I give it up to God.

I would talk to the person. Immediately.

I pray about it..learned not to give my joy to others.

My DH gave me two pieces of good advice decades ago:

1. Consider the source

2. Don't let other people's neuroses become your reality.

I'll add two of my own:

1. Tell yourself, "I'm just glad I'm not her (or him)."

2. Learn to redirect your thoughts. Realize that obsessing over something petty and negative is not healthy at all, and turn your mind to things that don't stress you.

I wish I could tell you. It takes a lot for someone to actually offend me, or hurt my feelings. I guess the only people that can really hurt me are the ones close to me, that I care about.

Co-workers, people in general, eh, just doesn't bother me. I guess it did when I was younger, but not enough to ruin my day.

I guess try not to take it personal. And if it was meant to be personal, try to tell yourself what my mom told me, anyone who makes you feel bad to make themself feel better, they aren't worth your time.

I hope you have a better day.

Sometimes I just say to myself "let it go". I actually whisper it. It helps me to move on. Depending on who said something, my feelings get hurt very easily.

Just hang tough...things will get better.

I will be interested in the comments here because I too have that problem. I think this is why I'm kind of a loner. If I don't get to close to anyone they can't hurt me. Boy, even confessing this makes me anxious. lol

I could have written your post jkayd, as well as the lyrics to Simon and Garfunkel's "I am a Rock, I am an Island."
I am overly sensitive. I probably do a combination of everything people have posted here, but have found that only time, distance, and perspective help.

Chemocurl -- love that video! Halfway through the workday sometimes, that's exactly what I feel like doing!

Cheerful: I have a really hard time compartmentalizing -- tucking the negatives into a "closet" and locking it up. I am very sensitive (in fact, today I might have to ask the boss why I was left off a weekly list of extra assignments we have to do routinely: because I do them too slowly? too poorly? what's the boss not telling me? yeah, i know the phrase: paranoia will destroy-a!)

Sometimes it helps just to think that that person is having a really bad day and decided to make it miserable for someone else -- to pull everybody else down, too.

And in some situations, Rhino is right about telling the person how the comment made you feel, whether it was the way it was delivered or if it was undeserved.

Love the video as well; many a time I just wanted to climb into a corner and shut out the world.

I appreciate the comments.

I just remember that words can't hurt me unless I let them, which, after living 62 years, I figured out how to deal with it, by just letting it go.

It is very hard~~I have spent a lot of $$ and time trying to learn this within my own family~~I am a work in progress, but what I do does help.

This book helped me also~~The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
Be Impeccable with your word
Don't take things personally (this is the one that helps most)
Don't make assumptions (this helps a lot also)
Always do your best

Also when I took yoga teacher training my instructor always said~~that's their trip not yours AKA they are tripping~we said it a lot in the 70's, when he said that it was an AHHA moment for me~~It goes along with Agreement #2 and 3.

Sometimes when I am really crazy mad or upset, I write a letter to the person~~of course I never send it. But putting it down in written word, helps me try to 'let it go'. Read it a few times then shred it or do as I have done, burn it!

That's why I am a bit of a loner. Sometimes dealing with this type of situation makes me want to avoid those kinds of people to preserve my sanity.

Put a time limit on how long you 'consider' the hurt. You may need to write it down and look at it before you can 'file' it.

It helps to be clear what was said, by whom and why, and decide it really means 'something' or 'nothing' to YOU. Otherwise it rattles around on the edge of your brain, distracting you. Settle it. Take what's helpful to you and trash the rest.

Only YOU controls YOU.

When someone says something uncalled for to me I, first of all, consider the source. Do I really care what that person thinks of me and is the comment/opinion that they made to me valid.

Then I consider if they are close to me, they must have had a lousy start to their day and need to lash out and so they picked me. It's kinda like when your kids say something mean to you - they know that you will continue to love them but just need to lash out and you're it.

If it is very unlike that person normally, I consider it a one-off and give them the freebie. If it becomes constant I cut them out of my life which I have only done once.

