You have my sympathy! I think it must be age related, although the age at which it strikes isn't always the same. I remember my MIL telling me that her late husband crept along on the highways when he got into his seventies.

My own fear of driving hit in my forties. I was appalled, because I love cars and love to drive. Suddenly highways frightened me, as did speed. I remember I went on a business trip and was a passenger in my boss's car. Other cars followed, and he instructed the drivers to set their cruise controls for 72. I was so glad I wasn't driving, because I wouldn't have been able to do that.

Fortunately, I didn't give into the fear long-term. I strongly wanted to go back to driving like a normal person (notice I said normal, not average!) and eventually overcame the problem.

Does your Main Main recognize that he does indeed have a problem?

You know, it may be age-related, but maybe--just maybe--there is another component?

I'm 57. A couple of years back, I noticed that I was getting truly nervous about driving, and avoided it whenever I could. Well, my car was an '89--in pretty good shape, but I think what I was really worried about was that 17 year old friend breaking down on the highway. 2 years ago, we traded it in on a 2007 FJ Cruiser (a car I saw online, and on TV before it was even released and just fell in love with). Once I got a new car, that I had a lot more faith in--I found my driving phobia totally disappeared. I'm out all the time, now, zipping here and there. And in truth, this car (the FJ) is a little more challenging to drive than the Caravan was.

When I read your post, I was just wondering if there was any possibility that there might be another component in MM's case? Maybe something neither of you is really aware of, even. I didn't realize, until after the fact, that I was starting to worry about my car's reliability.

Hopefully, you'll get things worked out--nothing is more nerve-wracking than a nervous passenter, is it? Good luck.

I absolutely do not like city driving. I live on Long Island and can be in NYC within 45 minutes. But I refuse to drive into the city. I don't like unfamiliar roads. I will only drive if I know exactly where I'm going. I must have perfect directions, including land marks. My DH cannot drive at night due to poor eyesight. So if he wants to go somewhere after dark,I'm the "designated driver". With my city driving fears, we rarely go anywhere.

Strange thing to me is.....When we go for a country drive in the Vet He is fully confident.

He has a real fear of 18 Wheeler Trucks, as do I, but I just pull over and let them go by. I don't try to out run one either.

I-10 Between Houston and San Antonio is a straight shot. These trucks are in a race to get to their destination. We also, get Highway Traffic from Austin to either SA or Houston as well.

Gayle

No fears here. My mother was scared to death of freeways though. She didn't learn to drive until she was in her forties and always took surface streets everywhere she went. That was back in the 50s and 60s when traffic was still relatively light.

Where I live it's a necessity to drive highways/freeways if you want to get anywhere. I would rather drive a freeway than a country road where kids come careening across unmarked intersections or in town where people don't know "right on red" means STOP and LOOK first. Then there's that idiots who come to a dead stop (no blinkers) before turning right into a driveway. What is that about?

I only wish California required freeway driving tests to get a license. So many people don't know how to merge onto a freeway properly. They think they can get on going 45 or 50 when traffic is flowing at 60 or 70. Stupid.

I can't see age-related. My guy is 68 and prefers highways, high speed limits don;t bother him. What he does find a problem is night driving on streets and roads that aren't well-lit..but it doesn't stop him.
I'm 62, and have no problem getting on the road and doing the same. But, he does complain that I drive too slow.

By the way, I think statistics show that back-road driving is more dangerous than highways. Where I live we have a lot of winding roads where a lot of accidents take place.

Age-related certainly doesn't mean that everyone is going to experience this. My dad loved driving, and drove well until he died . . . at age 90.

You are right Alisande, we have a lot of back-road accidents.

Winding roads and alcohol don't mix. Plus, the farmers who don't punch a clock and take their time going to the pasture. Most of the indicators don't seem to work here either. LOL!

I have never like to drive, and it's gotten worst as
I age.

I have alot of driving fears, but I suck it up and don't allow them to control my life. I am much more afraid of flying.

My grandfather made a life long career of being in the Air Force, and though he wasn't a pilot, he flew ALOT. Probably when he hit about 70 years old, he became terrified of flying. I don't think he'll step on another plane for the rest of his life.

I don't like driving around town and if I won the lottery the first thing I would do is have a full time chauffer on call. People are so rude, aggressive and angry anymore, they scare the daylights out of me. I get shaky and anxious going to the bank or grocery store.
Highway driving doesn't bother me and it's usually fun and relaxing, until I hit unfamiliar cities with loads of traffic and other highways splitting off and stuff. Washington DC, Portland and Seattle come to mind. I sincerely thought I was going to have a heart attack behind the wheel before I got through those cities.

