Going to Hawaii (Oahu)

14 years ago

Sigh. Yep, I'm not thrilled to be going. I'm going with my best friend from college, as she just found some super inexpensive flights. We've known each other 20 years. I love her to death - we talk weekly, but about a weekend together once or twice each year is all I typically can take....and this trip will be 7 days of togetherness. My friend and her husband have a house there and she's been asking me to go for 2 years now. I know I sound ungrateful, but personally, I haven't ever wanted to travel 12 hours to go on a beach vacation AND even though I love my friend , she has a lot of rules and idiosyncrasies.

For example....I must bring a pair of indoor-only flip flops, because even though my feet might be freshly showered clean and the air conditioning is on, they could sweat and get the floor dirty. One may not sit on the sofa or carpet to read the newspaper, as the ink may transfer (I don't ever lay the newspaper down on the furniture anyway); one may only read the newspaper at the dining table or on the lanai. Sunblock may not be applied in the house, just in case it gets on the furniture. The list - I was sent a list of the "house rules" - goes on and on. When her 74-year old mother visited earlier this year, she (the mom) slept on the floor next to the bed rather than get the bedding dirty. Food must be prepared and eaten quickly! We don't want to attract bugs, which will surely happen if we linger over our meals. After returning home from whatever activity, one must shower immediately, or one may not sit on the furniture. Hopefully we won't be at the house much.

She and her DH have told my DH and me that we are welcome to use their place any time, but my DH has said no way is he going to take the chance of messing something up there and I agree!

We like nice things, but more importantly, when we entertain, we want our family and friends to be comfortable in our home. We don't want people living in fear of spilling a beverage or getting a little foot sweat on our carpet.

I truly don't think this is an OCD situation, she's just very particular and controlling. I'm trying to think positively and focus on spending quality time with my friend, and the fun things I'll get to see and do, but it's difficult knowing I'll have to be so on guard.

So, on to the positive....any suggestions for what I should take with me or things I should be sure to see and do? We will be snorkeling for sure, but beyond that, I don't really know. I'm trying to pack carefully so I take only a carry on.

Thanks for listening to me vent. :)

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Comments (16)

squirrelheaven
14 years ago
How about wearing socks and a lightweight robe around the house, so as not to make her worry. Had a neighbor who lived in HI for a while. She said the roaches were ginormous. Maybe that's why she's so worried about food being around any length of time? What about cooking odors? They linger a long time! No snacks? : (

Gads, I'm glad I don't worry like that!

I'd spend as much time outside of the house as possible, landing only when necessary to eat and sleep. Oh yeah, and bathe, lol. Be sure to get away by yourselves a bit each day. Even if only for a short walk or bike ride.
User
14 years ago
Oh man! When I first started reading I wondered why you weren't super excited! I spendt two weeks in Oahu and loved it. My sister lived on the Big Island for two years. She tells many stories of the monster roaches.

That's a shame she's so uptight. It's one thing if you want to be that way but when people come over that's a little much.

I agree to spend as much time outside as possible. Head to the beach, shop, go out to eat, etc.

I don't blame you and your DH...I wouldn't want to go there either for fear of messing something up.

Have you ever jokingly mentioned this to her? Maybe now isn't the time or it might not be worth it but I'm curious if she's clueless to her behavior or doesn't care.
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work_in_progress_08
14 years ago
Get out of the house as much as possible. Geez, I thought I'd heard uptight. Have never been, so no "must see, must do" ideas. Just couldn't believe the house rules. I have a friend somewhat like yours, I don't visit often. We usually meet elsewhere where I can't ruin the white carpet:).
mitchdesj
14 years ago
It's too bad you are going to her home, it would have been easier to be in a hotel, public property. I guess you should not apply body lotion either, after your shower, lol. Does her husband adhere to her rules willingly, she must have him trained.

Possibly she'll be a bit more relaxed once you are both there, it would be awckward for her to nitpick all the time.

I'm a tad worried that she sent you a list of house rules in advance, you would think she'd trust your judgement enough to know you'd be a good houseguest, seeing you're such good friends.

Good luck and I hope you have a wonderful time !!
folkvictorian
14 years ago
Kimberly said: "I truly don't think this is an OCD situation, she's just very particular and controlling"

OMG! Are you telling us SHE decided where YOU would go on vacation this year by finding the tickets for YOU to go to HER vacation home? Whooooeeee, I hope you survive the week.

Like others have suggested, find lots of things to do away from your friend and her astonishing house. The flights between islands aren't super-expensive, so perhaps you can find an activity on a different island that would require you to stay overnight. Really. Give yourself a break from her astonishing need for control and dominance over others. I think it would be worth the investment.
kimberlyrkb
Original Author
14 years ago
Thanks for commiserating with me. The game plan will definitely be to spend as much time outside the house as possible. And I will tell my friend I'm not used to so much togetherness and will need a little alone time.

folkvictorian - no, my friend didn't decide I would go on vacation with her! ;) She has been inviting me for more than 2 years, and I keep finding reasons not to go. Mostly because I'm super busy at work and can't take the time and also because it's expensive. But then these really inexpensive tickets came up and I not too long ago accidentally mentioned how much vacation time I had accrued, so she invited me to join her.

