Cookie8 I get that all the time. I am also constantly asked to bring something to every dinner party or function, because people feel I have nothing better to do than cook. Sometimes I don't mind, but other times it would be nice just to be able to go and have someone else do the cooking. It is funny though, because it is usually the women who make the comments about how much free time I have, while the men comment on how lucky my family is to get such great meals, lol.

Shelley

I did get some of that in my youth. But since I moved to CA there are more people who take food more seriously, so it's okay to have food, baking, cooking as a hobby.

Which is what it is. I could never spend the amount of time my friends do on glass making, quilting, board membership etc. because it bores me. But give me an occasion to bake or cook for and I'm there. The only thing it's hard for my friends to understand is that my work is gone in an instant, their projects last. But I always say that food memories last for generations.

My other hobbies get into the way of my cooking at times, so I don't have a great over flow of goods coming from the kitchen. I oil paint, play on the computer, love working in the yard and enjoy canning.

Never have had anyone accuse me of spending too much time in the kitchen, if they did, that would probably be the last time I gave them goodies or invited them to my home for dinner. I'd also remind them that we all have the same 24 hrs in a day.

Nancy

You should say "No. What is nice is that I TAKE the time to do it!" LOL just kidding. They're just jealous cause you CAN bake and cook. LOL

One of my cousins makes the most gorgeous quilts in her spare time. The sum total of her cooking skills is peeling/cutting up fruit, brewing iced herbal tea and popping Stouffers entrees in her microwave.

We both work full time and she enjoys my cooking at family dinners or when she comes to visit. However, she always says that while we both spend our free time doing something that gives us great pleasure, she ends up with quilts and I donÂt have anything to show for my efforts.

It's just one of those things like politics where we can see each others' point of view but we'll never concede that ours isn't the correct one. LOL

I think there are just some people who really do think this whole cooking thing takes up a lot of time becuase it's not their "love".

I went to a social last week and this one gal made a pineapple upside cake. She was going on and on about how much time and trouble it is to make so naturally I asked her how she made it.

She says, "Well first you have to put brown sugar all over the bottom and then lay pineapple down and then cherries, and THEN you have to take the cake mix and mix all that up, I tell you it takes forever to make, that's why I dont' make it that often".

Then today she came to get her nails done and she explained to me how involved and difficult it was to make Chicken Kiev. She told me that to make it, you'd need several people to form an assembly line, one to dip in egg, one for flour, one to put ham/cheese in it and one to roll it... she went on and on. She kept saying, "VERY VERY Involved". I just let her go on and on. She doesnt know I am into cooking like I am.

So my point is, after all this rambling, is that some people really do feel like it takes way more time to cook than we do. To us, because we love doing it, it's no big deal. To them, it's a huge process.

I don't think they mean, when they say they wish they had the time, that we do nothing but play in the kitchen, I think they mean they wish it was as easy for them as it seems to us. It takes them more time you know? And maybe they don't have the necessary kitchen gadgets/tools/bakeware and it's harder for them. I don't know......

Does that make any sense?

Hmmm...I can't recall that ever being said...what I get is..."you always make the best goodies" or "I look forward to your cookies/treats" or "Terri, is such a great cook/baker".

I used to have more time to bake and make goodies..But even being a SAHM still..I'm much more active outside the home.

So I don't bake near as much as I used to.

I hear something similar more about my garden than the cooking. People frequently comment about all of the "work" my garden takes. They don't understand that gardening is therapy & not work for us.

We have two distinct groups of friends. One group from our marina & the other group more of business peers. From the marina group, I hear, "Gee, we'd love to invite you to dinner but all we know how to cook is lasagna & it's not good." lol

From the business peer group, unfortunately, I get a few sneers about my cooking. Several of our friends use personal chefs. They seem to feel that my cooking must reflect that we're in some sort of financial distress. Combine that with the fact that I clean our home from choice rather than use a cleaning service & I get the little knowing nods with questions like, "Are things getting better for you?" Oh my, what can you say? So, I say nothing.

Both groups of friends view baking as "cute, but quaint". :) I do not get the feeling that anyone wishes they baked as much as I do although they enjoy the fruits of my labors. Truthfully, I think they enjoy D&D just as much. It's not a discerning group, I guess.

