Move.

I would do it -if nothing else, as a short-term adventure.... How difficult would it be to come back if you don't like it? Also, of course, how do the living expenses compare? Would you truly be that far ahead, or would some of it be eaten up in additional costs?

I would do it -if nothing else, as a short-term adventure.... How difficult would it be to come back if you don't like it? Also, of course, how do the living expenses compare? Would you truly be that far ahead, or would some of it be eaten up in additional costs?

I'd have a very hard time. We have lived in our current town for 15 years too, with similar age kids (plus one more, age 10). I know my middle son would be devastated and so would I. We have a very close knit group of friends in our town, too. Ack. That's a tough one. I wish you luck with a difficult decision!

If you had asked me this when I had one son in college and the other in high school, I'd have hesitated to tell you to uproot your family. I'd have said, it'll be hard for your high schooler to adjust to a new school. I'd have told you your college freshman deserves to come home to the home he knows.

I now have a 22 year old in his last year of college and a 26 year old and have a completely different perspective. My sons have told me over and over that they WISHED we'd moved, made life changes, and had the chance to do what WE wanted to do before this economy tanked. They not only would have adjusted but would have grown with the opportunity to try something new for themselves.

If you've done the math, compared true costs from where you are to AZ and if the money really will buy you an easier life, then absolutely move. Kids are amazingly resilient and will take their cues from you. With one still in high school you have the perfect opportunity to meet people and get involved with all the parent groups that support the various clubs, athletics and even the PTA/O. If you get involved you'll make new friends. This can be really exciting! There are some lovely suburban areas around Phoenix - Scottsdale is only one option. And some of that extra $$ can be for visits back to the friends you miss.

Move without a doubt. We've done it 4 times and, although the process of moving is a hassle, there is nothing better than expanding one's horizons, having new opportunities, making new friends to join the old friends. The super pay increase is a huge plus in this day and age. Get packing!

Move. We've had to move with my husband's job 3 times, and one was half way across the country. The company your husband will work for may move you, which is the most awesome way to do it. Sometimes they even buy your house for you if yours doesn't sell and pay for temporary housing in your new location. Change is a part of life and your kids will be stronger for it. If you HATE it, you can always move back but give it a chance. Include your kids on the decisions of which house to move into, where to live, and discuss things to do in the community. Get a house with a guest room and friends that want to stay connected will come and see you. Our first move was so hard on us because it was so far away. But we did it and are closer as a family for it. It amazes me now to talk to friends that have NEVER lived anywhere but in the communities they grew up in. There is so much out there to see and do and they've missed it many times because they passed up opportunities because they were afraid of change. Good luck with your decision. I know how tough it is.

I was just in Scottsdale last year and the year before. Be sure you are can tolerate the weather...I couldn't and the EXPENSE. It is amazingly and crazy expensive. I love the winter/fall there and the trails and the parks are great. But ....the heat would do me in in no time flat. I hate hate hate the flat dry brown expanse. So you need to go and look now...while it still looks awful and brown and HOT !!

I do not want to be a naysayer...but unless you are used to this...which I am NOT I couldn't live there for any amount of money. c

You know, it might be really fun. I have a good friend whose husband was in the military and she has been everywhere and loved it. Consider it a new adventure!

I second jcm with a caveat. If this offer is with a new company, then he needs to assess the long-term viability of the job/company and his fit to justify the move. If it's an internal offer that he's comfortable will be secure and he will be able to meet the challenge, then, yes, in a heartbeat.

The world is large and you and your children will benefit by the stretch, even if you decide you want to relocate later. So says a gypsy at heart. ;)

Good luck!

Move! Nothing ventured nothing gained! What a gift to your children if they can come out of college with no debt. What a gift to yourselves to have enough money to retire and enjoy it. There are nice people everywhere and there are plenty in Scottsdale, I am sure. And remember:

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.

So throw off the bowlines.

Sail away from the safe harbor.

Catch the trade winds in your sails.

Explore.

Dream.

Discover.

-- Mark Twain

If my husband was offered a transfer at double his current salary there wouldn't be any discussion. I'd be the first out with the packing boxes even if we were moving to the middle of the prairies and their horrible winters.

