While I would LOVE the lunches you are packing..my kids wouldn't touch those choices.

They are boring and for lunch they like.

Turkey (that I hand slice off a roasted breast) and a slice of american cheese. (no condiments)
Or organic peanut butter for one, PB plus homemade strawberry freezer jam for one and PB plus grape jelly or Nutella for the oldest.

They get a banana, apple or orange, sometimes grapes or strawberries.
100% fruit no sugar juice boxes or pouches or Organic Chocolate milk box
Then they get homemade Chocolate Chip cookies, boosted with almond meal and oatmeal or barley flour usually.
And a baggie of chips or Annie's Cheddar bunnies.(weighed to the portion recommened on the package.) The chips are organic usually corn chips or potato depending on the child.

I'd love to send them "bento" type lunches like you do, but they'd bring home full boxes.
(mine do the same as yours, return the lunch they didn't eat.)

I have to say that this, as well as the other thread, hits home for me. I didn't mention it in the other thread because it was slightly off-topic - my kids are in daycare, not public schools yet - but I am NOT ALLOWED to pack their meals for them. Not unless they have a medical condition, which thankfully they don't.

No one would guess that my tall twig of a son was quite the bloated baby and toddler. After eating everything, he would eat everything else. Now? There are three meals that I cook that I know he will eat. None involve vegetables of any kind.

Similar to what you said, my rule for my son (the older of the two) is he takes one bite and if he doesn't like it, fine, I'll make him something else. But it's rare that he'll do even that. He'd rather go to bed hungry, and more times than not that's what he does. Fortunately he likes fruit, so I know that he's at least getting a handful of grapes or an apple into his system.

As someone who spends considerable time on this forum, epicurious, foodtv, etc. trying to come up with good and nutritious dinners virtually every day of the week, I'm a bit beside myself over it. The pediatrician says not to worry about it, the kids are healthy. I know I was equally picky as a child, and the good news is I eat - and enjoy - just about everything at this point.

If I'm doing something wrong I wish someone will advise me with specifics. I know that despite my best efforts my kids aren't eating as well as they should be by a long shot, so I admittedly get a little defensive when people make generic comments saying it's all in the parents' control. Because if it's this hard for a parent who actually cares very much about it, what can we expect from the "average" parent?

I blame my daycare, but what can I do? It's my "choice" to send them there. But what about school? That's not a choice. They need to share the responsibility.

Omygosh. I just typed a long post and lost it!
Fodonastump, I will sit with you at your cafeteria table! My son was a fabulous eater. I love to cook (obviously why I'm here - lol) and he ate everything from broccoli rabe to salmon - you name it. Then in the last 6 mos or so it changed. If he sees a speck of green, he screams! My daughter has also been diagnosed with severe food allergies which we are learning as we go but it has canceled out the usual back-ups I would use for my son. Nutrition is very important to me and I spend a lot of time on meal planning and prep and suffice to say mealtimes have become a nightmare.

What do you do? I haven't given up but I have changed my cooking to be more child friendly but that is also a challenge. I have cut back on beef because of hubs elevated cholesterol and it seems lots of child friendly fare has beef! I still put everything on the plate. He also has a texture thing, now. Sigh. I want to cry some nights. The going to bed hungry thing I won't do. I know people say to do it but I just can't. If they end up with a yogurt and a banana then that is what it is.

I know many people have an ideal of how it was when they grew up, but for me, the truth is my mother did make me something else if I didn't like dinner. I hated stew so I would just have noodles with butter and parm and peas - things like that.

It is the reason I don't post here as often. Sorry I have nothing to offer, just solidarity.

Foodonastump - I know where you are coming from oh so well. My hubby was all for saying when they were younger that if they didn't want to eat what I made they could make themselves something else. We ended up in counseling over that LOL but now we're on the same page so the kids know there's no playing us off against one another.

Another thing, although my kids are very healthy, TG, my pediatrician was quite happy to write a generic note to the school that due to a medical condition, my dd needs a mid afternoon snack. It's against privacy laws for them to inquire further and they have to comply. If your pediatrician is on the same page as you and you want to send food for your kids, there are ways around the rules.

One thing I've read quite often , and hope to maybe start this year, is that kids who grow produce, eat that produce. I saw it in a very limited way last year when we grew cherry tomatoes and basil in our aerogarden. DS helped me make pesto from the basil which we ate on penne with parmigiana. He was so proud that everyone was eating what he had "helped" grow. Aerogardens are great even for those with black thumbs like me. The cherry tomatoes were also a big hit all around and we plan on growing them again in a few weeks when we harvest the last of the fresh herbs.

Another thing I've noticed is the kids are more vested in eating the food when they help prepare it and are proud of what they've made. Hey, I'm the same. I love cooking more for people I know will make a big deal of my food than for those who don't. Start off simple with something they love to eat. Even if it's pizza, make it from scratch or semi ho-made with a bought crust. ( A local Pizzeria will sell me unbaked crusts when we're feeding a crowd of kids.) Make your own sauce. Then make a huge deal of the pizza and how much you like eating it. Next time make a 1/4 of it with broccoli or peppers or any other veggie and see if they'll taste it. It's all baby steps.

