I would not do a random joke but you could do a Mother of the Bride joke, or a mother in law joke, if not a joke maybe just express you relieved you are that the day is finally here and that YOU should go to the Bahamas for a vacation, not the couple, something like that.....

Are you the first one to do a speech ? will it make you tear up ? is it more of a toast ? are you the type to make jokes usually ?

I love weddings, tell us about it !!

As a parent of the couple, I am not sure you need a joke. I think it would be better to simply welcome everyone and thank them for coming to share this very special moment with you.

But, if you are normally a jokester and people expect that, then I think something about having been practicing your evil mother-in-law persona could be cute.

Just keep in mind that with video cameras everywhere, what you say will live on forever. Be sure it isnÂt something that could be misinterpreted by anyone and found hurtful rather than funny.

And yes, tell us more about the wedding. I worked as a bridal consultant on and off for about 10 years, and can never get enough!

How long is your speech? At my niece's wedding, her father (my BIL) seemed to go on and on. This amazed me because he is usually very shy and hates being the center of attention. I think his nerves got the best of him. Just saying, there *is* such a thing as too long of a speech...

Sounds like a great wedding! Tell us where it is being held (church,outside,etc), We want to know more!

I think mitch's idea of saying something about you taking a "vacation" after all the prep work is perfect. Could work at the beginning (all the laughs will relax you) or at the end after you say all the wonderful things about the couple, and before you tell all the guests to enjoy themselves.

Though if you're looking for a religious-themed joke, I just read this one in the newspaper (The Hartford Courant):

"While shopping, two nuns happened to pass by the beer cooler. One nun said to the other, "Wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?"

The second nun answered, "Indeed it would, Sister, but I wouldn't feel comfortable buying beer as I am cerain that it would cause a scene at the check-out counter."

"I can handle that without a problem," the other replied as she picked up a six-pack and headed for the check-out.

The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the nuns put down the beer.

"we use beer for washing our hair," the nun said. "A shampoo of sorts, if you will."

Without blinking, the cashier reached under the counter, found a package of pretzel sticks and put them in the bag. He looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled and said, "The curlers are on the house."

Edit for brevity as necessary.

I don't have any advice, but I think I share golddust's concern. Sounds like it's a long speech!

My speech is just under 5 minutes, when I practice it, but I will probably talk a bit faster, I hope not, when I do say it so I think the length is appropriate. I hope I will just tear up and not ball like a baby, but when I practise my speech I weep so not sure how that will go. Maybe I could do a small funny apology before I start my speech about how ugly the crying might get, would that be ok, or stupid...

It is an outdoor wedding on an island in British Columbia. It is a 2 day event, everyone is staying in cabins the day/night before and the day/night of the wedding. We rented a resort so we have the whole place to ourselves. It will be a candlight ceremony so in fact the dinner and reception will start before the ceremony.

Good luck with the wedding. It sounds beautiful. You may have already seen this site, but it has some funny, light hearted jokes/stories sent in from wedding speeches.

Jo

Here is a link that might be useful: wedding speech jokes/stories

Rather than doing a random joke that has no relationship to the event, I think it would be nice to tell a funny (but not embarrassing) story about your daughter. Maybe an anecdote about something cute or funny she did or said when she was a child. This would lead in nicely to saying something about her now being grown up and getting married.

I don't think I'd tell a "priest & rabbi" type joke for a few reasons. Aside from the possibility of someone taking it the wrong way and getting offended (not very likely but possible) there's always the much more real possibility that many people will have already heard it. With the internet, ALL these jokes seem to make the rounds in record time.

Also, I think your speech should be very tailored to the event. A joke having nothing to do with anything just seems sort of contrived to me. A cute amusing story relating to the bride is much more fitting.

I think that is why I cant find anything appropriate because it doesnt tie into the rest of my speech, you are right lowspark about that, any random joke wouldnt make sense and probably everyone has already heard it. I was just joking about the priest and rabbi part. I have a cute story about her in my speech already not funny but heartfelt. Hmmm, might have to just plunge into the speech. What about the apology about the ugly crying part..would you find that funny?

Lowspark, saw your comment on the CF. Have you heard of Morning Glory?

Here is a link that might be useful: Morning Glory coffee syrup

Nah, I wouldn't bother apologizing. You're the Mother of the Bride! Crying is expected! It might be cuter/funnier if, at some point in the speech, if/when you DO find yourself tearing up, you THEN make a comment about crying at weddings. Not an apology though.

For example, me? I cry at the drop of a hat! So I'd probably say something like "what was I thinking to try to get through this speech without crying?"

I can understand you're wanting to start the speech off with something humorous, but I don't think it's required. I think the heartfelt comments are what's really called for and you seem to have that covered.

If you happen to think of something very short that you can tell about her that is funny, that's fine. If not, skip it, I think.

You know, it's easier to tell a heartfelt story that shows your love than it is to be funny. Sometimes funny can fall flat and that's not a good way to start the speech.

