I am so sorry for his family and all of you who loved
him.

I'm not sure that we can ever truly understand it. A
tortured soul - over something that no one knew about,
very probably.

I am so, so sorry.

I'm very sorry you lost a friend in such a tragic way. I don't think there will ever be a way to understand suicide. I've lost friends in the past the same way. There was so much sadness for the loss, but much more sadness just knowing they were in so much pain or desperation that they felt there was no other option.

My heart felt condolences to you and to your friend's family.

Linda

Monica, that's exactly how I felt when I was in the worst stages of Clinical Depression..even with taking over 600 mgs. a day of anti-depressant meds. It was a scarey and awful time. At least I had my sister, Summer, to talk to and I know it worried her sick.

How I wish Steve had communicated with anyone about his feelings.

Thank you, Molly.

I agree, Linda, suicide leaves the survivors feeling like they should've had a clue and a way to help the depressed person get through their struggle. :(

My brother committed suicide just shy of his 21st birthday. To this day, we have no idea why. I've always said it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem and I only wish he could have stuck it out longer. I guess the worst part of it was, my dad found him, just across the street in a vacant house. Not long after that my grandfather did the same. Leaves the family with lots of unanswered questions.

Sometimes it's the medication, at least that what I think.

My nephew, who was such a fun, dedicated, upstanding guy, also committed suicide. No one in his family would have ever expected something like this from him. We found out that he felt a little depressed and the doctor put him on some kind of depression drug. Like they warn you that some of those drugs can cause thoughts of suicide in young people, well, I think that's what happened to my nephew. He was in his 30's with a lovely family that he loved very much. It was a complete shock to everyone.

That's one reason that I don't like to take any drugs. So often they cause more problems than they solve.

Granlan, I'm so sorry about your friend.

I agree with MaryAnn. And also, I think it is harder for men to talk about things than women.

I'm sorry about your friend, Granlan.

It seems there is no understanding. Loving thoughts & prayers for all Steve's friends and family.

I am thinking too you usually don't understand it.
It always seems such a waste when so many people are fighting for their lives every single day!

I feel awful for those that hurt that bad that suicide seems the only solution.

Bigtime hugs for you Granlan! I'm so sorry you've lost your friend.

My heart goes out to all of you who've been affected by such a tragic loss of family or friends.

I guess it is harder for a man to express his feelings..whether he's ill or not.

Seems certain meds can be dangerous to take, but at the same time, I'm one of those who would've not recovered without the proper meds.

Apparently, understanding and acceptance of suicide is impossible. It's hard enough to accept the death of a person when it wasn't caused by suicide. :(

How hurtful for the survivors and the guilt they usually suffer for feeling so helpless.

So sorry to hear of your loss, granlan. Those left behind always wonder if they could have or should have done something. Please don't beat yourself up over what you didn't know. Had you known how desperate he was, you would have tried to help. But you didn't know. And there was nothing you could have done.

I think medication is best discussed with a medical professional. A correlation with suicide and taking medication does not prove cause. Medication often gets the depressed person feeling better, and it's at that point they have the energy and ability to plan their suicide. Outwardly, the person can seem to be doing a lot better, even as he or she is setting a terrible plan into motion. Males seem to go for a more lethal approach and are more "successful" at actually killing themselves.

The one thing to remember is to take it seriously if someone says he's going to kill himself. Never brush it off or say the person doesn't mean it. Believe him.

My mother committed suicide 5 months after my brother's death. I was with her everyday and she seemed fine. For years I beat myself up for not knowing that she would do something like that. I was 24 at the time so I was pretty young to understand what she must have felt inside. Loosing a child has to be the worst thing in the world to go through. Mom was 44 when this happened and I always wonder what she would have been like all these years. She was such a fun loving and happy person to be around.

A few years after that her brother did the same thing. It is so sad for the family left behind.

I am sorry about the loss of your friend Lana.

I live in a very small town about 4,000. Would you believe that about once a year there is a suicide? It effects the whole town, because you know everyone. It is a very tight community and 90% attend church. We have lots of support and plenty of activities.

