Cool that you have neighbors like that! Wish I did. :) But I do have friends that do that too, and I find myself saying the same thing- apologizing for a "mess", that is. It always makes me feel good when a friend grabs my hand and says, "I don't care what your house looks like! 'Cause mine looks the same! LOL!" : D Or something along those lines. Sincerely looking them in the eye and telling them that you came to see THEM and not the HOUSE is good.

Blessings!
Haley

I think you ARE invited, but on the spur of the moment!

I'd probably say something like 'No problem, it looks just like mine!' or 'Don't worry about it. There's always time to clean later.'

I think it's great that you live in an area surrounded by young parents with young kids who all feel comfortable gathering whenever the schedule permits - without an invitation!! That's what makes a great neighborhood and great friends. Good for you.

The next time one of your friends apologizes about the state of her home, you might say something along the lines of: "Hey - I came to see YOU - not to inspect your house! I don't inspect yours; you don't inspect mine...deal? And no more "angsting" about it, okay?"

If you really feel these friends are feeling uncomfortable about dropping in on one another, you might say: "Is now a bad time" - or "Would you rather I wait to be invited?" I doubt they'll answer that one but if they hesitate...then just back away with a smile.....and say: "Hey - call me....or better yet....drop over to my house ANYTIME"

I don't apologize for how my house looks. I figure, peeps come to see me...

LOL

But, if it is a real mess, I might just continue what I was doing and con them in to helping. :) That has happened a few times. As a whole, I don't apologize, and I shrug ohters apology off, about messy houses.

One friend, I usually just ask, are you ready for a tea break, and we laugh, and she makes some tea and we sit in the middle of her mess. :)

moni

I never let anyone in who isn't invited or at least calls first. "I'm just on my way out!"

I used to have a little sign "if you want to see me, come on in!!! if you want to see the house, make an appointment!

I never go to others homes unless I am invites...simply because I don't like to be dropped in on. I too don't answer the door to univited guests. I am so rarely home that when I am I don't want to be bothered. I know that sounds horrible but I love my quiet time.

My DH has a cousin that lives out of town and he never calls before he come to stay. It's him, him girlfriend and her four kids. I can't tell you how many times we've gotten home late on Friday nights from working all week and they show up an hour or so later for the weekend. Drives me nuts.
I would never do that do them. I usually have to get up early on Saturday run back to town (35 miles one way) and pick up groceries to feed everyone for the weekend.

I'm the same as firemanswife. I never answer my door when I'm not expecting anyone, and never just drop in on anyone either. I was raised to believe that's just rude because you don't know what they're doing (they may have company, be on their way out of the house, relaxing, or having a little afternoon delight....)... I too like my 'me' time and don't like hosting uninvited people by dropping whatever it was I was doing to make coffee, find cookies, and chit chat. Make a date, and I'm all for it. Just don't drop in. But that's me....... =o)

Maybe their apology for their dirty house is a subtle hint that they would like a little advance notice so they can tidy up....

Nobody just drops by anymore and I think it's rather sad. Often if you have to "make an appointment" it just doesn't happen and you end up not visiting with friends. So what if the house is messy? It's just like making "play dates" for kids. What ever happened to go outside and find someone to play with? Y'all can come to my house and if I'm home I'll invite you in.

Linda

Drop bys are welcome at my home. But not for the weekend!!! Don't plan on staying unless I invited you.
I have more people stop by now that they know I'm home. Friends usually call first, but others who are just acquaintances or from the church might just drop by since they don't have my cell number and I don't always answer my land line. Quite often they will knock, then open the door and call my name. I like that as there have been times that I would enjoy company but didn't feel like getting up and walking to the door to let them in. Of course I live in a small town and seldom lock my doors.

My house is usually neat. It might not pass the white glove test, but it looks neat. :o)

I'm always glad to have company, drop in or invited. If you come unannounced and my house is dirty then too bad. I figure you are there to see me and not my house. So stop on by and I will put on the coffee and rustle up something to go with it.

