It's funny you asked this today. My husband and I team teach in a Youth 1 class at our church (6,7 and 8 grades). We have two who have elected to stay in the class that are in 9th grade. I was looking at something on the calendar and realized that next Sunday is 9/11. I hadn't realized it fell on a Sunday, not that it matters, but it will be interesting to see how our church addresses the anniversary.

Anyhoo - the kids were asking a few questions and one of the kids wanted to know if our main church (sanctuary) doors are locked during the service. They are not, but we do have security personnel outside during that time. Adjoining educational building is locked. The boy started talking about all kinds of scenerios and our safety. I tried to answer the best I could - and honestly. Later my husband and I were talking about it (he wasn't in the class to hear the boy's questions) and we both talked about how sad it is kids that age have to worry about those things. But they do! We don't have children, but if I were in your place I would explain things very honestly to my child and answer their questions. That said, I don't think it necessary for you to go into great deal or share images that will frighten her. You might bring more emphasis to the bravery of those who lost their lives, and those who helped others, etc. and their families. Let her know it is part of our history and how proud we are of those and how it is something we will never forget. I guess kind of sharing the good of the heros of 9/11 along with the tragedy brought to our lives. As she is older she may want to watch some of the tv specials, etc. but at 7, I don't think she needs the graphic images. Just my opinion - good luck in talking with her!

tina

my youngest was 7 on 9/11/01... my other boys are 2 and 4 years older. i definitely think i was ALOT more worried and anxious and upset than my kids ever were, because i understood the gravity of the situation...

i would try to avoid having her watch the terror/panic of people running away from the falling buildings and the images of people jumping from the buildings,etc but i think she would be fine learning the day's history. lots and lots of bad things have happened in history. there's no way of getting around that. but, learning about history isn't nearly as scary as experiencing it. i would give a brief account of the day and of our country's response and then gauge her level of interest by the questions that she asks.
i think alot of fear and anxiety in kids is picked up from the parents,consciously or subconsciously, so i would be aware of how you are presenting the history and dealing with the anniversary yourself...some kids are very perseptive/intuitive! sometimes very little has to be said for kids to become very anxious about something...

I suppose telling your child that the children lost their father when the twin towers collapsed. Say that it happened on a very sad day and many people were sad about it and now we honor the people who were lost. Then I'd just leave it at that for the time being. As she gets older 9/11 will be a subject she learns about in school and there is no point in adding our emotional reaction to that terrible day to her at this age.

My kids were older (18, 16 & 14) so they handled it age appropriately. In fact, to them it almost didn't feel real. We are on the west coast and don't
personally know anyone who died. They also didn't follow much of the news as they were in school that day. But the have told me that for years they were terrified of being bombed as children. The 1st gulf war was going on when they were small and while we adults didn't talk much about it, they watched it on the news. Reminded me of when I was a child and we grew up fearing nuclear annihilation from Russia.

My personal belief is that it's our job as parents to discuss the reality of life, but keep it age appropriate. At 7, children might have a concept of death, but they also need to be reassured that incidents occur that are isolated and not a daily occurrence. I don't mean to down play 9/11 or it's significance to us, but use judgement when it comes to what you think your child can handle at this age.

I don't have kids so I can't tell you how to talk to them. But if I did I would be very mindful that a child takes situations and makes it very personal to them. Thinking back to when I was a kid our biggest fear at the time was the Manson family. There were the terrorists as far as LA citizens were concerned. I never let on to the adults how frightened I was that they were coming after me next. As ridiculous as that sounds I believed I was the next target. I kept it to myself which made it even worse because none of the adults in my family were aware I was feeling this way so they didn't bother to talk to me about it, I'm sure they just assumed I was OK with it. But I wasn't, not by a long shot. At least that was a current event, you've got the added benefit that you have to explain something that occurred many years ago. That should help a lot to lessen the fear factor...what you felt when Reagan was shot and I felt after the Tate-LaBianca murders, those events had just happened.