If it's a work-mate then I would have to consider the actual comment - was it work related or a personal comment having nothing to do with work. It it's work related then I would call them on it, if it's a personal comment then consider the source.

Just recently I finally learned I am not in charge of the world.
I am only control of myself and I can choose how I react.
My life has gotten considerably easier.
I realized I was giving too much power away when I got my feelings hurt.

Agree with LuAnn - Give it up to God. I also try to remember that I have no clue what the person who is being unkind is going through! Kill 'em with kindness!

(the last time I said that in a post I got blasted for being unrealistic and fake!) LOL

Give the message a bit of thought - is there some justification to it? If so, you can take such remedial action as you feel to be justified.

If it's just that person's ununjustified blast ...

... consider the following ...

... "When you get kicked by a jackass ...

... consider where it comes from!".

-joyful's dad

Can you just roll your ear in your hand, then reach over and drop that retrieved message into the waste bucket?

ole joyful ... who tries to not let other people run his life

Dave Ramsey said something that struck home, "People have boundry issues." That phrase is "IT" for me. :0)

Apply it....and see how it fits....

This post was edited by nicole__ on Tue, Feb 19, 13 at 19:54

Double post...I removed it...

This post was edited by nicole__ on Tue, Feb 19, 13 at 18:11

another bit of a loner here. I have been hurt too many times and I very seldom let people get close to me. In fact it just happened with my best friend

I just don't know what give it to God means or looks like, and I'm a Christian! lol.

I will say that it is helpful to consider the source, try to find an element of truth in what they are saying (it reduces the uncomfortable defensiveness), respond kindly (the superiority is not always pure goodness but at least it's better than being rude back) and when all else fails, chalk it up to mental illness.

I too am a sensitive person but there isn't much that bothers me for more than a couple of hours at the most. I do the same 4 things that Alisande posted. In a couple of minutes, it goes away.

I was told many times that I am a pretty reasonable person with commons sense. I normally confronted with the situation right away. If it didn't do any good, I let it go. I did my part, now it's the other person's turn.

The way I see it is that if the friendship is strong enough, things will smooth out on its own. If not, the friendship or relationship is not worthwhile to spend my energy dwelling over it.

PS sometimes the ablity to tolerate others actions or words has a lot to do with one's world view. When one has trust issues, it's easy to think the world is out to make you miserable. Or, at least, think that people are not trustworthy. Like their care for you is in question, or your own worthiness is in question. That might not be the case here and that might be deeper than you were looking to go with this LOL....

20 mg of Cipralex, every morning.

Works for me!

Dances.

i do exactly what you did...get on this site or 2 others (private) with people i know and like...it's a comfort to be able to share even the slightest event, and have others say i've done that, or it will be ok....you really never feel alone...

Oh boy.. that hits close to home for me also... Dealing with a loved one recently diagnosed being BiPolar and trying to get the correct med and dose figured out... Talk about some ruined days, most every day of my life now...and having the feeling of a ruined life in the process... My doctor told me to take a piece of paper and write on one side what i can change and on the other what I cannot change. To dwell on what "I" can change, not what I can't. The old saying "Sticks and stone can hurt my bone's but words can never harm me"... is simply not true...

dbfirewife - you're right - the "sticks and stones" saying is so not true. Words hurt, a lot.

Oh boy.. that hits close to home for me also... Dealing with a loved one recently diagnosed being BiPolar and trying to get the correct med and dose figured out... Talk about some ruined days, most every day of my life now...and having the feeling of a ruined life in the process... My doctor told me to take a piece of paper and write on one side what i can change and on the other what I cannot change. To dwell on what "I" can change, not what I can't. The old saying "Sticks and stone can hurt my bone's but words can never harm me"... is simply not true...

Alisande and Amyfiddler, excellent advice!

I used to be terribly sensitive, but have learned to be much less so. One thing that helped which I haven't seen here is to try to substitute something else for the negative monologue running in my head. I used music, singing certain songs to myself over and over until they crowded out the negative stuff.

This is what I do if something is bothering me or if something bad happens.