My friend next door is the only one who drops in. I drop in on her also. I usually apologize for my mess. Living alone and having a large dog in the house, my house is usually messy. Newspapers get scattered all over the living room. I used to keep my house spotless.
I would rather have someone drop in than not visit at all.

"I'm always glad to have company, drop in or invited. If you come unannounced and my house is dirty then too bad. I figure you are there to see me and not my house. So stop on by and I will put on the coffee and rustle up something to go with it."

me too Nita....

I find that people just don't visit much any more, drop-ins or invited. TV and AC keeps people at home. Sad.

Firemanswife, I usually have to get up early on Saturday run back to town (35 miles one way) and pick up groceries to feed everyone for the weekend.

If I were you this is what I would do: make a list and give it to Cousin and tell him to go and get the groceries. Let him pay for them to if the cost has become a factor.

Seriously, I would do that.

Sue

Growing up, back in the 40's, early 50's, Sunday was considered visiting days. No calling, just drop by and visit. Those were the good ole days.

My mother always had a houseful of kids and loved drop-in company. She'd often just throw another potato in the pot and have them stay for dinner.

I too am like Nita...come on by! I always have iced tea ready.

My house is rarely company worthy. I love when people stop by though. And I always apologize for the mess and feel just MORTIFIED. I know I shouldn't apologize but I can't help it. I feel that I should be able to budget my time better but... oh well. I wish we lived in the same town Teresa! I'd love it if you stopped over!

Danielle

Me three Nita!!!

Me Tooooo. I am always happy to see friends/neighbors drop in...and am MORTIFIED too as my home is way to messy. Even when my back issues didn't keep me from having a clean house, I always wanted it perfect. Well, now I have learned (maybe still learning) that my house is never going to be as clean as it used to be so the choice is pretty clear. Have friends or be alone. I will take friends and dust, thank you! Nanny

I feel the same as Debby Ab..always have..always will.

Do not like surprises so don't be knockin on my door just cause you're in the neighborhood.

I don't know..how about
"when you get a good cleaning lady, send her my way too"...

At the ages your kids are and them being neighbors...I think it's great..

"or I didn't come to inspect the toilet and the dusting"...

LOL

Just say,"i'm not coming to see your house,i'm coming to see you". I've said that a lot of years if and when the need arises.Works for me!!
Kathi

Exactly Danielle!! I'd love to have you and your girls over, but it'd be a long trip!

I thought I clarified, but apparently not...Usually the situation is one of our kids wants to play, so we knock on the other's door. Sometimes we go outside, other times the mom invites the kids inside to play, and asks the mom to come in and chat. Or maybe we're all outside and someone invites the group to go inside for a snack break. I never go in someone's house without being asked. The 2 mom's in particular always ask me in, and I do the same. If we're still in our PJ's or soemthing I just don't answer the door! Or do the 10 second tidy!

One lady it actually made me feel better because she seemed like she was perfect (cute figure, hair, clothes)so I kind of assumed her house would be perfect too!

And no one's house is messy, just cluttered with toys etc.

Oh gosh, if anyone dropped in on me right now, I'd puke. The house is beyond messy.... It's been a busy week.

Normally, I don't think I'd mind, but my friends and I don't do it. We pretty much always arrange times to get together. At least that way the house gets to be completely tidy/clean from time to time! :)

With your situation, Teresa, I don't think I'd mind a drop-in to ask if the kids could play, and I'd probably invite you in, especially if we met out while the kids were playing. I never just knock on someone's door, though, that's why we now have phones.

I used to work from my home, and some neighbors just didn't "get it", and they drove me nuts. They seemed to feel that my working from home was some sort of hobby, and they felt free to interrupt me at any time. My 'trying to be polite' rebuff was "Oh, I'm not ready for a visitor - the house is a mess!" Many of them would still barrel their way in, though, saying they were there to see me, not the house.

There was one who was very persistent, and I finally had to tell her outright - "Don't come over while the kids are in school. I work then."

I finally had to give up answering the door at all. House clean or not, give me a call!

I would rather visit a slightly dirty/messy house than a spotless perfect home. Makes me very uncomfortable in a perfect house with perfect decor. Kinda like visiting a museum where you're afraid to sit down or touch anything.