Thanks for all advice thus far. The opportunity is w/a company that he's been consulting to for about a year so he does know a fair amount about the projects and players. Also, he spent a few months on location w/the client last year and 1 - 2 weeks a month this year so he's become somewhat familiar with the area. I won't say he's in love w/it from a scenery standpoint. We're easterners, love the seasons, nature, and beach etc. I'm open to really exploring a new part of the country at least for a few years but my son is really happy in his current school and I don't think he sees any upside to moving. We haven't talked too much about it, I don't want to upset him unless it's really happening. I'm a little worried about the schools because these last two years of HS are really important for college and if he's not happy and does poorly it might be a problem for him. DLM2000, good point about getting involved in school activities to meet people. As for the weather Trailrunner, yes, DH says it's like walking on the surface of the sun during the summer and I'm not sure how I'll handle it. I also am not thrilled having a whole country between us and our college aged child. She chose her school based partly on it's proximity to home and if we now pick up and move cross country it kind of defeats that entirely. Then again, the extra $$ would allow plane tix. Oh, and I've never actually BEEN to Arizona so I have no idea what we'd be getting into.

We did. In fact when we moved we left all children and 1 grandson behind. The joke was...we ran away from home! We only moved 4 hours away, but it does make dropins nonexistent. We have lived here 10+ years, but have started discussing moving back by the kids after we retire in 1-2 years. We now have 8 grandchildren and dislike all the things we are missing out on.

She chose her school based partly on it's proximity to home and if we now pick up and move cross country it kind of defeats that entirely.

Or it could be the best thing in the world for her as far as becoming an independent adult.

Tough question. We did it once when I was offered a job at a significant pay increase. DH had just been laid off work, so it was pretty much a no-brainer. My eldest was just starting middle school, so her transition was easy as all the kids her age were also starting and hadn't formed cliques yet.

I was recently offered the opportunity to relocate. The pay would be the same, but it is in a different region of the state. So DH and I went there for a weekend and hated, just HATED the area. So that was a good experience for us...before, I'd just said yes to the promotion and moved us to a place we'd never even visited before! Fortunately we grew to love it.

Definitely check the cost of living and do some number crunching. I recently learned that there is another state that pays CONSIDERABLY more than where I live. The COL is comparable, and there is very low unemployment. BUT the weather is something that I couldn't tolerate for a day, let alone months on end. So, even tho DH and I looked into it, we decided we'd rather make due with what we know now and wait till the right location comes up.

Good point, trailrunner - I hope it's not lost. Have you compared actual costs-of-living in each town? Maybe there's a reason the salary is so much more, and you might not be able to save as much as you think, once living expenses are taken out. I know that if DH got *double* what he's getting here if we moved to CA, it still wouldn't allow us the same standard of living. He'd have to make about 5 times what he makes here. Seriously. You might want to make extra sure of that factor.

Tough decision for you. If you decide to go, do consider renting your home if it makes sense $-wise, and rent in Az. In other words: Don't burn your bridges. Also, if you go, consider vacationing near home during the school holidays, and especially summer! You may love the desert; many do, though I'm not one. Still, if you live in a buggy, humid area, there are compensations awaiting you in Az.

I guess I have a completely different point of view. To me, the point of money is to have a happier life. If it is not going to buy you a happier life, there is really no sense in making the move. But money in itself has never made me happy... I would rather struggle in a place I love than have things easy in a place I did not.

I am an east coaster and did live in Houston for a few years... no seasons, stifling heat, and humidity on top of it (unlike Arizona). I never felt at home there even though we had a large beautiful new house for a fraction (less than half) of what we ended up paying for a smaller very old house on the east coast. I hated the weather, I never found my stride in regard to the people and I wanted to go "home." The house did nothing to make me happy in a place where I was not happy.

I'm glad you posted before me kgwlisa (we seem to be on the same wavelength lately LOL). I totally agree with you.

I have lived in this same vicinity (different areas/cities, but same locale) all my life. We have deep roots here. I am responsible for my 93 year old grandmother and my dad is still living. I would not feel comfortable at all leaving them. We have many friends and family in the area and that is important to us. A strong support network, our church, etc., etc., etc.

Of course this is what works for US. You have to think where you are at this point in your life. We have no children, are financially independent, own our home, etc. so even though all the extra money could be nice, it's not like we have to think about putting children through college.

