The feelings you have are what many mothers of sons feel after their marriage...if that encounter made you feel outside a circle..its because you are...I also have to wonder what mothers of daughters are telling and teaching them about in laws.... They are mothers to grown children as well and have to know how a mother to an only son must feel...its really not the same as having a daughter and no one can say it is....I have seen how my DIL's look out for their mothers best interest at the risk of breaking a MIL's heart....my oldest DIL will exchange these looks with her mother as if no one is watching...like they are collluding telepathically...it is so juvenile... They have done this around me many times in my own home...and I hate being around them....my husband berates me if I even mention this is taking place....I am planning my exit out of this marriage and feel my DIL has ruined my family....my husband has never stood by me or supported me emotionally...and having a person enter your family...a small family at that and seemingly treat you poorly will create major conflicts in a marriage if one spouse tries to ignore the others pain...just an acknowledgement is fine.. If truth be told my husband does not care for his DIL but fears speaking up about it to me....obviously we are not going to last to 40 yrs happily.... One thing that parents of a son will do is extend themselves for fear of losing him completely...you say you have heart to hearts with her...but this is probably not the best move....a DIL will use information you give them against you later...in arguments with your son...I was told this by many women in the past....and believe it...my sister created a lot of tension with my DIL based on things that she would tell her when I was not around... We also extended ourselves by buying vaca property with my son and his wife....big mistake 10 yrs later....my son is now behaving more like an unhappy bus. partner....sending emails telling my husband he has not contributed as much financially...wanting to sell which has been my view all along...but my husband did not take my advice and prediction and now sees but really doesn't see... My advice would be to accept the fact that your DIL is going to be a mamas girl....and you will likely feel the chill more than once...do not try to have something that may never be there...you have to remember..she came to your family as an adult...she has no back story with you...your son may not be willing to speak in your defense.... I wish I knew then what I know today...life for me would be so much easier...now I have the stress of having a son, but not really...and having the stress of a controlling husband who chastises me for being hurt...insisting I deal with issues like he does..which is to repress....2 GS's I only see when there is a free spot somewhere....a truly unhappy existence at the moment....I am in the process of letting go as well

Our grandson calls me NeeNee which comes from my choosing Nana in honor of my late great nana to whom i was so close. DH jokingly said he wanted to be called E.O. (exalted one!) but no one picked up on that one. My parents and my MIL are still on the scene and our daugther calls them Grandma M and Gramdna other M, my dad is Poppa. Our son-in -law is English by way of greece so he set his mother up to be called Yaya which is what he called his grandmother. The baby called me nana by about 12 months, but not consistently. Grandpa was a garbled mess. Then he morphed into Nana but DSIL would say Nanny like he heard growing up. SO eventally DGS changed me into NeeNee and DH became "DAN" after hearing me holler it upstairs when I needed his attention. It's funny now, but he's got names for my parents whom he sees more often. Grandma other M isn't doing as well!we'll see when DGS #2 can talk, how this plays out.

DH-Worked hard to provide for us and appreciated the fact that I was a SAHM. He was very very involved in the kids activities and spent a lot of quality kid time with them as well as sharing care-giving duties from day one. He is generous to a fault. He can do laundry, clean the bathroom and repair or build just about anything. He cannot cook however so he is banned from the kitchen except to nuke stuff.LOL DS- #1 is he is extremely kind to women. Girls always flocked to him. For a long while he appeared to have his own harem. LOL He absolutely adores his SO and is extremely protective of her without being the least bit controlling. He is a true believer in equal rights but chivalry is his middle name. He has my back. A real tough guy with a gentle nature. D(quite likely)SIL to be- He loves my DD and shows it in every way both large and small. A hard worker who wants a family to provide for and who doesn't have the materialist expectations of his generation. He has solid values and isn't afraid to fight and work hard for what he wants. As my DD puts it... he's a combination of her brother and the best qualities of the two other main loves of her life before him without the negative ones.

As far as I'm concerned, when the grandchildren started to arrive was perfect timing. We are a blended family. My husband and I both had children ranging from teens to young adults when we married, and then we lost several babies of our own to miscarriages, my last at forty three. Our first grandchildren arrived when I was forty five, and as far as I'm concerned that was perfect timing. I got to enjoy my child's and step child's pregnancies in lieu of my own, and when they were born I was still very young and active and still 'in the loop' with modern medicine and activities. The down side was I was no where near retirement, so my time with the grands had to be reconciled with my work. BTW one of the g'kids was waited for and planned, the other an 'accident'. The first two are within two weeks of each other in age. We are on g'child number five now, the latest of which was born two years ago. The two kids who had the first g'kids both had babies after a long hiatus and around their fortieth years. (and one of them also adopted five more in one clump and a step g'child so we actually have a slew, no?) It was such a wonderful and joyous surprise for us. And I get the little baby and toddler experience in my mid sixties. Also just got our first great grandchild last year. And here's the thing.......when our kids approach adulthood or are on their own we still worry and are concerned about their decisions, but we stop signing off on them. It becomes their call to make. We think we are 'vetted' because we have experience, but when we made the same decisions we were probably equally as raw and clueless. We muddled through it and they shall as well. Anyone who is becoming a grandparent for the first time also has to decide how to interpret their role. It may not be as you had dreamed or anticipated but it's an important role and how you handle it impacts the bonds with your children and the welfare of yet a new generation. Grab the experience and make the most of it, be a rock of strength if you must, and a fountain of wisdom if asked, and enjoy it above all.