Gayle

I'm sorry for the loss of your friende Lana. My father-in-law committed suicide as well. It is a hard thing to deal with.
Hugs,
Tammy

Granlan,
My very first experience of losing someone close to me was a suicide. I'm not sure you ever understand it, or even if you did that you would hurt less. I am sorry.
I hope you can find solace in happy memories of your friend. The way he died does not define his life.

I am so sorry, one just never knows.....our Godson committed suicide and it broke his parents' hearts. Literally. Twelve weeks later that act was directly responsible for taking his father's life. His dad suffered a massive heart attack 12 weeks later, to the day. We always thought that he had to go and check on his son.

My cousin once told me "Anyone who commits suicide is not thinking clearly." Forgive Steve for his unexplainable act. Be kind to everyone, including yourself.

We may never know the reason and one thing I read is that some people either have problems or health issues or financial concerns that even their own family do not know about. They will not even plan the suicide, but maybe take pills, or whatever method they plan to use and take just enough for the problem to go away--but their system gets overloaded and they never come back. They really don't plan to do this or forget they took something and take it again.
There are so many if I knew, why did the not ask for help, but to them, they really don't think it is a problem.
My thoughts to the family and friends.

I am sorry you have to go through this. I have been in the same place, many times myself with my illness. Sometimes there are no answers - it's an overwhelming feeling and you just don't feel like sharing it with anyone. I hope his soul finds peace.
God Bless

I am sorry for all those involved. I have had suicide touch my life also. I had a friend that committed suicide about 9 years. Nicest guy, neat guy, great sense of humor. People flocked to him. So very sad!

I have known a few people who committed suicide, all were over 50-all very caring folks
one had been diagnosed with a terminal illness, one lost her "new" husband to an automobile accident and all left notes regarding why they had done it
all seemed to think it was the right thing for them, 2 said they didn't want others to have to "go out of their way to care for them"
i've managed to come to terms with their decisions-yet they are always in my heart

We just went through this a little over two weeks ago when DH's old friend took his life one Sunday morning. It was, and still is, such a shock. Honestly I didn't know him the way everyone else did. Even though we spent lots of time around each other, I knew him more by reputation. He was a fun loving, warm hearted guy. One that would drop anything to come and help you out, give you the shirt off his back. He had recently turned forty, was about to finish the house he was building, and had almost 20 years in as a firefighter. All big accomplishments. There were a few disappointments, but it's really hard to say if they seemed like much larger disappointments to him. He didn't leave a note so everyone will always be questioning why. I spent the week prior to his service reconnecting with old friends and talking about how they can't second guess their last visits with him, that you never truly know a person and how they tick. I spent the week following his service crying and depressed myself. I had know idea I would come away with such sadness. The turnout for his service was great. Full firefighter honors. So many people came in to town from the city where he worked they chartered a bus to get there. The wonderful stories of love and friendship were incredible. I kept thinking why and how. What leads a man to a decision so final when they are surrounded by so much?

I used to have a different opinion of suicide. I thought of it as a selfish, stupid thing to do. Now I just think it's sad all the way around.

((((HUGS)))) to you Gran, and to everyone who has dealt with this.

So sorry for your loss (((Granlan))).

I think as the designated time nears, the person planning suicide seems better and happier.. so the family and friends think things are going to be okay. I also think a lot of times, the depression isn't being helped by whatever med the person is taking. There are a lot of different antidepressants that can be tried. Also very often the depression is caused by something else like Hypothyroidism which doesn't always respond to antidepressants. I think men have an especially hard time telling their friends and family how they feel... so it is imperative that the doctors and medical staff listen.

Sending prayers for the family.

There is a commercial on tv for an anitdepressant. One of it's side effects is feeling like committing suicide.

I don't understand why they would prescribe it , if it could/would make people feel that way.

My son in law's best friend commited suicide a few years ago...He went in the garage, covered the floor and the walls in the corner with plastic painting tarps...he did all that so they would not have such a big mess to clean up...he used a gun.
He also took time to write a long letter to each of those he was leaving behind.

