Give the gifts to your daughters.

That's the way to acknowledge them, honor them, recognize their importance in your life.

What they do with the gift is for them to decide, without having to consult their husbands.

It's sort of like birthdays:
no one should feel slighted because they didn't get a present on their spouse's birthday.

Bless you for your generous heart.

Exactly, give your gift to your daughters and be happy. I am sure they will be thrilled and thankful. I can't imagine why the husband would begrudge a gift from mother to child.
Just do it.
Edit to say, I would do it privately to each because they might not want other family members to know and it really is no one else's business other than you and them. They can make the decision if they care to share.

This post was edited by ravencajun on Fri, Jan 17, 14 at 15:33

For your married daughters I would put the $ or check in a card addressed to both DD and SIL. Hopefully your S'sIL are decent fellows and would allow your DD's to decide how to spend the $ and not run off to purchase something for themselves. If you are uncomfortable with this you could wait for DD b'days with a note that you are doing a onetime bday splurge on them.

My son got married this year and if I were doing this I would address it to both of them...they are a unit now. I would have felt a little slighted and hurt if my MIL had given or addressed a card with $ to just DH out of the blue.

Upcoming birthdays.

Not precisely the same amounts - same ballparks ... allows you to be slightly more generous to the more needy one, should you so choose.

ole joyful

Give them each the same amount. But - why do you think they would compare amounts? Only you would know how much you gave them, unless they started comparing notes.

My parents gifted us each a nice sum of money every year. It was clear that it was an equal gift. We all got the same amount, whether we were married or not. It was a gift to us and how we used it was entirely up to us.

It was also clear that it was part of our inheritance. Just something they wanted to do so they could enjoy the gift of giving while they were still here. Sadly, they are gone now - but it was a great memory. It was also advantageous for tax purposes.

You can give up to $14,000 per year - per individual and neither one of you has to pay any taxes on that.

Yes, that is what to do, Satine.

Oh, they will compare notes....trust me! That's like me giving a deserving employee a raise and asking him not to disclose it to the rest of the staff. HAH!

The girls should be given an equal amount or it could cause hard feelings that might surprise you. What a lovely surprise it will be! My parents did that every once in awhile for the four of us and it was much appreciated.

I think it's a lovely thing you are doing.

I had a post ready to submit and accidentally hit a key or something that sent it flying off into space. I'm glad that happened, because I was trying to say pretty much what Iowagirl said.

My only other thought is if there is a reason why you want to do this NOW?

Sue

How nice. I think a gift of money given early when your girls maybe need and can enjoy it more is wonderful. Most times parents hang on to every bit of it until their deaths and then it's not needed and doesn't mean as much. Of course we didn't go through the depression as our parents did.

I don't think you need to include any inlaws, or grands, or anything. Giving to your girls is a privilege of being a mom. :)

Moni

Thanks for the responses. I don't worry in the least that my sons in law would be upset or in any way feel entitled. They are not like that but I just wanted to hear from you caring folks here to make sure I was seeing a clear picture. I don't have to worry about other family members since there aren't others. Just the girls and their families. As far as why I don't really know why I feel the urge to do this. It is part of their inheritance so I guess I want to see them enjoy it and maybe splurge on something special. All of them are doing well but only one really has extra money. Can't do birthdays until next December and don't want to wait that long. Thanks for your input and I'll proceed with this. Satine

Are you comfortably sure you won't need the money in your own retirement? Do you value your 'sons' (in law) as much as your daughters?

You could divide your gift by three or by five. You could give your unmarried daughter one-third and her married sisters a third each. You could five each adult one-fifth.

We give our DS and DIL equal amounts on their anniversary. It's actually 'safer' in our DIL's hands! They file a joint tax return and what's his is hers and vice versa anyway.

Anyone can give anyone else up to $14K a year without paying a federal gift tax. (Of course the recipient will pay tax on the income.) We'd like our 'kids' to have the money now, during their middle years, instead of later, as an inheritance.

You might give less than your first generous impulse. You can always give more later. In the meantime, you can see how each recipient uses the gift.

