Oh, Thanks everyone. I'll be honest. After all my spruiking yesterday about not being overwhelmed, I woke up this morning, got out of bed, and just burst into tears. The house is fine really, but just looking at all the unpacking of 5 weeks, the hospital gear, the bookwork to catch up on for our business, the medical paperwork, the washing to be done, the groceries to get... Waaagh,,, I had a bit of a sook, and thought how nice it would be to go have a shower in a bathroom that is sterile, and come back to pristine white sheets made by the nurses with hospital corners, and have my chosen meals brought in on a tray!! Anyway reading your posts got me off the pity potty in a hurry, and how could i ever want to go back in hospital again? Yikes. DH and I tackled the paperwork yesterday, because I could do that lying in bed, so at least we know the bills are up to date, our banking and mail are sorted, and that's a good feeling. I loved your three D's Jannie... dinner,dishes, duds. That got my priorities sorted. Good food, no scummy sink, and clean undies and pj's. Who needs more than that for a few weeks, and I can cope with that. DH is great when it comes to mowing, and sweeping and carrying etc, so I'm really lucky. He keeps reassuring me that we'll get to the rest little by little. I'm just such a fusspot that even a messy bed gets me down, even when I know it doesn't matter at a time like this. Thanks again for all your encouragement, and yes, 5 minutes at a time, I know. I need a neon sign in my brain flashing that at me all the time. Kind regards Lily

Big question---what does your spouse think of the idea?? If he's open to it then explore the possibilities. Consider how you could use the house. As a close by "get away" it offers a big yard, small pool, and lake access. Great things for a family with 3 boys. It wouldn't be too far away if you did have a kids ball game to attend. Owing it would allow for the option of you parents relocating and living in it, or perhaps just staying there part of the time. Or, you might find after living in it part time that you like it so much you want to move into it as is or do a sensitive addition. Or, you might find that after owning it for a while that 2 houses are a pia and decide to sell it! You could do any, or all, of those things while you owned it. But you can't if you don't own it. So should you rush to buy it? NO. Like any real estate purchase look hard before you leap. We had our 2d home inspected BEFORE we bid on it. That gave us a good idea of what was needed and how much repairs/renovation would cost (of course there were many surprise problems) and if we really wanted to pursue it. I checked county records re sales prices, taxes, easements, etc of it and surrounding homes. We talked to the neighbors. We also looked at at least 6 other places after discovering this one to make sure it was a good choice and value. We went from my husbands long declared "I'd never own a second home" to his "Honey, what would you think of buying a house on a small lake and oh, by the way I paddled by one for sale today" to buying it in less than 2 weeks. Now it has been 2 years (and lots of renovation) and every time we are out there (frequently as it's only an hour drive)I comment on how glad I am we bought it. Besides the lake, I love its bright contemporary feel as opposed to our traditional in town home. The lake house better reflects me and makes me happy so I understand your falling in love with such a neat mcm home. In summary, if after you both think it through and are interested, look carefully, come up with an estimate of repair/remodel costs (x1.5 to be realistic!), figure out how much you are willing to pay/market value considering those costs then go for it. If you can't get it for a realistic price walk away. If the condition turns out to be too deteriorated--walk away. Either you'll get another opportunity when no one else buys it or you can console yourself by thinking about all the negatives/ impracticalities/second yard to keep up/ etc. that you missed. Let us know the outcome. PS- If you don't buy it you should suggest they list it on the mcm website Lottaliving.com to help it find an appreciative owner.

