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The Kitchen Table

Do I take a gift? a card? or what?

15 years ago

There are two families gathering for dinner at a cafe for dinner Sunday. Everyone will pay their own lunch.

Its in honor of my nephews 1 year of being sober. He's gotten his life together in a years time, married and has a new baby daughter. He's looking great, much better than I've seen him look for awhile.

Anyway, what if anything do I take? A gift? A card? I had thought of a little "Lifes Survival Kit" made up of different things.I'd probably add more than what is listed at the link..or is that stupid? Any other ideas on a little gift? Or should I skip a little gift and try and find a card? I have never been to anything like this before.

Here is a link that might be useful: Everyday life survival kit

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Comments (10)

nodakgal
Original Author
15 years ago
Errrr the "two family" gathering means families from two sides! LOL DN's families and his wifes families.
User
15 years ago
I'm 12 years sober and I'd take only a card. Both your presence and a card are a great gift. Remember, sobriety is one day at a time. He's at 1 year, which is very big, but he's got lots of days ahead. My family has given me cards and that's it which is fine with me.
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pattico_gw
15 years ago
I'd get him a "One day at a time" card...

patti
grammahony
15 years ago
I agree. A card would be fine. And a big hug.
Leslie
cynic
15 years ago
I suppose a nice bottle of wine would be inappropriate! LOL Sorry, couldn't resist.

I'd think a card would be more than enough though. I'd think something of a "we're proud of you" or "keep up the good work" type of thing. Each person is different. A guy I know quits drinking and goes for months then goes on a bender. He does better when he recognizes himself rather than people putting pressure on him. But each person is different so you know better which is appropriate for him.
nodakgal
Original Author
15 years ago
LOL Cynic, I'd better not!

OK a card it is!
He's such a good kid and always has been..just had a bad time with booze..his Dad has been an alcoholic for years. DN started following in his Dads footsteps early on and is only 27 now so yes, he has lots of years ahead of him. We are all very proud of him for seeing that he needs to leave it alone and actually doing it. On his own mainly.
sue_va
15 years ago
Why not talk to his Mom, if she is the one who planned the party.

If you show up with just a card and the others bring a gift, wouldn't you feel embarrassed?

Congratulations to him!

Sue
sjarz
15 years ago
What about a cake with Congratulations and a big "1" on it?
Most restaurants don't mind if a cake is brought in, and if you got there a few minutes ahead of the guest of honor I'm sure the servers would stash it in the kitchen for you.
Suzan J
mary_c_gw
15 years ago
A card is more than enough. Presents (this from someone with many recovering addicts in my life) are not really appropriate.

They are moving back to a normal life, not having a birthday party. Acknowledgement of the occasion is important, but a "reward" for being normal really isn't.
carla35
15 years ago
I'm sorry I find this whole thing odd... I think it's great he has put his life together and is doing well, but it would be like having a celebration party for a philanderer who hasn't had an affair for a year. Must a recovering alcholic be patted on the back and given celebration parties when he doesn't drink? I could see his AA friends doing something special, but I didn't know that sobriety was celebrated like this by many others outside of that group.

I would be tempted to bring a small gift for his kid (well, just becuase it's nice to bring little kids stuff) and leave it at that.

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