"People" will always mean more to me than any house ever could. My door is open...what you see is what you get. Coffee is always ready. Come on in and make yourself at home. Friendships are far more valuable than a clean house.

Do you go over to see the house? Or do you go over to see your friend?

I agree, I find a sterile house uncomfortable. I like a lived in house, one with books out and if there are kids, toys and magazines they read and hobbies.

I find you walk in some homes and its like does anyone live here? And you can't sit in certain rooms.

I like to walk in and feel comfy and sit anywhere and have a great visit.

Why can't neighbours or friends come anytime? Alot of times there would be no connection. People forget to make time for friends, they are important in your life.

I would ask her "Do you not have children? Then apologies are not needed". LOL
I try to tidy up my house everyday but with a 4 year it's hard to keep up with him. ;)
I live here in VA. at the Army base and have my new neighbors constantly ringing the door bell, if nothing more than borrowing some eggs. Does it bother me? Heck No! Come on in! Whether my house is clean or not as others have said they came to see me, not my house.
Teresa come on over and bring the kids! If you can stand having to go through an obstacle course of toys in my living room sometimes then your more than welcome to visit. LOL
Susan

My house is always clean and tidy (though not sterile), but I would probably prefer a phone call first. However, it doesn't bother me a lot when people just drop by. It's not that big of a deal to me.

Irma Bombeck always used to say, "There'll be time to clean the house after the kids go off to college."

I really hate housework and my house is never spotless..I'm not a slave to any chore or room in my house..how boring!

My home is simple, but cozy and sorta cute, I guess. I do enjoy decorating with what I have. I try to make every room and space work for me and do keep things picked up.

However, if it makes me feel personally uncomfortable to be caught by a surprise visit, that's all I need to not enjoy the visit..no matter who it is.

I usually look worse than my house til I'm dressed and ready to leave the house. I'm so casual when alone, I scare myself and avoid those shiney, reflective things. LOL

Why are we so obsessed with perfection? I say friendship should win out over dust!

If the situation is that they are just self-conscious and not hinting "you should call first" I can give you something to say to them. I am like your neighbors, really am glad to see the friend, but my first thought when they ring the door is "Dang, my house is a mess!" I do not wish the friend would not come by, I wish I had a better handle on my house.

I have one friend who does this sometimes, but does it very gracefully. She lives 2 blocks from me, I love her, she's wonderful. As soon as she steps through the door she makes a sincere compliment about the house. Before I can even form the words to apologize for the house, she is saying something nice about my house. She'll say it smells good, or ask if I rearranged "because I really like where you put that table," or compliment a tablecloth "Is it an heirloom?" or say it smells nice, or that she is *still* in love with that wall color! She is sincere, it's just her way to say outloud the nice things she is thinking. I don't think she even realizes the effect it has on easing self-conscious thoughts about a messy house. She isn't the type who puts that much thought into doing/saying the "right thing." She is just being herself, saying what she is thinking. She is just such a postive person that her thoughts are usually good. ;o) Her way of being comes across better than agreeing that the house is mess, but insisting she doesn't care.

So if you know you are welcome, but sense the unease of the lady of the house, make a compliment. Whatever you notice that is nice about the house, or her or the kids. Or thank her for things she doesn't even know she does, like how thankful you are that your child has a friend with certain qualities her child has. Let her know about something you see she has done well, it says "I value you in my life for this..." and indirectly adds that her value to you is not dependent on a tidy house.

Oh, you made me feel soooo... normal! I've moved into this house for 5 yrs. and it's still a mess. I'm constantly organizing while cleaning. I got 2/3 of the house the way it should be. Then, last year, I had part of my house repaired/replaced and it took another year to got it half organized again. I'm hoping this summer I can get to the rest of the house.

I too have neighbors dropping by to check on me and to visit. They're very sweet sweet neighbors and I don't mind if they call ahead or not. They don't seem to mind how my house is. We do look after each others here and it is a nice feeling. It makes you feel somewhat secured.

Goose53, love your sign. I need to make one!

