Yes, Maureen, all these years the doctors dismissed my pain as diverticulosis AT THE SAME TIME that they're treating me for persistent kidney infections. I asked one of them if I could have kidney stones. And I was told, "Oh, hon, if you had kidney stones, you'd KNOW it! You'd be in ER instead of here." Two years ago, I insisted that the source of the pain be found. And the doc ordered a CT scan, which showed the stones (in both kidneys). He told me they were nothing to worry about and that all my pain was from diverticulosis--eat more fiber and learn to live with it. I carried that same CT to my urologist a month or so ago and asked him to show me the diverticulosis. He looked thru all the xrays and then said, "I can't. I don't see any. Your colon looks normal." He said if he'd seen that CT scan two years ago, he would NOT have told me to ignore the kidney stones. They were rather large and should have been dealt with then. Thank God, I found someone who can actually read an xray! I don't think my other doc even looked at the actual xray, just went by the radiologist report. The urologist looked at all the xrays BEFORE ever looking at the report. He said a good doc always reads the xrays himself first before checking the radiologist report. Thank you for the beautiful card, Maureen. I'm getting stronger each day. And I have plans to get outside later this week and start tackling a few of the easier weeds. Wish we'd get a good soaking rain first. I can't even see some of my sidewalks now. And many of my daylilies are blooming under Johnson grass. I gotta get those weeds out so I can see my bloomers. Wanna come help?? A little weedin' party at my place? LOL N.

Yes, Kate, and I blame all of you for enabling me!!! Convincing me to place a 2nd fall rose order! Endangering my planned trip to the camellia garden nursery! Infecting me w/ 'what's over the next hill' disease! Tantalizing, tempting and luring me into 'money poor, rose rich' land! I ordered 2 roses in spring '06, 2 in spring '07, then 5 in the summer, now it's fall and I've gotten 6 and 3, and just ordered another 6, and I'm trying to add 1 add'l rose to my order!!! What do you call this? Exponential growth? maybe LUNACY would fit better! While I have quite a bit of space, I don't envision it being swallowed up by roses! I like low care shrubs and perennials- anything that doesn't have to be mowed! Brandy

I love you guys!! Thank you so much for the sage advice and the virtual shoulders to lean on. Today I called my son and told him I was coming over to help him deep clean his house. I guess I left my cell phone at home, cuz DH had to text DS to get in touch with me. How liberating that was!! I worked really hard at DS's house, but he worked along side me and was wonderful company, so even tho I'm sore and tired, it was a good day. DS was VERY appreciative of me being there to help him and I liked doing it for him. I'm going to try to talk to DH tonight. He has a tendency to avoid conflict, and while I don't want conflict, I DO need him to hear me. DH has been self employed for years, just recently his business (more like a hobby income the last year or so) has just about come to a standstill. The things he makes are not a necessity item, so he's not bringing in the $$ like before. We can basically only count on my income...which is plenty for us to live comfortably on, but not where we can still live like we do and support another person. DH's income was for the fun stuff and extras for the most part. Rose...your DH sounds so much like mine. When my SS lived with us, it was horrible, too. He was much like yours and when he finally left our house for good, it was like a weight off my shoulders. But he almost tore us apart. My DH has always had a tendency to put his family ahead of me. For the most part, I dealt with it, but they've intruded into our life for the past couple years to the point where I can't take it any more. We've got an empty nest, and I want to enjoy it. We were both parents when we met, so we never had time alone together until the kids were grown. We were starting to have fun together when MIL became a pretty much every day fixture in our lives. She started backing off after I complained to DH, and it was ok, but now BIL is here. I'm just not sure of his situation. MIL said that his wife told her she does not want to reconcile. She wants to be friends with him, she loves him but is not in love...blahblah. He's holding on to the idea that they're going to reconcile. He goes over to her place at least once a week and stays there, but apparently stays on the sofa, and the other day he said he had to sleep on the floor because grandkids or something were there. Yesterday he told me he has an interview at a gym, I asked him about it and it's a fly-by-night outfit (he's a certified personal trainer) and he's been talking alot about how unhappy he is at his job (he works in retail and has a decent job w/bennies). This is his history, he's never worked at a job longer than 2 years, and he's just about past that time now, so he's ready to move on. DH said BIL is broke all the time, likely because he's giving his wife the $$, and that is again typical of him. So I'm not sure how the money thing will work. But frankly, it's not my problem!! The holiday thing...when my Dad was alive, he and my DH did not get along. My DH made every excuse in the book not to spend holidays at my parents, so to avoid the fight with him, and the tension if they were all together, I'd take the kids to my folks and he'd stay with his kid. It made me angry, but I chose the lesser of 2 evils. Later, we noticed a trend, DH would get pouty and start picking fights shortly before holidays. I finally figured it out, that he didn't want to spend time with my family and holidays always included them. His family was not nearby and when they were, they wouldn't come...they didn't want to celebrate. So once I figured out his M.O., I realized it wasn't ME, it was him...and I wouldn't let him get his way. He would pitch a fit and try to get out of events, but I'd make him participate. And what do you know, he always enjoyed himself! But I also learned that he;d bug out early, so I got used to it. He's very shy and not comfortable around people he's not really used to. I'm the opposite, I am gregarious and love to socialize. Well, this year, our DD who was married last year said she would like to host Thanksgiving at her house and have her in-laws and her family together. I am thrilled and am excited to do this with her, but as soon as DH found out (he read the email from DD) he said he was spending T'giving with his Mom. He is extremely uncomfortable about DD's in-laws, he only met them the first time at the rehearsal dinner, and barely spoke with them during the wedding weekend. So he's going to try everything he can to try to get out of going. I'm not going to say a word to him about it...I thought about trying to cajole him, but I'm going to let it be up to my kids to make him understand how disappointed they'll be if he doesn't spend time with them because he's shy and being a baby. But now, with BIL here, or at least in the proximity, he'll find every excuse, and likely his mother will want her boys over to her house. Anyway, it's just drama that I do not want to contend with, and honestly, I thought it was all over with...that DH had moved on, because every year I host a big Christmas party with lots of people and he enjoys it. It's almost like he's taken 3 giant steps back now that his brother is here every day. So the more I think about it, the more I think I need to get DH alone...sit him down and lay it out. I've already made up my mind that I WILL leave him if his mother ever has to come live with us!

Good wishes to you, Donna, for a successful surgery and complete and easy recovery. Proud of you for sticking up for yourself and your health. We shouldn’t have to go to extremes and near begging for procedures to be done, especially with a family history such as yours.