LOL at Donna too!!

I've always told my husband he was good...but.....even if he wasn't I wouldn't know...I don't have anyone else to compare him to...He's my one and only...for over 41 years so far....As far as I'm concerned..he's the best...
I've been to the moon LOTS of times....yeehaw...!!!!
Ummm...is that TMI?

patti

Rita & Donna, go to your corner!
Preferably empty handed.

Also, I would never base a relationship entirely on the quality of sex. I know many women who do this and are, in my opinion, extremely selfish and shallow; as selfish and shallow as are men who are labeled not GIB.

Lori, I find that very contradictive. I based staying with him solely on sex, but the sexual aspect was just an extension of who he was. I admit he was a good guy in some other facets of our relationship. But think about what you said there. Why would I want to be with a guy who is selfish and shallow?

Yes, Patti, too much information.
hahahahaha
BTW, you really lucked out.

This is the best thread ever. I will not be leaving this computer for hours. Where is Ron in MN? We need to hear from him.

Bet Sue isn't getting that desk cleaned now.

I do agree that there can be selfish men out there, that simply don't care about satisfying the woman, but in most cases, the guy should want to know what makes his woman tick. I've been told 'by the big girls' that men get turned on by turning on their partner and it makes sex more pleasureable all the way around. If he's not willing to go the extra mile, then I say dump him. If he's uninterested in how you feel and what makes you feel that way, I say dump him faster.

I also agree that sex is just a fragment of a relationship. It's wonderful when it's compatible, but it's certainly not the glue to hold a marriage or a relationship together in the long run.

well I never said" hey sweetie, you aren't doing great"; but may have thought "yeah right"to myself when he said he was! I think lousy sex doesn't help any relationdship...call me shallow.

Men and their egos..

BTW sex isn't all in our heads, (blush) maybe he needs a anatomy lesson.. you know, this works for me here?! Sure, I love my DH, I have for almost 30 years, you have to be able to talk about sexual needs, and boy I am stopping now before I embarrass myself..

I think being GIB is having good communication between the two of you. If someone won't take suggestions as to what works for you, then they are not GIB for you. I got really lucky with DH of 30 years. He has always been open to suggestions and believed in "Ladies first!". Wink, nudge, wink!
Clare

"Maybe the woman is the bad sex partner?
Maybe she isn't GIB?"

Yes, that was probably true when I first began having sex. I knew nothing - nobody does until they get some practice. But I think that as a relationship progresses, you can't help but learn at least a little bit about what pleases each other, unless you just don't care.

"It's just my opinion but it takes two to have really great sex."

Gee, I hope I didn't give the impression that I just laid there and waited for things to happen. How much fun would that be?

"I would never base a relationship entirely on the quality of sex."

I'm with you there. There are so many other aspects to any relationship. But there's no reason to settle for less than the best in all areas, right?

"A couple can't screw ALL the time."

Most women would agree with you there, but I know several men who would vehemently disagree.

I think a great deal of how you react to someone in bed comes down to plain old chemistry! I haven't had many partners in my 62 years but I do know that I was attracted to guys in the beginning because we had that sexual chemistry that just made you want to be near him and be close etc. But then when the time came to go to the next level in the relationship the intimate aspect was an entire different thing. My one and only husband of 30 years (he's my ex now and my best friend) is a wonderful guy "but" we just didn't connect that well in bed. I had a couple other lovers (before and after our marriage) and I had no problem with them...but I will take responsibility for just a "ho-hum" sex life with my husband. When the chemistry just isn't there between the two of you I'm not sure it's really anyone's "fault".

And no I would never tell a man he was BID. I would tell him that I didn't feel that the chemistry or connection was working "for me" and if he wanted to hear my thoughts we could have an open honest dialog to try and work on it. Who knows? Maybe it's something on my part that he is having trouble with.

In the case of my husband we never did have a "hot and heavy" sex life and as the years passed it just waned....but there were many other very important aspects of the marriage that held us together for 30 years.