Thanks all for making me feel that I'm not alone with this issue =o)

I'm wondering if the key issue here is the "unannounced" part. I've never been one to feel comfortable when someone stops by unannounced. If I do know someone's coming by, I straighten my house. Then I don't need to apologize. While I don't care about a perfect house, I do feel uneasy if I haven't had time to straighten before someone comes over. That's just me, though.

All my friends know that I do not appreciate anyone just dropping by unannounced. They humor me and call first. Sometimes you just aren't in the mood for guests.

Danielle has a nice, if recently moved-into, house.

And she's a gracious hostess ... even at midnight!

ole joyful

Please give me a 30 minute heads up if you are coming by. I might be on my way out or have plans.

Gayle

My grandparents would "pop-call", as they called it - ALL THE WAY FROM PHILA, TO MD!! My mother would get so annoyed. The house was usually "lived-in", but never a real mess. Still, that would get her going, every time. Now, I have a neighbor that does that, all the time. It would be OK if she didn't talk about people all the time. She is very nice/responsible/extremely helpfu and thoughful. But, she is also obsessive about how other people live their lives. Whether I care about how you live your life or not, I won't say anything about it unless it is harmful - to you or someone else, and even then, I probably wouldn't. We all kind of just chat, and give hugs and shoulders. But I've had her come to my house and talk about how one neighbor only talks about her problems and what's going on in her life. A few days later, she was in the person's house. It's so bad that I used to dread being home and wanted to move. I always have a sigh of relief when she goes on VAC!! Now though, I must have really made her mad - by not saying anything, and she is noticeably avoiding me. The bad part - her house is always clean/neat, although, since having a youngster now, it's not that way all the time. My house - well, it's my house; some days good, some days, not so good. Oh well, she'll get over it.

You know I have never been one who worried about the condition of my house. And now with 4 kids and all the ilness it has been even less than an issue. My MIL came though and cleaned and organized for 3 days whiled we were at the hospital, yes somethings are going back the way they were but most will stay with her changes. I used to get too upset when she would pop in when we were gone and clean. Until I realized it is her way of helping us out and it DOES make her feel good.

That being said, stop on by, step over the toys and don't worry about calling. My neighbors and I are always stopping by and my out of town friends stop by too. The ususally knock then call out in the porch to see if we are home. DH usually has to run to put pants over his boxers (don't ask) but other than that come on in. I definately didn't inherit the clean gene, I like when my house is clean and perfect but I just get overwhelmed and can't get started.

So if you are ever in Ansley,NE just stop up town and anyone can tell you where I live and you are more than welcome to come and visit, even if we have to eat graham crackers and drink Kool-aid:)

Stacie
whose house is clean, but just wait, today is Valentine making day.

My answer to anyone who apologizes about their messy house is "it feels like home" That way it breaks down any walls and then when they visit my house I am relaxed too.

My house is usually neat and tidy, what with just the 2 of us. If someone stops by and it's not up to par I tell them to pretend it's clean.

Keep in mind though that just because it doesn't bother you personally, some people really don't like others seeing their house untidy. You should respect that and be careful not to invite yourself in. And, sometimes, I think people even use the "don't come in my house is a mess" excuse for other reasons, but that's another post.

Anyway, be sure you're not inviting yourself in... but if they invite you and apologize about the mess, I'd just say something along the lines of "oh I don't even notice... if you think this is messy, you should see my house!"

I think it is the polite thing to do to call first before coming over. You never know if you are interrupting something important. Whether or not my house is messy isn't the reason I feel that way. I could be taking a nap, taking a bath or some other fun activity. Having worked night shifts most of my night, I value my sleep.

I never apologize....neighbors drop in all the time and they know why my house is messy! I have 5-6 kids here all day and I'm to going to pick up after them all day. Ricky and Seth leave at 1:00 and then it's nap time for the others. That's when I pick up and pack up their bags to go home. Before that it's a huge mess on my floor....they love to just dump the toy box and play all day. They clean up while I fix lunch, so I really don't have too much to pick up, just have lunch mess to clean and making sure there bags are packed. My neighbors know what to expect when they walk in here!