Those who are afraid that their brand of discipline will subject them to police reports if done in public should investigate alternative ways of public discipline. As I think about the lip-ripping-whisperer, in addition to the fact of a stranger's speaking to the kid, and what he said, one other reason it was effective was that he got down to the child's level to speak. Parents tend to say or holler out corrections that probably sound like Charlie Brown's teacher, when it is far more effective to kneel down, make sure you have their attention, LISTEN to them, and then remain firm in what you expect of them and the consequences if they persist in behaving badly. Parents need a clear understanding of acceptable behavior, need to communicate that to their children, need to engage with the children and need to follow through on reasonable consequences (spankings and swats are hardly ever truly effective in my experience, and I don't think do much to improve the overall relationship). It won't spare them from the embarrassment of a tantrum, but over time the rules become better ingrained than they would with absent-minded yelling, emotional spanking and the like. As for shop owners, totally agree kids need to be kept on a short (metaphorical beyond a certain age) tether and not taken if they are particularly destructive. But yes, do remember your audience. And don't be afraid to show little ones in a positive way the right way to investigate something of interest ("no, we can't pull the petals off, but look over here, do you see how the new leaves are brighter green," etc.). Trust me, a relaxed parent will buy more from you. :-)

Dreamhouse, I divorced my first husband. He was bipolar (diagnosed by a doctor) and NPD (diagnosed by me). Everything was fine unless I didn't do/act like he wanted me to. I pretended everything was fine for years, until I realized I was making myself sick. And then I got out. And the fall-out was huge. And it was so hard. And no one understood why... they thought it "wasn't that bad" and that I "should stay for the sake of DD" and that "all marriages have ups and downs". My husband was an emotional child. And he was controlling and mentally/emotionally abusive. And a liar. But he was also very convincing. So, bah! I guess my only real advice is to be very clear what your part is. What are you getting from this relationship? How are you causing this? How are you encouraging this? Why were you attracted to this? Etc... I may sound like a ____, but looking at your part ahead of time will reduce grief later. Believe me. I had to look back and boy, did I ever contribute to my bad marriage. To the point that sometimes I feel like saying sorry to my ex. He was an absolute jerk. And I wasn't a rose either. Don't make any hasty decisions. But if he is losing "family, friends, career" etc and doesn't want to "face anything unpleasant"... well. Ask yourself how long you're willing to babysit this person if he is not willing to work on it. I strongly believe my daughter, even though she is a child of divorce, is much healthier because I removed her from a very toxic situation. No one was hungry or really abused in our marriage, but it wasn't healthy at all.