I do something to make me feel proud of myself. It could anything such as a task, losing weight, improving diet, taking up an exercise routine, dropping bad habits, or picking a goal and sticking to it day in and day out. It always works for me. By patting yourself on the back for a job well done, it can help give you the added strength and confidence to help you deal with whatever comes your way.

I love you, Dances!!!

LOL Caroline - I was just thinking the same thing....don't know Dances well, but LOVE the response! :)

Words cannot hurt you, only you can hurt you from words. That's fact. If you can't, for lack of a better term "control yourself" or probably better, reason with yourself you're in for a world of hurt in this life. Some people look for things to offend them. That's also fact. They look for ways to be offended by something. It's not what someone said, it's what they wanted to hear so they can manufacture some outrage. Be careful you don't get into that trap.

When someone says something, were they right? Is there truth to it? If not, why should it bother you? If it's not true, did you tell them? If it's true, should you do something about it? Do you take yourself too seriously?

I look at whether I am pleased with myself or not. Am I doing things in a decent way? If so, why would what someone said bother me for more than a few seconds at most. When I look at it that way, I usually can find the humor in it. Humor cures a multitude of ills both physically and emotionally.

And of course if it was true what was said, then it's a fact. Why should anyone be upset about a fact? Embarrassed perhaps If someone says "your farts stink" well, if they do, maybe it's embarrassing but that's it. Can't be hurt by that. If they didn't, ask yourself is it worth making a big deal out of it?

There's another old saying (that only is true a small percentage of the time) about if you let it get to you the other person "wins". Not sure about what the "win" really is, but I do know when someone can get a person's goat, there's a large number of people who will keep on doing it whether for laughs or whatever. You can help them or not.

Not knowing what the problem really was so it's hard to address your situation but I also use a few criteria in addition to what I've already said:

If I'm feeling really bothered about it, I'll sit and try to evaluate it realistically - can I do anything about it? If so, do it. If not, you're only beating yourself up by letting it bother you. Again, you will hurt yourself, not them.

If I'm really stressed about something, I have found that deep breathing exercises work well for stress. Inhale slowly for a 5-10 count through your nose, hold it a few seconds and exhale slowly through your mouth for same count. It's good for your health physically and mentally. It helped me with panic attacks and sure helps for blood pressure.

Then comes the time when it's time to forget about it. Yes, often easier said than done, but it can be done. Distract yourself. Watch a comedy, read a book, work on a hobby, call someone who makes you feel good, cook, clean, take a shower or bath, pay some bills or spend a few minutes with a pet makes a big difference. Each person has their thing(s) that work or don't work for them.

And sometimes go with the song lyric, "lost the friends that I needed losing". If their association makes you feel bad and you can't deal with it any longer, why not get rid of the relationship? But be sure it's not YOU beating yourself up and blaming them since it could be the same thing happen again with someone else.

Good luck.

There's some useful ideas in what cynic said, it seems to me.

Consider what was said, and whether there may a grain of truth in it, and take what corrective action which you choose to.

If not, let it go.

Don't let someone else take that measure of control over your life - you're supposed to be the boss of your life, right?

I've said that one of my main jobs as a parent was to help, challenge, advise and in other ways facilitate my child's increasing level of independence, of being in charge of his/her own life, after scrutinizing what was going on, from several angles. Most children have a certain rebellious streak, especially when they hit the teens, but if they can understand that you're their friend, you're on their side, looking toward the day when they're on their own and fully in charge of their life, it'll help a lot.

As a teen growing up on a busy farm, during World War II, I had lots of work to do, and lots of responsibility, and I knew that as I discharged some of it reasonably well, there'd be more put on my plate.

That was a different time, but kids were often rebellious then, as well, but I think that I had less of that kind of thing in my life than did many.

ole joyfuelled

ole joyful

What I'm trying to do is not give in to the "drama".

I'm the same way, I just can't seem to let things go.
A client came in a couple of hours ago to give me his new address and phone number. The homeless shelter.
He's got some mental health issues. His own dad is trying to take advantage of him (basically steal whatever money we can settle his injury claim for)
I feel so bad for him and I just can't stop thinking about it.