We have made cash gifts to our kids, but just to our kids, and not to their children or spouses. Mostly we make it just the kids to keep things equal since one has children, two are married and one is single.

I would tell each of them that this is a gift for them, that the other two have or will receive the same amount, and that it is for them to save or spend as they wish.

This is a nice way to share your estate and avoid some of the taxes that will hit your estate upon your passing. And it is nice to help them get established when they are young.

Yes, give the gifts to your daughters.

I especially like the way Sylviatexas worded it above.

Gift your daughters equally. When it's their birthdays, you don't gift sons in law, do you? So it's theirs to do with what they want which will probably include their husbands.

Satine, do you have a current estate plan? A will or a will/living trust combination? If you do, you should first speak to the lawyer who prepared that paperwork for you.

If you don't you should at least first speak with a CPA or lawyer to understand the opportunities and consequences of what you want to do.

As a general comment, making lifetime gifts is a good idea for most people. But it's not something to do without first having more information and more understanding. All of the preceding comments from others are well intentioned and some are correct but some aren't.

Trust me, I know

Snidely
(Unmasked, I'm a CPA)

My parents did the same thing for us. They made the cheques out to us as couples. DH and I invested it, DSis and her guy paid it on their mortgage, and my DB and his wife split it. To each their own. It was a lovely gift. Let them do what they. as couples, wish.

I have a different feeling, I would give it to my DD's only~~if they do not work, maybe they would like to have a small stash of their own. I have always had and liked having some of my own $$. My DH is on all of my accounts, all of my accounts are in our trust~~it really means a lot to me to be a bit independent. It is a small thing, but makes me feel good.

It may also allow you DD's to plan a fun surprise vacation for their families;)

I agree, the money gift should be given to only your daughters. From there, they can choose to share it how they see fit, or not.

Thanks everyone. I will give each daughter an equal amount. This is not a large enough amount that it will impact my future nor do I need to divest any accounts to give these gifts. Selfishly I will get a good feeling just knowing how pleased and surprised they will be.
Satine

I have done this before with my 4 children and I only give it to my children not Grands or spouses. Christmas is different, they all get the same amount from me. My Mother did the same with my sister and me, we each got the same. My husband and I have separate accounts, no joint accounts. When my Mother gave me money I always shared it with him. I do not do that any more. I am sure your children will appreciate it. I feel like it is good to give now, not wait until you are gone.

Sue

You are overthinking this. Absolutely give each daughter the same amount, don't worry about their needs, the husbands, etc. Maybe do it at Valentine's Day?

Also be sure you are not dipping into your own important savings or retirement. If so, give less since you feel compelled to be generous. It's no gift to family when someone is short money for emergencies, retirement, etc.

I do understand your desire to share what you have with your "kids."

Do it. I am doing this on an annual basis to my daughters. Whether or not they share it with their spouse is their own business and I don't ask. I do know that they are very appreciative and one uses her money for part of her daughter's college tuition.

I've done that with my 2 children, one married with kids and one single, and I told them both exactly how much I was gifting them with so that each knew that the other was getting the same amount. I would not worry about your sons-in-law; you are not their parent, and you want no strings attached so that each daughter can do what SHE wants to do with it.

This isn't about need..it's about you gifting to your girls for them to use or not as they see fit.

That's fabulous that you can and want to do it. They will appreciate it no matter what.

If my MIL gave my husband some money I would say "Go for it", good for both of you. If my DH chose to share it with me that would be his decision to make. If he wanted to go out and buy something special for himself - that is what I would hope he would do.

We give to each of our kids and give them equal amounts. We do it maybe every five years and give them the max so that no one has to pay taxes. It is always a nice surprise for them and we enjoy helping out.

My FIL is gifting each of his 5 kids $ each year, ever since MIL passed 5 yrs ago. It is their inheritance & on the advise of his attorney. He really has no use for it @ age 95. I think it is great that they can express their appreciation directly to him, rather than be surprised after he dies...unable to thank him.

Dh thinks of it as "our" money, since that is the way we've always handled things.

Satine,

Do give each daughter the same gift, and keep it separate from birthdays, etc.