Natal,
thanks for that link! It looks like they sell that at Whole foods so I'm going to check it out. I've never seen it before! :)

I think you are right, I will skip the joke part, couldnt find anything I thought appropriate anyway. Thanks

This thread reminds me of one of my all time favorite movies, Four Weddings and a Funeral and the speech given by Best Man Charles (Hugh Grant):

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry to drag you from your desserts. There are just one or two little things I feel I should say, as best man. This is only the second time I've been a best man. I hope I did OK that time. The couple in question are at least still talking to me. Unfortunately, they're not actually talking to each other. The divorce came through a couple of months ago. But I'm assured it had absolutely nothing to do with me. Paula knew Piers had slept with her sister before I mentioned it in the speech. The fact that he'd slept with her mother came as a surprise, but I think was incidental to the nightmare of recrimination and violence that became their two-day marriage. Anyway, enough of that. My job today is to talk about Angus. There are no skeletons in his cupboard. Or so I thought. I'll come on to that in a minute. I would just like to say this. I am, as ever, in bewildered awe of anyone who makes this kind of commitment that Angus and Laura have made today. I know I couldn't do it and I think it's wonderful they can. So, back to Angus and those sheep.

I love that movie and Hugh Grant. Anything he says can be funny, wish I had that talent.

I would let the best man tell the jokes & keep your toast heartfelt (and short!).

Rose, first of all the wedding venue and plans sound so wonderful! What a lovely way to start the couple's married life in a beautiful setting with friends and family.

I think a joke is good, but only if you feel comfortable and it fits. Here is one you might consider, along with a follow up line:

They say behind every successful man stands...an astonished mother in law. But in this case, I am breaking that tradition because I'm not astonished. [Groom] is becoming part of our family today and he has already shown he is a success. A success as a good, kind, loving and giving person. I may not be astonished but I am delighted to welcome him and all of his family to as they join with ours on this wonderful day.

...Or something to that effect. But you can also stick with heartfelt, the most important thing is to keep it together enough to get through the remarks before you dissolve :).

Good luck,
Ann

jen9, thanks for your advice, I appreciate it.

Ann, thank you for your kind words. That is a wonderful piece, want to see if I can incorporate that into my speech in place of something else.

I think I will really have a problem keeping it together, because I weep now when I practice my speech I can image when I actually say it in front of my daugher!

I've found often the times in life I fully expect to choke up, it doesn't happen. Maybe after all these practice rounds with tears you'll be ready & pull it off without too much emotion.

If you do start to get too emotional (in any situation, not just speeches), you need to distract your mind from the emotions. Take a deep, calming breath and then start silently noticing things you see around the room: pink chair, blue suit, purple flowers, whatever. This works for me every time, when I need to rein myself back in. Gives me those few seconds to get a grip back and then I can proceed. You might need to repeat this little trick to yourself during the speech but it has always helped me so quickly that I don't think it will interfere with the flow. Practice it with your practice speech.

And if you do choke up, everyone there celebrating the love will completely understand, so no worries.

Enjoy yourself and please report back - with pictures!
Jean

I love runninginplace's joke as a way to open your speech.

Jean, thanks, I do need to replace the image in my mind of an adorable 3 year old curly haired, doe eyed little girl, tucking me in with a blanket as we played Mommy and baby, I was her baby, with a different image. That is why I choke up. I will give your suggestion a try thanks.

graywings, that is a great joke, but I think it fits in better further on in my speech than as an opening line.

If you are going to be really emotional, how about having your DH give the speech? I live in the States so it may be a regional thing, but usually there is the toast by the best man and if there is any speech by a parent, it is usually a welcome-type given by the FOB. Just a thought since it seems you are having a bit of anxiety over the emotion tied to the content of your speech. I don't think I would be able to get through it without a river, so I wouldn't even attempt it.

Perhaps the more you rehearse, the better. Does your DD know you are doing a speech, and if so, does she know the content? Thinking if you could practice it in front of her (being the emotional trigger) may allow you to get through it with less tears when you give it at the wedding. However, if you don't want your DD to hear it prior to your giving it at the wedding, is there someone else you could practice with, a really good friend who has a DD, with whom you are very close? Your own DM? Just trying to think of a way for you to pull some of the raw emotion out prior to giving it at the wedding. Tears of joy are totally normal, but if you are crying a river, will you be able to get through it? Five minutes is a pretty long speech.

Any event, I hope the wedding is wonderful. It sounds as tho no doubt it will be. Congratulations! I would love to see pics, so please snap a few to share here.

Work, funny you mentioned that the speech is generally given by Dad. I thought the same thing but then I couldn't decide why in the heck the mom shouldn't speak if she wants. The dad gives the bride away AND gives the speech? It doesn't seem fair given a traditional mother's role in the child rearing...

Time to rethink traditions, maybe.

gold - I hear ya. Just thought it might make it a little easier on mom for this one!

Also, FOB, does the praise of mom for raising his beautiful daughter, yada yada. Very nice at the last wedding we attended. Had me a bit teary.

Golddust, both of my parents walked me down the aisle, as did both of DHÂs parents for him. It was lovely, and took away the Âgiving away tradition, which to me is horribly sexist.

Roseabbey, it sounds as though you are heading in the right direction for your speech. And I am all for the mom getting a word in!

DH will be walking her down the aisle, I want to do the speech. DD is alright with that. DH is very emotional when it comes to his children, he cried at our son's wedding, so he might not fair any better at his daughter's.
Les, that was a very lovely idea, both your parents walking you down the aisle.

My dd doesnt know the content of the speech. I would prefer she doesnt.