/tricia

I love cooking and sometimes I do get some comments but nothing that really bothers me. I agree with Shaun completely. I think I'm a pretty good all around person - I love to cook, shop, decorate, history, arts/crafts sports, etc. I really do believe when people make comments like that they are really looking inside themselves saying I wish I could do that and are (for a lack of a better word) jealous.

tricia, people saying "are things getting better" - well you are a better person then I. That would rub me the wrong way BIG TIME!

Triciae, I think I'd seek out other friends, real friends. I enjoy cooking, but not making it an all day chore, except for maybe honing my baking skills as it's a work in progress for me because I enjoy it. My problem is cooking more than DH and I can eat, I often give some away, at least cakes and cookies and they seem to be appreciated. We have a few friends who never cook at home, and it's really sad. I've bailed some out with groceries and meals when they have fallen ill and nothing at home to eat even though they are not poor, just poorly prepared, gourmet kitchens and all. For snooty "friends", hopefully they don't insult the servers or cooks, LOL, you can't watch them all the time, if you know what I mean! How often do those noncookers get ill? I cook more now because I prefer to control the ingredients of the majority of my foods and it has little to do with our financial situation.

I get the same response....Just because I love to cook from scratch and bake cookies, cakes, candy bread etc...everyone things I have tons of spare time.

Linda

These folks are 'business peer' friends. I don't really have much choice in choosing them! :(

/tricia

if they did, that would probably be the last time I gave them goodies or invited them to my home for dinner.

Ditto. What's wrong with a simple thank you & a comment on how delicious it tastes? Personally I don't like to give things to people who aren't appreciative and these kinds of comments indicate a degree of ingratitude, IMHO.

I once (a long time ago) brought in some dessert I'd made to the office. I placed it on the table out where everyone could see it and someone came up and said, loudly, how are we expected to eat this without any plates or forks? The plates and forks were in the kitchen, about 15 feet away so although I probably should have put them out, I just forgot to, but the comment made me feel about that small.

I've never again brought in anything to share with the office. That person isn't even on our floor anymore, but the whole thing made me feel like there was no incentive for me to share with this group. We get a ton of junk in at the holidays, king cakes at mardi gras, etc. from other companies to whom we are clients so I guess they don't need anything from me.

In my group of friends, my cooking is greatly appreciated with people asking what I've brought because they know it will be good, or taking a taste of something and saying, Oh, this is good! May must've made it. That really makes me enjoy cooking for them!

I guess most think of it as a chore. At times I dread it, then I call my husband at work and we get take out. Beats him cooking! ha ha (that added so I don't sound nasty but it's so true). I'm in the crafts, decorating, sports thing too. Heck, right now, we are building an igloo, so very varied and never sitting still. Except the tidying thing, I've never been bitten by that bug, messy and disorganized. I clean because I have to.

Sometimes, but not often.

The most common is probably "how do you find the time?" and I answer with "It's what I choose to do in my free time, I love it." And then look at them with a "What do you have to show for YOUR free time???" look. Sort of expectant.

Many choose other hobbies. That's OK. Their choice.

I DO tend to share with the more appreciative! I don't let other people's attitudes get to me. I cook/bake because I like to.

My husband raves, my extended family raves. That's all that matters to me.

When life gets too busy to cook, we'll eat PBJ's too.

Deanna

I can't say anyone's ever said that to me. I get more comments like, "You made this from scratch?" or even, "YOU made this?" Implying not that they're surprised that I cook or bake, but I think they can't imagine anyone making cheesecake from scratch - it's something you go to Sam's for. Mostly, I get thanks and appreciation, which makes it more fun to give. It's a shame that some of you don't get that kind of praise. I guess I'm lucky in that my boss and one of my co-workers love sweets, especially chocolate, and are very grateful whenever I choose to share.

Sally

I proved it to somebody once that in the time it took to drive to the store and buy ciupcakes there I could have the cupcakes mixed and baked and the icing made. The only extra time would be to let them cool long enough so I could ice them.

She hit a traffic jam, and there was a long line at the grocery store so by the time she got back they were completely done and a couple were already eaten (I am NOT the guilty party LOL).

