Here is a good place to vent, so growl away. I am sure that you are doing the right thing....and that is what counts! Been there..Done that.....Grrring helps. Nanny

Having the 21 year old phone to say he loves me/us just a few days ago is the biggest pay-off....but that is not the reason we were so good to him while he was growing up....it was the right thing to do.

that is actually tax fraud and very serious if she did not have him, support him, and had no legal reason to claim him it does not matter the arrangement she is in the wrong in claiming him.

I'm with ravencajun on this, I don't think you need to go to court as long as you have a legal claim to the deduction. It could be better actually, for you since the IRS doesn't mess around with people. Once they get a duplicate deduction claim, there's bound to be a red flag and both of you may well be audited. Then it's to see who has the valid claim I would guess. I'm not conversant in tax laws and procedures but I don't see any reason for you to sue her. I doubt a court could grant you relief for it anyway. She'll deny there was any contract and as a parent it may weigh in her favor. I'd check with a good tax consultant to make sure you can claim the deduction, do you taxes and see what happens.

For what it is worth, I would not want to jeopardize being with my grandson, I mean, she could get very vindictive and take her son and restrict you from seeing him. But, you know her better than I do. For me, I just would not take the chance. But, that is just me. I would get a punching ball, draw her face on it and punch away. LOL

i'd for sure talk to my tax person..this might be one year to have them done if you do your own...

she's really taking advantage of you big time..so sorry she can't take your kindness of raising HER child...at least she told you before a dup claim was made...

is she paying any support?

I would not even enter into the discussion..Since you supported the child for the year you are entitled to take the deduction. If she also takes the deduction that is a matter between her and the IRS, and not your concern.

I hope if I ever have to take in my grandchild for his/her well being, I don't have to worry about a tax deduction!!!

Moonie, do you have a legal guardianship for GS? If not then see about getting one. There are too many emergency situations out there in the wings not to have something in place. You really want to be able to authorize life-saving procedures should the need arise and the same documentation will encompass the IRS deductions.

Good Luck, my hat is off to you for stepping up to care for him.

A child can be claimed as a dependent by the person who contribute more than 50% of the child's support. So if you paid more than 50% of the cost of rearing that child during the tax year you get the deduction.

Now you can agree to trade the exemption by filing IRS form 8332. But the law generally gives the deduction to the person who actually contributes the most to the actual cost of raising the child.

If the child is living with her now and you did not contribute more than 50% of the child's support for 2010 you a cannot claim him. The IRS doesn't care about he said/she said.

From what Moonie_57 said, her grandson was with her 5 months in 2009 and all of 2010. So it sounds like she's legally entitled to the deduction and can just take it and let the IRS worry about the mother.

On the other hand, I tend to agree with Thistledew5750, and would probably forget about it rather than do anything that might make the mother decide to go to court. Even assuming Moonie_57 wins, that takes time, money, and years off your life.

I'm pretty sure you don't have to sue her. Just file your taxes claiming your grandson as a dependent for that year and as long as you can prove it (which should be easy since he lived with you for that long, couldn't have been with the mother since she didn't live in the school district he was attending, she has no proof of paying you any support, etc), the IRS will straighten it out. It could hold up your return though, I'm not sure.

I looked into this because my husband and I are going through a divorce and I was afraid he might run to file his taxes separately claiming our sons.

I don't think your tax refund will go through if you add your GS as a dependent. My college aged DD accidentally claimed herself one year and when we tried to claim her we got a letter from the IRS. My DD had to file some sort of paperwork, then redo her taxes and mail them in before we could file and claim her. It was a PITA.

I was in that same position with my ex husband and the IRS did get a red flag and audited both of us. I won because I had him most of the year and paid his school fees, I got to claim part of the mortgage payments, utilities, etc.. It was frustrating. After it was done the IRS called me again and told me I had to provide proof of my "other" son's expenses. I told her, "you show me proof that his dad claimed him and I will be glad to hunt up the info for you". I didn't hear anymore from them. I your case I would be very worried about being accused of allowing this. As someone else said that is fraud you don't want to mess with the IRS.

Since all I do is think about GS 24/7 and have posted a little bit about him here, I suppose I'm expecting all of you to know exactly what's in my mind and what has occurred over the past couple of years.

No, he is no longer with us. His mom took him back right before Christmas because the state was going after her for child support after we had his medicaid recertified. She didn't want to get "caught up" in child support. We have never asked her for a penny, ever, and she has never offered any. I received child support from my son for the last 7 months. The mom continued to receive it until that time.