His wife had left him almost a year before that..but he couldn't get over it. and he lost his job. My son in law was sending him money each month. I think he just felt totally useless.

sad...so sad

It was a long time ago. I was 17 yrs old. Mom never learned to drive so when a good friend of hers sent word that her husband was missing, police were there, etc, she asked Mom to come to stay with her. I had to drive her there. We had just entered the house when the police came in to say they'd found him in a ditch about a half mile from home.....suicide. That scene of the wife, his children, being told that news is forever etched in my mind. He was a victim of a horrible pain inducing disease that he apparently couldn't live with anymore. So sad.

Shirley

My husband's first cousin committed suicide 3 weeks ago. He was 45 years old. No indications of any problems.

He was an organ donor, so when the surgeons were getting ready to harvest his organs and opened his chest, they found a tumor. They tested it to see if it was cancerous (if it was, they weren't going to harvest any organs), but it was benign.

Did he know about the tumor and thought he had cancer? We don't know. He left notes about how his belongings should be distributed, some instructions about his funeral, and information about a work project. That's all.

He left one grown daughter in her early 20's to deal with everything. It's pretty hard on his mother and father.

It's very difficult for someone who's never been depressed or suicidal to understand why someone would consider or commit suicide.

I'm another one who wouldn't have recovered without medication. I'm so thankful for a wonderful doctor who recognized what was wrong, asked the right questions, & convinced me to take Paxil. I didn't know a lot about depression then (except the general stuff). I didn't recognize that I was deeply depressed, I just thought I was upset. Paxil and my doctor saved my life.

I had been depressed for a while. I was so tired all the time & cried a lot. I also avoided social events. DH noticed that something was wrong, but like me, he didn't realize that it was depression. He'd never know anyone who had it. I felt like I was at the bottom of a black hole & didn't see a way out. Everything just seemed so hopeless. That was my reason for considering suicide. Of course, everyone is different.

My condolences to the family and to you.

I have to revisit what MaryAnn said about anti depressants. They are way over-prescribed,often by family doctors who have little understanding of mental illness and how it works.

Chronic depression (not the reactive temporary depression to a loss of a loved one etc.) is a mental illness. Unfortunately to be mentally ill in our society is still taboo. The sufferer may be bipolar,unipolar,have anxiety disorders and a whole range of other things going on. Not only that but there is a huge bell curve from barely discernible to all out psychotic.

If a person is misdiagnosed as merely depressed and given anti depressants they can bring on a manic episode. Possibly for the first time.These can be so mild as to go unrecognized. Perhaps the person will just go out and overspend for example.At worse impulse control be be lost entirely. That's where you see criminal behavior come to a head. "He/she was such a nice man/woman,we never dreamed he/she could kill his/her own spouse and children."

I can't stress enough the importance of getting a thorough evaluation by a qualified mental health practitioner before going on ANY mood altering drugs.

People who struggle with these problems become experts at hiding their feelings. In retrospect the clues may have been there but it would take a lot more knowledge of what to look for than the average person should be expected to have.

Several years ago one of my uncles committed suicide. They were getting ready for a garage sale, he went in the house, kissed my aunt and told her he loved her, then went in the back yard and shot himself. Apparently it was because of financial difficulties, we thought he was dying of some disease but that was not the case. I remember as a child he was always nice to everyone, seemed happy, of all the relatives I never would have thought he was a potential suicide victim. Sorry for your loss Granlan.

Sorry for your loss Lan...((((Hugs))))

I too feel it has to do with depression.I know I have been very very depressed not going into details and my heart goes out to anyone that does this or has this feeling because its something that noone can decribe what they are going thur.I feel deeply that noone should ever be judged for this and they should pray for the family and leave the judging to a higher person.Let me say this noone here was judging and I am not saying this for that reason but what I am saying because I have family members to commit suicide and they were my uncles [mom's two brothers]they had had several several back surgerys and was in so so much pain and they did leave a note,well one did.My uncle called the funeral home and told them to be on his way to his house that he had stood the pain all he could.He called his wife at work and told her he loved her so so much but the pain was too bad.My mom was too so hurt but there were so many jumped in started judging saying it was a easy way out of life,.But that is no way truth these people are really suffering from pain,depression ,etc.,.
My heart goes out to you granlan and am very sorry for you.I hope I have made sense in my posting as I just got up and seen your posting and knew I have been there knowing someone to do this.