I really just need to go and grin and bear it for the sake of our long friendship. I'm sure I'll have a good time and I'll just be very careful about making sure I follow all the rules and chill out so I don't say something I'll regret. Will probably also wear long sleeves, long pants, and socks in the house, as well as carry a towel around with me to sit on!! ;)
sweeby
14 years ago
I used to work with a gal who would vacuum her way into bed at night so she could experience the joy of waking up to unsullied vacuum tracks each morning...

Your friend has got her beat!

How about some lightweight cotton kimono-robes (Yukata) and lounging pajamas. Or Hawaiian pareaus (sp? - Par-ay-o's). Wonderfully comfortable, and you can slip them on when you're lounging around the house.

Suggest lots of alcohol! For disinfectant purposes, of course ;-)
Faron79
14 years ago
Wow...

I don't think I could enjoy anything with someone who's THAT picky!!
Life has to be LIVED ya know...not danced around the edges at...

I recommend hopping over to Maui if ya can, and have a snack at the 4S...
Part of the pool area:

Ferraro's Restaraunt is partially under the tan/rust colored tiled roof, and their patio area under the square Ivory-colored umbrella's. GORGEOUS views of beach/ocean there!!!

Another shot at Ferraro's, looking over the pool/fountain.
Taken from the 4S "Lobby Lounge".

Faron
Faron79
14 years ago
Wow...

I don't think I could enjoy anything with someone who's THAT picky!!
Life has to be LIVED ya know...not danced around the edges at...

I recommend hopping over to Maui if ya can, and have a snack at the 4S...
Part of the pool area:

Ferraro's Restaraunt is partially under the tan/rust colored tiled roof, and their patio area under the square Ivory-colored umbrella's. GORGEOUS views of beach/ocean there!!!

Another shot at Ferraro's, looking over the pool/fountain.
Taken from the 4S "Lobby Lounge".

Faron
Faron79
14 years ago
Wow...

I don't think I could enjoy anything with someone who's THAT picky!!
Life has to be LIVED ya know...not danced around the edges at...

I recommend hopping over to Maui if ya can, and have a snack at the 4S...
Part of the pool area:

Ferraro's Restaraunt is partially under the tan/rust colored tiled roof, and their patio area under the square Ivory-colored umbrella's. GORGEOUS views of beach/ocean there!!!

Another shot at Ferraro's, looking over the pool/fountain.
Taken from the 4S "Lobby Lounge".

Faron
graywings123
14 years ago
After returning home from whatever activity, one must shower immediately,

After swimming, yes, but after shopping, too?

Honestly, you have made a huge mistake. Just because you are friends does not mean you have to or should live in her house under her rules. That's not a vacation.

If you can't cancel and get your money back for the flight, book a room in a hotel nearby before you leave and explain to her that you don't think you can live up to her rules in her house. That will give you the opportunity to be together in Hawaii without destroying the friendship or your vacation.
Faron79
14 years ago
WTH???
I got a couple error messages when trying to post...but they posted anyway?!?!
Sorry for the unintended 3x post there!
Faron
texanjana
14 years ago
Faron,

I thought you just wanted to make sure we all know how much you LOVE The Ritz Carlton!!! ;)

...and I thought my mother was controlling!
Faron79
14 years ago
Texanjana,
Well...>>...I was just trying to ...>> "suggest" another lunch spot....*cough*

;-)

The Ritz-who...?!

It was honestly that stupid error you sometimes get when posting here....arrrggh.
I felt about 1" tall when I saw all the posts here...ooops!

OP Kimberly,
Have you come up with any strategies/itineraries yet?

Faron
squirrelheaven
14 years ago
Maybe a little early Alzheimers? You already said that! Nice spot :)
runninginplace
14 years ago
"If you can't cancel and get your money back for the flight, book a room in a hotel nearby before you leave and explain to her that you don't think you can live up to her rules in her house."

Well, I don't think that is necessary--why fight rudeness with rudeness? Because that's really what your friend is; being that demanding and intrusive to guests is simply rude.

However I agree completely with the advice not to stay at your friend's house. If the tickets were a great deal, and you are going to a sublimely beautiful and relaxing place like Hawaii...make it a restful and enjoyable visit, not a dreaded chore! Hotels are discounting madly these days. If you phrase it that 'we would feel more comfortable staying at the [name of hotel] and that way we can spend time together without putting you to so much trouble' and then *stick to that*, you may end up having a grand time. At least you'll have a better time than madly scurrying around trying to avoid actually touching or using anything in your friend's home ;).

Ann

Going to Hawaii (Oahu)

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