I finally got to read your whole post. I bet you are feeling like tearing your hair out because she sure doesn't seem to value your time or that you have other things to do. I am so sorry. My dad will be 91 in July and had hip/femur surgery in November and, sadly, it just hasn't healed. The next step is a partial hip replacement with a titanium rod inserted in the femur. What I have noticed is that on the days he has pain he can't seem to hand me his lunch or dinner plate or mail in order for me to clean up. I think it is a mental decision that they can't do the simplest of things. I think contacting any senior centers or any senior programs available through government services might be a great start. There are organizations that will take your mom grocery shopping or to appointments if they are fairly local. Some charge, some take donations and some are totally free. Many grocery stores have online ordering and will deliver to her home for a fee. That could be a lifesaver for sure. Do insist on being in charge of her calendar or you won't be able to attend or drive. She cannot make decisions for you when you are the ride. Let us know what you have decided to do and know that we all support you and most have gone through (or are going through) similar situations. The is a great place to vent! Robyn

Yes, you can. You'll need a cable that goes from the iPod's headphone jack to a pair of male RCA connectors for the back of the Bose.

Hi figgits, I've been coming to this forum for about six months now and have posted several times. I'm afraid your symptoms sound exactly the same as lots of other people on here including me. I was always fit and healthy until I hit my forties and I have to tell you its been all down hill since. I have been tested for just about everything and was diagnosed with fibromyalgia at one point but I think they were completely wrong about that one. Some months I can go without any symptoms and then I have loads all on top of one another. The list is endless including hot flashes, crashing fatigue, nausea, tingling in extremities, headaches, skin crawling which feels as if there are little bugs running over my scalp, weird "spaced-out" feelings like I'm not quite here, crying for no reason, extreme mood changes, feelings of dread......and now in the past few weeks I'm cold all the time! I have had all this in the past 8 years and will be 50 tomorrow. I was hoping it would all have stopped by now but unfortunately not. I too feel like I am no longer the person I used to be and I know my husband thinks the same. Thankfully he is really understanding and tries his best to keep things light and humourous but I know he would like it all to end. Sorry if I've depressed you now but this forum has been a godsend for me cos I know I'm not going mad and imagining it all. I've found some supplements that work for me they don't for everyone so its a case of trial and error as far as they go. I did take HRT for a while but it sent my BP sky high and my GP took me off it. Try keeping a diary with the times you feel bad and when you feel ok and I'm sure you'll find a pattern emerge. I don't know if your period has stopped ofr if you're peri but I didn't have a period for nine months last year and was beginning to feel a lot better then WHAM back it came at the beginning of this month and the bloody symptoms have started again. I agree with Lucretzia about sleeping in the coldest room possible cos that works for me, it helps keep the pillows cold as my hot flashes start at the back of my neck. Theres a post on this forum about hormones and there affect on the hypothalamus but I can't remember who wrote it. If you can find it its really interesting and may help you understand whats happening to you cos it did me. I've gone on a bit but I find it helps to know you're not alone with crap. If there's such a thing as reincarnation I'm coming back as a man!

So what happened? Did you acquiese? Did your husband go out and say, "It's not a good time. I'm sorry but you will have to go? We've already talked about this kind of ambush?" Did you ignore them and they went away without seeing any of you? Me, I would have replied to the first email: "I'm sorry I'm still recovering from your dreadful behavior at my child's christening. I'm not up for visiting for a while. Husband or I will let you know when we are ready to risk social encounters with you again." But that's just me. I have very little patience with unpleasantness. Co-dependent I'm not, rescuer I'm not, doormat I'm not, young and anxious to please I'm not. When MIL showed up at my door unannounced in the early morning, I would have first asked my husband, "Were you expecting your mother and a bunch of other people?" Just to make sure there wasn't a misunderstanding. And then I would have opened the door just wide enough to poke my head out, "Can I do something for you?" without a smile. She better have an emergency to report. If not, I would have said, "This isn't a good time. We've talked to you about doing things like this." And I would have looked at the other family members and added, "I'm sorry MIL dragged you over here. I don't know what she told you but we had no plans to entertain the family this morning; in fact, we have other plans, are not dressed and I need to get moving. I hope in spite of whatever MIL led you to believe was going to happen this morning, you have a nice day." And I would have shut the door, hoping MIL had the good grace to be embarassed. But if she wanted to play the victim card and get all wound up with indignation and self righteousness and involve herself in contacting everyone she knows to cry and complain, I would be able to shrug it off. Standing up for yourself against unreasonable behavior is how you separate the decent people in your life from the indecent. If you allow people to walk all over you, they will. But that's me. Some people don't care, they'd say, "Wow, great, want to tag along with us today." One way is not better than the other. The wrong way to handle the problem is to cope in a way that leaves you resentful and irritated and feeling trapped and angry. Fences make good neighbors. Boundaries make good relationships. Deeply insecure people hate personal boundaries, their goal is to merge into other people's lives like siamese twins. If you want to be a siamese twin, no problem. If you don't, don't feel guilty about sticking up for yourself. But also don't wait for the other person to be happy with your decision not to merge with them. Think of it this way: If your neighbor's dog keeps causing havoc in your yard, you can nag and moan and fuss over him putting up a fence and get yourself all wound up trying to get him to do what you want. Or you can put the fence up yourself and solve the problem. If he doesn't like it, it's his problem. If you are going to wait for your MIL to impose boundaries on herself or give you permission, you will wait for eternity. You can't turn a night owl into a morning lark, you can't turn an extrovert into an introvert, and you can't turn a person without internal boundaries into one who respects the personal space of others. They don't value the same things and are that way by nature. Neither of your ways are inferior to the other's; and you need to respect your own orientation on the matters of closeness versus autonomy as well as hers. What she wants does not trump what you want. And when it's your house and your time, what you want DOES trump what she wants. A therapist skilled in family dynamics would be a good investment, because if you don't learn healthy ways of negotiating the closeness versus autonomy problem now, resentments and anger are likely to build up to the point that you feel forced into that cut-off you say you don't want. You cannot ignore your own needs in any relationship and expect that relationship to survive. Good luck to you.