It sounds to me like it could very well work out for you. I wish you much luck and hope you'll keep us posted!!

tina

You can speculate either way about things- that your son will have a hard time, but he could have a wonderful time, you love the East but you have never been to Arizona and might love it, ....etc.
Not having college debts and having money to do a few things does help a lot and your children will be grateful some day. And I do think it could be a good thing for your daughter in college too. I did not transition well to college and was dependent on my parents because they made it so. I look at friends who were much more independent than I and current friends daughters who are amazingly mature and independent compared to what I was and I wish I had toughened up and matured better. I still have unresolved issues.

A kid's response to moving is very individual. I moved a lot as as kid, so I do have opinions. I was in the same school for complete consecutive years only twice (4th and 5th grades and 10th and 11th grades). As with most things there are advantages and disadvantages.

A lot depends on the child's personality. It helps a lot to like school in general and to not mind working hard to keep up. I have trouble envisioning a good outcome without those characteristics. On the plus side, one learns to become flexible and to understand firsthand that there are major cultural difference within a single country.

A couple of cautionary notes:

Moving a kid between junior and senior years of high school is terribly destructive. It took me decades to forgive my parents for that. If you find that you don't like AZ, it would be best to move before the start of the junior year.

Breaking up a foreign language sequence is a disaster - even for an excellent student. In the 9th grade I was in 3 different schools in 3 different states. I bounced from ecclesiastic Latin to classic Latin and back. Each school had a different vocabulary and was teaching the grammar in a different order. I got a B for the year (a marginal grade for me), but there's no way that I could have done well the next year. That's when I threw a tantrum and told my parents that they HAD to stay put for at least 2 years so that I could get enough of a foreign language to get into my target university. I switched to French, which I already had a working knowledge of, just in case. There can be similar issues with math and lab sciences, but those were easier for me.

In short, you really need to understand your kid to know whether moving will be a problem or not.

We have moved a fair amount for my husband's career. Most of the moves have been at the request of his company so it hasn't really been our choice. Each move included a salary increase so thankfully at this point we are pretty comfortable financially. The most recent move was two years ago after living in an area for seven years. My daughters were heading into 11th and 7th grade. It was very tough on them, especially my shy high schooler.

I don't know what to tell you. I am friendly with people here but I really miss my gal group from my old town. I love my friend's kids too and it makes me sad not to be a part of their every day lives anymore.

My new town is MUCH nicer than where we used to live so that plus the additional money certainly helps the situation.

If your high school boy was a junior, I would suggest you staying with him and letting him finish out school while your husband rented an apartment in AZ. Unfortunately, I think three years is too long to be apart.

I would definitely go for a visit before you make a decision. Arizona is VERY different from the east coast.

One great thing about moving is that it makes you aware and appreciative of different lifestyles, cultures, regional differences, regional food, etc.

Do I regret moving? Not really, but this last move has been pretty tough on our family emotionally.

Goodness, I just reread your post. Double the salary? As long as the new area isn't wildly more expensive than your current location, I would say that the financially security is worth the emotional hassle.

We "bribed" our kids when we moved - new car for one, expensive gadget for the other. It didn't make their transition any easier but it did give them something to look forward to when we moved.

whatever you decide, there will be pros and cons...and there really is no way of knowing if the pros will outweigh the cons beforehand.

i moved before my sophmore year in highschool for the 1st time ever and i was absolutely devastated. i was the youngest in my family, so the only one left at home, so even my sibs didn't move with me. but then, middle of my jr year, we moved back to the east coast and i found myself very sad to be leaving the small, idyllic, midwestern town, even though we were going 'home'...

i went far from home for college, met my husband and have lived several places around the country since we married. always thought of the moves as adventures. have been where we are now right at 10 years.

2 1/2 yrs ago, my hub took a job quite far away from where we live. we spent alot of time trying to figure out if we should move or if just he should 'move'. we opted to do that since we weren't positive if this job would work out and because my oldest was in college and younger 2 were in highschool...our arrangement is getting old, but for us, i think it was the right decision. he comes home as often as he can and we go there sometimes-esp in the winter when it's not so nice here and very nice where he is! we talk on the phone often! i don't think he'll be with this job a whole lot longer---another yr or 2 maybe, so an end is in sight....then, who knows what the next adventure will be!!

This is a tough one. I think a lot depends on how your kids feel about it. And what you know about your kids. Some kids handle moves without a problem. For others, it would be devastating. For myself, it we had told my DD while in high school (she is now 25) that we were moving across the country, I do not think she would have survived. On the other hand, my 10 year old DS would probably do ok with it, although he would certainly say he doesn't want to go. Different personalities.