Don't beat yourself up over it. You're 100 x further along than parents who make no effort. And for what it's worth, my oldest ds had a friend when they were toddlers. His mom worked as a sous chef in a local restaurant. All this kid ate till he was 4 yrs old was pizza or PBJ sandwiches. His mom was beside herself. He's at Kendall College now :) and wants to be a pastry chef. He makes me believe there is hope for all of us.

Just a thought. If, like me, you have black thumbs and can't grow things easily, farmers markets are a great place to take your kids. Most of the farmers are happy to cut a slice so you and the kid can try it, they love talking up their products and last year, my dd especially, loved coming with me and picking out some fresh fruit or veggies. We discovered a new sweet corn that we LOVE and hope to get again this year. It was so good you could eat it raw.

We also went on a couple of day trips to MI and picked our own blueberries, cherries and peaches. We froze a lot, made pies and jams, ate a lot and still have some left over. We definitely plan on doing that again. This year we want to go to WI and pick asparagus. Great living in Chicago in spring but it sure sucks finding fresh local produce in winter

Is your advise to have a doctor lie about a medical condition so you can send in a snack? Pass. It can wait until he gets home. Would rather avoid teasing opportunities or special treatment if not required.

My son is very involved in our garden and loves to help me in the kitchen.

Maggie, certainly not lie - I would NEVER tempt fate!

While my dd is very healthy she has a very low BMI, no body fat at all. She is borderline hypoglycemic as she has no fat to hold and slowly release glucose. She is not diabetic or even pre-diabetic, we can control it very easily with diet. I have observed that while she can go the entire time between lunch, during which there is often insufficient time to finish thus minimizing her intake of adequate calories, and a snack when she gets off the bus, they are not allowed to eat on the bus, she is often exhibiting the behavioral effects of low blood sugar. Believe me, by that time it becomes a battle to get her to eat, actually at that time everything becomes a battle, so to avoid it, she is supposed to eat a snack at school. She doesn't like being picked out as needing food when the other kids don't, and the school nurse is not motivated to "remember" to do it everyday because the school rarely sees the behavioral side effects of the hypoglycemia. Fortunately her teacher, who is young and eager to help, has instituted a grade wide healthy snack time during which any kid who has a healthy snack may eat. She sent a list home of healthy snacks and while not every kid partakes of the opportunity, there are enough who do so my dd no longer feels singled out. We plan to have her next teacher do the same thing.

Your child has severe food allergies. Surely that would be enough reason for you to provide food you've prepared yourself. My dh is on a gluten free, dairy free, corn free (try take HFCS off your shopping list - that's a whole 'nother thread), refined sugar free diet so I know how challenging it can be to cook for someone on a restricted diet and still make food that is appealing and tasty.

While if I had the choice I wouldn't choose to send my kid to a school or daycare where I couldn't provide the food, maybe that's the only option I would have and in that case I would want to find any legitimate loophole to get around it unless I was sure they were getting the same wholesome nutritious food they would get from a home packed meal. But tempting fate, again no!

And by the way, I never disguise veggies in food. No spinach brownies here unless the kids are in on it. I'm a firm believer that you shouldn't bribe your kids with food and what message are those kids getting - eat your brownies, they're good for you. Ok Mom but why only yours and not the ones from the Jack's mom, or the bakery, or the store?

Oh, okay! I didn't sound that way when you said getting around rules. Great the teacher is on board.

I know about HFCS, I have lobbied (literally) against it for years. It is insidious.

I thought spinach brownies were made with spinach? lol!

I cook with veggie purees. I don't think it has anything to do with hiding or bribing. I don't hide it. I like the idea of boosting nutritional value in snacks. I put beets or pumpkin puree in cake, etc. It is just the way we make it.

I'm a firm believer in doing what works and what works is different for different people.

Foodonastump:

I have similar problems. Both my boys are picky. Over the years, the 13-year-old has increased his diet to include a fairly decent variety, although he still lives on peanut butter sandwiches at lunch. My 11-year-old, on the other hand, has an extremely limited diet. It has always been this way. I refuse to make food a battle ground. When they were younger, they could choose to eat what I served, or they could choose not to eat it. If they chose the latter, that was fine, but there was no more food until the next meal. Apparently that was fine with son #2.

I can remember going to our pediatrician in tears about this, and her response stayed with me to this day: It is our responsibility to provide balanced meals and snacks. Period. That's it and nothing else. They don't have to eat it.

Now that my kids are older, I choose my dinner menus based on our household schedule and what I feel like making. If there is a night when clearly son #2 is going to hate everything I prepare, I will allow him to choose a yogurt, some raw veggies from the fridge, and a piece of fruit. I don't have to do anything extra. As I've told them 100s of times - I am not a short-order cook!

For most of our meals, I do try to ensure that there is at least something he will eat, be it raw broccoli (he will only eat raw veggies but will eat a huge variety of them) and/or rice. He is a tiny kid - not unhealthy, just tiny.

I do have a question. He loves apples, and I used to send apples in his lunch. However, he passed out in the bathroom over Christmas and chipped his two front teeth. When the dentist fixed them, she told him he couldn't bite off any hard things with his front teeth anymore - things like apples. If I cut up apple for his lunch, will sprinkling it with a little lemon juice keep it from browning until lunch? (So, from 7 a.m. until 12:15 p.m.)? And, will it drastically change the taste?

I'm not even going to get into the vending machine debate, although I whole heartedly agree they should not be available in middle school and elementary school. They have removed them from our elementary school, but unfortunately they are still available at middle school.

