My Dh sympathizes with poohbear2767

14 years ago

Expanding on poohbears post 'even when he does what he's told'....post.

About 10 days before Christmas, I said to dh, "this house is in need of a thorough cleaning. We can do that today, then a day or so before Christmas just do the 'high spots'...or... we can go through the house and hit the 'high spots' today and the thorough cleaning just before Christmas. Two hours after telling him this, I had the cleanest ceiling fans in the country. High spots are done he announced. If you want me for anything, I'll be in the garage.

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Comments (14)

nodakgal
14 years ago
hahaha! I'd have locked him IN the garage at that point!
debbyga
14 years ago
That's hilarious. If I ever can coerce my DH into helping me clean, the only thing he thinks is important is cleaning the ceiling fans! What is with that??
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You can't change anyone's behavior except your own. So wishing that the joint gifts would stop or that they will stop chastising you if you don't chip in isn't going to get you anywhere. You can either continue to contribute to group gifts in order to keep the peace and get over your feelings about it, OR you can quit contributing and just deal with (ignore if possible) the scolding from MIL. IDEA: What if you just chip in a nominal amount to their gift $5 or $10, quit giving $60 because you know it won't be matched. Then you can always buy a separate gift for the recipient, spending what you consider to be an appropriate amount. As for the birthday gifts, who ever said that you HAVE to buy someone a gift, and that it has to be something on their $100 list? Buy IF and WHAT you want and leave it at that. You're letting them bully you into buying them expensive gifts. They probably will still bully you but whether you let them is up to you. You're worried about not ruining the relationship and I can really sympathize with that. But what I've learned is that your in-laws are going to behave the way they want to no matter what. In my first marriage, no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, MIL just didn't like me. And believe me, I tried! What a wasted effort. Second marriage, I'm just myself and nothing more, and unfortunaely inlaws & I have had a couple of unavoidable run-ins due to circumstances beyond our control. However, they still love me and treat me with respect (and vice versa). Bottom line, you need to live your own life, do what's best for you (just as they are apparently doing!!) and quit acquiescing to their expectations. It's fine to give in on some things, especially the things that are not important to you, but things that go against your grain like this apparently does, stand your ground and do what works for you.
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Hi Cathy! I would love to hear more. Do you have a list of all the things you needed to find a spot for? Will you share the places you decided to put them? Will you tell me more about the movable cart you are planning? My DH sounds like yours Â such a pack rat! My DH was going to build the kitchen cabinets in our last home Â until we went and looked at the IKEA cabinets. You will be shocked when you see how much the Blum guides will run you and they come stock on the IKEA units. But beyond that, my DH was very impressed and decided he would be wasting his time building them. The fact that he (and your DH) is so handy is Great with IKEA as they can be modified to your needs. We are in a new house now and will be using IKEA again Â though we will probably get our doors/drawers from Scheers as IKEA doesnÂt have the exact look we are going for. I just thought I would throw this out in case you wanted to consider it. But I really hope you will post all your hard work on figuring out where everything will go. :-)
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FD, yes, I am estranged from my mother. That is now, not then, when the situation I'm talking about occurred. And like I said, my dad didn't just out and say "man your mom is one annoying SOB" or anything like that. It came up, in a civilized way, years later, as part of an adult conversation about relationships. Nothing more. All I was trying to get across by sharing that experience was that the "Bio-parents" who are acting as a "Couple" for events with their children are often doing just that.... ACTING. Ulrike, I think you are caught between a rock and a hard spot. Yes, preempting her announcement may be a little embarrassing, but it's embarrassing ON YOUR TERMS. Rather than hers. And yes, it's polite to introduce someone who just barges onto the scene, regardless of how idiotic and bumbling they appear. Drunk uncle John fumbles his way up to you at a dinner party where you are standing with a couple you literally just met..."Mark, Sue, this is my uncle John... Uncle John, this is Mark and Sue. We just met." Sure, now Mark and Sue know you have a drunk uncle John. Most likely they will sympathize with you and admire your tact. Same with Bio-Mom. Just smile, and introduce her "Oh hello BOP (Bio-Obnoxious-Person), let me introduce you to Mark and Sue. Mark and Sue, this is BOP, Jane and Josh's mother. She lives in Richfield and makes a career of annoying us and sucking my husband dry." Except more tactful than that. If you can ;) Don't say she was DH's first wife. That's not pertinent. What is still valid is that she is the parent of her children. If she says "nice to meet you, I was her DH's first wife," she's the one who looks like a ninny, not you. And leave it to Mark and Sue to ask who the heck Jane and Josh are, and why the heck their mother just crashed your conversation. They'll figure it out, or they won't. Either way, it's BOP who just made the awkward impression, not you. I would not expect BOP to catch the hint that Shannon is dangling simply because she doesn't care, she has her agenda and that is to make absolutely sure she gets credit for her mother badge. Give it to her upfront. Take the higher ground. Someone who is your friend would understand the sub-context and keep personal things personal, but someone like her would most likely keep pushing through and ignore the subtleties. Or, because you just met them, be even more inclined to make sure they know the history right away. I also agree that if a person (ANYONE) is invited to an event where they are not directly involved, and they are treated with respect, they should not complain. But Ulrike is not complaining. She is asking how to deal with awkward situations. I think she should be invited to all functions as long as she behaves herself as an honored guest. She is DH's wife. It comes with the territory. Whether BM likes it or not. And, lest I be raked across the coals, I have BM and SM issues, and I am a BM and a SM. Every situation is different and has so many facets it's IMPOSSIBLE to judge the situation of another. Who knows if any of us is really a whack job and the BM's are really the sane ones? LOL. Or V.V.? The only thing I can do is say what works for me in awkward situations.
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Both DH and I have had MOHS surgeries in the past few years, we are in our 60's. It is usually recommended for the face. It's great if you have a plastic surgeon lined up in case it's larger than anticipated. Mine was a tiny spot above upper lip, basal cell. I wish I had gone with the fluoricel cream(sp) as I ended up with a huge hole requiring skin grafting, stiches etc. Later on sympathizing with several other patients, who underwent the same procedure, we all felt this particular civilian, dermatology group pressured us to undergo the MOHS, because we had good insurance, and they were more concerned with profits. (I had mentioned to the dermatologist, that my husband had been prescribed cream by the military MD, for the basal cell, cancers on his face, the doctor's response was that the military used the cheapest methods available, and that if I didn't get the MOHS asap the cancer would continue growing at a rapid pace). The military doctors discovered a squamous cell on DH's earlobe about a year later. He was in and out of the hospital for a MOHS within a couple of hours. Granted the ear lobe is different than upper lip but his MOHS barely shows any scar unlike mine. As for the fluoricel cream, DH has been prescribed that many times over the years for his face and body. Yes it's uncomfortable, and for a couple of weeks unsightly but it does the same thing as MOHS without cutting chunks of flesh out and having to reconstruct! I would be very cautious about the dermatologist, the dermatology practice, and whether the skin cancer is basal or squamous cell, also the size/location and if you decide to go ahead with MOHS, make sure the reconstruction surgery is performed by a board certified, facial plastic surgeon who has a lot of experience and comes highly recommended!
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lynn_d
14 years ago
I just knew what you were going to post, Gazania because that is EXACTLY what Andy would have done!
Marilyn Sue
14 years ago
That will be the day my husband helps with cleaning!