The time it takes to cook and the value of the payoff depends on the perception of the person. If you like to cook and have skill then the time seems proportionate to the results. If you don't like to cook, don't have the skills so it doesn't come easy and you don't know how good home-made can be then it is hard to see the payoff.

I agree there are times when running to Costco for their black forest cake is a better payoff than making it myself, and there are times when spending an hour to make tortillas from scratch is the obvious choice between that and running to the store.

I get the time comments more often for my knitting. "I would love to have the time to spend to sit and knit". Gee, you've been on your arse for two hours watching tv. How about using those hands and brains at the same time? Sheesh.

So many people I know eat few, if any, baked goods anymore...young & older alike. Health conscious & weight conscious both shy away from even bread much less sweet baked goods.

The Atkins craze gave baked goods a bad rap sheet. And, I guess, in some cases deservedly so. White bread is rather a nutritional wasteland.

I rarely make bread using just white flour...makes me feel guilty feeding it to DH like I'm gumming up his plumbing, or something.

I've been playing with that 5-Minute Artisan Bread using the first recipe (all white AP flour). That won't last long though...just something new to try. I'll go back to my standard multi-grain breads.

I enjoy dessert & I'm glad my kids had homemade cookies growing up. My grandkids don't have dessert very often & Mom limits the cookies even at my house so I don't do much baking for them. She's correct, of course. Still....lol

/tricia

LOL Dances!

Some folks can't see beyond their own worlds. Don't let them annoy you - stay away from them, LOL.

The comments I mostly get are asking why we aren't as big as houses eating like we do...well, for one thing I believe fresh isn't as fattening as take out? LOL.

I had the best compliment just the other day from the neighbors whom I had made a meal for a couple of weeks ago. They told me they hadn't had a whole meal, from appetizers to dessert that had been made from scratch since they were youngsters. And that it had been their Grandma who had made it.
Wasn't that sweet?

Like ssommerville, I don't think I've ever gotten anything but very appreciative comments from any man I've cooked for. Women who don't cook themselves are often another story. They pay back-handed compliments like, "Gosh, I can't believe how much time and effort this entailed. Do you cook like this every day?" From the (slightly patronizing) tone of their voices and the (wide-eyed, innocent) look on their faces, it's so easy to tell what they're really thinking... that I must be an airhead, with too much free time on my hands and too few meaningful skills. Sorta like a kid who takes vocational classes instead of AP college courses.

Sure, it's aggravating, but who gets the last laugh? Okay, true story. Last time this happened to me was at a Super Bowl party. A woman I know very casually thought she'd put me down so cleverly with a comment like that that I wasn't even aware of the slam. I just smiled and thanked her for the compliment, because she was the one who was clueless. What she didn't know was that her son had just picked at the Christmas dinner she'd arranged (at untold expense) through the caterer. Then he'd rushed over to my house to pig out on home cookin'. He called and begged for an invitation. I swore a blood oath never to tell. :) So why get mad at the woman for her ignorance? All I felt for her was pity.

Imo, these silly people need to conduct a survey of their children/grandchildren. Assuming they got honest answers, I think they'd be absolutely shocked at how much it means to a kid to grow up in a home where family dinners are important, where holiday meals are a very big deal, where food traditions are treasured and preserved.

For those of you with young families, I'll just share my experience after a lifetime of spending 'too much time' in the kitchen. First, my grown children still come home. A lot. I'm sure that my personality and charm and sparkling wit are all big draws. :) But it doesn't hurt that they know they'll get a delicious meal thrown into the bargain when they visit.

Secondly, it has been an unexpected joy that their friends still stay in touch. Somehow this food thing has forged a strong bond. I hear other parents comment sadly that they never see the kids their children grew up with anymore. Funny, 3 of them were at my house for dinner last Sunday night. We had the most wonderful time eating chicken enchiladas and drinking Coronas and reminiscing about 'the good old days' -- which, in this case, went back to when they were in pre-school. When they buy their first home and I ask what they'd like for a house-warming gift, they invariably say all they want is a copy of our family cookbook. When they get married, they invariably ask me to teach their new brides to make a favorite dish. When their first child is about to be christened, they call and ask if it would be just tooo much trouble to make (whatever) for the party. It's just incredibly flattering to still feel like I'm an important part of their lives long after they no longer need me to drive them to soccer practice...