I use to drive in the city -- then we moved away... I think I've turned 'whiteknuckled' with lack of practice..
We were in Tempe & drove down to Tucson on the I-10 -- wow! Speed limit is 75 -- that made me nervous... the locals going 85-90 - whizzing by -- on their cell phones of course.... The accidents must be something awful!

Has your MM had a vision test lately? Glaucoma check?
Could that be a factor?
I'm 52 and have been medicating glaucoma for over 10 years now. I don't have any significant vision loss but I do think my night vision isn't what it use to be. I do okay in most situations until I'm in a large, unfamiliar city. Then I find myself gripping the wheel so tight that my finger tips literally start to go numb! Then it's time to let DW drive; she lived and worked in downtown Houston for 11 years so she does fine. Hey, maybe there's enough sensory input to finally keep her focused on one thing. (see the adult ADD thread).
Ron

I'm 63 and drive all the time. I do the driving for my Mom too. In fact in a couple weeks, the neighbor lady and I are driving to Arizona for a couple weeks.
Now some people shouldn't be driving no matter how old they are.
Leslie

Well, Main Man has mentioned He needs new glasses.

Lately, He has been working a lot of Crossword Puzzles. He has stopped practicing Law, except for 2 lingering clients.

I'm thinking He is concerned about His memory.

Gayle

Don't know if it's an age thing either. When I was really young I used to drive extremely safe. Used to drive from Tucson AZ to Fallon NV 55 mph all the way, even when the speed limit was higher in places. Then I got stationed over in Germany and got used to driving autobahn speeds, but still stayed way below what everyone else was driving. Coming back to the states was a little hard, keeping my speed down.

I don't like driving in big cities, I can do it but I have to turn the radio/music/book on tape or whatever off. The kids were making fun of me during our last big trip out West, because I cannot concentrate in heavy traffic with that distraction. Once I'm out of the city, I'm fine, but when you come up to those big spaghtti bowl freeway exits I freak out a little bit.

I hate big city driving, really have a thing about it. DH always complains on road trips because I won't drive in the cities. ( Angelaid, my son lives southwest of Portland, so we have to drive thru Seattle and Portland, that's 2 out of 3)
I think since I turned 50 I have gotten even worse about it, I've added in major bridges to my list of won't drive on them..Tacoma Narrows, Fremont Bridge in Portland etc..Kathy

I don't mind driving in Portland or even San Francisco but Seattle is the worst.

My friends call me Speed Racer, not because I drive fast (though I do sometimes) but because of the way handle and command the car. I'm not afraid of anything but can't ride with people who are afraid. "Pleeease let me get behind the wheel," I beg them. Once dated a guy who was afraid of the freeway. He drove me nuts til I begged him to pull over. And, he absolutely would not go near the left lane.

My mother is a shotgun driver. She had a terrible accident one time and now can't stand driving or riding over 40 miles per hour. She wants to direct your every move. I tore up the rear end of my car listening to her. Let her know she was just going to have to deal with it from now on.

I don't mind driving here in Seattle, unless it's rush hour on I-5!! It used to terrify me, but I'm used to it now.

But I'm with ya Kathy about the Tacoma Narrows Bridge. I'll drive on it, but it's SCARY!

If my hubby told me I couldn't drive on the highway I'd be doing it everyday and honking at him on my way by....

I'm one of those..."don't tell me what to do" people...

Denny learned that I'll do anything for him if he just asks and doesn't tell.

patti

I have no fear of driving. My high school driving teacher said that some people were born to drive. I'm one of those. Driving out of town no problem if you use Map Quest, it's not always the shortest route but it gets you there. I always print the return route. Things look different in the dark. LOL
Years ago I was high broad side by a kid in a stolen car and became a horrible passenger.

The driving in FL is horrible everyone brings their bad habits with them.
DH is starting to scare me, we take two vehicles to work when he's going to work late. He doesn't use his turn signals and the talking on the cell phone is going to STOP. I've seen a few near misses that were his fault in my opinion.

Msmarion -- did you tell dh about his near misses?

LOL! Patti, I do get on the freeway when He isn't aware.

