Great pics, and I love to watch the little critters that visit the gardens! I spend hours contorting myself into strange positions to get pictures of the pollinators and other visitors. At first, the bees or butterflies seem skittish when I first appear, but after a few minutes, they seem to get used to this big human creature with a camera. They let me get very close sometimes. Here are a couple of the assorted bees that come to pollinate - Yesterday was very exciting, a female Monarch was alternating between nectaring and laying eggs on the Asclepias tuberosa and incarnata. Here she is nectaring - And here she is laying an egg - Can you spot the butterfly in this picture? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Oh, here she is!

Thank you everyone for all the prayers, good thoughts and kind words. The hearing went well but the ALJ (administrative law judge) did not give me his final decision, I'll have to wait for that, 6 weeks to 6 months. After nearly three years of waiting, what's another six months eh? Pfft..yeah right! LOL!! My son and his girlfriend are doing better. GF is going back to work on Monday and is feeling so much better. My son is up and using crutches some, I have heard. I've not been able to speak to him because his cell phone is shut off at the moment. Why do kids procrastinate such things?? His employer told him to heal well and not to come back to work until he is 100 %. He saw the film of the accident on the news so he knew it was bad already when DS called in. Anyway, I saw his father yesterday and he did not know if appointments for the specialist have been made or not. He was going to stop by and check in on them but I have not heard anything yet. I'll let you know when I know anything. Day two and still no lower back pain!! It's a miracle, I am just in awe over it. I always thought acupuncture was probably all in the mind but I was very wrong. I don't know how it works but I love what it has done for me in just two treatments!! I know it will be short lived but I am going to enjoy every second of it while I have it. My yard is calling to me but I am resisting so far. Actually I feel completely exhausted and I'm wondering if it is a reaction of my body because it has suddenly been relieved of the burden it has been under for so long. All day I just wanted to go in and lay down. Tomorrow, I think I'll give in to that feeling, if it is there again. Thanks for all the support. You all are the very best and I mean that from the bottom of my heart! Hugs, MeMo

One of my closest friends lives two blocks from me and has a daughter just a few months older than my DD, they are both 9 right now. Of course in the beginning we thought how fun for the four of us to do things together. We'd get together at each other home for coffee and bring the girls to play together. Always invited the other's daughter to birthday parties. Finally we recognized, these two don't click. Yeah, they *can* get along, and play together respectfully, there is no conflict. But they would not initiate playing together, after a while they get bored with each other, have nothing else to talk about, and generally think the other is "strange." My friend planned a party for her daughter's most recent birthday. At some point in a conversation she just said to me, "I hope you aren't offended, but B didn't put C on her guest list." She considered inviting C (my DD) anyway, b/c of our friendship. But decided the girls are old enough to choose their own friends. I was absolutely NOT offended. I see as well as she does that these girls do not click. My own DD would not be interested in B's party, she would declare the whole affair "too girly." Sure, she'd behave and be polite, but she'd be disinterested and want to leave as soon as possible. I agree that kids must learn to get along with all personalities and special needs. You never know what surprises await in new people, and you have to get to know them to find out. My kids' friends reflect different cultures, religions, and special needs and just plain quirks. One of DS#2's closest friends is deaf, wears cochlear implants, and it can be very frustrating to communicate with him. But the boys are together almost every day and make it work. We had some neighbors who drove my kids nuts, but I talked to them about how to make it work for at least a little while from time to time. I didn't make them play every time the boy rang our doorbell, but I didn't let them avoid the boy if they were all outside. Despite the fact that he could trip while walking, I encouraged my boys to give him skates and sticks they've outgrown to let him play street hockey with them... b/c he just wants to learn what they're doing. He had some learning disability and didn't socialize well, either. I did give my kids instructions on how to talk to him, to be direct and clear, literal with their words. He didn't get "between the lines." They needed to learn that, but when playing with him was all work on their part, they don't need to develop it any further. They did their part, but don't need to be responsible for his socialization. At the same time, kids deserve to have their feelings respected. If they say they don't want a close friendship with a person, it need not be forced for the purpose of life lessons. Especially when it is based on having spent time with the person and learning that they don't have a lot in common. We can learn to get along with everyone, but that's not the same as investing emotions and time into a friendship. Mom2emall's DS can learn to make it work when they are together, but should have his feelings respected and not be pushed to host playdates. Also, no kid needs to be the object of a "pity friendship." The other child deserves to be in a friendship with kids who have common interests and have fun being with him, who like him for who he is; not with kids who are with him so parents can teach them to be friends with people who are "different." That's condescending. The friendship my DS has with his friend who is deaf works b/c DS really has fun with the boy, not b/c DS is being charitable. It works b/c of mutual interests and complementary personalities... the way friendships are supposed to work. They really are quite a pair! Incidentally, the met b/c his mom and I were friends first, too. However, the boys' friendship as surpassed ours! They just hit it off the first time they met. Picking your own friends and getting along with (almost) everyone is not mutually exclusive. When the families are together let your DS know that it is a short time and they can find something to do that works for everyone. Regarding requests for playdates, I would agree to have the boy over if it helped my friend out with her schedule. But I think I'd just be honest, decline and say "I really wish our boys hit it off better, and maybe they will when they get older."

