Happy, I haven't had breast cancer but my youngest sister has. She was diagnosed with metastatic BC with multiple primary tumors (very aggressive) when she was 28 YO, 3 months after the birth of her daughter. That was almost 12 years ago and I'm so happy to share with you that she is living a healthy and happy life today. We will celebrate her daughter's 12th birthday in March with joy in our hearts that our beloved sister is here. Here are a few things she and we as her family did: -She scheduled her chemo sessions on Fridays, so her support team could really be there for her when she was feeling the worst. She would go in early, and I took care of the baby that day. Her husband was available all weekend and so were our other sisters (we are 5)and our stepmother, to be 'on duty' Saturday and Sunday. As a realtor weekends might be your busy time, but you can try to schedule your chemo so you will have a couple of recuperation days if you need them. -We focused on specific tasks. People will always ask 'what can I do to help' or say 'just call me if I can help'. And too often when you are sick and your energy is at a low ebb, it is impossible to be on top of everything, much less to be the case manager for yourself! So, instead of thanking folks, you can practice accepting with grace :). Don't be afraid of setting up a schedule for your friends, especially at church, to bring over meals a few nights a week while you're doing chemo. It can be hugely comforting to know that dinner will be on the table without you having to plan, shop, prep, cook and clean it up. Plus I don't know too many women who won't feel more than happy to prepare something tasty and bring it over to help a friend; as nurturers, it's what we do and it makes the giver feel terrific to help in such a concrete way. Or tell them you could use help on any number of ordinary things that might be a drain on your energy: running errands, picking up medicine, etc. As long as you are specific, my experience is that people are more than happy to do things. Picking something up at the pharmacy or the grocery store is easy when someone is out running errands. And, the more folks you have who can do X, Y or Z ror you, the fewer X-Y-Z energy and time drainers you have to worry about. Emotionally, I won't ever presume to say I know what you are experiencing. I do know that my sister told me, years later, that it meant the world to her to have people she could talk to about the darkest fears she was feeling. As the oldest sister, I wasn't that person...I was busy case managing all the stuff I wrote about above :). But she talked about the emotional aspects to another sister--for her, that was her safe person. I hope you find yours, and that you can have a listening ear able to be there for you. And last but not least I know that breast cancer treatments have made such tremendous strides that it is a much, much less fearsome disease in terms of life outcomes. Again, I don't presume to be able to tell you how to feel or not to worry. But breast cancer is a treatable disease and doctors have a huge number arrows in their quiver now that they didn't have even when my sister was diagnosed. Ann

I so agree with folkv- keep the memories alive. It is so hard to know what to say and when to say it. But I feel that it really important to always speak of a child's parent. I think it can truly help them make choices in life even if that parent is gone. I have always tried to mention how my BIL would have felt about a given situation with both the kids and even my sis. He hated ties and I suggested to my sis that when his kids get married the groom should not wear a tie because dad would have thought that was funny. Would tick my mom off, she never liked my BIL, and that would have made my BIL laugh even harder. Even though someone has passed I feel their spirit lives on in us and can be so useful. ajsmama- I wondered how the service would go. Your post has brought me back 12.5 years to my having to watch my sis and her kids. It was something I would not even wish on my worst enemy. Please, stay in touch with these kids as much as you can. Family is so important even if it is just a card or call here and there. You seem to have such a caring heart, please share it with them. It will help you all. And one thing that is soooo important is that we allow ourselves to grieve and be sad. Everyone goes through the stages of grief but not in the same order. One may be quiet at first and yet the other is vocal. It may seem confusing but it is just our nature of processing grief differently. So don't be surprised by the kids behaviors, keep on your toes and don't avoid speaking about K no matter how difficult it may be. She is still their mom and always will be. Things, events etc will come up and it may feel uncomfortable. The best thing is to face things straight on. And you are right about the wedding thing. I told my sis that there is just no way to "avoid" everything without ruining the day. I told her that every guest there will be feeling the same thing, they all knew her dad. Sometimes the best way to deal with the sorrow is to not do the "oh, so sad her dad isn't here to see this" but rather "her dad would be so proud of her, this day is exactly as he would have liked it to be for her". I think it really is about how you choose to deal with it and to not focus on the sad but rather the joy of the day. She will figure it out and it will be a wonderful day. Again, wishing you all as much peace as possible.

Adding my prayers as well. He's the same age as my GD. I can't even imagine what this little one & his family are going thru. please update when you get the chance.

I don't know who this little boy is, must've missed a post, but I will say a prayer for him and his family. What a horrible thing to happen to a baby.