Sue
wanda_va
14 years ago
A while back, I was dusting the stair railings and balusters (the stairs are carpeted), and DH came up and said "I thought that was MY job". I was dumbfounded and replied "your job????" He said "Yes, I dust those!" To which I said "You have dusted them 2 times since we've lived here!" To which he replied "Yes, well, how often do they need to be dusted?" After I stopped laughing, I told him that they probably need to be dusted more than 2 times in 18 years!!
nanny98
14 years ago
Yes, Wanda..... aren't men funny. Seven years here and the ceiling fan (only one got dusted) got cleaned when we had the carpet cleaners in a few months ago. (His office is still growing dust kittens and whatever on his fan. Wouldn't it be funny if I sneeked some spanish moss in there and draped it over the blades?) The Devil Made me think of that!!
mary3444
14 years ago
That is funny. Guess I am lucky as my husband helps me clean the house all the time. He always says "You help me do whatever needs to be done, so the least I can do is help you" I always look the other way when it is not done the way I would have done it.
katlan
14 years ago
o.k. you can just call me full of the devil also, coz nanny98 I think that would be AWESOME if you did that. That is too funny. But I'm going to request right now that you take some pics if you do it.
susanjf_gw
14 years ago
i do have a honey do, but he actually did the same thing but more..did the walls down to the floor...