Oh, let me add to that - I do let the 13-year-old buy lunch a couple of times a week at middle school. His favorite is the fresh sub sandwiches, which is by far the healthiest choice available. However, they only are allowed 20 minutes from the time they enter the cafeteria until the bell rings - and that 20 minutes includes standing in line waiting for your food. Unless he happens to be one of the first in, there isn't time to wait in the line for the subs. Twenty minutes for 200 kids to get in, line up to get their lunch, find a seat, eat, and get out again is not very long. Yes, most are purchasing their lunch. Our school has a large population of children on free and reduced lunches. I believe that 50% of the student body is on that program, and that number is growing. Our school boundaries include the most wealthy neighborhood in town to the least wealthy, and everything in between!

I use pureed veggies too. Actually one of the most used appliances in our kitchen is the Vita Mix and I'm a huge fan of green smoothies. But my kids know what's in the food I make and it sounds like your family does too.

OTOH I have a friend whose own kids won't eat what she makes unless they watch her make it. Her oldest ds was mortified when she brought chocolate cupcakes to a soccer game and the other kids wanted to know why there were long green strings in them. Zucchini does that you know :)

And ganggreen, another peeve - not enough time for lunch. And that's another reason quick-to-get and quick-to-eat food, usually junk from vending machines, is so popular amongst the kids who don't bring food from home.

I have three kids: DD is 14; DS is 9; his twin sis, also 9. I cook dinner every night, always have. Usually the protein, a starch, a green veggie and a salad. They all grew up with this same program. They all three have completely different eating preferences. DD #1 will eat ANYTHING; DS would live on meat alone; DD #2 pretty much a vegetarian. So, though my father-in-law insinuates that I have 'created' their preferences, I beg to differ. Kids ARE people! They have different tastes at different times in their lives. I certainly don't eat the same diet I would have preferred when I was 9. Even though I wasn't fed a daily menu of pizza and burgers, I would have preferred it!! Kids live in a different culinary world than adults. Go to a birthday party for an 8 year old...pizza, hot dogs, chips? Go to a birthday party for another friend turning 40...pizza? NO hot dogs? NOT chips? ARE YOU KIDDING? Tastes mature; we become educated about what we are eating; we become vested in our long term health. Our kids will too. In the mean time, we offer healthy choices every time we can, try to limit those treats as best as we can, and talk to them about being healthy and open to new flavors every chance we can. The obesity in our schools isn't just bad lunches, it's bad breakfast, bad dinners, bad snacks. I have also found that there are some parents that are not interested in changing the lunches because if their kids won't buy lunch, then they have to pack one!! Sad, but true.

Dreamhouse, good point. Kids are people, too:)

Also, Gangreenn - your point about not making meals a battleground really hits home with me. I am letting that happen and it has to stop. Something my ped. said that will help is don't focus on every single meal being balanced. Focus on the day and sometimes even the week.

Unfortunately I only have a moment, but I wanted to share this list for anyone who needs inspiration or new ideas. I found this at the beginning of the school year and it has gotten me through more than one lunch emergency.

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14 Fresh Brown Bag Lunch Ideas

Pasta Lover's Lunch Salad. Pack a cold pasta salad and a plastic fork, and your pasta lover will love you, too! Make your salad with lean meat or low-fat cheese (so it has some protein), lots of vegetables to boost fiber and nutrition, and use a whole-grain blend pasta, like Barilla Plus. Then just drizzle some light vinaigrette over the top and toss.

Pita Pocket Sandwich. Pack your whole-grain pita pocket with chicken Caesar salad, or any other lean meat or cheese filler mixed with vegetables and dark green lettuce.

The Fruit and Cheese Plate Special. Make crispy cracker sandwiches with whole-wheat crackers, slices of assorted cheese, and lean meats. Don't forget the fruit, which goes nicely with the cheese and adds fiber and nutrition.

Peanut Butter Fun Pack. Pack 1/8 cup of natural-style peanut butter, along with a plastic knife or spoon, wheat crackers, and celery sticks, and you have a peanut butter fun pack!

Bagel With Cream Cheese, Please. Bagels are a wonderful foundation for hardy sandwiches that stand up to being in a backpack or locker all morning. You can toast a bagel in the morning and simply spread some light cream cheese in the middle. Or make a bagel sandwich with, say, a little light cream cheese, some turkey, and cranberry sauce, then top it off with alfalfa sprouts or Romaine lettuce.

Carry a Cobb Salad. Plastic containers can hold the makings of a delicious salad lunch. Fill it with chopped green lettuce, chopped hard-boiled egg, light cheese, and/or lean ham. You can buy packets of light dressing, or just use extra packets of light salad dressing left over from your last trip to the fast-food chain.

It's a Wrap! Wraps are a nice change of pace from the usual sandwich. Use one of the new higher-fiber tortillas, like the multigrain flour tortillas available in most supermarkets. Then fill 'er up with chicken Caesar salad or assorted lean meats, cheese, tomato, sliced onion, shredded Romaine lettuce, and light dressing. Just roll it up and wrap in foil.

