Congratulate your son and his wife because their son is right on schedule! I think it is between 12-18 months that an infant's mental development will lead them to show preference for one caregiver over others. Like all developmental phases, it will end, but it is an important phase in their propert mental development. I doubt it is linked to the ear thing, though that does sound traumatic. Do they have a book on the stages their son will go through? I always found it very helpful to read ahead, so that I would have insight as to what to expect. There can be many stages which are difficult for caregivers, "the ME stage", the "No" stage etc., but once they realize these stages are not only normal but necessary,it may help them deal better with them.

Yes, this is normal. Right about the time they start to walk and figure out people are independent of each other. That's why 'peek-a-boo' is not just a game - lets them know you'll return. :)

She's read that it's normal, and has talked to a lot of people, but they can't understand why his own dad isn't allowed to hold him when the mom is in the room. lol.

My kids never went through this. But I didn't work either, so I'm sure Henry is going through some separation anxiety, but it doesn't explain why he won't let C hold him. Unless M is out of the room.

Oh, another problem is I know C sees his friends who have kids the same age and they have no problem being clingy and allowing both parents to hold them.

My son was a lot sicker than this toddler, but I think I can still relate to the issue somewhat in a helpful way.

DS was in the hospital most of the time when he was born up to two years. We've done our share of strapping him down, holding him down, etc, far more than I like to even remember sadly :(

For a sick kid, the primary caregiver is their world. That does not mean the toddler does not love dad or mom (whichever isn't #1 in the caregiving world) it just means that they have been conditioned to go to that person for safety and when distressed, will always head in that direction over anyone else.

Your darling has obviously been in some pain for quite a while (if they had to do tubes). Who was the primary caregiver (even if mom works it's often her). She's the go to girl right now.

Have no fear :) It will change, but I'll say that from experience, I've seen it many times with other children in the hospital with us. If dad is the one who is there the most, the child will have a distinctive preferance for dad. If it's mom, it will be mom.

My son just turned four and I'm still the go to girl when he's in distress. He loves his dad, and has gone through the cycles of dad over mom, but not as much as a "normal" child.

It will pass...it gets better every day so just give it time. 14 months of ear aches is a lot of pain :( It will take time to get over that so understand and just be patient. It's very normal for a child who's been ill in any capacity for any period of time.

But every child is unique, and Henry is just demonstrating his own specialness by going through this little phase! My nephew, now 4, was much the same way when he was younger. He only wanted mama, and seemed withdrawn and moody if anyone else even dared to talk to him at times. Now he's a perfectly delightful little boy, gregarious and friendly with everyone. Try to reassure your son and DIL that Henry is indeed normal, and that this too shall pass.

Thanks Jen! I've told them this is a normal stage in a lot of babies, but it hurts my son's feelings, and M get frazzled when she can't even leave the room without H following her. lol

A couple of weeks ago I was watching Henry, and of course he cried when his mom left (which he just started to do), and he was fine after she left. A few hours later M's sister came to visit and he reached out to her, then wanted me immediately. We sat on the sofa talking and Henry had his little arms around my shoulders holding on for dear life!

I'm sure it will pass soon, except he has an ear checkup on Monday. Uh oh! :)

I thought for sure this was going to be about Lizzie... Why children don't come with instruction booklets is way beyond me.

That said, I think this is very normal behavior. My children all preferred me at this age. Now, as adults, they worship their father even though *I* did most all of the work raising them.

Love the name 'Henry', BTW.

One of my children went through this very briefly. When you are right in the middle of a stage, it feels like it has lasted (and will last) forever. However, when you look back a year later, that stage was a blink of an eye. Try to give your DIL any extra help you can b/c I'm sure she is exhausted.

One more thing ... I'm sure you do not do this with any bad intentions, but try not to pull out the "but I didn't work" phrase in front of your DIL. You are just trying to be helpful, but as a working mom, that phrase almost always comes across as a jab. My mom used to mouth about how she could tell which children in her Bible class were "daycare kids" until I quietly pointed out that her grandchildren (including my oldest, Mr. Perfect) were daycare children. We get enough criticism from the rest of the world. We need a little love and support from our families.

My son did it too. It really hurt my DH's feelings. Just like in your situation, my son was fine with DH when I wasn't around, but as soon as I showed up, he wanted nothing to do with DH.
It's a tough stage, but the tables will turn soon enough! Not long after that, my son only wanted Grandma (she takes care of him after preschool when we're at work). It's always something :)

I feel for all of you. I know this is not easy.

As the mother of a clingy child; I was exhausted and could not get a minute of peace even in the bathroom. Then to top it all off, it was my fault in my ex's eyes so I caught stuff from him too.

Some kids do this; others don't. Something happened to him and he feels his mommy is the only one that can be there for him right now. As you saw with her sister stopping in; he clung to you; so you are a source of comfort as well.

Hopefully it will ease up soon.

As far as the office visit for tubes.. wow. That sounds horrible. My son had them twice; I can't imagine how scared the little guy was to be awake for that.

Oh, I've never told her I didn't have that problem, or that the boys were okay because I stayed home. She really wants to stay home, but since they're a young family with a newly built home, she has great hours being a teacher, and she's such a good teacher. She teaches math and science. M is such a soft spoken girl, and it saddened me to hear the stress in her voice. :(

Now Thanksgiving should be interesting with both sets of grandparents here and Henry not wanting any of us to hold him, considering he's the only grandchild in both families. lol.