That's why I am all for keeping as much as possible from children, they are happy to live in their innocent little worlds, they don't need to take on adult problems. When they ask a question they're looking for a simple explanation so they can go back to playing with their toys. I think adults try to explain too much assuming the child is going to process it like an adult.

If you tell a kid their friend's Dad died in a fire they're going to think their father is in danger of dying in a fire too. I think you should google your question, I'm sure there is something on this topic online because every parent has to wrestle with it. I wouldn't know what to say myself other than to de-emphasize the liklihood that it could happen again. Lie a little bit if you have to, what the heck, it's for their own good.

The same fear overwhelmed me back when psychics were predicting California was going to fall into the ocean at 3pm on such-and-such day. Adults scoffed over it but I wasn't sure so I believed this person's predictions, after all the pscyhic was an adult too and you believe everything you hear adults say when you're a child. I was absolutely terrified but didn't breathe a word of it to anyone. Don't know why I kept so quiet about it. Decades later I still remember 3 o'clock...sitting at a my desk in school watching the clock and wondering why the teacher was lecturing as if nothing out of the ordinary was about to happen. Why aren't they taking us to safety? What's wrong with these people, we're in danger! LOL When I saw the clock strike 3:01 I breathed a sigh of relief. Funny huh? That's a kid's brain for you.

Our school has a curriculum guide for parents and teachers with over 100 lesson plans divided into age appropriate groups. Have you checked with your school to see if they have something?

I found the curriculum guide online - it says that you can download it from the web site.

Here is a link that might be useful: Learning From The Challenges of Our Times.

At your daughter's age, I totally agree with pesky. I teach in Northern VA and we are close enough to the Pentagon that some teachers heard the impact. I think telling her that the children's father died on a very sad day is plenty. If she asks questions, I would try to answer (and always remember that "I don't know" is a valid answer to some questions) I don't think I would take her to the memorial service, but then, I wouldn't take a seven year-old to a funeral either. I think your neighbor could/should understand that. Please understand that I am not being insensitive to your neighbor-like many, I knew people killed in the attacks (one in the South Tower and one at the Pentagon. I just think there are some times when explicit details and seeing great emotion as might be evident at the service should not be forced upon minds too young to comprehend. She will learn about it soon enough.

I also agree that you could check with your school to see what suggestions they have.

Just a quick thought, since I haven't read all of the responses. With our DD we emphasized the fact that so much was being done after 9/11 to keep us safe. I will check back later to post how we handled the discussions of what happened on 9/11, but DD was entering middle school, so she was a bit older than your children.

We traveled (via air) the following August and she had alot of anxiety about that. We all did, but we were determined to not allow the bad deeds by others to alter our lives if at all possible. The security going out of JFK was incredible. It wasn't until we got to Sweeden that we saw a much more relaxed processing of air travelers.

Ok so I discussed it with them.
I told them that 10 years ago there was a very sad day that happened in our country's history. I told them there were some people who didn't like our country very much so they attacked 2 buildings in NYC. The buildings caught fire and fell down. Many people were able to get out, but many people including policemen and firefighters did not get out and they died. I told them it was how the kids next door's daddy went to heaven.
My 7 year old was very quiet. She asked if it will happen again. I told her our country has taken many steps to keep us all safe. My 5 year old said- Mom, I don't like deadness, I know it happens, but I don't want to talk about deadness anymore. Out of the mouths of babes.
I really just wanted them to hear it first from me. I told them if they had any questions, to ask me. I am sure they will start hearing things at school. I don't think my daughter has any idea of the scope of the size of the buildings. I didn't tell her anything about the planes.
As for the memorial service. We have decided to only take them to the reception after. I am unsure of how long it will be, and I don't want them to be disruptive during a service that is so important to the 11 people's families who are commemorating loved ones in my town.

Good job, Polly, I know that must have been difficult.

There is a children's book you may be interested in called The Little Chapel That Stood. I have a copy & really love it. It is about "the day," but emphasizes the heroism & bravery that was exhibited by so many on 9/11.

It has been used in classrooms with positive responses from children. Here is a link to a video of the author reading the book (begins reading around 7 minutes, 40 seconds, if you want to skip the intro.) She first outlines why she wrote it.