I don't want to repeat myself--so read what I posted last on this thread. Thanks to benicebekind (smile), I'll write a little about what happens when you 'take over' for another person--that is how you train other people to be dependent on you. What that can lead to is not good. A person that is fairly normal will resent another person from wanting or trying to 'take over' for them (that would be me). Some people like the challenge that comes with life and aren't all that agreeable to someone else thinking for them, or doing for them, etc. (that's me too) I don't want to ramble on about the entire subject, so let me give a couple examples. A friend of mine was complaining about his wife (a professor at a university) missing important appointments and forgetting obligations, being constantly unprepared, etc. It was creating all kinds of dilemmas and involving other people coming to her aid. Her lack of organization was affecting too many areas of their life. He was even concerned that not meeting deadlines for important things would have something to do with her not obtaining tenure at the university (no job). I suggested that she needed a secretary. Of course, that was an unhelpful suggestion because we knew that their incomes wouldn't support such an extravagance. The husband tried to help by purchasing a dayplanner and trying to keep track of things for her, etc.--calling her throughout the day to remind her of things and seeing her off early every day with a checklist to make sure she had everything she needed that day. He was even helping her with the on-line university course she had obligated herself to. She was constantly overextending herself--and that was partly because she had stopped being realistic about what she could/would handle. He was more concerned about her lack of organization than she was. He had helped her all the years she was studying for her doctorate, etc. He was finding life quite frustrating--trying to keep track of her responsibilities and his own. He didn't know what to do. You see, by taking care of so many things that his wife could take care of on her own, he had trained his wife to be dependent upon him. He just thought he was being a great guy--but now her lack of organization was affecting the family life and her professional life. After all the money sunk into her career, the thought of her not getting tenure was more than he cared to even think about. The same story could be altered some and apply to the experiences he and his kids were sharing. I can tell you that having known this person for all his life, he was a tremendous self-starter and achiever. What caused him to place tremendous pressure on his family to achieve--I don't know. His kids are nervous wrecks and someday will face the dilemma of never being satisfied with themselves. They will most likely perpetuate the pressure that was placed on them with the love of their life and their children too. When we try to take over for other people--we usually have good intentions--and we all know that we need each other--I'm not talking about the healthy kind of help and support we give each other. The inspiration and encouragement we offer each other is often the best and most we can or should do for each other. When we 'take over' for another person, the message given is that we do not believe in this other person; we do not trust this other person; we are insecure and have to take things into our own hands. These messages are demeaning to the development of a marital relationship and even more harmful to the development of a child/teenager/young adult. 'Taking over' for another person when that other person is quite capable or WOULD be quite capable if we would give them the freedom to make mistakes and take responsibility for their decisions and actions and feelings, robs another person of their dignity and causes the human soul to falter. Making mistakes and suffering the consequences is part of learning. When you step in to prevent a person from suffering (PLEASE--take this in the spirit I mean it to be taken), you are hindering that person from progressing. Have you ever watched the people in the office that are right there to do extra work to make themselves just about indispensable--looking for a raise or some favoritism? Waiting for their boss to think, what would I do without that person? So sometimes having another person dependent on us isn't all that bad. In our personal lives, it can be disastrous. The wife that wants to take the husband's previous partner on, so-to-speak, is trespassing. If the husband gets used to his wife taking care of his business (even tresspassing to do so), and even going over his head with the children, and even more than willing to 'take on' the relatives--is it any wonder that one day she hears herself saying how he just puts off doing things until time runs out and she has to take care of things? There are guys out there that have become so dependent on their wives, that they have just about stopped thinking. If there was ever a hint of being a leader--it goes away. No wife and no child will benefit from a husband or dad that does not take on leadership in his own life. How often I hear women complain that their husbands don't show them affection--well, what guy wants to make love to his mother. Think about it. It gives me the creeps, and it gives most guys the creeps. You have no idea. There might be a few places (ok, so there are allot of places) in our lives where a mother is great, but when the woman in our life starts to sound like a mother--willing and waiting to take over for us, wanting to think for us, wanting to do what we can do ourselves--well, you gals may not know what I mean--and a lot of guys haven't been able to put it into words, but take it from me--it is no good to play mama with your husbands. Financial problems--mostly the result of not having discipline. A wife wearing the pants wants this and that. Make wife happy and you'll be happy too. Is that the way it goes? So you can't afford to take your kids to the ball game cause you have a high mortage--cause you bought a brand new home and for no money down, and your are paying high insurance rates for that new car--cause you could buy it for no money down. And your kids all have new shoes and you've got nice furniture and you know that you are spending too much on your credit card--but you just don't have the cash. You hope nothing needs to get fixed, and you keep the speed limit--cause a speeding ticket will cause you to go over the edge. Your daughter wants to get married and you have no money saved. You end up going on pills for depression--or spend the food money on a drinking binge, or your mortgage money on gambling, or maybe you'll just go crazy and take it out on the kids and wife, or maybe you'll just give up--period. You would like to blame your mom and dad for not teaching you how to make decisions or have some control over yourself, but you've heard lately that YOU are accountable for your actions. Maybe you can get a wife who will say that all will be well if you will just let her think for you. So the role of being dependent continues in your life. Oh, and did you tell this woman that wants to help you raise your kids (pay some bills and cook and clean for you, etc., etc.) that she will have to continue to work till kingdom come to support your dependent soul? My folks would very often say, "Give to the world the best you have, and the best will come back to you." I try to be the best person that I can be. I don't think about what's going to come back to me. I think my folks would like that I feel that way. Some people can't help it that they are dependent. You have compassion on those people. You accept them even though they can't help themselves much. You love them. But you don't let them mess with your soul. If they are stupid--you just take that into account, but you don't let them lead you, and you don't let them manipulate you. Enough said. Anyway, I've gone on too long. I hope I haven't offended anyone. Cheers

We've two wood burning fireplaces in our current house. The Family Room gets used about 30-40 times per year, living room about 5. Wood-burning fireplaces were a must for our new house. We really enjoy them. Health. The issues @Springtime raised are real issues. Relative to other risks to our health are quite low though. You are likely to loose massively more years of your life to being overweight, obese, having a sedate lifestyle, or being on or near a U.S. road than to any issues with a wood burning fireplace used EVERY DAY. That said, reducing the risks with good fireplace design and ventilation are still a good idea. For instance, outside vents directly in to the fire box provide only about 200 cfm so we run our MUA @ 400 CFM when burning a fire and for at least a couple of hours after it's gone out. This insures that combustion by-products mostly go up the chimney. I also open the flue and run the MUA when cleaning ash out. Energy. Wood-burning fireplaces are not energy efficient. But, perspective. An hour of fire with an outside ambient temp of +20°f uses the same energy as driving an SUV about 1.2 miles IIRC (need to double check that number though). We ride bicycles for nearly all of our local transportation and our cars are electric (and charged by solar) so all in all the wasted energy of all of our fires for a year is a rounding error compared to how much less energy we use for transportation than an average couple or family. Whether health or energy efficiency, every little bit helps. But we shouldn't spend a lot of time and energy swatting flies when an elephant is getting ready to crush us.