Seems like others above have said the same thing - but I think this clinginess at this age seems normal. I know my son went through the same thing around that age - wanting to be held a lot. My DD (almost 4) still "prefers" me hands down over her dad. Unfortunately, I know she'll grow out of it someday ;-)

It does sound like separation anxiety, and I'm wondering if it's his Mom who drops him off with another caregiver on the days you don't watch him, and that's why he clings to her rather than his Dad--because he sees her "leave" each workday.

Was the Dr. a male that did the ear tubes? Was the person dressed in white?? Does Henry's daddy wear white to go to work- white dress shirt. Sometimes it is as simply as that. Everyone in white is going to"hurt" them. GF had sweet DD & she loved everybody until they did kidney xrays & she saw anyone walking towards her & started screaming if they had white shirt or skirt or pants. It's more aversion to "white" than the person in some cases.

DS doesn't wear white, so that's not the problem.

This thought ocurred to me this morning. When M comes home from work and I have H that day, I get all excited and say, "Mommy's home, mommy's home!". Then H gets all excited too. I did this with my boys when their dad's came home and they just ran to the front door.

I'm going to ask M (who gets home from work first) if she does that when C comes home. If not, then I think that would help a great deal. Maybe. :)

oakley, I am a stay at home mom, and my DS did this also. DS would NOT even stay with my mom, who is a fantastic grandma, and spoils her grandkids rotten. My DS lasted for about a year. He also ONLY wanted me, I didn't even get a break from going to work, since I don't work. I know your DIL is probably just a little bit tired of having kids hang all over her, since she is a teacher, but, she will just have to endure this stage. He will get over it. My mom kept telling me that my DS would get to where he will ONLY WANT my DH, I could not imagine that at the time. Well, he is 6 now, and he always asks me, and has since he was about 3, "when is dad going to get home". I feel left out at times now, but, I so enjoy seeing him with his dad. He would rather be with my DH than even kids his own age at times. Of course, my DH, is just a big kid himself!

I know you feel bad for DIL, but that is just part of being a mother, as you know. If I can endure my DS not sleeping through the night until he was 3 1/2 years old, hopefully your grandson is sleeping through the night, than she'll be able to handle it. I literally had 3 hours hours of sleep a night for that many years, and him not wanting anyone but me, I thought I was going to go crazy.

Now, he is a perfect sleeper-go figure!!

It could be that until he 'forgets' about his ears and the trauma he went through there, he will continue to cling to mom, as she is supposed to be the one that makes things better. Dads are for play.

Hope his Dr. appt. goes well and that his ears are much better.

I agree with those who say that this is just a normal stage. For some bizarre reason, in this country we expect our children to grow up and be independent at a ridiculously early age when in reality they still need quite a bit for the first several years of their life. I have found that understanding that something is normal and OK is the first step to coping with it and even ENJOYING it. New moms (and I still consider myself a "new mom" with a 17 month old, everything he does that is new is new to me too!) are constantly bombarded with advice and images of the way things SHOULD be - and of course if they are NOT that way, then you don't have a "good baby" - and if you don't have a "good baby" then who is to blame but mommy??? And 14 months may be a "toddler" officially, but he's still just a baby, who cannot express his needs any other way but by crying and clinging to who he wants - and I do believe that the emotional need of closeness to mommy is a need like any other physical need. I believe it goes back to birth and who the baby bonded with stronger - and assuming mom is the one who took maternity leave and was home longer with him, that's going to be mom.

So rather than trying to explain away his behavior as something that must be "gotten over" I would advise your DIL to love every cuddle - to not worry if she can't get the housework done or whatever. Soon enough he will push her away when she wants a hug because he will not want to be taken away from whatever he's doing and she will be wondering where her affectionate little boy went.

As far as what to say to Dad - that's always a tough one, especially with newer generations of dads who take a much more active involvement in their kids at a younger age than previous generations did as a whole. It sounds like Henry is not opposed to being with dad, just has a strong preference for mom when both are around. My little guy is like that lately too and what I tend to do is sit down with all three of us doing an activity and then when he is really interested in what he is doing, get up and leave. I don't sneak away but I don't make a big production over leaving either. Sometimes I just leave the house entirely and go spend an hour or two BY MYSELF (ah heaven). It usually takes him a couple of hours to notice I am even gone and go looking for me and then another hour or so after that to start to get cranky that I haven't come back yet - but if I am around it's "MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY" (he is starting to talk now and it's his new favorite word ;) - which is nice after 16 months of "Daddy" for everything!)

But above all your son should not take it personally. By natural design for the sake of survival, babies and young children are totally self absorbed and can only deal with what THEY need. He is not behaving this way to hurt dad, he is behaving this way because he needs mom. It doesn't mean he doesn't love daddy, it just means that daddy does not meet that particular need at that moment in time. And tell him not to even think about what other kids are doing. It doesn't matter one bit to your child, so why should it matter to him? Kids do things at their own pace and on their own schedule - at least mine does. He does not do anything on millisecond before he is ready - but when he finally is ready, watch out world!

DH is an extremely loving and involved father and I'm sure it bugs him when my son pushes away from him and wants me but he understands and doesn't take it personally. Sometimes he does get into a funk about it but we just talk about it and work through it. And as with all other things involving kids "this too shall pass."

Lisa, that is wonderful advice.