my dad committed suicide when my mom was pregnant with me.

i thought, why didn't you wait dad?

but growing up and having similar feelings...it's a fight...you wake up fighting life...you have a passion and you can't fill it....some of us are happy with the normal things that life places before us....some of us "fake" it, doing what is expected of us and trying our best to please others. But it's not the real you and you get tired of the struggle.

drugs are fine i think for some, for some it's more a matter of trying to find your niche in life....a way to find what really fulfills you, not what everyone else expects of you. So it should be very common to see someone kill themselves who seemed to have it all. have it all by who's standards?

humans are complex, we're not black and white, we try to be happy with what we're supposed to be happy with and sometimes we're just masking the true us. lying to everyone and ourselves.

life should be lived righteously, but honestly, if you start lying to yourself...you're headed for trouble.

there really is no answer, it can't be explained, except that not everyone is who they appear to be. sometimes they are fighting to be who we want them to be.

((((Lan)))), I'm so very sorry to hear of your friend's choice to end his life. I feel very badly for the loved ones he left behind wondering and worrying what they could have done to make a difference. I have no answers or even guesses about suicides other than what has been expressed above. I just know it's devastating to those that are left behind questioning.

Oh my y'all...I just got back to the puter today and am surprised to see just how many of our lives have been touched by suicide...so very sad and my heart goes out to each one.

I appreciate reading your replies and the sharing of your thoughts, and experiences.

BTW, when I was with the family yesterday, I was told Steve was happy and planning a big hunt on his ranch with his usual hunting buddies. Within 2 hours of making calls and emails to verify the plans, he was gone. :(

I am feeling that way myself right now. I came accross your message while serching for ways to do it. I really believe that my family would be better off without me and that my life is never going to get any better. I have gone through a divorce, lost my job and are dealing with a whole host of other issues. I am just so very tired of it all and see no end in sight but for the one I can make for myself. I am on antidepressants too, I have been on them for years and I still feel this way. I just keep thinking to my self NO MORE!

Kerry, oh my gosh!!! Your message has scared me so much I can't even think of what to say to you. Please think of your family whose hearts will be broken and the guilt your family would feel. Please remember it cannot be undone. I hope someone here can help you more than I can right now. How long have you been on antidepressants? It sounds like you may need to try a different one.
There are so many of us here that care about you even though we don't know you. We are caring people and all living creatures are important to us. You can come here anytime to vent, to cry, to ask for help, to get hugs, to get advice etc.

You have a whole lot on your plate right now and I can see how distressing it could be. I've been in exactly the same situation as you. It was many years ago and thoughts of suicide crossed my mind too just because the pain of the sadness was so great. I knew down deep that my daughter needed me though and knowing that gave me strength to keep going. I'm so glad I didn't give into temptation to end it all.
I hope someone here or somwwhere else will be able to help you. My heart hurts for you. I will pray for you.

Linda

Kerry,
Please take time to read these replys. It is easy to THINK that everyone would be better off if you did what you are thinking, BUT it makes life misserable, painful, complicated and all kinds of difficulties for those you left behind. I know from experience that it is not a way to make improvements.

You have a pile of problems right now. All you can do is handle one thing at a time. I don't even know you and I CARE! Think about the people who know you -- THEY DO CARE even more!

There is a number in the phone book 1-800 273-8255
Please call it and talk to someone who can help you to think this through better then you are on your own.

There are organizations in every community to help you in many of the situations you have to deal with. They can direct you to the right ones.

Please realize that you are a valuable and loved person. We all feel at the end when things keep going wrong. Be willing to take advise and then come back and let us know you are doing fine.

We will talk/type!

Kerry, please call that number and don't hang up. If for some reason that doesn't work, come back here!

Hayjud

Kerry, I sent you an e-mail. Please read it right away, because I shared some insights from personal experience.

