My husband and I decided to forgo the buy buy buy thing. We told each other, what we didn't want.

I got him a new big coffee mug, and he got me a bar of chocolate just like I wanted, from the store that carries it. (major effort for him).

But it wasn't always so.

It was more like what you describe above, except we never did for the kids.

As far as we are concerned, Valentines are for sweethearts. They are our girls, not our sweethearts.

This "holiday" is much to commercialized, and most women put way to much weight in to a special notice from their pal.

JMHO

Moni

I agree. Valentines Day is much too commercial.

The day isn't over yet. Hope you have a Happy Valentine's Day.

Leslie

It is still pretty early in the day to write it off.....

We don't celebrate Valentine's Day in our house. My DH has always said he does not need a special day (or Hallmark) to remind him and acknowledge the love we share. He has a point, and it took me a long time not to have hard feelings on Feb. 14.

I hope everyone has a Happy Day :-)

Today would have been my DH's 61st birthday.

Happy Birthday Butch.

Have a good day! Maybe he will surprise you before the day is over.

((Leslie))

Ron

Miss India,

You are blessed to have someone to spend Valentine's Day with. I spend it alone every year. You get used to it..

Brush off the physical gift giving and remember that the greatest gift of all is LOVE. As long as you can look at your hubby and daughter and no they love you, then you have been remembered.

Besides, it's early as has been pointed out! ;) Hang in there.

Erin

Thanks everyone. It is not about material things - it's about not even been considered. That's what hurt the most. I love my DH and DD every day, but it is just nice to have someone do something for me once in awhile. Spencersmom, I spent many a Valentine's Day alone, too. Where is Spencer?

The older DH and I get, the less we care about stuff like this. We are just glad to have each other. He is my Valentine - cards and gifts not needed.

I know how you feel, it is not being remembered and appreciated that hurts. DH always gets me a card and I him, always funny ones not mushy ones. He sometimes buys me flowers and chocolates. We don't make a big deal of it after 31 years but it is nice to get at least a card.
Hope you have a Happy Val's Day anyway.
Clare

MissIndia, I'm sorry you feel slighted and you're justified in feeling that way. Before the day is over, see if you can try to say "I'm feeling kind of left out that I didn't receive a gift from you" Men have to be told how we feel and children have to be taught.

Well it's only 8 am ish here so I'm not writing the day off yet myself - I don't have a significant other in my life at the moment so I'm not anticipating chocolates and a dozen roses delivered to the door. I may or may not get a little something from the family, if I do that's sweet, if not I will not be upset.
Women in general do seem to put much more stock in Valentine's Day then a lot of men do. Many women I know feel that if their man can't even buy a card at the dollar store there's something seriously wrong with the relationship. Most men I know think it's all a bunch of hype and would rather not buy into it.
When I was married, I told my husband that I don't feel the need to spend a whole bunch of money on wine, roses and dinner, but a little token or a card would be appreciated. He usually did something sweet for me and I for him.
If your man is the type that doesn't even acknowledge the day perhaps he needs to be told that it's important to you and it would be nice if he acknowledged the day in some way.
Suzan J

I'm sorry. Why not express this sentiment to him. That you would like a card, a little acknowledgement of some kind. Just once in a while. I know its not about stuff, but a simple acknowledgement would be nice, and that's what she wants. probably feels taken forgranted. just a word, or a card every once in a while goes a long way.

I hope this "Happy Valentine's Day" wish to you helps a little.

I sooooo understand. My DD always wanted to shop by herself to get everyone's gifts. We would give her $25 and she was able to get some VERY nice gifts, for a lot of people - for everyone, except me. I finally said something to her about it - not in anger, but to kinda make her think about that. I guess she thought, Mom is Mom, and she knows I love her so I can spend the money on someone else'gift. But Mom's need to feel special too sometimes. The next holiday - I think Mother's Day, she gave me the most beautiful nightgown. That was the last present from her - she passed away that Memorial Day - age 18; almost 14 yrs ago. I still have that gown, and it always reminds me of the missing gifts, and I laugh. It was funny to me, even back then - well, I guess ironically funny that she would do that.