The third thing is -- and, hey, it may not be pretty, but it has to be said -- I make their in-laws all look sick. lol Now, I'm all about sharing. But, seriously, can I be blamed if everybody is working hard to figure out how to spend most of the holidays at my house?? :))

Last, but definitely not least, my kids turned out to be darned good cooks and gracious hosts. Since they were all boys, I didn't make a huge effort to teach them to cook. (Sexist, I know...) But they just absorbed so much. Most importantly, they developed an appreciation of homemade and a loathing of 'fast food', so cooking for themselves later on seemed more of a pleasure than a burden. And since their friends always gravitated to our house for dinner, they're totally comfortable in the role of host.

So if anybody denigrates your efforts, just write them off as an idiot and move on.

Stepping down off my soapbox now......

sm

I think there are people who "eat to live" and then there are people who "live to eat". I am definitely a live to eat person, and it's not about quantity or junk or purpose. I think the ability to enjoy and taste food is a great gift that we take for granted.

I was faced with a surgery a couple of years ago that could have potentially damaged my ability to taste. For a foodie, that would have been a depressing exhistence. I made sure I found the best surgeon and flew (in another state) to him to get the surgery done correctly. I hate to think what life would have been like if something went wrong.

That said, I've always loved to cook and bake. Preparing food, the textures, layers, the creative process, is something I've always found very enjoying. Cooking and baking for me is also very nurturing and a way for me to let people in my life know how much I care about them.

It's not always pretty or easy, but it's something that I like and make time for, just like exercising, or gardening. It's not everyone's cup of tea, but I really enjoy it.

Well said, SM, and I meant in my earlier post to acknowledge what a neat thing I think Granjan said. "But I always say that food memories last for generations." What SteelMagnolia said and Granjan said is so true and so important to remember.

Sally

If someone tells me 'it must be nice to have so much time to cook" I just tell them it's amazing how much time I save because I don't watch T.V. Usually the folks who say they never have enough time to cook, etc. spent several hours every night in front of the tube. I just don't care for most T.V., which frees up (at 3 hours a night) 21 hours a week! You can do a lot with that, including some wonderful cooking!

We're in great company. :) I get all the above comments plus the occasional "you should open a bakery." Well, I don't want baking to ever be a chore. I bake because I love to do it, I am good at it, and most importantly, I love how happy people get at the receiving end. On a regular basis, I bring in a plate of something (cookies, muffins, scones...) to our middle school office. It brightens their day and their reaction brightens mine. Win, win.
The bottom line is that our instant gratification society has displaced baking from scratch. People who make snide remarks about the time you put into something are only trying to make themselves feel better about their own shortcuts.
my .02

Jo

My situation is interesting. My friends all know that I can cook, that I love to cook and will happily spend all day in the kitchen when I can get away with it. My MIL is ecstatic over the fact that I can cook & has even let me bring dinner with me on occasion when we visit so that she doesn't have to do the cooking (she's a very good cook too, she's just happy to let somebody else do the work). My own family, however, acts surprised that I can manage to boil water without burning it.

I don't know why this is. My mother is an excellent cook and I trained at her knee. Even though I've never cooked for a holiday other than Christmas Eve (all of the other holidays have been "claimed") and I bring something to every family meal (that's often ignored in favor of something from the bakery, it's true).

I'm thinking about my son's b'day this past January & the look of incredulity on some family member's faces as they said "this is...good. You made this? HOW did you make it? Where's the recipe? Where did you get the idea?" As if I was lying! Like I bought the stuff at Costco and tried to pass it off like I cooked it.

Maybe it's just assumed that since I work full time and spend the rest of the time running after my son I just don't have time to cook? I don't know.

Nina

Yes, I get that too - although not from my close friends, but often in group settings or parties for the kids, etc -- I generally ignore it although sometimes I want to smack them - although that probably would not be a very pc way of handling it.....

Oh, I forgot to add...

One thing that really rubs me the wrong way is when people (usually female coworkers) say something like, "Oh, we should start calling you Marrr-thaa".

Grrrr!

Like Karen, we don't watch t.v. It's amazing what you can do with an extra 21 hours a week!