Noodle Soup Cups. Many schools offer a hot water dispenser so kids can add hot water to packaged noodle soup cups. Some brands are higher in sodium and fat, and lower in fiber than others. Check out the options in stores like Whole Foods or Trader Joe's.
Veggie Sushi. Not all kids will go for this one, but there are some out there who really like seaweed-wrapped sushi rolls. You can now buy pre-made sushi at many supermarkets, too. Choosing the veggie-filled sushi means there's no chance the sushi will get a little "fishy" while it's in your kid's backpack.

Toss Some Taco Salad. If taco salad is a favorite, you can pack the meat mixture tossed with the shredded cheese, tomatoes, and chopped Romaine lettuce in a plastic container. At lunchtime, your child can add crunchy, reduced-fat tortilla chips and a little light dressing.

Fried Rice Can Be Fun. When made with eggs or chopped lean ham and lots of veggies, cold fried rice can be a satisfying noontime treat. Make your own, or plan on leftovers the night before if you're ordering from a restaurant.

Talk About Taquitos. I started doing this last year, and it seems to have stuck with my girls. I pop some Bean and Cheese frozen Taquitos from Whole Foods into my toaster oven in the morning, then let them cool. Then, I wrap them in foil and make sure they stay cool by packing a frozen juice box or small water bottle. By noon, they are cold, fun finger food.

BBQ Chicken Sandwich. Your child can assemble a yummy BBQ grilled chicken sandwich fresh at lunchtime. Just pack a grilled, boneless, skinless chicken breast (you can make it in your indoor grill the night before) with some lettuce and sliced tomato in one baggie, and a whole-wheat bun in another. Add a packet of BBQ sauce to the lunch bag, and it's good to go.

Meal Muffins. Certain types of muffins work as a lunch entr. If you bake them over the weekend and keep them in the freezer, you just have to pull one or two out in the morning. By lunch, they are nicely chilled and ready to eat. Try ham and cheese muffins, Mexican Cornbread muffins, or quiche muffins (quiche filling, baked with or without crust in a muffin pan).

I have not read this whole thread yet, and don't have the time right now, so excuse me if I post out of place but I have an answer to ganggreen's question about apples.

We ALWAYS cut up the apples for my sons lunch. More gets eaten and a nasty core does not come home. Cut up the apple, put it in a plastic container and fill it with water, add a splash of bottled lemon juice, mix it around and strain out the liquid. Any pieces that come home at the end of the day are still perfect.

My rule is you can make a meal of anything on the table. Even if that means I am pulling carrots out of the stew for one child and potatoes for the other. Although meat cannot be eaten in quantity as we only have a limited amount. Often 1 steak split 4 ways.

I found they are often the most receptive to new foods if they are in the kitchen when I am preparing it and starving. My 6 year old used to hate mashed potatoes until he was mashing them for me and ravenous. He tasted them and fell in love. He used to "hate" them but had never really tried them.

I don't hide food, I just sometimes have squash puree and/or whole wheat flour as an ingredient in baking. My children understand that ingredients may be things you don't like on their own but love in things. They know what fish sauce is, and that they love it in things. They love the dipping sauce nuoc cham (and will dip all sorts of veggies in it) even with fish sauce as an ingredient.

Here is a link that might be useful: My Food Blog, I talk some about the kids eating

dreamhouse - you are so right, kids are people with their own likes and dislikes and we need to respect that while still offering new foods or the same foods in different ways.

I remember growing up not being allowed to leave the table till my plate was clean. On more than one occasion I was still there at 11 pm. Boy was I stubborn LOL. OTOH I have issues with my weight now and I'll bet it's related to that. I cannot leave food on my plate and as I'm making what I like to eat, I eat too much.

Maggie, you have a smart dr. My dr has said similar stuff. Step away from the meal and look at the day.

Cali, printed your post and stuck it up for comment when the kids come home. Thanks. We are always looking for new ideas.

I don't have kids of my own, but have spent a lot of time with kids. One thing I have discovered about kids who are difficult eaters is that they will often eat many things they would normally disdain if they can pick it up with a toothpick or their fingers or if they can dip it (or both). Also, many kids who don't care for cooked veggies will eat raw veggies, or lightly blanched veggies with a dip.

Another thing that helps some kids is giving them something else to think about than whether or not they like whatever it is. Commenting on how much broccoli looks like small trees can get a young kid playing at being a giant munching down trees. The fact that if you're careful, you can eat the sides off a carrot and end up with the core, the sweetest part to save for last.

When I was a kid, my mother had the Time/Life series of international cookbooks. I developed a passion for radish sandwiches after seeing a picture of a little French boy, mouth wide, ready to bite into a hunk of buttered bread topped with breakfast radishes. Then there was a picture of an Arab boy drinking his morning yogurt and he was beaming so that I decided I liked yogurt too, though I hadn't before. Now, pictures aren't going to affect every child the same way, of course, but those experiences did get me to bring up little bits of info about the history of a type of food or speculation as to the people who eat it.

For many kids, eating is a boring thing they have to do so making it fun or interesting distracts them from thoughts of all the other things they'd rather be doing.

I remember the food wars distinctly, LOL. Amanda was a breast fed baby that would eat anything. She ate anything she was given and would always try new foods, until about 12 when she decided she was going to be a vegetarian. That lasted 5 or 6 years. Amanda is lactose intolerant, has diverticulitis, suffers seizures since drowning. She has asthma and seems to catch anything that's going around. Bud is like Amanda, he'll eat anything, he's always eaten everything he can put in his mouth. He has seasonal allergies, asthma, is lactose intolerant, just had tubes in his ears and seems to either have a cold or an upset stomach or an ear infection all the time.