Unfortunately some guys just don't think that way. But I think it is an important lesson for your daughter to learn - doing things the "right" way. Maybe let your hubby know to add that to some of his "responsibility" as a Dad (I bet that will go over well, but at least it's worth a try.) The "buying" part isn't as important as the thoughtfulness and concern for others feelings. This may be one easy way to show that. I try to always think of others, and make sure they feel special on their special days. But even when I send a card, a gift, etc., to my nephews, I don't even get a hint that they received it, much less a thank you - and some have been some pretty NICE gifts. Bummer - I don't think they even consider it as something to do. It hurts sometimes, especially since I'm pretty much the only one that never gets cards, gifts as I don't have family of my own anymore. But I learn to live with it (or cry in my pillow - LOL), and still keep giving. I just wish one would call and say Thank You, Aunt Mary.

No matter what happens in this world, it is so important to let people know that they are thought of, and that you have their respect. These are trying times and EVERY little bit helps. Please and Thank you, and speaking someone's name, mean a lot when everything else has gone to h*ll in a handbasket.

Hey guys, no, I'm very far from Ms. Mannters - just my .05. Sorry for the long post, but someone's heart was hurting. Happy Valentine's Day to all of you, too!!

gneegirl

I agree with Kat. If you don't say anything, it will only fester in your brain and drive you nuts!:-) Some men just can't figure it out on their own.

It hurts when you don't feel appreciated and loved. ((((missindia)))

If he does it again, send yourself a card with an old flames name on it.

My DH took me out for breakfast. I'm not feeling very well, and I really only went to be polite. I wouldn't have thought anything of it if he hadn't done anything.

But we have been married for almost 29 years. I remember these kinds of things being more important when I was younger. Somehow, for me at least, spending so many years together has shown me that all that is important is to have someone in your life who really matters to you. This really is just a commercialized day.

And as said before, it's still early.

LOL! Spencer is here. He's a dog. :) Everyday is Valentine's Day to him. He is very affectionate. He got a special treat.

Hope your day is looking up. I'm going to cook something special and plant some pepper seeds. Seize the day!

Susan - Hope you feel better! I hate feeling like crud on the weekend. That's my fun time!

Just not something that we do either. I would judge my husband by what he does everyday of my life than by one made up holiday. I also believe that age has a lot to do with how you look at this sort of thing. If it is important to you, then you should mention it in passing...Don't make a big deal out of it. My husband is so giving and he hardly ever goes to town without buying me something or remembering me in some way and he loves to surprise me with dinner out. Even in my baldness and wearing scarves and hats, he takes me out to eat often. Will he give me a valentine card...I doubt it...Did I buy one for him...no ...but even though I don't have a lot of energy these days. I show my love for him by taking care of him and making sure that he knows from my actions that he truly is my valentine.

It's not a big deal for DH and me. He did take DD and me out to dinner on Thursday, but we didn't get each other cards. Every day is Valentine's Day at our house! LOL!

Most men don't think about "helping" the kids get YOU something...It's not in their DNA..LOL

I'll agree with the others...You've got to look at the daily stuff...and let the rest go.

I'm pretty sure that there is nothing "extra" special coming my way today for any male in my house. But lastnight hubby stopped at Trader Joes for me and picked up everything on my small list and then to "cap" it off bought the new "cold" bag to tote it all home in...I love the bag...and the thought..even though in his mind it was "how will I keep this stuff cold on my 1.5 hr drive home". LOL

I didn't get him anything special...he just got breakfast in bed..but that's a normal weekend thing if we aren't running out the door early for boy activities...

Beyond...maybe a little chocolate dessert tonight and a bit of Rose wine...

Please don't let it sting much more today..Move on..and appreciate your family..even if sometimes they forget to express their appreciation for having you!

I have another thought now. Order food in for this evening. Just a pizza will do. Then, when the delivery comes, let DH pay, and tell him "thank you" for cooking for me for Valentines Day. :)

LOL, or get yourself a nice bunch of flowers and put them where he sees them.

Again, tell him "look, what I let you buy for me for Valentines Day".

Hope somehow you can make the most of today.

Moni

MissIndia, can I join your party. My DH has rarely been a gift giver. After almost 55 yrs, I guess I'm kinda used to it. I've decided the special days are for other people. The one that hurt the most, was my first Mothers Day and I asked him if he got me something and he told me I wasn't his mother. He has been a good husband in other ways, so I can't really complain. Last year I posted how I had always wanted one of those pretty heart shaped boxes. It could even be empty, but DS & DDIL, gave me one....and it even had candy in it. One sad note. It is now where i Keep the sympathies cards and notes from my other son's passing last May. Happy Valentines to all my sweet KT sisters and brothers. Dottie

I agree with Oklamoni and others here. Maybe for young people dating, or newly married, but at this point DH and I just don't worry about it at all. We say Happy Valentines Day, and that's the end of it. I think how people treat each other on a day-to-day basis is much more important than getting a card or candy or whatever on Feb. 14. If I want candy, I can buy it myself.

