You absolutely did the right thing to involve the police and sherrifs! It doesn't matter if SIL is angry with you later - you've taken the steps you can to save their lives! I hope and pray that all ends well, Pesky- my thoughts and prayers are with you!

I agree, you did the right thing, pesky. I hope everything turns out okay. My thoughts and prayers are with you too.

~Hugs
You did the right thing. The full moon is causing a lot of drama all over

Of course you did the right thing. Hope it all ends well.

Good for you Pesky! If everything works out well, then most likely, nothing much will happen. But thinking about the tragedy that could have unfolded had you not intervened -- You did the only responsible thing.

Ahhhh...I've got such a headache right now. My SIL finally called the police and explained that she wants my brother to be on a mental hold, but also told them he's got guns with him. So far he's not committed any crime, but the police are looking for him. He's got a scanner and is aware they're looking for him, told SIL that he can't go home now. She's been in contact with him via phone and is trying to convince him to call the police and tell them where he is and to stand outside the truck with his hands in the air when they show up.

I am heartsick. It didn't make it any better that when I called my mother to fill her in, she's basically said she's not going to do anything. I told her that once my brother is stabilized I think it would be a good idea for her to go visit him ALONE, without her husband, but she refuses. I'm so sick of this dysfunction!! I've just left my brother a phone message, couldn't stop myself from crying, telling him I love him and if he's mad at me for calling the police, I'm sorry, but I don't want him to get hurt.

So for now, SIL and my nephews are safe...but not sure where my brother is. I pray he gets the help he needs before there is a tragedy.

(((hugs))) - You absolutely did the right thing. I have a dear friend who lost her brother to suicide due to his depression, and while her family attempted weakly to intervene a couple of times, they were not successful in getting him into treatment. Don't give up. You and your brother (and his family) are in my prayers.

Pesky, praying that this gets resolved and your brother gets the help he needs. You did the right thing.

your family is lucky to have you. they need a grown up.

Oh gosh...ok, my brother turned himself in to the police. They took him to the hospital on a mental hold, and I'm PRAYING they can keep him till he's stabilized. The police assured him he was not under arrest, and they told SIL that she absolutely did the right thing by calling them and getting my brother to get help.

Now I need her to get all the weapons out of that house and put where my brother cannot ever get to them...I wish I didn't live so far away, otherwise I'd be there to do that. But I'm doing all I can by phone, SIL has been calling me frequently and updating me.

On the plane of good news...DH and I had a surprise visitor this afternoon. A long time friend of my son's stopped by with his girlfriend. We had a lovely visit and we were so touched. Then I got a text from another of his friends who wanted to let us know that he loves us and our son. I am so proud of my son's friends. He's a fortunate man to have so many people who love him. I wish my brother had the same.

Pesky, your post takes me back years ago, shortly after my dad died, when my bipolar (but in denial) sister called me and said "I have a gun, and a plane ticket and I'm going to kill her". "Her" being our father's widow. Like you, my sister and I were separated by hundreds of miles. I don't remember all the details of what happened, but I do remember calling the police in her area to see what I could do. After several hours on the phone I learned that my sister's then boyfriend was actually at the house. Fortunately, my sister was pretty single minded in her murderous intent, and wasn't a danger (at the time) to herself or anyone nearby.

I am so happy that it was your brother than turned himself in. That means that he recognizes that he has a problem, which is the first step to getting help.

Pesky, you did exactly the right thing, and I am glad that your brother now has turned himself in.

I have been down a similar road with my brother.

Hopefully your brother will stay in the hospital for a while and get on the road to stability and better mental health.

OMG is right. It sounds like you did all the right things.

Pesky, glad it ended well for you all. Question. Is your brother on bipolar medicines yet? If not, then you should call the psyche ward and talk to a nurse or doctor and see if they get him to take meds.

If he's on meds already, I wonder if he stopped taking them?

Does he live close to your mother? Why won't she go visit him? Does she not understand about bipolar disorder? If not, she needs to be filled in ASAP and told that he did NOT ask to be born with it!