but asked him to clean his bathroom...toilet, sink, floor fine, but for some reason never moved his water glass or the back of the vanity/sink?? never does the top of the shower door...
gazania_gw
Original Author
14 years ago
I really can't complain. Dh does all the 'deep' cleaning and all the vacuuming. My physical abilities are limited. If it doesn't require using anything that weighs more than 2 pounds, squatting, bending or climbing, I at least try to do it. I do all the cooking and the laundry.
When he declairs cleaning day, which is about once a month, he is thorough, but he hates to do windows. I love clean, sparkling windows, but I have to live with his yearly spring stab at it.

Lynn, well, I guess that great minds think alike. Can you imagine what he and Andy together could accomplish.

Wanda, like your dh, mine sometimes doesn't get to some things often enough, but 2 times in 18 years is a little amiss! LOL I doubt that mine would even notice the spainish moss that nanny98 suggested.

Mary3444, I have become an expert at looking the other way from a job that I would have done differently. What I don't get is how picky, picky he is about his vehicles always being clean and clutter free. He gets the house clean enough, just not often enough and he is a clutterer in his own spaces in our home. I hear that 'his' basement is a clutterer's heaven. He de'Christmased the house yesterday, but sees no reason to sweep up the sparklies, etc throughout the house till his next cleaning day which will likely be in about 2 weeks.
joyfulguy
14 years ago
Remember my story about Tom who, after the dinner and the gold watch, wasn't going to work on the next morning.

He began reading the paper ... read for a while ... put it down and looked around.

Same game, something like half a dozen times.

Sarah says, "Something wrong, Tom?"

Tom asks/(demands?), "Where's breakfast?"!

Sarah replies, "Well, you retired yesterday, didn't you?".

Tom, "Yeah, you know I did: what's that got to do with anything?".

Sarah, sweetly, "Well ... so did I!"!

Then continues, "Tell you what, Tom - I'll get breakfast now ... then we'll sit down and discuss who's going to do what, around here".

Funny - the gals seem more attracted to this story than the guys.

As for families with both persons/parents working (outside the home for pay) ... shouldn't chores be split down the middle?

ole joyful
joyfulguy
14 years ago
Thread-strangler ... again ... it appears.

o j
drewsmaga
14 years ago
Since I stopped working 10 yrs. ago because the arthritis got so bad, about every 2 yrs. DH will bring up that I should "get a job." Well, when I was working, he did absolutely no housework. Ever. Forever. Even when raising 4 kids. So, now when he says I should "get a job" I just tell him, "if you work 40 hrs. a week and I work 20 hrs. a week, then you have to do 1/3 of what I do here at home. That means you WILL be grocery shopping, cooking, washing dishes, dusting, vacuuming, weeding" etc., etc. End of discussion. He's retiring soon. And I've been telling him that that I'm "retiring" too and when he's not going to work every day he's not gonna be sitting around watching tv.
ravencajun Zone 8b TX
14 years ago
Since I can not get around like I used to or lift much I have told him he has to help more, and he will but he just never thinks of it on his own so I have to continually say can you come help me with this, he does but I really wish he would do it without the asking.
He does like to vacuum for some reason, we just bought a new incredibly amazing Shark navigator pro vacuum and he loves it, so he has been voluntarily grabbing the vac and doing it. He loves that he can see into the container how much it is picking up LOL A plus is it has a second head for doing tile or wood floors which means wet mopping less.
I do have a cleaning lady that comes every other week which helps tremendously. I wish I could get her every week, for the wet mopping alone, he does not like doing that and refuses to do it unless he spilled something on the tile and it is NOT easy to wet mop in a wheelchair, I have managed it, I am sure it is a very funny sight. I can use the Shark steam mop in my kitchen since it is a fairly small area and he also likes to use that tool, maybe that is it he thinks of them as TOOLS! and the man loves TOOLS.
Maybe I need a very manly looking mop TOOL!lol

My Dh sympathizes with poohbear2767

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My Dh sympathizes with poohbear2767

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