I strongly suggest you visit before making a decision. I live on the east coast (NJ), but I've spent significant time in Arizona when I was younger (1st DH's family lived there), and I can tell you there is no amount of money that would make me move there. It's just not for me for a lot of reasons.

Also, wanted to add, be sure to consider the security with your DH's current job and the potential new job. Not sure in this economy I would want to be the "new guy", and perhaps the 1st to go if there are layoffs.

Did it. Ohio to El Paso Texas. First year kinda hard. Now, we don't see ourselves ever living north-ish again.

As far as the kids moving thing, it's not like when we were little. A "new kid" at school was a BIG deal. With the economony, there's a "new kid" at school all the time because everyone is having to uproot and relocate for jobs - all year long. Kids come and go in the middle of the year sometimes.

My kids fit right in really quickly because, again, so much moving especially in the last few years for everyone. Rare to find a group of kids who have been together since kindergarten for example -- that kind of tightly knit dynamic, hard for other kids to be accepted social sitution was what I was most concerned about moving my kids to new schools. After fact, realized it was totally imagained on my part, complete non issue.

Just a few thoughts:

Your 15-year friendships may be in a transition phase anyway, now that your kids are starting college. I was surprised how many of our friends moved away or pursued other interests once we didn't have the PTA, the church group, athletics, etc. to bind us together anymore. Our post-high school social life has taken awhile to rebuild and consists of mostly new faces.

I'm sure you value the grapevine of info your friends currently provide, and losing that will make you feel like a less efficient mom. You'll feel terribly out of the loop at first. You'll seek out volunteer activities partly to make friends, partly to keep your ear to the ground.

Is your son a strong student? Have strong interests? Is he generally well-behaved? If so, he'll have an easier time finding a good & accepting peer group (good kids enjoy other good kids). If not, then think twice about moving him.

Finally, how about your husband's happiness? Sounds like the easier financial picture would save him a lot of wear & tear. My husband's been on the treadmill for over 30 years now to provide us with a nice life. I worry about him wearing out, frankly. The grind has aged him. If moving could take some stress off of your husband by eliminating college debt worries (a HUGE advantage for your kids too) & by building up a retirement nest egg, then that could mean better health, a longer life, & a happier partner for you.

I've moved cross-country several times for jobs. Some cities, I enjoyed immensely; others, I hated. The physical move, while stressful, is ultimately the easiest part of the move. Finding replacements for all the things in your daily life, including friends, is harder. It's best if you jump in with both feet. As others have mentioned, get involved with your child's school and other local organizations related to your interests, meet people and get recommendations from everyone you meet for the best cleaners, grocery store, hair salon, etc.

Scottsdale is hot and it does have what they call monsoon season when it's also humid. However, people dress to deal with the heat and everywhere is air-conditioned. The hardest thing to get used to there (to me) is the scrubby appearance of the xeriscape and the lack of lights at night. Scottsdale is nicely upscale, has great shopping and plenty of access to hiking, biking, and running trails and other outdoor activities. You also may have to search a bit to find a home that doesn't have some southwestern architectural features on the interior.

Most teenagers hate change, so you may have a little bit of a struggle with your son. Hopefully, he has interests that will help him mix in with others easily at school.

It depends. There isn't enough money to move me from our home now. But, you have a child and I'm just guessing that your extra income would also be benefiting by a better cost of living in Arizona. Teenagers do hate change and the adjustment might mean more attention on your part to be certain that your teen doesn't fall into the wrong crowd. That crowd always seems to be more welcoming to new comers. But would I move, simply for $$. No way. We took a 75% reduction in income when we moved here, by choice, and have never looked back.

I would not do it. Moving in high school is devastatingly difficult. As someone said, it would depend on the child's personality, though. I would also second what someone else said about Scottsdale. Don't assume because it is Arizona that it is a cheap place to live. It is very high-end, uppity, and expensive. I have two friends who live there and have visited often.

I would move. But then, I tend not to be very wedded to a location. I grew up in the midwest, live on the east coast, considered moving to the west coast when i was in my 20s, and DH and I fantasize about living abroad. My best friends live in different states; what I've found is that my dearest friends and I manage to stay close even when we live across the country from each other. We travel to see each other, and talk on email, etc. Acquaintances change, but if you work or are involved in activities/organizations, you can meet new people (easiest if you work outside the home; I pick up a new set of friends whenever I change jobs, and there are always at least 1 or 2 coworkers that I really click with).