Ashley was a bottle fed baby. She wasn't so much picky as she didn't eat anything. There were days when I swore she didn't eat enough to keep her alive. She'd also go on "food streaks" where she only wanted one thing. She ate a grilled cheese sandwich and canned Campbell's chicken noodle soup every day for breakfast for three years. After that she had a shake made of a banana, a spoonful of peanut butter, milk and a squirt of Hershey's syrup. Every single day for the past five years. Yup, she still does it. she'd often just skip lunch at school because there was never enough time for her to eat, she usually talked too much to eat. Funny, I do that too, at meals with friends, LOL.

She's always been amazingly healthy, no allergies, almost never gets a cold or the flu.

Makayla is much like Ashley, except she won't eat anything except macaroni and cheese, hot dogs, pizza or chicken nuggets. They can be homemade, LOL, they don't have to be frozen commercial stuff. The only vegetables she'll eat is green beans and corn. Period. No salad, no broccoli, no carrots. She always helps me in the garden and helps me cook, but she is not eating them. It doesn't matter if she is told that broccoli is trees or that brussels sprouts are baby cabbages, she's not eating them and she hates things dipped into anything. It even extends to sweets, she won't eat jelly and wouldn't even taste the cheesecake we had Sunday. She detests potatoes, even french fries or mashed potatoes. Still, she's far healthier than her brother, the eating machine, go figure.

BTW, there is not one single item on that first menu that she'd eat for any reason, she'd go without completely. Well, she'd eat Friday's banana. Maybe. She'd eat the yogurt plain, but not with granola or fruit in it. No rice and absolutely no Nutella.

So, my breast fed baby who ate a great variety of foods is sick nearly all the time, as is her son who is an eating machine. My bottle fed picky eater is healthy as a horse and so is her niece, who eats nearly nothing. None of them are overweight, although both Amanda and Bud could eat their weight in cheeseburgers, LOL.

I worried about it when Ashley was small, now I remind Amanda that Ashley is healthy and normal, she didn't starve to death and is not overweight or in bad health and Makayla and Bud will be too.

The more tense I got about foods, the worse Ashley got. It's the same with Makayla. All that we can do is set a good example, provide healthy foods and relax. And keep trying.

Annie

Our youngest daughter was the world's pickiest eater, or so it seemed at the time. She's my stepdaughter & we got custody when she was three. She'd been involved in food wars with her birth mother almost from the time she started solid foods. Her mom was still breast-feeding on her third birthday & weaning her was difficult. DD#2 developed the ability to spontaneously vomit when she didn't want to eat. I can not count how many times DD#2 vomited at the table, in my lap, in the car, in restaurants, on airplanes, even at Disneyland...just standing in line to order hotdogs at Disneyland DD#2 decided she didn't want to eat & upchucked on DH's sandled feet. It was not fun for any of us...DD#2 included. The poor little thing vomited so much that she was eroding her baby teeth & also her body chemistry got out of whack & required hospitalization for a week. We worked with multiple doctors over about five years. Her early school years were, quite frankly, horrible. Every day at snack & lunch she vomited no matter what was on the menu or who had prepared the meal.

Breakfast was the toughest.

For at home lunches, I would put ONE bit of a large variety of foods on the plate & allow her to pick & choose what she wanted to eat. P&J sandwiches cut into 1" squares, 1/2" cube of cheese, one bite of banana, one green bean, a nibblet of corn, 1/2" piece of carrot...and so on. I don't remember that she actually liked anything.

I do remember how difficult it was not to get angry when she vomited all over the table filled with everybody's elses meals. Dinner would be ruined completely for the entire family.

I remember driving from Houston to Padre Island. Our oldest daughter (DD#2's sister) was hungry & bugging us to stop for a snack. We pulled into this burger joint that looked pretty nice. DD#2 was five. She vomited all over the back seat of our rental car spraying both DD#1 & DS in the process. Yuck.

To shorten a very long saga, today DD#2 is our most adventerous eater. The song, "I Did It My Way" comes to mind! lol The problem wasn't about the food...it was an emotional issue. Her parents had been through a very ugly divorce. I met DH when he'd been separated for 18 months but the divorce was not final. DH's ex blamed me saying that if not for me DH would have gone back to her. That's not true but facts didn't matter. Both girls were taught that DH & I were evil & would hurt them. DD#2 was, quite literally, scared almost to death especially of me. Once she felt loved, safe, & secure she started eating. Thousands of times, I had to nearly bite my tongue off to keep from snapping at her. I had to train myself that when I wanted desperately to yell & scream at her...instead, go over & give her a hug. And, most of all...never try to force food on her. Make sure it was available but never say she had to eat it.

We went through several pediatricians before we found one who actually helped us resolve the problems. A couple actually made the problem worse with their suggestions. Wow, I'm very glad those days are over. Anyway, I do understand about having kids who are difficult to feed.

/tricia

My husband's a chef. We raised our own vegetables for most of my kids' childhoods, made our own yogurt, baked our own bread, etc.
For about the first 6 years of his life, my son ate only "white foods"--plain rice, noodles, chicken. No veggies, no soups, no stews, no sauces, including spaghetti sauce. No cheese.

