I also have ZoneAlarm version:7.0.470.000 and it doesn't show or I cannot find Ping stuff, not only that I lookt in ZA help under PING and ZoneAlarm version:7.0.470.000 does not have what they say it does. They musta tooken it out. Here's what it says: To change a port's access permission: Select Firewall:Main. In either the Internet Zone Security or the Trusted Zone Security area, click Custom. The Custom Firewall Settings dialog appears. Scroll to locate High and Medium security settings. To block or to allow a specific port or protocol, click the check box beside it. Be aware that when you select a traffic type in the High security settings list, you are choosing to ALLOW that traffic type to enter your computer under High security, thus decreasing the protection of the High security level. Conversely, when you select a traffic type in the Medium security settings list, you are choosing to BLOCK that traffic type under Medium security, thus increasing the protection of the Med security level. Click Apply, then click OK. Note that I got this from the help file in Program files > ZoneLab. This is slightly different than the help file ZA coughs up from the control panel. The "custom" tab isn't there - anyway I sure cannot see it. There is an "advancd" tab but it doesn't get to ping.

It has been almost a month since I posted. He finally started coming out of his grief and being angry all the time a week or two ago. It was like having the old DH again and things were fine. Then something bad happened, he got rejected from a job he really wanted. He also heard some bad things that were being said about him. Now he is back into that 24/7 angry mood. I tried to talk to him and tell him it is just one job and don't pay attention to what other people say, but he is vulnerable right now and won't listen to me. I wonder if this is the way it is going to be forever. Is he so tied up in his job that he has no other identity? Or will he finally come out of it and when? I am willing to wait if I feel it is worth the wait, but I don't know if I can take another 30 years of anger and negativity. I have seen that happen to relatives of mine. They never let go of past hurts and made life miserable for everyone around them. Thanks for all the posts. There were some very good comments. Yes I do miss him when he is away. Not every single minute but quite a bit. Even though he wasn't there during the week, he was always in my thoughts. And we would call and email several times all day long every day. And I do care whether he lives or dies. I think I would feel a lot of grief if something happened to him. A bunch of female friends were talking and asked if anyone of us would marry again if something happened to our current DH. I said I never would remarry, my DH would be a tough act to follow. I would measure every man I met against him and I doubt many would make the grade. And I admit it, I am scared and do miss the financial stability we had when he was working. The whole financial situation the country is in right now is scary. I have started applying for jobs. We need the money and the insurance. He can stay home and take care of our Autistic son for the next 20 years, I have done it for the last 25, and I will go to work. That just might be what we both need. Clare

In my defense... shiver, I don't think you ever said your husband didn't want to stay with you until after my last post. I was reading that you 'thought' he was bailing on you, and not living up to your expectations because of him lowering his job situation and your perceived future financial problems because of it. I was reading that you thought that in and of itself was bailing on you, I didn't. I read that 'you' were letting him go.. not that he was running away. Sorry. Obviously, if he's totally leaving you there's no decision to make on your part and your post becomes one of feeling sorry for your situation and not really offering much advice about him. I do feel sorry because now you may have no insurance, no income at all, and no home whatsoever -- or you'll have to split what little there is. So... Sorry... your husband totally bailed on you and left you high and dry when you were sick. He is a complete a-hole. There... make you feel better? I now pretty much dislike your husband too. Although, I suspect you may be stretching your story a bit. I'm not sure he left you high and dry. I think he maybe he just didn't do things on your terms, you made mountains out of molehills, and maybe even gave ultimatums, etc. Only you know, and I am sorry if he totally left on his own accord. But I think there's a chance he's not totally gone and I urge you to reconsider if that is the case. If, I'm wrong.. I'm not really hurting anyone (except maybe finedreams, who may at this time be having a heart attack or at least a severe spike in blood pressure). shiver, don't forget I work with the chronically ill. Despite what you think, I really am enjoying it and find it very fulfilling. I see the phases, the denials, the anger, the blame games they play, the acceptance, etc.. Just because I don't agree with you or say things you want to hear doesn't mean I don't know what you are going through. I think you want to be right. I think you want to say you're going to be starving in the street; I think you want to say you're husband is a bad guy and you're going to do what you can to make it come true. You're a victim and you're playing the part wonderfully. Hopefully, you will realize you are doing this and come around to see that playing the victim will generally only victimize and hurt you more. I know you're sick; I know it's not fair; I know you did nothing wrong to deserve this, and I know how sad, desperate and alone you feel - on top of being sick. Two things can happen... you can either dig yourself deeper into a depression or you can hopefully with time and help come out of this phase. Again, I could recommend some books and I do urge you to talk to your support group, and your doctor or a counselor. Sadly, even if you weren't depressed before, I'm pretty sure with your husband leaving (either on his own accord or with your strong push), you will be. It's hard enough to take on a serious chronic illness by itself. I really do understand what you are going through... and shiver, I'm not trying to attack your character... just trying to make you realize some stuff... I am trying to help you. I can not stress to you enough how much I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH! You're not alone. I just don't want you to make wrong decisions when you're not in the right mind set. Good luck. I sincerely hope you find some peace and come to terms as well as anyone could that has to deal with what your dealing with. Believe it or not sickness can bring about some benefits. Little things are recognized and appreciated more, you find out who you friends really are (and they will be the good people), you'll find money is not really all that important, and you may just have, and take, the time to stop and smell the roses. Here's my quote for the day: A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses. (I read this almost every day and have gain great inspiration from it). Find your silver lining... Again, good luck to you.

Worried: I wouldn't call our relationship loveless. I love him very much. I believe he loves me. He says often enough and tenderly enough. Yes he has control issues and I have issues dealing with his control. But things have changed a lot since our confrontation and he does try to listen more. As for if I'm happy well at this time we're trying to deal with this situation so I wouldn't say there is a general feeling of happiness. But we're not directing the unhappiness toward each other. When he's not working we are together a lot. Problem is he's working a lot. Lucky for me that whether he's really working is easy for me to know the reason for his trip is work. That doesn't really prove whether he could be cheating although when I've asked him if he is/has he says no. He doesn't act withdrawn but I'm aware that he still could be. I enjoy being with him and he seems to enjoy being with me. Our sex life is everything I could want and he sure seems satisfied too. But he is also very affectionate outside of sex. I pretty much can't keep my hands off him and if ever want to get him to not act angry just touching him usually does it. Doesn't change his mind much but does change his demeanor. But he doesn't speak roughly to me often anyway. Like I said in my first post I almost wish he didn't treat me in the manner that he does because then I could easier resist him. Thanks to Mkroop for pointing that out as manipulation but Lawd! It's still hard to resist him even when armed with that knowledge. Granted in the past that has been because I just let him have his way but that has changed some too. I guess I really need to look up that word narcissistic to see what else is involved other than control. One positive I have gotten from all of your posts is speaking up for myself and not being afraid to oppose him. I don't know what my fear was with that other than not wanting to be a nag for fear it would drive us apart and our marriage wouldn't last. I remember hearing one of my sisters say that he husband was the boss until she started having kids. Now she is definitely the queen bee so I guess there's hope for me yet. This post was edited by wifey1281 on Wed, Dec 5, 12 at 7:32