My sister texted me last night around 10pm that he was home. I think she must have talked to SIL. I didn't hear any more because I had a horrible headache and went to bed.

I know he had been on anti-depressants and the bipolar diagnosis is new. According to SIL his dr wants him to see a psychiatrist, but he hasn't gone yet, so I don't think he's on meds. My sister and I had a long talk last night and we believe our brother has had problems for many years, it's just in the past few years it's gotten worse and he's escalating.

Our mother is very difficult...that's putting it mildly. She is in denial about it, she just thinks he's being a royal jack a$$. She also lives over 200 miles away from my brother. My brother is very hurt and upset with our mother, and I can't blame him. Since she remarried she's pretty much ignored her children and grandchildren and her whole life revolves around her husband. She literally will not go anywhere without him, I just found out that she doesn't drive anymore because he goes everywhere with her and he does all the driving. When she calls, she's got the phone on speaker and he's right next to her chiming in. So basically, for the last 10 years she's shut us all out in favor of her DH. And unfortunately, it's really hurt everyone and she's so defensive about it and basically has told us all that we just need to get over it because he's #1 on her priority list. I think that adds a lot to my brother's issues.

So, thank you everyone for your words of encouragement. I feel bad for putting this all out there...lately it seems I've just had a lot of issues! Honestly, my life is pretty happy overall! In less than 90 days it will be fantastic, since my baby boy will be home, but all the amazing support I get from your wonderful folks on this forum is so appreciated.

Pesky, he can go to a family doctor and ask to be put on bipolar medicine. I say that because most insurance will hardly pay for a psychiatrist and they are SO expensive.

The key to your brother's mental well-being right now is taking bipolar meds. You need to talk to him about this if he wants help, and I'm sure he does. Finding the right dosage is a hit and miss though, and he needs to be aware of that.

He's gotten worse because he's gotten older. BPD usually hits in the 20s and can escalate if not treated.

Your mom. Been there done that with mine. lol. What's worse is as we get older we feel the need to have our mom be a MOTHER to us even more. Maybe in our next life. :)

Psychiatrists are normally the ones to prescribe these drugs and are best trained to determine which drug and monitor the dosage. Family doctors will not prescribe something because he comes in and asks-especially with the types they use to treat bipolar disorder such as lithium and anti-psychotics. Once the proper dosage and level in the blood is determined, the family doctor can perform the requisite blood tests, but it should always be in consultation with the psychiatrist.

Hope it all works out well.

Pesky, I'll second Oakley's comment that meds are absolutely key--first, finding the ones that work for your brother; and second, persuading him to stay on them, even when he's feeling like he no longer needs them. Also, because of confidentiality laws and, now, especially because of HIPAA, it can be impossible for family members to have any communication with your brother's physician. See if your sister-in-law can get your brother to place her on the HIPAA release form (and you or other relatives, as you all determine necessary). Otherwise, you won't be able to discuss anything with caregivers.

Pesky, It sounds like you're the backbone of this family right now. You really did do the right thing. I'm glad to hear that your sister & SIL recognize he has an illness. That's too bad your mother can't be a helpful in this situation but at least you have other family members that can rally.

It's going to be a journey for everyone. I understand it's common for bi-polar people to stop taking their meds because it makes them numb or spacey. I think it was Carrie Fisher who said she went off her meds 8 times before she realized she needed them to survive.

KD - great suggestion on the HIPAA release form.

Jennifer

Pesky - just wondering how you and your family are doing. I hope that everything is settling down and that your brother is getting the help that he needs. ((((Hugs)))) and thoughts are with you.

Things that night turned out ok...no one hurt. My brother went to the hospital but went home that night. I instructed SIL to take all the weapons out of the house and get them where my brother can't get to them. Not sure if she did or not, hope so!

