Sorry for not getting back to this thread for a while--it's been busy at my place! sue36--I totally agree that old age is what you make of it, and I intend to make the most of it as long as I'm healthy enough. I wish I had someone like your maternal grandmother as an example. But unfortunately, all the "old" people in my family have always been, well, just old. My grandparents were in their 70s or 80s when I was a little girl, and they all passed away when I was a teenager. As far as I remember, they never did anything except sit around the house. My mother was the same way. Her life revolved around her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. She had no hobbies, never went anwywhere by herself or with friends, rarely talked with her neighbors, and spent most of the day reading magazines and watching TV. Her lifestyle was sedentary because of health problems, and she spent the last two years of her life in a nursing home. My siblings and I tried to get her involved in activities there, but she refused. brachl--Wow, your MIL sounds like a terrific and energetic lady! How wonderful that you are able to spend time with her and have her near you. She is a great role model. fairegold--I know you've dealt with this issue first hand, and I'm happy to hear that you're planning to live life to the fullest just like your father did. I'm sorry to hear that your mother was miserable though. Was she like that her entire life, or just after your dad died? sweeby--My thoughts will be with you as you get your mother settled into her new location. I know exactly what you mean about worrying about her not being alert, upbeat, and fun loving. My mom was that way until she had a stroke. She had always been the life of the party at family gatherings. The stroke took away her mobility, most of her speech functions, and her ability to live alone and care for herself. It was a steady decline, both mentally and physically, from that point until she died. It was very hard on her and on everyone around her, but we are thankful that she wasn't in a lot of pain. Try to stay positive about your mother's condition--miracles happen all the time. (Nobody expected my father's wife to come out of her menigitis coma, but she did and is expected to fully recover.) Hang in there, and keep us posted on how you're doing. donna--I agree, finding a cause may be the key. Like you, I haven't done anything that really gives something back (unless planting trees counts!). I've been thinking about getting involved in some kind of volunteer activity, but I just haven't made it a priority. Rescuing animals is a noble cause, but I don't think I could handle the heartache. I would want to take them all home! paigect--You are so lucky to have such longevity in your family! I agree that location can make a big difference in how you react to old age. Many people can't (or won't) move to another area or type of housing until it's absolutely necessary. I saw that happen with my mother. She lived in the same area most of her life, but when she could no longer care for herself she had to move to a nursing home in another part of the state (near one of my sisters). She was isolated from all the people she had known for the past two decades, plus all her grandchildren and her only sister. So the only visitors she had were my sister and my brother/SIL. I visited a couple times each year, and my other sister would visit every few months, but overall she never did have any "roots" in that area. Would she have been better off at a facility in her hometown? Perhaps. She would have been closer to other family members. But it's doubtful that she would have seen many of them anyway, as they were all busy with their own lives. I think that was one of her biggest concerns--that everyone would forget about her.

Juellie, not what I expected to read when I opened this thread. Dammit, I'm so sorry you lost your Mom. It doesn't matter if it's sudden, or drawn out, it hurts like hell. My Dad was sick for weeks before dying, 25 years ago. My Mom died 13 1/2 years ago in my arms, so suddenly it was stunning. There's nothing anyone can say or do to take this awful pain away. All I can tell you is time. Time is the only thing that will ease the "knocks you to your knees, mind numbing" pain. Talk to us all the time about your mom. Talk, and talk and talk some more. It helps. It helped me. I will pray for you that you can find peace. Hang on, and let time do its thing. I'm very sorry for your loss.

Sara-Ana, you may be on to something here. It’s probably best to ask her yourself in a loving way. Maybe you could set up a lunch date, for just the two of you? The subject of her feelings will surely come up, and you can tell her that you’re concerned about her. If she refuses to “open up” about the subject, or seems to be in denial, does she have a spouse you could ask? I know it’s a sticky situation to get into, but you clearly love your sister, and she really needs help and support. ( Isn’t that what we all need:) IF it is an opiate problem, her Dr. will be able to help her wean off of them safely and with less discomfort than going through it alone. That’s IF that’s what’s going on. It’s one possibility, and a fairly reasonable one. I think you should give her a chance to talk to you about it. Interventions are about drawing a bottom line and making it clear that it’s treatment or consequence. Maybe her recent behavior is a cry for help. She might know she needs help, but doesn’t know how to begin. Just having your support might make all the difference in the world. This isn’t about taking sides with one sister over another. It’s about listening to her, and helping her through a difficult time. I know it’s going to be hard no matter how it goes, or whatever the root of the problem really is. I feel for the both of you. Lisa

"Is there electronics that really is that good for the average person? Strange question we know." In answer to your question, Edwina...yes! A quick search produced this website that will give you some idea of what's available on the "spy" market. https://www.spyzone.com/ccp0-display/listeningdevices.html If your sister suspects this type of stalking...a visit to the local police department might be the best place to start. If they can do nothing else...they will give her some advice and perhaps head her in the right direction to bring an end to this behavior. I spent many years working with an abuse protection organization and I can assure you that there are people that can help...whether through that type of service or through the local police and even with the local hospital.