Today, he's 21, eats everything and anything. He's a supertaster, so he stills skips some cooked vegetables, but nothing's too spicy, too weird, too strange for him.

His sister ate everything as a kid, palate of asbestos--the spicier, the better. Today, she's a little less adventurous.

The moral of the story is: picky kids don't always grow into picky adults.

Robinkateb: Thank you!!! I will try that tomorrow.

I also had to add that my BIL went through about a 5-year period of only eating grilled cheese sandwiches. That was it. He would have one for breakfast, have a plain cheese sandwich at lunch, and have a grilled cheese for dinner.

Today, he is the executive chef at a very prestigious west coast yacht club.

What is his favorite meal? To this day, his favorite meal is a good (although not with the processed cheese) grilled cheese sandwich!

I remember the food wars, but they were the ones that I grew up, not something I subjected my son to.

I believe that forcing foods on a child is a good way to turn them into picky eaters. I have never understood the idea of making someone eat something they didn't like. It doesn't make sense. We had one food rule when Matthew was young and it was that he had to at least take one bite, a taste of something, before saying he didn't like it. If he didn't like it he didn't have to eat it. If I was cooking something for Moe and I, like lamb or seafood, that I knew Matthew didn't like, then I would make sure that there were sides that he did like. And it was easy to cook a chicken breast or something else for him.

I never had to worry about school lunches. I was a stay at home mom and Matt came home for most of his lunches right up and into high school. He very seldom stayed at school for lunch and when he did he was happy to take a sandwich.

I don't have kids and so don't have this problem. But I try to pack lunch when I can for DH and I for work, otherwise I end up having to make extra shopping/hunting trips to buy food, eat too much, or not enough, and not healthily. For this I purchased a Mr. Bento lunchbox and found some cool web sites with ideas on what to pack. Bentos, "laptop" lunches and other packed-lunch sites are a big deal now. Here's a page of pix from one site:

Laptop lunches.

An article with links:

Bento-style

For kid lunchboxes, people are adopting Japanese techniques and tools to make lunches more appetizing. For the younger ones, using cute toothpicks with faces on them (think "Hello Kitty) to hold bite-sized pieces of foods together, cutting hot dogs into octopus and flower shapes, molding rice or cutting sandwiches and veggies into shapes like stars and flowers and putting little faces made of herbs atop, making simple wraps and cutting them into pinwheel slices, using doilies and colorful containers to separate foods. Everything is chopped into manageable bite-sized pieces. The food is colorful.

loves2cook4six, I too was left at the table playing with cold food. Both my parents were foodies and I was an extremely fussy eater but we had to finish what was on our plates. Next generation didn't force and meal time was so much more pleasant. I agree with "kids have there own tastes" and today I eat & enjoy just about anything but it didn't happen till after I was married.

Annie, funny about the breastfed thing. Grace is my breastfed baby and she is the one with the high level allergies to egg, peanuts, and tree nuts and moderate to soy. Andrew was bottle fed and has no allergies. OMG! She is just like Ashley - she would make a bird look like a glutton! She won't touch milk. Not a drop. I keep trying. I am sure some here would frown on this, but my ped. recommended yoohoo because it is a skim milk product and relatively low in sugar. She drinks it. I tried cutting it with some regular milk and she knows! That is why I worry so much.

Andrew on the other hand is much like Makayla with a few swaps and he is a big meat eater. Doesn't like to dip anything, hates potatoes (a horror to the Irish relations - lol), and now the texture thing. We don't call him little bull for nothing. When he digs his heals in, you can see the smoke coming out of his ears.

I think my whole outlook has changed since Grace. The idea that food, which should be nourishing and a way for me to express my love - could kill her, is just taking me a while to adjust. My fear over this and probably being a little neurotic (okay a lot!), I am sure is playing a role - and effecting Andrew, too.

I never want there to be war over mealtimes. It will all be fine. The main thing with this is we must always be diligent and never complacent. We are just in a bump in the r oad that we have to get past as a family and come to a good place again. In the meantime, wine is my friend - lol.

btw, I never mentioned earlier that my oldest, Sebastian is very hard to pack lunches for. For starters he does not eat most sandwiches, so most days he has cream cheese on bread or butter on bread. Also many of the foods he loves he won't eat in a lunch, at school anyway. So at home if I start eating leftover string beans he and his brother will eat most of them. He won't eat them when they are packed in his lunch.

The worst thing is his school lunch is only 30 minutes, which includes the time it takes for the teacher to walk the class to and from the cafeteria. It kills me that eating and socializing is so devalued by the schools. He has to choose between socializing and eating, often he chooses to talk.

-Robin

Oh my, I remember those late nights at the dinner table...alone except for a cold plate of food and my mother and grandmother taking turns keeping a watchful eye on me. My problem was never 'quality', frankly I liked everything, my problem was my Greek mother and grandmother and 'quantity'!! No matter how much I ate, it was never enough. Granted, I never ate much, but I ate whatever they cooked up (Greek food, what's not to like!).

I have always been that way and still am. I like just about everything, I simply don't require large helpings of any of it. I have high cholesterol and so I take meds, exercise and watch what I eat, but really, it is so high that the docs know I couldn't possibly be eating it. The diet and exercise are just habit, gotta still have the meds.