My brother is very sick, needs help, but it manipulating the situation. I've since discovered that the 3rd party is adding fuel to the fire and making things worse...so I've spent a lot of time on the phone with SIL counselling her on what she needs to do. I doubt she's taking my advice, I sure hope so...just now we talked and she told me she trusted me and knew I was smart. I just wish there was a way I could get my brother in for help. HIPPA won't help if he denies anything is wrong.

Pesky, I didn't see your post earlier, but want to express my sympathy on this sad situation.

I don't know if this might work in your case, but something I did when my dad needed help was to write letters to all of his doctors giving specific examples of his condition and the situation with my mother, who had lied to the doctors. They couldn't discuss his case with me, but I know the letters were read and most acted on them. We managed to get a geriatric specialist nurse and her assistant into my parent's condo, under the pretense of being worried about my mother's stress, and they confirmed the reported neglect and elder abuse. That led to my dad being placed in a very nice secure care facility for Alzheimer's patients.

Your brother's case is clearly different, but perhaps you might be able to persuade his doctor(s) that he poses a danger to himself and others unless he gets appropriate treatment.

FWIW, I'm a firm believer in gun ownership rights, and have a concealed carry permit. In this case, however, it might be a good idea to write a letter to the local law enforcement about your brother's illness, the threats he has made and your concern about weapons in the home. They might at least run a check to see if the guns were all obtained with appropriate permits or maybe some LEO would encourage your SIL to remove the weapons from the home, giving her the courage to follow through on your advice.

Best of luck to you all.

Look up your local Menatal Health Association in the phone book and call them asking them where and when the next meeting of "Family and Friends of the Mentally Ill" will be held. You will get more help and really good advice from others who have been down that road than from doctors or anyone else. Good luck.

Thanks for the advice Shelly2. Just got off the phone with SIL...not sure if the situation is getting better or not. The police went to their house and got my DB to surrender all his guns. He's friends with some of the police, and they could see he's in need of help. So at this point, things are moving toward the possibility that my brother may get arrested (it's likely) and that will actually be a good thing. He may then get court ordered to see a mental health specialist, since there appears to be no way he'll voluntarily seek help.

I'm still very worried about him hurting himself, even going so far as using his truck as a method to do so, but there isn't anything I can do but pray that he'll get help soon. Thanks everyone for the insights and support. I feel I've done all I can, he won't speak to me and my mother continues to feed his narcissistic personality issues. He's also not speaking to our sister, so I can't gauge where he's at, but I also no longer feel that I need to feel responsible for him. I think I helped start in motion the machine that might get him help, and I can just hope it continues.

Pesky, I don't know what it's called, but in most states there is a way to get a patient "committed" for a few days in a mental health facility without their consent. The police are usually involved, but the patient isn't under arrest. Remember Brittney Spears? I'm pretty sure they do that in all states. I'd try to check into that if you can.

So frustrating..
I find it odd that the police would find it important enough to take away his guns but not bring him in on a "temporary hold".
He should not have to be arrested to get help.
That adds a whole different batch of problems to his already fragile state.
He fits the request for an Involuntary Psychiatric Hold.
He need a psych eval not a prison.

By the way did the police take away all his knives,ropes,baseball bats ? His fist?

I've slowly been getting more info, my SIL isn't being totally forthcoming.

I'm assuming they took his guns because they suspect he shot out some windows at a business. There is a whole sick, sordid affair going on and it's so twisted I can't even get in to it, but I suspect it's helping to drive my brothers illness.

I didn't hear frI'm SIL last night but had a 2 HR conversation with her on Weds night. I know she didn't take my advice so now I'm at the point of just walking away from it all. I cannot do anything, short of staying with her and babysitting her and trying to intervene in the mess that is their toxic life.

I can't get the whole story from SIL, just know that my DB is mentally ill and needs help, as does she. So I am stepping back and if she calls me hysterically again, I will just call the polcr again and let them sort it all out. You cannot help someone (or ones) who don't really want things to change. I feel SiL is using me as a sounding board & hoping I can 'talk some sense' into DB. That is not going to happen! So meanwhile I just ask God to take care of them.