It sounds like a typical guy. First, he has a bond with his own child so there is likely going to be more affection & nurturing and he hasn't formed that bond with your child. Guys are not generally as nurturing as women... we tend to take care of anybody & everybody but guys, not so much. But, guys tend to think of themselves as disciplinarian... and that is probably why he is ready to lay down the law and it's always easier to discipline someone else's child than our own. That being said, your son should be your first priority. It's time to have a serious talk and let him know how you feel. He may not realize he is doing anything wrong but left alone, resentments will grow. Your son may resent the attention the other child gets. You may eventually resent your boyfriend. If your talk does not result with an epiphany & his willingness to try harder, get him out of your life ASAP because the longer you work at trying to get him to change, the longer both children are going to subjected to instability. Both children have already been through one broken home and these issues probably should have been discussed before he moved in.

I'm with pllog. I may not have bad allergy attacks most of the time, but cats love me and make a beeline for me when I go into a house. As a real estate agent, I try to be very careful to not insult the homeowner, but if they touch any exposed skin of mine, I have an instant rash. I make a joke about not being able to touch the cat while talking to the cat and most h.o.s get the hint and pick them up and often move them elsewhere. If a house has multiple cats or is not very clean, I will sniffle all day and feel lousy. Most of the time, I am not there long enough to have a really bad reaction. I only had my throat start to close up twice in my life. Running outside and gulping air fixed it. I can care about a friend and not want allergy problems or, quite frankly, to care about their cat. You can love whomever you want, but sometimes it is not proper to foist them on others. I adore our sons but it is not always proper to mix them with company. The same is true of pets. A quick hello is plenty. If I had worse allergies, then that would even be too much. Having a non allergy aversion is also acceptable. It is nothing personal about your pet, but some people have a fear of dogs and that does not make them bad people. I was bit by a chihuahua years ago and am still leery around them despite not having much fear of larger more imposing dogs. I have some allergies with certain breeds of dogs, but will still choose to pet them and suffer a small reaction. The key is it is my choice as to which pet I will touch or not. My allergy to dogs is less than to cats, but I also like dogs more. Not liking cats is a personal choice and does not preclude me being a good friend or guest. If that means someone thinks I am not worthy because I don't like their "Fluffy", then it is their loss. The funny part is I am usually the most attractive human in the room to cats. I can walk in with several cat lovers and the cats want nothing to do with them, but love me. They must love "hard to get" people.

hope you are feeling better today! i noticed you were at the dentist yesterday, if you feel flu-ish today get to the doc today! in 05 i got a severe staph infection (out of work for 6 wks & nearly died) from a dental cleaning and thought at first i was run down, having just got back from a long vacation. then i developed what i thought was mono... get to the doc please! ~ liz

Different people use the word "friend" differently, so a lot of this is semantics. I tend to extend "friend" much more broadly than my husband, who has zero people he considers friends. But the lesson is what is necessary to be successful in group situations--manners and civility, which seem to be on the wane in today's society, but I don't think that is a good thing or something I would want my kid to emulate. I have this argument with my husband all the time, knowing what is and is not appropriate to say in group settings. I grew up in a small town, I learned early on to avoid gossip and trash talking anyone, ever. You never know you might be speaking to their cousin or brother-in-law!! :) My grandmother survived in her tiny village in Poland during World War I because she could get along with all sides in the conflict and smuggle resources into her town to keep people alive . . .Hence I grew up with an emphasis of not making enemies although also was taught to have principles and to stand up for them . . . just do so in a way as to not alienate those around me . . . easier said than done . . . Look at all the people who are suffering because of snarky things they have said publicly. I am in the camp that says best to err on the side of civility which is not the same thing as agreeing or supporting things that clash with your values. It's just a matter of knowing how to chose your battles. A good life would not be a constant battle ground, but it is for some people. I would definitely want my child to learn to find some ways to develop inner strength/peace/serenity or whatever the right word is. It's a life long struggle. My Mom's mantra was the "Serenity Prayer." But of course no matter how many times we discussed this concept, it never totally went away because that's life. However, my mother was quite successful professionally because she learned to overlook certain things and just keep moving forward, not get bogged down by drama. As a teacher and person who gives public program and raises money, I had to learn to never, ever speak ill of anyone, it just isn't worth it, life is long, people and circumstances change, one never knows. On the one hand. But on the other hand, if the hitting bothered your daughter and she asked her friend to stop and she didn't, they you daughter has every right to distance herself from that behavior. I would just advise your daughter not to rush to put people in the "friend/not friend" category. Just treat all people with dignity but also you can detach from the drama that troubled people might bring into your life. This is not the strong suit of a teenager, but a good skill to develop. Otherwise, your life could be much more stressful if you don't learn techniques for tamping down interpersonal drama in your life. One has to be able to do what my Mom advised, not make other people's problems your own. You have to be able to be in this world, experience the drama, but not get pulled into it. A good technique is to focus on projects and actions, not personalities. A tough balancing act, one that teenagers have to learn to navigate and it can be tough even for adults. Trust is tricky. There's a whole other dynamic too, being liked vs being a doormat vs being mean and unlike-able. It's just a balancing act we all have to perform . . . Detachment has not been my strong suit, and I've often wondered if it is possible to develop more of it or if it is just in your genes . . . vs passion . . . and then when to hold it and when to play it ???