And Joaniepoanie - sorry, but you are completely WRONG.
Giving the gift in both the daughter's plus the spouse's name gives the spouse claim to the gift.

Satine is giving a gift to a daughter, not to a spousal unit. Her single daughter doesn't have to share the gift - why should her married daughters be compelled to? I'm not saying they wouldn't share, but if the gifts are to be equal, then they are to the daughters only.

Satine wanna adopt me???? LOL

Give only to your daughters. Tell them you love them and want to do this for them.

Totally agree with mary c about joniepoanie's suggestion. Why should someone feel hurt if their spouse gets something they don't? That's life. And to say, hopefully satine's SILs would _allow_ her daughters to spend their mother's gift as they see fit, how Victorian.

Some of you are too funny! Trust me nobody tells my daughters what they are "allowed" to do as my husband always stressed to the girls that they are independent, strong women. Although he would have done anything for his girls (including me) he knew the importance of being self reliant and encouraged that in them. Knowing my daughters they absolutely will want to share this gift with their spouse/family but only because they want to. I am feeling really good about this and Im looking forward to giving them this gift. Thanks all. Satine

You are a wonderful mother, Satine!!!!

Satine, your gift sounds wonderful and thoughtful.

I agree with snidely (husband is a CA (now a CPA CA) in Canada. Otherwise, I would gift each daughter the same amount and not worry about the sons-in-law.

I'm gonna skip over the answers so that I will NOT be biased... when my dad gave me money from my great-grandmother, I shared it. But it was my choice to do so. I'd love to know if all great-grandchildren all received the same amount, but I don't even know that. I did buy one indulgence that was purely mine for a remembrance, but then put the money into the general household funds.

________________
And now that I am done, I will go back and read, but let me preference this with: I don't understand the mentality of children who are married thinking they have a larger right to "inheritances" than single siblings. Why? Life is tough that way. Married people have shared resources and the money should not be as deeply needed. And I would've said this when I was married. There is a need either for a single or a married person. I cannot see my way to agree with more for married children? But that's just me.

I agree with the majority, give it to just the daughters. I would also, whether it be right or wrong, give them cash if possible. Especially since you said it isn't a huge amount. (You could call it "mad" money, haha)

Oh, what a wonderful surprise. I can't wait to hear all about it. Please make sure you tell us all the details.

I guess you're over-thinking this, because you must be an especially thoughtful person, Satine. My mom has done this and of course thought of dh and I as a unit; I am married, one ds is divorced, and the other single. My dh and I never thought twice about this and we were very grateful. Our parents always treated us very fairly, as far as I know. :)

If our DIL's mom gave a considerable amount of money solely to her DD, "just because", I would feel she had slighted my DS. I don't give money only to my DS. He is half of a couple; his wife is my *daughter* -- in law and in love. This isn't the same thing as birthday gift, as I understand Satine. It's a sizeable sum.

I did this same thing. I inherited money from my Mom. I knew one thing I wanted to do was put in a new kitchen. I sat down with my hubby and figured out how much we would need for the project. After knowing what we would need I gave each of our 3 kids a nice check. They loved their grandma and I wanted them to share in the joy from her. When it left my hands it was theirs to do what they wanted. Two were married and one was single. The in-laws did not feel slighted in the least. They told me it was a wonderful thing to do.

I got my new kitchen. My wonderful hubby did most of the work. I gifted him with money for a power washer of his choice. I wanted him to know how much I appreciated his hard work.

Give the money to your daughters and just tell them you wanted them to have this gift from you. Enjoy the gift giving..

If DH's Mom gave him everything she had I could not care less. I would not feel slighted in the least. When my mother died, he not only unhesitatingly funded all my legal fees (long, long story) but helped me clean out her house, organise everything in storage (and his brother helped) and then when her estate was finalised it was entirely _my_ decision as to what to do with the money. I chose to put it into our house, but had I not it would not have been an issue at all.
We've been married over 30 years and definitely have each other's back, but we're not Siamese twins.

"We've been married over 30 years and definitely have each other's back ...

... but we're not Siamese twins".

Beautiful!

o j