Wow! 23 and a college degree! I'm impressed. You must know it all, then. You say, " I've tried to get him to do it, but he's always too engrossed in his games to even notice when she's being bad." So why is he too engrosed in his games to parent his daughter? If , as he claims, "[You're] keeping him from his daughter," , why is he spending what little precious time he does have with her, playing games and ignoring her? You also say, "I've talked to him about a lot of the issues going on, and it seems to fall on deaf ears. I'm also pregnant, and seriously don't need this stress." So, why is he not listening to you? Why does he seemingly not care about the stress that you, pregnant with what will be the _second_ of your children together, are suffering? I would have expected a caring partner would want to smooth the way for the mother of his child. If, as you say, " It just started getting this bad about 4-5 months ago. ", what changed? What was different then (besides the behaviour)? But, seriously, if his contribution to parenting his children is going to continue to be playing games and ignoring them while allowing you to physically discipline them as you see fit and do all the watching and organising, IMO you'd be better off not marrying him and parenting two children on your own instead of three.

Thank you for the food for thought - I guess I never really thought she was angry because she doesn't really sound angry when she's talking. And maybe that's what I find so bizarre: it's as if during the course of a normal conversation she starts in without any warning (and usually there's no relevance to whatever the topic is), and with no change of tone of voice and usually with a smile still on her face. You are absolutely correct when you say her life is of her own making, and to be honest, I'm not sure what her real beef is. She has a well paying job, a nice boyfriend, and a decent place to live. Her dad and I live about 1/2 hour away and see her a couple times a month. We moved here a couple of years ago, and she followed with the stated intention of attending a 4 year university which is about an hour away. She had been accepted for the fall semester this year, but then failed all her classes the semester before so was ultimately told she would have to reapply. Now she's got the opportunity to transfer in the Spring semester, but is saying she doesn't know if she wants to do that, she wants to live closer to campus, it's too far to commute, one reason after another why she can't do what she said she wanted to do. She consistently makes impulsive decisions that aren't well thought out, then doesn't seem to realize that she had the choice to make a different decision. When she's complaining, it's always somebody elses fault that she's unhappy or upset. Even when she failed her classes she blamed it on her bad roommates, but never did seem to get that she could have chosen different roommates, or at least checked out the ones she ended up with a little more thoroughly. I feel like we've been as supportive as anybody could reasonably expect: we've had her living with us off and on over the last 3 years, and we give her financial assistance as long as she's working towards her degree. DH and I are in agreement that she won't be living with us again - it's just too much drama in the house. Anyway, thanks for listening and responding - you really did give me a different perspective and I think I will try to suggest to her that she gets some counseling the next time she starts in when we're alone. And as far as Christmas goes, we're going to do something different this year: since it will just be the 4 of us, we're going for a bike ride on the beach, then out for Thai food. I told DH that we need to do something to try to deflect all that negativity, and hopefully this will be novel enough to do just that. Happy Holidays - Becky

You are doing a great job and I hope you boyfriend appreciates your efforts. A routine within your househole will reap benefits, especially with sleep. And when I raised my own bio kids I bought loads of parenting books, they really did help alot over the years. Your boyfriend will need to read these too as he should do the 'parenting' part. She is very young but can learn quickly the ways that things will happen in your house. It's hard when there's an ex like that. I too have one lurking that gossips and spits venom about me to anyone who is stupid enough to listen and to the kids. I feel (as is the case with my own) that kids if left to their own devices and nurtured to love and accept have an unlimited capacity to love. But when they are raised to hate and blame and conflicted with loyalties/disloyalties, that comes easy too and it is so destructive for everyone. You sound like a very caring, proactive person, hope things start to improve. :)

you're mentioning Montana and East Coast as some future locations I've never been to Montana..I haven't been to Arizona(if not to count Grand Canyon of course, twice)..I lived on East Coast though the things that come to mind-is how different the landscape might be. and light. because they're on different latitude..and many other things. thus, the relationship between a house standing say on East Coast and a house situated in Arizona might develop differently from the get go and it's important, that inside-outside relationship Different considerations will depend on house itself too. what year your house was built? seems to be nineties, or..? does it have an architectural style one can define, more or less? How the yard looks like? what do you see from your windows? Things and details and pallettes that work in houses X wouln't work same or with same success in houses Y. It's like..say, I'm not a tall blond. If I'd do everything to look like a tall blond it'd be epic fail. Even if I love tall blondes with all my heart. I need to work with what I've got here-small and dark:) okay I can dye my hair and choose wardrobe as the mood strikes, That's going with my loves. But my essense stays the same. Similat is the thing with the houses. You can-and should-do things that you love. But you have certain givens that you have to respect, or it won't be same house. You'd break its will. You never want to break anyone's will. You want to find a key to a successful relationship with them. A color-any color-is never a fad. A fad is more description of infatuation with a product, or combo of such, that many people become deeply infatuated with and then discard them fast, too fast even for a trend cycle. ( it seems the cycles started being shorter too..as I receive lots of silly emails from all sorts of design mags..what took them 10, then 5 years before now takes half a year to admire-and then denounce. It's amusing, really) you do describe gray as your love, not infatuation, and I easily believe you-I love greige/taupe for example, and I don't care whether it's everybody's love at the moment, or just mine but. I'll always care how and on what surface and in what proportion I should apply it, depending on a particular house. Its style, the light it gets, everything that house tries to tell me. If wood like tile-I'd look for more.. wood like tile. Something greige, warmer. As you've mentioned. woods are warmer in nature. Even the grayish of them all (well I don't know all the species the world has..but I've travelled to many)And yes it's hard to install to get it right. Or maybe a stone? If you're going with tile anyway? which brings me to stone painting. I think it'll look fake..at best. Stones are-for the most part-full of strong character. They don't like manipulating. They are what they are, maybe the most of all other materials. Can you work with your stone as is? It seems pretty neutral, the surface's not big. I don't think it'd love shiplap either next to it. (not that their mirror is the best choice..but shiplap would be, in certain sense, repeating that mirror) different sensibilities. One can try and be eclectic, I'm eclectic myself. But some things, they're ready to engage in dialogue. and some will not speak to each other. as somebody who really tried to redo a firepalce she hated(hated!) on a cheap..which wasn't that cheap.lol...it was a fail. I mean it's still better than it was. But some things, you try to do on a cheap. Then you realize you have to pay twice as much to still bring them to your vision. But you're already out of energy, and as for money, you need it for something else. Think hard what you want it to be and how much it will cost and whether justifies a result. Maybe art you absolutely love will bring you much more happiness. And art, you'll be able to take with you. Lastly, I admire you for being a good sport..and wish you luck with the purchase going smoothly, and with your new home. If one has opportunity to live there a bit figure out himself in the house, daily live and all-he has an advantage. As everybody has said. Don't give up that avantage if you can, use it. You'll know the house better, and you'll see what's worth changing, what works for you, etc. Or-change just one thing right now, the one that's the hardest to get to later...say you're dead set on changing flooring..find it, invest in it, redo it..see where and what you'd rather change next.