I think you need to separate legal issues from how a couple manages their day-to-day joint finances. I believe the original question pertained to the latter issue. I think it makes perfect sense for a couple to manage their finances in a way that works for them, even if the method they use would be irrelevant in the event of a divorce or bankruptcy. Many of my friends who married early in life put all of their money in joint accounts. This generally leads to certain rules they establish about spending allowances, how much can be spent without getting the other's approval, etc. Other situations (large asset imbalances between spouses, needing to protect children from previous marriages, etc.) may require various legal arrangements, and it's usually necessary for the management of finances to follow these arrangements. Finally, in many situations it makes sense for a couple to manage their finances in a way that works for them, even if it would have no bearing in a legal proceeding. My wife and I have joint accounts and credit cards, but we also have our own separate accounts. Even though my wife is very frugal, it would drive me crazy seeing every pair of shoes she buys on our credit card statements. And it would drive her crazy knowing I was looking at her purchases. It's much easier contributing a percentage of our incomes to a joint account to pay for our joint living expenses and managing our personal expenses from our own accounts. Going back to the original question, I don't think the assets that either spouse has is particularly relevant, unless they are using those assets to meet their living expenses. If they are living off of their income, then I think expenses should be split based on their respective incomes.

Shutterbug, I can't tell you in words how much I identify with what you have written. I'm a 31 year old male and my father passed when I was 25. I wish I could tell you that it gets easier but it doesn't it...but it's up to you how you internalize that. Whenever I start to cry (right now) as a result of the horrible images associated with my father's death, I do my best to remember that he is/was/always will be worth the tears. You get one father in this life and that crap will always f' you up if you were close but it's one of those things...is it better to have never loved or to have loved and lost? No right answer here - just telling you what works for me. What does not jive is cheaping your experience by taking an antidepressant. I started taking Paxil when my father was at a hopeless state of treatment (24yrs old) and still can't get off those sob's. Sure they help my mood but getting off them is like trying to quit heroine (not that I've ever tried). In short, I wish you all the best in your recovery. If you ever need a penpal regarding the subject, you've got one (joedam66@aol.com) Lots of love, Joe

As Mrgreenlawn says, while trying to find webpages I'd previously veiwed while planning our vacation, I pressed the wrong button, or did DD? Anyway all the pages came up as tabs and here was the original post. I glance at it and think, "this sounds familiar". I start to read it then DD whacks the computer again and it is gone. I tell DH about it when he came home. Later I read this thread. You all seem to enjoy the soap opera. Some of you seem to be considering the problem and offering advice and well wishes. Thank you for your concern. I was going to write an huge rebuttal but I'm not really interested in airing dirty laundry nor do I feel I need to defend myself by detailing what I consider personal. I will say that I disagree with parts of his account. Also, I was not truamatized, not homosexual, not medically or mentally ill. I love and like my DH, want to be intimate with him. I agree that I'm stubborn, complacent and can be selfish. From his posts I see that he is distressed and I already know there is a problem. If he wants to do couples counseling, fine, I'm not opposed. Our communication clearly needs an overhaul as what I perceived as an off hand comment (during a tense moment or arguement? can't truly remember) was to him a genuine invitation to therapy. If mrgreenlawn wants to continue this discussion with you, I'll stay out of it. I have no intention of creating my own posting.

Cat mom and all, no one's saying the cat WOULD become a biter but only there is a real RISK of aggression problems or other personality changes. Is it worth the risk when there may be options with a more certain or sure outcome? The point is you shouldnt think of it as a "last resort," because there is a real chance it would NOT solve the problem. How I manage a similar situation is to do sort of a time share - my old 20 yr old cat stays in the bedroom 8 am - 8 pm, then gets the run of the house 8 pm- 8 am when I put the new cats downstairs in the basement (there's couches and stuff downthere and I feed them when they go downstairs so they have pleasant associations. What makes this work is that its so highly routine - cats just LOVE routine and predicatability, same things happening at the same time each day. What was NOT working was just trying to keep them separate in random, unpredictable ways. Everyone has settled down knowing they each have their own space and own times for occupying the "common area." In the wild, cats often make these same types of arrangments to "time-share" an area. If youre not up for that.... do consider finding another home. Ive done it many times, found home for cat in an unfortunate situation. There is a way of screening people and making sure its a good home - I could tell you more if you want. There's always the long difficult process of getting cats used to each others smell, and build up their tolerance for each other. But Im thinking because the ragdolls are so passive and unable to defend themselves (are they? Ive never had one) that might actually be triggering the other cat's dominance and urge to drive them out of the territory. Nature and feline territorial behavior is not pretty sometimes. In my case I decided I just could NOT put my old 20 yr old cat, deaf and arthritic, through the attacks she was getting from the 1 young new cat I brought into the house. She could not defend herself and she was literally getting knocked down, clawed, bitten and terrorized and she started peeing out of the box she was so freaked out. Now, Im happy to report, she is feeling secure again and her old self.