~Susan (just my personal experience)

Bestlawn, all those other women he had were probably just looking for "a man." I think there's lots of people like that who will settle for anything just to have someone.

Mammie, I sure didn't think to mention that point. You are so right. Some just want to be able to say they have a man, boyfriend, husband, whatever. What is with that, I wonder? After they get their wish, they put up with anything. Wonder if they know they're missing? LOL

Bet Sue isn't getting that desk cleaned now.

Still blushing and still cleaning. Now the dining table is trashed (I was keeping it perfect) and I ate a whole canister of Cashew Roca, and feel awful icky. I still need to pull the drawers out of the desk and file cab, and pull everything out and clean.

Carry on...I might be blushing, but I'm enjoying it all.

Sue

I wouldn't necessarily say, "Hey, you're bad in bed" but I would definitely say, "I like this or I don't like that." It's easier for my generation, I think. (No, I'm not calling anyone old) I think in general, my generation is more sexual and whether that is a good or bad thing is self determined. I don't think I would ever feel shy to say, "What you're doing isn't working for me." Nor would I be offended if he said it to me. And apparently that works for us... things are good and happy here. Lol

That works pretty good for some of us old folks too.

Mom to 4.....you think your generation is more sexual...How do you suppose those family of the "old days"...had so many kids...familys of 14 or more were no big surprise....LOL...

I don't know how much older I am than you....and I've even had a hysto. And that doesn't slow me down...but having grown kids living back at home sure puts a damper on it..."S"

patti

Bestlawn, I think it's caused by low self esteem.

I have preached to my daughter and grandgirls all their lives that you're better off alone than with just anyone. So far, so good. :)

LOL Patti. I took her to mean her generation is likely to be more open and communicative about sex and not more sexual. I had to laugh at your 14 kids example and add the baby boomers to it, too.

My DH, too, usually follows the "ladies first" rule. You can't beat that! So I guess I can't complain -- like someone else said, what do I have to compare him to?

And while we're on the subject, err, uh, how many times a week do you, ahem, "get personal?" DH and I were having this discussion. He thinks 5 times a week is good, but we've been married 33 years! So do other 33-year-married couples do IT 5 times a week? (Obviously, I think that's overkill . . .)

How many would be willing to have an affair on the side because their husband wasn't GIB, but they didn't have the nerve to tell him so he might be able to fix the problem? What if you feel the urge but your partner doesn't, but is wonderful in other aspects of the marriage. I wonder how many people stray to get some satisfaction in bed?

littlebug, we've been married 40 years. 5x a week?? we'd be dead!

I know, I forgot to add, "What a way to go!"

lol I have been a lurker on this board for like 8 years and it takes this question for me to come out. I think mom24 is right. Women today are more comfortable with their sexuallity then women growing up in the 50's and 60's I think. Media influence possibly? At 44 I am more comfortable now with what it takes to please me and say it out loud, then when I was in my 20's. I mean if you dont know what it takes to please yourself then how can you tell others. If the two of you are not comfortable enough to share that information, I dont think it speaks well for the relationship in general. On the other hand It may take awhile in a relationship to get that comfortable with discussing what it takes to please each other also.

Oh and 5 times a week is perfectly natural, you just take pride in yourselves as a couple when they say the "national average is once every 2 weeks" *wink*

Rainy

Negotiate, negotiate.

He who ain't willing to learn ...

... ain't gonna learn!

What's the most important sexual organ?

The brain, no?

If ya can't pry it open - what's to improve?

ole joyful

Interesting...

We have never told each other that one was not GIB, but we experimented and "tried" stuff. :)

All I am going to say to that.

Moni

Spicy, this guy's ex-wife did, have an affair that is. And so did I.

Yeah, Rainy. It's the media. TV, movies, books, magazines, and that includes all the docs like Dr. Ruth, Masters & Johnson, as well as the research and surveys of Alfred Kinsey. The sexual revolution of the 20th Century offered education and made sex okay to talk about. No doubt you knew all that. So glad you joined us and hope you'll stick around.

LOL Nuff said, Moni.