Gayle

I forgot to say, I have a great route I will drive... I catch the Pt Townsend Ferry ( I used to, wish they'd hurry up and get it fixed!) Then I go south 101 along Hood Canal. It comes out below Olympia on I-5, so no " city" traffic at all. Then right before Vancouver I cut off on 205 and miss all of Portland. I take the turnoff for my son's house from 205, and go out thru the Yamhill Valley..definitely no traffic compared to the direct freeway.. not that I am obsessed with missing traffic LOL!Kathy

When I learned to drive it was freeway driving in Los Angeles so I got used to it. I even drove our truck and trailer thru some of the bigger towns. Yep, missed a turn in Chicago and went right down thru the middle (car, not truck and trailer.) Like sme say, smaller towns are more challenging especially midwest during planting/combining with those big tractors moving from one field to another, but I just wait for an opening and go around. Don't do as much cross country now due to DH's health problems. But since he had his cataract surgey he is much better. Not much night driving--lots of deer etc, blowing snow etc.
But put me in Los Angeles --here i go!!!
Phoenix is not nice had 2 road rage incidents etc. And we are in our mid 70's but I do know my judgement is not as quick as it use to be. I don't get angry like DH, just lay back and go for it. Big trucks==no fear just lots of respect.

I don't mind driving and I spend hours a day every day on the road...which is much more than I would like to do, but my problem is with other people's driving. My husband's driving gets on my nerves and my best friend's driving scares me to death.

I used to not mind driving in cities and unfamiliar places. Then, because my boss at the time wouldn't let one of the machanics that used to do deliveries in a previous job, give me directions in downtown Cleveland, I got lost for over THREE HOURS! Lots of one way streets, not far from the WRONG side of town. Around and around and around I went, stopped and asked directions where I shouldn't have, third or forth time over the same RR track and some guy was working at the crossing the last time I went over it. I had my window part way down with spring weather. I stopped and asked him for directions and got them, along with being told to get that window closed and my doors locked! He was very nice, just very concerned about the way I had been driving around in bad places. I was supposed to trade cars with a client so hers could be repaired. When I got back to work, I was half an hour late clocking out. Boss met me at the door wanting to know where the Hllll lkdjls I had been, I should have been back two and half hours ago! I was sooooo mad at him for his bad directions, I told him to NEVER give me directions again and to shut up! He knew I was mad, as I never talked to him that way any other time.

I got brave enough to drive up to Niagara Falls when Heather had the get together in January about 5 years ago, and have gotten better about driving in unfamiliar places, but love my map quest! I still hate city driving of any kind, tho.

I will vouch for Wildchild's city driving! She did great when we were in SF last Feb. She makes a wonderful chauffer!

Tami

I fear the lack of abilities and fearless mentality of other drivers but I don't let it stop me.
I prefer to call what I do defensive driving.
I can take care of myself; it's keeping track of all the morons who think it's alright to drive like a maniac who frighten me. WHen I was young and dumb I considered myself fearless. Now I know it's better to be a smart driver than a brave one.

There are two ways to the city from my house;
route one is freeway all the way (except thirty miles on a good, two lane road).
Route two is over a mountain pass.
In bad weather (especially bad weather) I will choose the mountain pass all the time.
Why?
It's not because I'm not afraid.
I have great respect for the elements and understand the need for skill.
I drive that mountain because I know there will be few cars on the road and I won't have to concentrate on staying out of the bravado drivers and concentrate on myself and my passengers. Fearless in my mind is the same as saying 'no sense or respect-it's either my way or else'.

I don't like driving in the city but I've learned you have to be quick and decisive, which I am. But I still use my head; heavy city traffic is no time to be drive like a bully. I believe 'fearless' is what gang members think they are, isn't it? Unafraid of anything? Ready to take anything down that crosses their path?

Lori

I was in a pretty bad accident in 1998. Was hit head on by a full size truck and then again in the rear driver side door. Totaled my car.

I drove a BMW 525 and managed to walk away without a scratch on me. Physically I was fine, emotionally, it has worn on me over the years how close I came to death and how quickly it happened.

In the last 10 years I've only driven a freeway about a dozen times. I take surface streets whenever possible.

I'm no better as a passenger. My poor husband is so patient and understanding. One weekend we went to Pasadena (via the freeway), enjoyed a wonderful visit to the local sites and headed home late Sunday afternoon. I asked him if we could please take surface streets home. And that's exactly what he did. We live 55 miles from Pasadena! Truth be told, we had a blast taking surface streets. Saw places and things we would have never seen had we been on the freeways. Try it sometime.