I'm so sorry you are feeling low Missindia. Why don't you just tell DH and your daughter that you are feeling hurt because you didn't get anything? Do it in the sweetest way you can. I think these feelings are best shared, otherwise you'll become resentful with the stored up disappointment.

missindia.... so sorry you are sad. I have been there too. I have a wonderful thoughtful husband these last 18 years but for many many years I was a single mom. I cannot even count the Christmases, birthdays, mother's days that I did not get a gift, even a homemade card. I always made sure to give my girls money to buy for their dad on holidays, but of course, being a man, he did not do the same. And it never even occurred to me to buy myself a gift (I would not have had the money back then anyway....). Now I always make sure my DGKs have an opportunity to shop for their moms when their dads are deployed. My oldest DD actually buys things for herself for them to give her. After I remarried when the girls were 9 and 14, their stepdad made sure they shopped for me. But I remember how much it hurts and how sad and unappreciated I felt.
I hope you do something extra special for yourself today. Any chance you can go shopping just for you?

Please stop and just be thankful that you have your husband with you on this special day - that would be 'gift' enough for me, as mine died 2 years ago. I would give everything I have to be able to spend this day with him again - no 'gift' needed. I am sorry you are feeling slighted.

I agree with the others who said you if it bothers you then you need to let your DH know. Not by making a big deal over it but letting him know how you feel.

DH and I are like most of the other oldsters here. My DD has always been the one to remind him of special occasions. LOL

I sent him an ecard this year. He hasn't been on line today though. I will probably get nothing but you never know. He is very random about his gifts to me. He's out buying paint right now.

I got the best gift today in a very very short email from a friend I made last summer. He simply wished me a Happy Valentines Day and thanked me for being just a regular person.Made my heart soar.I'll be smiling all day now 'til my cheeks hurt. No one has ever called me just a regular person before. :-)

Now, I told y'all I was feeling whiney. Call me a Whiney Hiney. I knew i'd get over it but really, it did hurt, but not near as much as getting nothing for my last birthday. My little girl is too small to do anything on her own - but her Daddy should have done something - he does for his sisters' birthdays.

Don't get me wrong - he is a good man - sometimes to a fault - we have taken care of his whole family in India all these years, put our nephews and niece through college - something most people over here would never do - and believe me, it has not always been easy. Our DD has not been able to do some of the things other girls her age have. I have had to tell her that we have to share our money with our family and that we couldn't afford dance lessons, gymnastics, etc. Of course, she has been disappointed has always understood that we wouldn't be able to sleep knowing that we have so much and they have very little. It has made her understand that life is not all about what we want. I was just disappointed that she didn't make me one of her sweet cards and he didn't think to remind her to.

I'm still cooking steaks & baked potatoes tonight. Serving cheesecake. My pity party is over. I just wanted someone to share my little party with! And you all did! Thanks!! At the end of the day, I know that my DH loves me - stretch marks and all. And I love him, bald and all. XOXOXO - thanks for understanding, KT sisters!

Hi - I think you should mention it to him. But here is my thought. I think that you could gently, at a good, quiet time, ask him if he liked the little card that DD made him and the little things that you got for her and you to give him. I'm sure he'll say yes, that it was nice. You could ask if it made him feel good to be remembered. Again, I can't imagine that he would say anything other than yes.

Then, again gently, you could ask if I can see that you would've liked to have that thought for you, as well. Don't chastise him, just help him to know that you would've cherished a little thought, too. Not a gift, per se, but some small thought. Please don't make it a big deal, just plant the seed for next time.

Suzieque

Cheer up. Count your blessings.

Read Susieque's post and put Ya Ya by it, wouldya!?

Glad that you're feeling better. I can understand your disappointment. I read an article once that said if you know that your SO/DH isn't a gift-giver go buy yourself a little something and thank him for your gift! LOL

Miss India, will I offend you if I make a generalization? I hope not. I am an American. married to an Indian man. I know just what you're talking about!! I basically had to teach my dh what to do for my birthday because he had never celebrated his in India; as a matter of fact, his was never recorded. The gift-giving we do here floored him at first, but now he just lets me get on with it and manages to get me something for Christmas and my birthday, sometimes with help from our dd's who are pretty much grown now. In the early years of our marriage I would remind myself not to expect much and was rarely if ever surprised. One year I had to insist that he go buy me a b-day cake because we moved to another state without any family nearby. My (Indian) friend's dh is notorious for giving her electronic b-day presents that she has no interest in. He of course, does. I guess my dd's did make me cards, but at what age they started, I don't remember. I have always given them Valentine's Day chocolates (dh doesn't like chocolate,) but dh and I don't exchange anything. It doesn't hurt to let him know you were disappointed though! And maybe you can say it within earshot of dd. Hope you're feeling better.