Well, I've been sitting here staring at a blank box for 10 minutes trying to figure out what I want to say.
Communication goes a long way. A guys ego is very, very fragile, so telling him he isn't GIB would be hurtful IMO. But, I sure appreciate it when the very few partners I've had make suggestions. (I aim to please ;-) )

To throw another question into the mix: Girls, how often do you initiate sex? Are some guys threatened by this? I find it arousing.
My favorite phrase to hear from DW in the morning ; "You better climb onboard sailor!"
Too much information?

LMBO at okwriter and donna.

Ron

LOL Nah, that wasn't too much.
But hey, make your question a new thread, Ron. It's a good one but many people may not come back to this one. Don't want anyone to miss it.

Well DH is pretty good in bed. Had other experiences before but never had the big O until met DH and we hooked up. But as for frequency, with 3 under the age of 4 we must have had sex sometime, but now both are too tired or one or another monkey crawling in our bed. We try to schedule time for alone time but by the end of the evening I am just too tired. Plus after having Hayden was put on Prozac for post partum depression and my sex drive is about zero, so I haven't initiated sex much at all and I was usually the one to suggest. Now if DH suggested it and tried to heat me up I would be ready to go. Now I am just too tired to initiate or sleeping on the coach with a crabby baby. But will say DH is the best I have ever had and still get the warm tinglys just thinking about some of the things we have done (Blush)

Stacie

I'm lovi'n it. 'Bout to hit the sack now. Been there, done that with all of what you are saying (I'm 64). Just keep the juices going, babies.

I would be very hesitant to tell a man that he wasn't good in bed, but if after trying to make suggestions and open a dialog, and I couldn't see it going to make any difference, then I would have to reconsider the relationship.

On the other hand, (no pun intended), I think it is wrong for a woman to expect a man to move mountains for her, if she hasn't got a clue what it takes to do it herself. In sex, a man knows how to move to make it satisfying for himself. A woman needs to know the same thing and take a little of the pressure off of him by being at least partially responsible for her own orgasms.

I have never bought into the old "sex is all in your head" business. For one thing, an orgasm is brought on by a physical reaction. For sure, you have to be receptive,
but you need to know what it takes to "git 'er done". You shouldn't put all the pressure on a man, if you don't know what you are doing yourself.

And what susieq said about chemistry....absolutely!

OK, I did not go to bed. And I was silly re my previous post. I will keep this short and sweet.

I am one of the older folks here. I have been married for 40 years. Communication is the clue. Talk to each other, in a SOFT but very open way, what you want re your physical relationship. Men do not always know what you want - you must tell them, so don't be disappointed if you do not get what you need and have not told them. When a man loves a woman he will cater to her needs, IF he knows what are the NEEDS.

Five times a week??????

Holy cow! DH and I won't live long enough to catch up...

Daughter sells sex toys for a living. 80% to marrieds. She has parties ( like the old marykay,baskets etc.) Most of the lady's will buy a couple of things then in a week will call back and say hey my husband thinks this is great, we want to order more. In most of the cases the men would tell there wifes that they were always interested in this but was afraid if they mentioned it the wife would get mad. One of the women told daughter if she had only talked and asked years ago she could have been having the great time she is now. Guess i'm one of lucky ones, DH is always interested if i'm pleased and what he can do to help. Like a lot of you have said, COMMUNICATION. Ron, i like to initiate as much as he does and he loves it. He tells me most men would. As my daughter tells the lady's, have fun with it don't make it a chore ( something that has to be done) everyone likes some spice in there life and she doesn't mean go look for it somewhere else.

Well I think one partner or the other could be the problem or the combination of the two partners, but assuming that it is the man who is bad (and yes sometimes, it is the man's fault - I can't believe anyone would suggest that it must be the woman's fault), I think some women might not even know it. They might not ever have had a really good lover or they might be programmed to think, as at least one person here suggested, that it must be her fault. Good sex is like good food or good wine - once you figure out what is it, it's hard to go back to mediocre.

Telling a man he is bad in bed would be like telling someone they were ugly. It might be true but you don't blab it out loud. If it's something that's affecting your quality of life, it's probably best to use a gentler approach and make some 'suggestions' that might improve things.