Trust me, suicide provides no benefit to you, no matter what you think, and it causes untold, long-term suffering for everyone you know.

However bad things look, your life can turn around in an instant! Get help, now.

Kerry -- mscsippy started a new discussion specifically for you, link below:

Here is a link that might be useful: new thread for Kerry

I don't know if this makes sense, but does anyone think that suicide runs in a family? Both sides of my parents' families have a high rate of attempted and successful suicide attempts. I had asked my doc about it a few years ago when I started taking antidepressants and he thought it was possible. I went through a rough patch years ago and I'd be lying if I said that it didn't cross my mind, but I found my sister after she had an intentional OD years ago. She survived, but that whole period with my family was very difficult for all of us. It took a long time for us to move on. Sorry for rambling but I had to let this out.

Mike -
Suicidal thoughts and actions are symptoms of depression, which is most definitely can be inherited.
Please take good care of you.

No answers, just wishing you and the family some peace.

anette

Thanks gardenspice...I thank God that all that is now in the past. Life is too short for all the emotional rollercoaster that comes along with it! I just learned to quit worrying and make me happy first.

So sorry to hear about your friend.
DH is currently hospitalized for a severe clinical depression.One of the reasons I decided to get him in to the hospital was that he was talking of hopelessness,and that he couldn't see any way out of it.This sent alarms off in my mind.Dr's had allready experimented with a couple of anti depressants that wern't working for himHe was fortunate that I noticed and reconized the symptons right away.Since his depression started in June,I had read everything I could find which I'm sure helped me a great deal in making the decision.He did admit to the Dr that thoughts of suicide had crossed his mind,so it was a huge relief for me to have him in a safe place where he was being helped and monitered 24/7.
Some people either don't have the support of family,or are able to hide their despair so well that the family isn't aware of how desperate they are.
I've had two close friends who have recently lost a close family member to suicide,so I see the pain it leaves the family with first hand.
I would imagine it's a feeling of total hopelessness that in the end drives them to commit this final act.
DH is making progress ever so slowly,but at least for now I know he's safe.
Hugs..Granlan.....

Wishing you and the family peace.

You never understand suicide.My fathernlaw commited suicide in 1985.Ill never understand how someone who is loved can do this to thier loved ones.It really made me mad we dis all we could do to help him when he was ill and he hung himself.you will never get answers,
A neighbor of ours years agoshot himself in his back yard one Jine morning,while his 4 children slept upstairs,his wife found him,puzzeling,,,,,

Actually, without having read all the other replies, I can say, I can understand it.

My step mother after two botched surgeries, and not able to walk anymore, after her skiing accident saved her meds, and took them all at once. She put on her Sunday best, and sat on the balcony on a cold November night.

She just could not live like what was left for her.

I think, it took a lot of courage, for her to do this.

Moni

I have not talked of this as it is still fresh and completely unbelievable. However, I found my Mom on the 7th of July (two days before this post) near death in the woods near my home. She was missing for over 26 hours before we (me & my brother) found her. Thank God for cell phone towers, accurate records and understanding judges, not to mention our police force. I think it upset them more than us that WE found her! But I thank GOD that she was alive and we all have a second chance!

All I care to say is: Do NOT let a loved one of yours take Ambien without SUPERVISION 24 X 7. It is evil beyond words for some.....My Mom is not someone who would EVER take her own life, but because she was not sleeping well a 'stand in Dr.' prescribed Ambien. Well, the Ambien really did strange things to her mind that were out of character and the norm. It made her crazy, period.

Our outcome was not death, but it could have been! I pray for others, we still are learning the why's and how's, but I DO know the evil Ambien was at 90% fault...even the Dr's admit to it...why is it still out there? It makes me think that most suicides are not intentional at all...moreso drug induced!

Heartbroken,
Zbrat

Has anyone heard from Kerry? Is she ok?

My sympathies.

If you have a chance, google Sandra Rogers and suicide. She had a near-death experience when she aimed a shotgun at her heart and tried to take her own life. She survived and has an amazing story to tell about the compassion and and peace and understanding she encountered "on the other side."

Rose