Here is a link that might be useful: Little Chapel

You did a great job polly929. It's funny how kids of different personalities/ages take in and process information.

My own DD was starting middle school that year, and the school was opening later in the month due to renovation construction on our middle school building. I was at work that day, so DD was with my MIL and my nephew at SIL's house. After seeing just the first few minutes of network coverage (we had all conference room tvs on in the office), the first thing I did was call my MIL to ask her not to tune in at all. I didn't want my DD watching wall to wall coverage. Just didn't think it was a good thing. It was hard enough as an adult to watch. Long story short, I guess curiousity got the best of MIL, and she turned and kept the television tuned in... The issue for me with DD watching was more of the fact that there wasn't any filter. Coverage that day contained none of the warnings when that coverage is now replayed. No warnings that material may not be suitable for children, or is of a sensitive nature for some.

We watched real time coverage of some horrible things. People who chose to jump from windows of the buildings rather than face burning to death. These people knew they were going to die, but thought jumping was a better way to go. Those images are forever burned in my memory. A beautiful fall day, I can even remember which suit I was wearing, every single detail of that day is still with me.

By the time I could get to SIL's to pick up my DD, which wasn't all that long after my call. Our local office closed around 11 a.m., and by 1 p.m. I was answering DD's questions. Never in my wildest dreams would have imagined those questions that I would have to answer. Sure, DD was going to be a 6th grader, but it was too much to watch. DD's good friend lost her father that day, a Cantor Fitzgerald employee. We talked alot about that in particular. Why? was the biggest question from my DD. It is hard to explain "why?" to a child.

The oddest thing of all IMHO, is that our school district did NOTHING, no moment of silence, no acknowledgment at all on the 9/11 anniversaries, despite the fact we had kids in attendance throughout the district lost loved ones. Go figure? I once asked DD's middle school history teacher, who happened to also be her guidance counselor, why this was. He explained that the district felt it was up to the parents to handle telling their own children about the event. Apparently, they didn't want to say anything about the event, for fear of a backlash from parents who totally shield their children.

I don't agree that we shouldn't tell our kids when bad things happen. I think we should share an age appropriate amount of information, welcome all questions, and deal with those questions on an ad hoc basis.

Polly, I will be thinking of you and your friend & her family on Sunday. It is comforting to have your closest friends to lean on, especially on a day that marks...

It really amazes me how little is done across the country to commemorate 9/11. It was an attack on the USA, not just NYC.

I feel so fortunate to not have lost any loved ones that day, but it still breaks my heart the amount of people I know who did.

Thanks workinprogress. We must live in close proximity to one another. DH was only able to get home from NYC that day by taking one of the boats across the Hudson to NJ since all the bridges and tunnels were closed. It wasn't a ferry, just some random boat he said. He then got a ride to our neighborhood from a stranger and walked the rest of the way.
WIP Our school does observe a moment of silence. I think it's because of the kids who live next door to me. I don't know about what they do in class though. Since DD is only going into 2nd grade, I don't know if they will discuss it yet. School opening has been delayed in my town because of extensive damage from Irene to one of the elementary schools. I doubt it will be discussed on the very first day of school. Maybe in the older grades.
I'll never forget the details of that day either. They are etched in my mind forever. Sadly the NP I signed out my patients to in the morning that day lost her fiance. I will never forget, we were both talking about our weddings right before I left. I knew he worked at Cantor, and after the towers fell, I knew there was no shot he could have survived. She left work that day, and never came back. She was supposed to come to my wedding with her fiance. I never saw her again.

Thank you all for your advice. I will have to check out that book from the library stinky. Thanks.

Yes, I couldn't agree more with your statement about the events of 9/11 with DC, NYC and PA being the "targets" on that day, but this was an attack on the whole of the USA.

We probably do live in close proximity. Happy to hear your DH was able to get out of the city that day. All private watercraft in that area really did a great job in helping out with getting people out of city on 9/11.

I am also very pleased to hear that your schools do acknowledge the anniversary.