Children and weddings is always a hot topic... A few years back my oldest (and very dearest) niece was married. Most everyone was from both families lived out of town from the niece and therefore were travelling to where she was living for the wedding "weekend" (breaker party on Friday for those arriving early, wedding on Saturday, and picnic on Sunday)... months prior to the wedding we were told it would be an "adults only" reception on Saturday, but not to worry, they were arranging for babysitting for all the children. At the time I my children were 12, 10, and 6... the invitations arrive and sure enough they said Family party Friday night, adults only reception Saturday night, and family picnic on Sunday afternoon... but there is no mention of the babysitting for Saturday night... During many conversations with family members, no one is saying anything about the children AT ALL, even when I raise the issue of Saturday night. So, I called the hotel and looked into their "hire a stranger" service... which to say the least I was less than impressed with. Then about 2 weeks before the event it finally "slips" out that oh... didn't we know, all the other cousins ARE invited to the ADULT reception (ages 13, 14,15, 17) they are counting them adults. Well... blow me down! I guess I was an a@@ for assuming that adults were 18+ or maybe even 21+ given the alcohol serving issues.... but no, we were told they drew an imaginary "adult" line... and gee... mine children were the only children in the family (both sides) not invited.... which, btw, means I do NOT have potential sitters witht he nieces and nephews (which explains the drop of conversation whenever I raised that topic!) And yeah, the niece decided not to arrange child care like she was going to. Didn't I realize this on my own? Long and short of it was we ended up opting NOT to attend. We do not live near any relatives from either side of the family and we would have had to to travel on Friday afternoon and return on Sunday afternooon (at the bare minimum) to get to/from the ceremony and reception only. We didn't have any one locally to leave 3 children with for over 48 hours at a minimum.... Boy did we hear about the decision not to go from EVERY family member under the sun... how could we disappoint our niece this way??? Let's see... I was willing to let my children stay with a sitter... wasn't happy about the hotel service... but probably would have sucked in (although to be brutally honest here, I had expected when my niece did not arrange for sitters, that I would hire the other "older non-adult" nieces/nephews to watch them during the adult reception time.) Several years later this is STILL a topic of family problems... and my oldest in particular, has little interest in her oldest cousin as a result of being "left out".... All three knew we were planning to attend the wedding and other festivities, and then we told all three there was a change of plans and we were no longer going. I know my niece did not intend for us to be upset by an adults only invitation, and truthfully when we were under the impression that it was truely 'adults' and therefore NONE of the minor cousins we were fine with it.... by the same token I did not intend to upset a bride with our decision not to attend... but look at the position I was put in... we've all travelled here for a multi-day family event and on Saturday night I have to say to my children (while no one else is) that you can't come with us as it's adults only, but yes indeed your cousins who are not adults can come with us.... as a parent I could not do that to them... so we opted out... To be fair to my niece, she later said if they knew how many people would decline to attend (most due to child care issues) they never would have done adults only.... remember... basically everyone had to travel, a fair distance (6+ hours in most cases), leaving on a Friday and returning on a Sunday, for the shortest of the travellers... so anyone with children had to arrange for weekend care for them... if they didn't live near other family not invited to the function, they either had to ask friends to take their children for a weekend, or bring them along and deal with the hire a stranger service.... when you don't have children yourself, you can't begin to understand how hard it is to find people to drop your children on for a weekend.... or how disagreeable of an idea it is to leave them with a stranger.... The whole topic just makes me sad... it's not that our family (entire extended family I mean) had "problems" with this... everyone understood why we opted out... or that they didn't agree with both sides of the topic... or that we don't feel it IS entirely up to the bride and groom to decide whatever they want (we do)... it's just a very touchy thing still years later... we've never been shown wedding photos yet we all know they exist... the wedding was never spoken about with us after it happened or in the years since... it's almost as though everyone in the family wants to forget the day happened when we're around... and it all could have been avoided with clear communication upfront... I KNOW my niece wasn't prepared for us NOT to attend, she called me in tears talking about how their decision had caused so many people not to attend and how she wished she haad known ahead of time that would happen. My sister called, my mother called. All three understood our position and agreed with us. That did not change the situation, nor did we expect it to... Those planning weddings with many out of area invitees with children really need to be prepared for them to decide it is best for them not to attend if they are not willing to have something arranged for the children of those invited IF they are not being invited to the festivities... Not everyone has childcare available for a couple of days and nights to be able to leave their children behind. Now, several years later, my niece as a 1 year old herself, and was quite put out recently when they were invited to an out of town wedding without their child... Luckily for her it was a cople hours away and she could use a frined to watch her daughter for the day and still return home that night. But I admit to having a moment of 'ah... see the position you are in... this is what you did to others yourself'... but I still felt bad for her... because she was once again apologizing to me while complaining about this dilema she had.... If your invitation says & Family.... bring the children along...

I've never slept in my car.... unless it was on a trip where DH was driving and I took a nap. LOL, Many people that have been hit by this economy thought they were certain they could support the kids they were having... now they are losing their jobs, homes, cars, and living with relatives and some are homeless living in tent cities. Then there are those that had kids born into poverty and have worked and made a life for themselves... that's me. and my life is better than many that went to college, had high powered jobs/careers, or thought they had it all figured out with a plan... in fact, when I read about a father offing his whole family and then himself.. and there have been more of these stories as these people that have been hit by the economy fall from grace... they can't handle the fall so they take a cowards way out. They are not poor families that have always struggled.. they are guys that lost their high paying jobs and status... guys that don't wanna live in a tent. and I'd rather live in a tent with my loving big family than be a lonely miserable person that thinks money is more important than life & love... LMAO at saving for college... Have you been watching the news? The whole world is having a difficult time right now financially! Who here has NOT been affected? Who here has extra money to stash away for a college fund right now? (maybe a handful, but not many I'm sure) That's funny!!!