The reason why I thought small claims court would be the place to go is because I've seen parents on Judge Judy for exactly that reason... one taking the claim when the other was entitled to it. It's probably something that I will just let pass but now I'm wondering exactly what Vala meant about "allowing" it.

And thistledew hit the nail on the head. I have not been able to see GS since Christmas day. He was suppose to come for the weekend a few weeks ago then he called and said that the BF talked his mom into not letting him come. I had words with the BF thanksgiving weekend when he threatened my GS. Told him if he ever laid a hand on him that I would see him in jail. GS's other g'ma told me last night that the BF said he does not want GS at our house at all and he has also not been to the other g'ma's. BTW, this is the same BF that GS's mom had a domestic dispute with and the reason GS came to live with us in the first place. Social Services did not allow the BF to be around GS for a period of time.

I had no legal guardianship other than for school purposes and his medicaid was in my name, and considering that he no longer lives with us....

Just tired of stressing about it and sitting back watching her not doing the right things. His psychiatrist's office called me Monday because she has not taken him for his appointments and they said he would be out of meds for his ADHD.

I'm really trying not to take any legal action. He should be with his mom, but his mom needs to be putting his needs first. Not hers, not the BF's. The other g'ma said the only reason she took him back was so that she could get the child support back, get food stamps, etc.

I'll shut up now.

Sounds like she's being very vindictive and is under a bad influence (boyfriend) that's giving her no incentive to straighten up and fly right. The fact that he is interfering in HER parenting decisions tells me he's after something--some funds, perhaps? (food stamps? medicaid? state-paid prescriptions?)

I would wonder whether she really HAS filed her taxes (I'm a hard-working person with common sense and I've not filed yet! Filing taxes is among the top things people procrastinate on!), and I'd go ahead and file, claiming the deduction as long as you have some paperwork that can support your claim. The IRS might look twice at your tax return and audit you, but if you believe you are right and have some documentation, it's not like the IRS is going to throw you in jail--it's not any sort of intentional tax fraud. You get a letter saying that either your refund is not as large or you owe the IRS more.

Here's another thing I would do: When you are lucky enough to speak to your grandson (how old is he?), make sure you tell him how much you love him, how happy you were that he was able to stay with you and that he will always have a supportive, safe place to come to should he want that down the line.

pammyfay, I told my sister in law to tell her grand kids the same thing and I thought it strange that she said "I couldn't do that". Well she should have because she hasn't seen them in years and no telling what their mom has told them about her. It's never wrong to tell anyone that you love them and always will.

Moonie when I said allowing it I meant if you let her claim them when you had them, it is fraud and you let her do it. You would be as guilty as she.

That's tax fraud. Laws vary from state to state but he would have had to lived with her so many months in 2010 in order for her to claim him.

Tell her to amend her taxes or you will call the IRS.

What juellie1962 said "I hope if I ever have to take in my grandchild for his/her well being, I don't have to worry about a tax deduction!!!" Much less sue his mother over it.

Every time I talk to GS I tell him how much we love and miss him, and that any time his mom feels like he would be better off in the school system here, she is free to bring him back.

I am really being wishy washy about the whole tax thing. It just ticks me off so bad that I keep thinking his mom is going to do the right thing... by GS -and- herself. When will I ever learn? I think that just hoping all will go well is what keeps me from worrying anymore than what I do.

pammyfay - He is 11. I don't think his mom is vindictive but do know that she is easily influenced by the BF and will pacify him so they don't fight. And everything for her has been all about money. Now that he is with them (BF included), they get the child support, food stamps and whatever aid that they qualify for.

According to the other g'ma, the reason mom did not take him to his appt was because she was afraid of what he would say to the Dr. because he was mad at his mom and the BF. His Dr. is very aware of GS's feelings about having to move back wit her and the BF. All along I had thought it was just because she never follows through with his appointments. Never has. But, in the past there was a problem with the BF and GS's meds.

I may tell her to amend her taxes but DH just wishes I would let it go. It would be easier to do if she was being responsible with him.

Well, I choose to interpret those remarks as I wish, and I agree! Thank you.

Let's say, for arguments sake, that you did sue her. Wouldn't that action cause a reaction and wouldn't that reaction be to try and take the child back? I always make my decision on what's good for most of the family and, in this case, it would be the same. Consider what could happen before you do anything in haste.
I certainly understand your anger at such callous disregard and disrespect of you. Understand, for some reason, this person is only self involved and cares nothing for others.
You're a wonderful grandmother and this child needs you. Keep up the good work and DELETE her from your mind.

yaya - she has already taken him back... in December. No, I don't know if suing her would be the right thing or not. I'm just fed up.

