Do you have a geriatric clinic in your area?

I've spent a few days in court lately, unfortunately (my husband is a victim & witness) in a case that keeps getting postponed.

I'm sorry, but if the judge is anything at all like the one we've been observing, I wouldn't be so sure. We saw a guy get over a $1000 in assorted fines plus community service for shoplifting $21 worth of merchandise. If the 'victim' wants to press charges, the judge may have no discretion but to follow the law and impose the required penalties.

You say you've got a drs appt. for her--that's good, and I'd make sure that she gets to the dr. and you have a diagnosis in hand (if there is one along the lines of dementia) before going to court, but I'd strongly recommend that you see your lawyer for a couple of things. First and foremost, you HAVE to have her properly represented in this case, and secondly, if she is becoming incapable of handling her own affairs, there are legal steps you need to take--if she'll sign a financial and medical POA, that will help. If she's unwilling, you may have to go for guardianship. Either way, you're describing a parent who needs some supervision--for her own health and safety.

As to what will happen with the dr? Since she hasn't been in some time, apparently, she's going to need a complete physical. In the office, he'll probably check her blood pressure, pulse, etc. He probably will send her for bloodwork and possibly a urinalysis--to check for things like diabetes, UTI infection (which can in the elderly, ape dementia and create a lot of confusion), high cholesterol, etc. He's probably going to ask her questions that are designed to indicate her mental acuity--unfortunately, there's no actual test (bloodwork, X-Ray, etc) for dementia. He may prescribe one of the medications that are helpful in slowing (but can't cure) dementia. You're going to want to make sure that you have yourselves listed as people the dr. can legally talk to (HYPPA), and you're going to want to make sure that one of you always accompanies her so that you understand and follow the drs instructions.

As I've been through a lot of this with my mom, aunt and MIL (various health/elder issues)--I'd suggest that it's probably time to consider having at the very least, some help in several days a week. Home health aids--good ones, at least--are worth their weight in gold. They help with personal needs like bathing, will do laundry, cleaning, cooking, shopping--and most importantly, visit. They're an extra pair of eyes to help catch minor problems before they become major issues. Depending upon your mom's eventual diagnosis, health aids may be covered by her insurance/medicare. But even if they aren't, they're worth the price. It may be, that the time is coming when you may have to make the decision that mom needs assisted living or nursing home care. Know that's not what any of us want to face, but it's better to start looking around before you need one, than to wait until the need is critical. Being prepared ahead of time, is going to take a lot of stress off your shoulders when that time comes.

I know you're going through a lot right now--but you're going to learn a lot about yourself--you're going to find strengths you didn't know you had. You're going to redefine your relationship with your mom--and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Just hang in there, and get through a day at a time, make sure the first things you handle are mom's immediate health issues and her legal woes. Good luck with all that.

AWWW your poor mom, why couldn't the man just come to you and not involve the police~~~my DH is a retired Peace Officer, he would have tried to mediate the situation. A $20 snowman is not worth a courts time. It is just crazy to that this man is pressing charges~~where is his humanity?

Awww,your mom....Ditto what yoga said.

YogaLady - thanks for validating my feelings that this guy went a bit too far. I totally understand that no one wants things that they worked hard for, and use to decorate their own lovely homes, but geez, have some compassion.

Azzalea - I came home when DH called to tell me that a cop was searching my mom's house. (She gave him permission.) During our conversation, he kept stressing the word "victim", and I get that he is, in fact, a victim. But, at that time, he also said that he felt like the judge would immediately dismiss the case. We will see, though that isn't really my biggest concern.

We have all the necessary paperwork prepared by our attorney and my sister and I have toured some of the local assisted living facilities. We have found one that is very nice and she would not have to be moved if and when her condition deteriorates.

Her quality of life would improve so greatly if she would just cooperate just a little. She has always been independent and everything was always her way. My dad liked it that way, too. :)

Yes, we have already experienced that relationship reversal and it's probably the toughest so far. My mom has always been the strong one. And I find it terrifying that it's me that she depends on so much. With me being the youngest, and so spoiled by my dad, I never thought it would be me in this position. Either one of my sisters is cut out for this so much better than I am. But, I'm the one that lives next door to her. So finally in my 50's I'm growing up? :)

Thanks, Holly. There is no geriatrics in our area but our family physician specializes in it.

Thank you, clubm

I feel for you nd your Mom, dementia is no fun for anyone concerned.
But, I'm confused. If the police found nothing (which I presume includes the door snowman), how can the neighbour press charges? Surely it's a "he said, she said" situation and I would have thought in that case the police would have told the neighbour, "sorry, but there's no evidence". After all, had the thief sped off as he described, there would have been a delay in his following the thief, and he could have ended up following entirely the wrong person.

college as I mentioned this has been going on for awhile. the cop said that he had talked to other people as well. they just chose to let it go. plus back in the summer my mom had taken some things from a yard where my grandmother had lived, thinking that the things had belonged to her. so as you can see it can't be allowed to continue. I just think that guy that pressed charges was not trying to help.

sorry but I h ave not yet learned how to override prediction spelling so I was not addressing my previous post to someone named College. LOL

:-D Figured it was something like that, moonie

Moonie, sorry you are going through this. I think you are right when you wrote that this may be a blessing in disguise.

With your mother's mental state being what it seems to be, she shouldn't be driving. If you can't take her car from her, someone else has to before an accident happens. Please take her keys before she hurts herself or someone else.

ML