Well Well Well......stay away one evening and ya miss out on the fun ones!

I have never told a man he was bad in bed, although a few men(college guys) needed direction. Hubby and I have been married for 19 years and sex just gets better and better. I think familiarity and communication leads to better sex.

5 times a week is good for me. Although I think I am married to the only man on the planet that would be happy with once or twice a week(i chalk it to laziness!) So Ron....I am continually initiating sex...and I can be very persuasive.
On the other hand, if hes just not into it at all....there is self-gratification.

My friends know that I am the nympho and they often ask me questions. My first response to them is its mostly in your head. If you keep telling yourself you dont like sex, or its a chore, then it will become just that. Read a sexy story or start thinking about sex during the day while your away from your husband. Start calling things that arent as tho they are. 5x a week is a perfect number!!!

Marla

LOOK AWAY------THIS ONE IS PERSONAL!!!!!!!!!

I dated two men that the sex was horrible. The first guy was a real nice guy that i met. I really enjoyed his company and kindness. However the sex was awful!!!! This is what my GF referred to as Jack Hammer Sex. And when it was over he looked at me with possessed eyes and stated "I like sex!" I knew i was in he11. I didnt tell him the sex was bad. I did try to get him to slow down. He wouldnt. So i ended it without telling him it was because of the sex.
Guy #2 happened after my long term relationship ended. I was sooooo hurt that i didnt care who loved me. I just needed love. I began dating a police officer who was a bit arrogant. It wasnt the sex that was bad. We did not even get that far. I did dicovered that his penis was the size of my pinky(NO REALLY IT WAS). I have very small hands too. I ended that without telling him why.

Why would so many women line up for a man who has bad sex? I think their are many women who dont know what GOOD sex is. I also think their are many women who are bad in bed too.

The urgency of sex....has left me.

But after 20 years of marriage, my first Beau was 10 years younger than me. After 2 years of everyday sex, I thought I had gone to Sex Heaven. I broke up with Him, because the "age difference" bothered me. He was also drop dead gorgeous and Austrian. It was really hard to walk away from that relationship. He ended up marrying a women 10 years older than Him. LOL!

Maybe I wouldn't have aged so fast if I would have kept him.

Gayle

Ninos, I knew a Mr. Jack Hammer. This guy was soooo full of himself. He was good looking, but nothing else was good about him.

Also knew a Mr. Pinky. Ready for the real irony? He was also a police officer. hmmmmm

Also knew a Mr. Pinky. Ready for the real irony? He was also a police officer. hmmmmm

Could too many doughnuts have maybe caused that? LMAO

I knew a policeman who called it his "night stick".

*Covering ears and eyes and backing out of this thread, for she is FAR too innocent to be party to such talk!*

Tee hee!

Maybe ...

... the holes in the doughnuts??

o j

I'd love to comment on this one but my mouth shut when my Mother told me centuries ago I should be writing a memoir ... shucks, I was only in my 20's.
Now in my mid-40s I get excited over quilting fabric and gardens.

Oj, you are baaaaaadddddd.

~okay I had the best laugh today...

my husband would be up to 3 times a day everyday...but only in his mind...the sex drive is there..but the body is on idle! LOL

And I'm grateful!

Same here Pattico, I had nothing to compare to.....

Sometimes men don't want to know they aren't doing things right no matter how many times you try and tell them in a nice way. That's all I have to say about that. lol.

Rita, love the 110 remark...
I would never tell anyone they aren't GIB, though I think I recognize Mr. Pinky from my early 20's, he really SHOULD be told.
I might have to disagree about the brain not having anything to do with it. I know if my mind is in the right place, things happen much faster than if not. And if not, that is not his fault, but mine...
And I wonder if on those occasions DH thinks I am not GIB. Since menopause, I rarely think about it, which is really sad for DH. Good thing we still love each other anyway.
;~)

Parts of this post have been very funny.A few of you had me LMAO,especially Ninos.
Kathi