Jodi-

You may have identified the triggering event (driving through a dangerous construction site in May) for panic disorder. You might want to read up on this disorder, and encourage "Main Man" to discuss the onset of his driving fear with his doctor. It can be treated, but it's best to seek treatment early. As you mentioned, MM has taken to avoiding the highways. There are ways to help him get back on the road. Here's an interesting article about another fear that can seem to come out of nowhere...fear of crossing bridges. Let MM know he's not alone, and that his doc will NOT think he's crazy if makes an appointment to discuss this problem.

Here is a link that might be useful: Panic and Phobias

I don't have any real driving fears but I find myself watching the other cars like a hawk. It's incredible how many times I've noticed cars starting to ease over the center line and start into my lane. I'm very defensive in my driving, always watching, and at the same time I drive with confidence, even on roads I don't know. I know that even if I take a wrong turn in unfamiliar territory, I can fix whatever I do wrong within a few minutes. I cringe when I see people change across 3 lanes of traffic to make their turn. Sheesh! Go past it and turn around, don't risk MY life because you missed your turn. And I never start across an intersection without checking for light-runners first.

When Dad was 85 he drove alone upwards of 2,000 mi. from Regina, Saskatchewan, north of Lake Superior and crossed Lake Huron and Georgian Bay to visit old friends in southern Ontario ... in 3 days.

Then,a few days later, he entered a 4-lane, non-divided highway, making a left turn ...

... right in front of a transport, in the close lane.

That was the end of Dad.

I figure that he looked to the left, then to the right, waited for a couple of cars coming from the right to pass ... then drove out - without looking left again.

Bad decision/oversight.

I feel reasonably unruffled driving pretty well wherever I choose.

But got into two accidents within just over the last year, one of them chargeable.

So I got a letter from the Ministry of Transport - since I'm over 70 and was in a chargeable accident, I must take a vision, written and driving test.

We must take a test, perhaps every year (some say 2 years) after we pass 80.

ole joyful

My best pal is terrified of driving. She's only 47 but not a confident driver, which is not a good thing. We have known each other for yrs. and I have never been in a car with her behind the wheel. She's just scared. Not sure of herself. She has passed this fear on to her almost 18 yr. old daughter. She'll be off to college soon and can't drive! Mom says she has not passed on the fear but I beg to differ! If you're going to drive, you better be darn sure of yourself because a hesitant driver is not a safe driver. You need to be able to make decisions quickly and drive at the correct speed or you WILL cause an accident. Going too slow is just as bad as going too fast.

So, don't be hard on him. I'm sure age does make a difference in some way but just make sure when you both get behind the wheel of a car, you are driving confidently.

Nikoleta,

Thanks for the link. I might need that myself, as I do not like water causeways with really "high" bridges. Especially in the Motorhome on a "windy" day, because you can see over the wall and how close you are to the wall of the bridge.

This has been an interesting thread.
Gayle

I also dislike the merge lanes, where another road merges into the one I'm on. There is one around here that no one pays any attention to the traffic that has the right of way on the road they are merging onto. In fact, Just before Christmas, when I had taken DS to work and was on my way home, a truck and a school bus were merging onto my road. The truck stayed in his lane, but it wasn't easy. The bus, however, headed right for me! She was in my lane and still coming & I was half way in the wrong lane, blowing my horn hard before she jerked that bus back where it belonged! I was really lucky there was no oncoming traffic so I could avoid her. I'll bet I scared her as much as she scared me! Maybe now she will be more careful when she merges into traffic. Now I drive a rather large Ford Expedition SUV, I'm not that hard to see! But I have seen that happen so many times at that intersection, it's not funny.

Tami

I have hydroplaned twice and it makes me very nervous to drive in the rain. My son totaled his car this past fall going around a curve in a rain storm and now he hates to drive in the rain too.

There are highways, and there are interstates. And then there are city streets.

I feel very safe on the interstate. I don't feel as safe on the highways (even the highways that are technically "interstates" in the NYC area are really just highways), bcs it's just more crowded.

City streets scare me stiff. At least, MY city streets do, LOL!

I second the idea that maybe some "under the radar" physical change is prompting people's sudden fear of driving. They can't see as well; or their reflexes are slowing; or maybe even they can't HEAR as well.

I crashed my Razor scooter on Christmas Even and fell on my face at about 15 mph. And now I'm scared of speed even when my DH is driving! I figure I need to get back on the scooter, and then I'll be able to get over it.