Thanks Spencersmom!

We don't do a big Valentine around here, our anniversary is in two weeks. I told DH $10 limit including card. My dad, who died when I was twelve always got my mom a red heart box of chocolate and a pink one for me. Only holiday he ever observed, nothing for Christmas or birthdays, I always thought that was odd.

oh, and next year, when you daughter is making your DH's card, when she is done, ask her to make one for you too! No reason not too! lol you can leave the room when she is making it, so it will be a surprise!

I agree with Ruthie. It is how a man treats you every day that is important. My husband and I don't celebrate any holidays and we just had our 43rd anniversary about 3 weeks ago. I told him Happy Anniversary...he said it to me....that was it. Do I feel neglected? Not one little bit. If those things are important to you, by all means, tell him. And I think Kat's idea of asking your daughter to make a card for you, is an excellent one. I mean, after all, we have to train them to do what we want.

I got turned off to cards on special occasions when guys I know that were real cads, and married to friends of mine, always went out of their way to buy a card or flowers. To me, it is a cliche, and means nothing of importance. But, that's just me.

I cooked my DH a steak and baked potato for dinner because that's what he's been "wanting" for several days.What did I get? Nada! LOL
We tell one another every day that we love them so Valentine's Day is just another day as far as I'm concerned.I just thank God every day that I still have him around,even with all his imperfections!LOL
((((Leslie))))

Well Ladies, Valentine's Day is coming to a close. I made a dish for someone that is pretty much living a life that you would see on Maury. Sometimes you have to look past what's right in front of you and say.. wow. I guess things are good!

Spencer is at my feet awaiting the word to go to bed. In fact.. he's staring at me ;) Signing off!

Erin

May everyone have sweet dreams.

Thanks for all the support, y'all. Sjerin, we have a lot in common! DH & I have been together 25 years and married for 23. He has only developed amnesia this past year! I had to train him, too, but somehow he's been distracted - maybe by all the hours he puts in at work. Sometimes I feel as if I'm Mommy & Daddy. Poor DH, she really tries to get his attention. She hardly sees him. Well as I go to bed it feels like just another day. I still love him. I still appreciate him. I just wish he were a tad more sensitive. Well, maybe next year I'll be exchanging Valentine's Cards with some of y'all! Anyone here in Tobaccy Land with me? (Winston-Salem, NC)

Sorry that the day didn't end better for you. I'm in Silicon Valley--San Jose, where lots of people work long hours. My dh worked longer hours and traveled a lot when my kids were younger; I would be extremely disappointed when he came home from a trip because instead of throwing the kids at him and heading out for sanity, he had to sleep and I had to keep the kids a little quiet. I think the girls got used to that, but then again they had each other and me to drive crazy. May I ask, are you from India? If you are not, you and I are not very common. In 26 years of marriage, I've only met two or three other couples with the same backgrounds as we. It surprises me, in this day and age, especially in the big melting pot where we live.
Were you able to tell your dh how disappointed you were?

I asked DH not to do anything this year, but he already had flowers ordered, and he bought a card. He did skip the box of chocolates, and we had burgers on the grill instead of going out.

I tell you this for an important reason. Yesterday we found out that my cousin (45 years old) was killed in a car wreck Friday night. We are still grieving the death of another cousin (51), who died last month. And every day is a struggle---as we lost my mom in October.

I don't mean to discount your feelings in any way. But cards and flowers and candy are just "stuff." The most precious gifts in life are people...cherish them.

Okwriter, how horrible for you! I'm so sorry about your family deaths. (((okwriter)))

(((Rita))) I'm sorry for the loss of your cousin. Both of them. And of course I know your still missing your Mom.
Leslie

This is what I do, my birthday is next week. Two weeks ago I saw something on line that I like. I sent the link to my husband's computer with a note "This is what I'd like for my birthday" I'm sure he ordered it. He sounded relieved to know what to get.

Yayagal--smart plan. Sometimes DH's need help. I don't think suffering in silence is good.

I've been single for, hmmm...7 years now? I can't even remember. I spent Valentine's day at work. The other women got gifts from their husbands and my gift to myself was to order out with them, from Cracker Barrel for lunch.