It seems that it should be early enough in high school for your younger child to adapt. For the college student, it shouldn't matter; in fact, it could make coming home to visit you like a vacation (i.e. more fun). If you can afford a private school, there will probably be other 'new' faces, or at least plenty of people who have not spent the past 15 years in the same school/class. Maybe even in the public school, depending on where you move.

Just had a thought about the college student. If the school is a state college, would your change to out of state residency cause you to have to pay out of state tuition for your kid?

IF you like hot weather and you think your teenager won't be traumatized by the move then I say start packing. Do so with a positive attitude and think of it as an adventure. If you stay positive your familty will adjust. We moved so many times but never when our kids were in their last year of high school. They always adjusted. After graduating from high school (one in Wyoming and one in Washington) they traveled all over the world. They are never afraid to make new friends and enjoy new experiences. They have both gratuated from college and are in exciting careers that involve travel. We're retired now but sometimes I still miss the excitement of a new house in an unfamiliar place. Many sweet memories.

Will the company pay for you to take a trip to Scottsdale to spend a long weekend? Years ago, when our children were little, my husband and I were considering a move due to a promotion opportunity and his company paid for us to go to the new location for a long weekend. Like your offer, ours seemed too good to be true and we were ready to leap. During our weekend away, we met with a real estate agent who showed us around the area and also showed us at least a dozen homes. We did fall in love with the area, but found out that the cost of living was higher and the salary offer would not be enough to buy us a house nearly as big and well made as the one that we were leaving. Ultimately, we decided not to move. Fast forward now and our oldest is in college (not too far away so she can come home when she wants and see her old friends when she can) and our second is in high school. He is involved with many activities and has a girlfriend. Given a choice, I'm not sure that I could move them right now. The key word, however, is choice. If I had no other choice or options, then we probably would move.

Hi everyone,

Right now we're waiting for the final offer w/all the details, it's expected to come this with week. I am trying to stay calm.

Yes yogacat, our college student's tuition would jump to an out of state rate. We'll be factoring that in. And goldengirl, we'd definitely go out there to look around at real estate and get a feel for the place.

My husband's been going back and forth (he's working as a consultant for the company that's interested in hiring him) but he lives in a hotel when he's there and has no idea about real estate costs.

Texanjana, I do worry a little about Scottsdale's rep but DH's job will be in Phoenix so we may end up somewhere else.

I really don't know how this is going to play out yet but as always, I appreciate everyone's comments and advice.

Just had a thought about the college student. If the school is a state college, would your change to out of state residency cause you to have to pay out of state tuition for your kid?

In my experience, it is the residency of the student that counts. Your child who is currently in college will not be changing residency, so the tuition should remain in state. At least that is the way that it works in the states that I am familiar with.

Only if the student is totally self sufficient. In Ohio, residency is based on where your financial support comes from.

I love Arizona, the sky is so blue and the air so crisp. No humidity or mosquitoes!

It would be a tough choice, and hard to leave friends and family, but life is short and you can always come back. I'd also consider renting your house vs. selling in case you want to come back. But, if the employment package includes selling - covering real estate fees, moving costs etc. I may be inclined to take it and if you move back find another home.

Caroleoh, I have not really thought about renting out our current home because by the time we'd come back both kids would be in college and at that point I'd want to downsize anyway. We chose this neighborhood partly because it was near schools and shopping and it had sidewalks so the kids could bike around easily. If DH and I came back to this area we would probably look for something smaller (but big enough for returning children) anyway. I don't think we could afford to keep it to rent for an investment or anything because we'd need the proceeds from a sale to buy something else. There's probably an argument to be made for waiting until real estate prices go up again, but who knows how long that will take and I don't know how easy it would be to "manage" a property cross country or come back later to get it in shape and ready to market after its been occupied by renters. I guess it does depend on the relo package. We're still waiting to get those details.

"I love Arizona, the sky is so blue and the air so crisp. No humidity or mosquitoes!"

When the temp is 115, it doesn't feel crisp and no humidity doesn't matter. And this is coming from someone that loves the heat. But, summers there are really, really hot.

True, no mosquitoes...just snakes and tarantulas. Just saying.