I think that this is a much bigger question than what the wording should be. Please forgive me if I am getting too personal. I may be way off base here, but perhaps this is something you might want to think about. I would suggest rethinking the idea of your fiance making any public vows at the ceremony to your son. No matter how much they love each other and no matter how thrilled your son is about the marriage, they aren't really getting married to each other, are they? You and your fiance chose each other, and you are the ones making the commitment of marriage. Your son may love the idea, but he isn't the one who got engaged; this would be a vow in which he has no choice -- even if you gave him the choice, how could he say no? (I realize you are just talking about a one-way vow from your fiance to him, but still, that affects the "vow-ee.") Your post refers to your fiance's making vows to your son "along with the ones that she says to me." But any kind of vows he makes to your son are, and should be, very different from the ones he makes to you. I think the close juxtaposition could make your son uncomfortable, even if he doesn't say anything about it to you (and even if he isn't himself totally conscious of it). Any child whose parent is remarrying, even a child who is very happy about it, will have mixed feelings, at least sometimes. That's normal and healthy. It's a big change in his life, and even good changes are stressful. It's wonderful -- really wonderful -- that they get along great. But what is the purpose of a vow, or any other kind of public commitment ceremony? What would it mean? When your son leaves home, would he be breaking it? If his father is alive, even if they have a poor relationship, what would this mean with regard to that? And what will happen when, inevitably, your son and your new husband quarrel? The added emotional load of some sort of vow can't help. You mention you have heard of others doing this. Unfortunately, some of those marriages probably didn't last. What is the psychological effect upon the child then, when the vows to him/her are broken along with the vows to Mom/Dad? I'm not saying this will happen to you; it's just a thought for the concept in general. Although I am sure that the adults truly believe they are doing this for the children's sake, to make them "special" and "involved" too, I suspect that this practice is at bottom more for the adults' feelings than for the kids' true well-being. Consider if you wouldn't get pretty much the same positive effect by doing things like having him be either your or your fiance's honor attendant and having your fiance make a fabulous toast to him at the reception which could come very close to a vow and include all the wonderful things he would have said if he'd done it during the ceremony. Maybe if the two of them really want some sort of ceremony for their own relationship, they could do it privately or just with family the day before the wedding or some other time. You will think of other ideas, too, I'm sure. Whatever you do will be lovely and meaningful. But for a variety of reasons I would keep it separate from the vows you and your husband will make to each other. Like the string about children "giving away" their parents. It's just too big an emotional load to impose on them, even though it all seems wonderful at the time. Please forgive me for being a wet blanket. As I said, I may be totally off here. But it is something to think about, perhaps with your clergy or whoever you go to for advice. You might also consider talking to adult friends whose parents remarried when they were your son's age. They will have a good perspective. The most important thing, of course, is that you all love each other, and you are all committed to being a family. You don't need a ceremony for that! Congratulations to all of you.