As for cooking for the family, I offer the usual fare, much of which I don't eat. Yes, a bad example; however, if we are having meatloaf and mashed potatoes and I opt for greens and tuna - is that bad? It is still a healthy option that my family can have as well if they choose. I don't eat starches and will sub salad greens for them. Again, they can too. Is this bad for my kids? I do wonder sometimes.

Robin, Ashley always chose socializing over eating. She still does. Truthfully, so do I much of the time, it's not always a bad thing. I did smile over the bread and butter, though, it's one of Makayla's favorites too but she won't touch cream cheese for any reason.

Maggie, your kids will be fine, they won't starve, they won't suffer scurvy or rickets or whatever. Eventually my very smart old doctor got me all settled down. Ashley wore a size 3 toddler clothes when she started school, she was always the smallest. The doc just looked at me, smiled, and said "some kids are petite". She didn't even have a period until she was almost 17 and the same old doc just smiled and said "when she weighs 100 pounds, she'll start". Sure enough, 2 months short of her 17th birthday she hit 103 pounds and everything was fine. Take a deep breath and hug those kids. You're a good Mom and you love them and they'll be fine. Kids are resilient. Will Maggie eat pudding? Yogurt? Cheese? Milkshakes? Cream of whatever soup? Low fat dairy is a very healthy thing for most children, but she doesn't have to get it in a glass. Ashley would never drink plain milk, only chocolate, but she'd have a smoothie made from frozen berries and a cup of homemade yogurt, blended. It made a frozen concoction that was very close to a sugar free ice cream, she loved it with strawberries and peaches.

The thing most adults don't remember is that they can't win food fights. Kids will not eat what they don't like, as Ann T noted. Heck, I won't so why would I expect them to?

If Makayla will eat a peanut butter sandwich on homemade bread, a handful of raisins and some orange sections and a container of chocolate milk, why fret if she won't eat a tuna sandwich, broccoli spears and dip and yogurt? Broccoli has iron and vitamin C? OK, so do raisins and an orange. It'll all work out and someday my Princess will go back to eating gefilte fish and au gratin potatoes and roasted sweet potatoes.

Well, maybe not the gefilte fish.......

Annie

I have a nephew who wouldn't eat only specific things. For a long time it was cereal for breakfast, and cheese sandwiches. Plain white bread and cheese. Don't toast it, just nuke it. That lasted a couple of years.Then it was something else. Now he eats anything put in front of him. He's 19 and healthy. The dr said don't fight it, let him eat what he'll eat, when he'll eat.

I think sometimes, we forget that kids have different tastes than we do, and certainly smaller stomachs! Except, right now, my 5 y/o grandson is eating more than his granny is! He is going thru a major growth spurt and is out eating me! Two weeks ago, he had a big bowl of cereal and a sausage patty. We went to church, then to lunch.
From the childrens menu, he had scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast. He helped his mom with her bowl of fruit, ate all the grapes and half the pineapple from it, a bite of her cinnamon roll, a quarter of my hard boiled egg in my chef salad, a whole slice of my blueberry bread, and would have eaten more!!! And turned around for supper and did it again! Went back to eating normally for about two days, then started eating everyone out of house and home again. Just don't give him anything with gravey on it! He likes fruit and veggies. The biggest problem with him right now is, he's sneaking snack stuff. Even if it's put up high, supposedly out of his reach. But if that's the biggest problem we have with him eating, I'm thankful! Big hugs for those of you dealing with problem eaters. Hang in there, it will get better.

Tami...who also deals with food allergies. I'm allergic to garlic!!!!!

I appreciate all the tips and advice here, esp the advice from so many to just not worry about it, it'll change. As I said, I was the same way and I certainly changed. It's just hard when it gets drilled into you what the kids "should" be eating, and you don't stand a chance of getting them to even look at it.

Regarding "food wars", I want to clarify that I don't make my son eat anything he doesn't like. I try to make food that I think he might like, and all I insist on is that he tries one bite. If he doesn't like it, fine. If he doesn't give me the respect of at least putting it in his mouth and spitting it out, I'm not going to leave the table to fix him something else.

Perfect example - He likes chicken cutlets. He likes spaghetti. He likes pizza. There's not one ingredient in my chicken parm that's not in at least one of those. If he won't at least take a bite of the chicken parm, I really don't have much sympathy if he's hungry.

No, this does not happen every night. In fact last night he ate Martha Stewarts "Lighter General Tso's Chicken" up without a fuss. Woo-hoo, a keeper!

Last question: I thought it would come to me, but two days later it still hasn't. What does s/o mean?

Annie, I actually don't have a problem with Sebastian choosing to socialize rather then eat, well not with Sebastian anyway. I feel that part of why he is going to school is for the social part. I hate the way the schools devalue eating and socialization. The other problem is the cafeteria, actually it is a cafe-gym-atorium and it is loud and awful. All the kids prefer it when they have lunch in their classroom, at least according to my informal poll. lol, I have often had much with them in the cafeteria and once in the classroom. They were much better at eating while socializing in the classroom.

The problem is lunch is when the teachers get a break. I would like teachers to eat with them and have their break during recess.

My felling about food is make sure to feel good about everything you serve so it does not matter what they make a meal of. I told a friend of mine when we had 1 year olds, serve them good food and don't pay attention to what is on the floor or still on the tray. So long as you served it it counts.

