suicide, they don't really mean it. What they are actually saying is that they cannot stand the current circumstances of their life, and they are literally crying out for help" Whether you want to believe it or not, that statement is entirely true, however it is perhaps a bit incomplete.... The opertive phrase there is that when the individual is threatenting suicide they are in fact crying out for help. You must understand that at that moment in time, the one threatening suicide is still weighing their options and even though they are seeing those options through dark glasses they still have not entered into the full committed stage of suicide. At this point, if they are fortunate enough to have someone get them into a full medically supervised intervention program the prognosis of recovery is very high, but, and this is the serious but in the matter. More often than not, those around them do not take their threats seriously, often dismissing them as a copout for failing to take responsibility or labelling them as a drama queen, and ignoring the threats. The individuals who suffer this illness may go through the threatening stage for weeks, months or even years but I can assure you, that if it is left untreated, they will eventually progress to the dedicated stage of suicide, and once they have made the dedicated decision to end their life, they will no longer talk about it. In fact, they will become very secretive about it, but you can be sure that they are at this point no longer weighing the choice, but rather they are mentally selecting the method and their biggest fear is not dying, but rather at this point they fear they may attempt a method that won't work. (I know because I personally have been there and done that). One thing that is certain is that once they enter the dedictated stage, they will not openly discuss or threaten suicide because they don't want to risk anyone intervening in their plan. If I can impart no other information on this topic, I want to emphasize this one point, If you hear anyone threaten suicide, DO NOT DISMISS IT LIGHTLY. If they are a close friend or family member you might civilly discuss the idea of them seeing a medical professional, but in most cases that will fall on deaf ears, however, if they refuse to hear your advice, take it upon yourself to notify the local police or your county mental health authorities. If you honestly care for that person, do whatever you can to insure they get professional help. Beleive me, this is serious business. Suicide is the leading cause of death for young people under the age of 25, and statistically the highest incidence of suicide occurs during the holiday period from Chrismass until New Years.

Not suicide but our most beloved 3 year old grandson drown on this date several years ago. 12-01-01 * 1-18-05 My dad passed out abt 12 hours later. Eight days later my dad passed away. (Causes of their deaths were unrelated.) I quickly found out among other things, grief can make a person physically sick!!! One way, I found help coping with sudden death was learning about the many phases of non-relenting grief was by reading the following book which includes suicide. I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Death of a Loved One by Brook Noel https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_4_5?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=i+wasnt+ready+to+say+goodbye&sprefix=i+was%2Caps%2C290&crid=2MIHIYDRJE8LI