I'm sorry for you and the child dealing with her. ADHD meds are speed to most people. I'm sure they could be sold or sometimes taken by parents. He's old enough to tell you he's not getting them.

You know one way or another taking the tax refund from the mother will take something away from the child, like food. She may pith it away but at least it's not the grocery money.

I would save court for custody when/if the time comes. I wish you luck.

His psychiatrist's office called me Monday because she has not taken him for his appointments and they said he would be out of meds for his ADHD.

snip

According to the other g'ma, the reason mom did not take him to his appt was because she was afraid of what he would say to the Dr. because he was mad at his mom and the BF. His Dr. is very aware of GS's feelings about having to move back wit her and the BF.

hmmm...if the Dr called you and they GS is out of his meds, I'd be tempted to call child protection services and report that she is not properly seeing to his care. It imagine it would be a good thing for GS to be able to speak to a Dr.

If you wouldn't be concerned at getting audited (the hassle) I'd be tempted to claim him for 2010. You might ask a tax person (or attorney) what proof you would need that you were responsible for more than 50% of his care in 2010. I would stand up to 'the mom' and her BF and not allow them to push you around. I doubt if there would ever be any ramifications, and eventually she will likely dump GS at your door again.

The only thing I would suggest is talk to a lawyer specializing in this type of situtions to protect you, your GS and his mom. If there is apparent child abuse as to meds etc, it should be documented and reported. But you really should have some legal and medical proof all the way around otherwise you could end up needing medical help yourself, which could count against you and your GS.
Just wishing you good luck.

I know for sure the IRS will notice if both of you claim the same child as a dependent, because they now require the child's Social Security Number. I had a somewhat similar problem with the IRS. I claimed my own 19 year old unemployed daughter as a dependent and got audited, had to re-do my tax return, got hit with overpayment, interest and penalty. Cost me $700 or so. If I were you and had PROOF the child lived with you (school records or legal custody,etc) then file your own return and claim him as your dependent. Good luck, hope this all works out.

It sounds to me as though the tax deduction is only the tip of the iceberg. Where does this boy want to live? At what point will a court allow a minor to make that decision? He is not his mother's *possession*, and she is not putting him first. It seems clear that the BF is her first concern.

I'd be getting a lawyer and fighting for custody.

Where is the boy's father in all of this?

All the tax and money issues aside, all I can say is moonie, I feel for you and hope all works out. I know it's not about the money, rather the principle and the totality of the circumstances that cause your frustrations and the comments about taking a grandson for tax purposes are unspeakably tacky and reprehensible. I realize there's a lot of issues and a lot of details so again, I hope you can find peace of mind to get through it and do the best for your grandson. Of course that's the main issue and if he's not getting what he needs then you may need to step in.

As far as what the deduction would net you financially, IDK, but you can certainly weigh it and decide if it's worth it. I would *not* however call and threaten her that you're going to turn her in. Do it or don't do it. How the IRS finds out is none of her business, nor will they tell her.

I can imagine this stresses you out immeasurably. Take a deep breath. Some of us at least are behind you. Best of luck to all of you.

I agree with cynic about the hopes that you can see your way through all of this with a clear mind and peace in your heart, moonie.

That said, with regard to the tax situation, you could call her and tell her that, since you had the child and provided care through almost all of the year, and there was an agreement from the year before, that you plan to claim him and that if she wishes to avoid trouble from the IRS, she'd better file an amendment to her return.

In case that she hasn't filed yet, as someone suggested may be the case, she knows where the line fence is.

That is ... if you don't mind being audited, in case she chooses to continue with her claim of having supported him, as well.

ole joyful

Just offering hugs to you!!! Stacy

(((Moonie)))))

ditto..cynic

ditto...cynic. What you need to keep in mind....You have done the right thing. Your GS knows that you have stood up for him when needed. As he matures, he will remember the good parts,. I would not want my GS's memories to be all about money and anger. JMHO Nanny\

I also ditto cynic. It's obvious from this & other of your posts about your GS that he has your heart & that it really is *nothing* about money. Phtttt to those who imply otherwise.

I think it would be appropriate to call CPS in regard to GS's missing dr appt's & possibly not having the meds he needs. That really needs investigated, imo. Moonie you have a good heart & I'm sure this just tears you apart. Hugs.