I don't even make my kids take a bite. I tried that once and the gaging etc was not worth it. Plus he had built up that he would not like it. I have told them if it is on their plate and they don't want it, don't talk about it. If they say something is disgusting I will require a bite, ignore it and I am fine. I just hate to have my food insulted ;-) Also they will need these manners for other peoples homes.

My kids can have problems in the house of some peers as they are used to a certain level of food. They will not eat frozen pizza, super market rotisserie chicken ... We have friends who eat frozen pizza, when we go over to their house for pizza we bring dough, sauce etc.

-Robin

s/o = spin off (of a topic brought up on another thread usually)

If they say something is disgusting I will require a bite, ignore it and I am fine

I love this. I will still require that my kids eat their three bites but now I will add that any inappropriate comments will result in them having to finish it LOL.

Robin, I never really had a problem with Ashley socializing either, because it usually meant that she came home hungry and she'd eat whatever I cooked because she was starving, LOL.

We also had the one bite rule. If they had tried something and didn't like it, that was fine, but no one was allowed to say "I don't like it" unless they tried it first. I didn't make them try it every single time I cooked it, just once.

Even I have adopted Renee's 7 year rule. I try things I don't like periodically, just to make sure I'm not missing out on something delicious! It's how I learned to like brussels sprouts and I figure I'm at least setting a good example for the grandkids. Elery says when I grow up I'll like olives and sleep in a big girl bed, LOL, and get rid of my waterbed!

So, for all the parents of picky eaters out there, it'll most likely change. I wasn't a picky kid because there often wasn't even enough food of any kind, let alone a selection. Now that I'm an adult, I'm a much pickier eater, LOL, because I never go hungry.

Annie

Loves2cook, you might want to change your rule to "one" healthy bite. Having to choke down two more bites of something that you didn't like after the first bite is not pleasant. And I would think it might make your kids less likely to want to taste something new.

Annie, I've adopted Renee's 7 year rule too. Moe loves Clams, but they were never my favourite. But I now love them too. Even Matthew seems to have adopted that rule. He told me a while back that he keeps trying mushrooms but he still doesn't like them.

Ann

We too have a version of "must try one bite," but ever since DS was little, we've made it more of a game.

First we said, "No, you can't have any broccoli (or beans or asparagus). I cooked it for the dragon living in the garden." Then he always wanted to eat what the dragon was eating.

A little later, we said, "Sorry, you can't have any of this mushroom risotto (or spinach souffle or swiss chard or...), it's grownup food... just for Moms and Dads!" And of course he'd beg for a bite.

It's now such a game, that we really play up how he CAN'T have grownup food, and he begs and giggles until we let him have it. And sometimes, he doesn't like it, you can see it in his face, but the most he'll say is "It's not to my taste."

I also noticed with foods and DS is that it's sometimes a texture thing, not a taste. He won't eat a slice of tomato, no matter if it's fresh from the garden, but chop it up and make salsa and he'll eat the entire bowl. Doesn't like whole mushrooms (too slimy), but again, mushroom soup, risotto, or anything else with mushrooms chopped up, no problem.

Ann, that sometimes works for Bud but never for Makayla because if you say "this is just for the grownups" she'll smile and tell you to go right ahead and eat it, she doesn't like it and doesn't care for any. Thank you anyway (because she IS polite about it, LOL). The same goes for the dragon in the garden, or her dog, or whatever. If she doesn't like it, she's perfectly happy if you'll just eat it all so she doesn't even have to taste it. And she sure wouldn't want to deprive that poor hungry dragon of ALL the broccoli it could possibly eat. Or maybe brother might be hungry for it, and we know that brother gets cranky if he's hungry. LOL

Gee, I wonder where she gets that from? Must be her Dad's obstinate genetics. Ahem. Yeah, that's it. (grin)

Annie

Yeah,
I'd like to say we were brilliant about our method, but I'm guessing that DS was never meant to be a very picky eater! But I will say, if humor gets a kid to try something he/she might otherwise avoid, I'd rather use it than threats. I hate conflicts at the dinner table. It just seems so wrong at every level.

A

loves2cook4six -- can you tell me the behavioral effects of hypoglycemia on your DD? My DD is 7 and is thin (little body fat) -- I notice if she is very hungry or hasn't eaten in a while she turns into a basket-case! Angry and crying over everything. I asked her teacher if she could have an afternoon snack because 4 hours is too long to go between lunch and home (they are also not allowed to eat on the bus).

stir-fryi - that's it EXACTLY! except for my daughter it is any emotion in extreme. She has what the dr calls "manic" behavior and once she hits that stage it's a battle to get her to eat. She knows if she doesn't control it with diet, which is very easy to do, she will need shots and she's seen a friend of mine do it for diabetics and doesn't want to go there so she has incentive. The problem is she doesn't like being singled out to eat. I try and give her complex carbs and lots of fresh fruit and veggies for lunch, no sugars and that helps if for some reason snack at school doesn't happen.

Also, telling the school she has a medical condition that requires her to eat is definite motivation for them to introduce that pm snack. My dr was totally on board with this and even sent in a note.

It's easy to manage once you understand how and what your daughter needs to eat to maintain consistent levels and you don't need to do blood sugar tests to check. Just monitor her behavior. We kept a food/behavior diary for a month which helped a lot.