Rotties are the best. But one thing I did learn about them....it's not always how they are raised. I bought one years ago from a very high-end show breeder. My dog Cammie had a pedigree that was just unreal!! On her mother's side, there were 5 generations of show champions, Therapy dogs, obedience titled dogs and certified tracking dogs. On her father's side, there were 5 generation of Schutzhund titled dogs and show champions. Unfortunatly, Cammie took after her father's side. She had the looks of a true champion, but she was suspicious of strangers (including show judges....not good for a show dog) and too protective. I tried for months and months to show her and socialize her to strangers and nothing I did worked. I could have returned her to the breeder since I really did want to show her, but we loved her so much. She loved and protected our family for many years. She was awesome!! But she could not be trusted around strangers, ever. She was always "on duty". Cammie taught me a lot. She did teach me that it's not always bad people that make dogs mean....sometimes the dogs are genetically programmed to be that way. My current dog is a pit bull rescue. she is without a doubt the BEST dog I have ever had the pleasure of owning. She is easy to teach, obedient, a good watch dog, and she loves my little bitty chihuahuas. Bailey was quite young when we got her and the chihuahuas were already here. so they established dominance over her early on. The 3 dogs all share one food bowl. There is no food aggression. She is territorial though, and will not tolerate strange dogs. she is genetically programmed to be dog-aggressive. But I understand that part of her genetics and just keep her out of a situation where there will be other dogs. With any rescue, you have to be aware of the dog's genetics and keep that in mind. Something cannot be overcome by love because there is years of genetic programming that dictate the dog's personality.

Thank you everyone for all your support. I am very happy to have spent the time asking the question. There are lots of titles listed that I completely overlooked and many that I will have to look into. My mom lives in the philippines and is old fashioned. She spent lots of time teaching and helping others as a social worker so maybe those 20th century country tales so I appreciate your suggestions Liz and Yoyobon. Thank you Ccrdmrbks. I am trying to relate to how my mom is feeling right now but I can't imagine it. We just celebrated my eldest sister's marriage last week so I think her emotions must be quite a mixture as well. Miss Read sounds promising. A friend highly reccomended Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe a long time back simply as a read to enjoy but I haven't gotten around to it. Anyone know if it would be appropriate for the situation? Comedy is an interesting idea. Though it may be hard to find something she relates to. I'll ask her and see if she has any favourites. Thank you all again so much, I've got all the titles written down and am going to do some research now! Take care and God bless! : )

I am sorry you are so tired and worried. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Your question is how to deal with this without blowing up at your DIL and DS. First and most important, go get counseling yourself or with your husband. The counselor will help you figure out how to set boundaries and how much to give of yourselves. Second, take time to exercise, get plenty of sleep and eat healthy foods. That old adage about flying with children...put the oxygen mask on your own face first so you can help them with theirs.... You will be able to do more for the children in the long run if you stay healthy. Third, your grandchildren have 2 loving grandparents who live next door, a nanny, and 2 parents. They have a network of people. Their love network doesn't look like what you wish for them but they have one. They are loved, they are cared for. Stop focusing on what they don't have and start looking at what they do have. I'm not there, you are, and your concerns may be entirely or partially valid. Having said that, they are 5 and 2. Soon the 5 year old will be more and more involved in school, activities, etc. The 5 year old will go to school all day, then have music lessons, sports activities, friends over, etc. That doesn't mean she won't need you or her parents, but she will be busy. The money your DIL makes will come in very handy for college, extracurricular activities, etc. As the grandkids get older you probably won't be needed nearly as much and that time is probably closer than you think. When that time comes, if you have damaged your relationship with your DS and DIL you will wish you hadn't. Also you may find that your DIL is better with the children as they get older. The comment about DIL not allowing anyone else in the family to be a leader in the family is not germane to this discussion. Your son could still have tea parties with his kids, take them camping, build block towers, bake cookies with them, play soccer in the yard. DIL is not stopping him from that. Stop letting those leadership thoughts live rent free in your head. As you said yourself, your son could make different choices, he doesn't, and that's on him, not his wife. I don't know, only you do, so I could be very wrong. I suspect you are enabling your son. I think that because you said he was checking his phone a lot during the day. If he was at home with the grandkids, were you over there taking care of them? There is a fine line between supporting and enabling and a good counselor will help you figure out if you have strayed over into enabling territory. A counselor can help you figure out if part of this is because the family doesn't look like what you expect with your DIL running a demanding business. My husband was building a business when our children were 5 and 2. He would have went on an 11 day trip, returned and went to work the next day and no one would have thought anything about it. He worked long hours then 6 days a week, and on Sunday went to church, came home and napped. He came home every night, gave the kids a bath, ate something and went back to work. This is a tough time for a young family and sometimes that can spill over onto the grandparents. I'm not dismissing your concerns or saying you're wrong. Just one glance at my husband with his little kids and even a total stranger could tell he treasured them, enjoyed them, loved them with his every breath. It's probably not the trip that concerned you but the way your son and DIL interact with their kids when they're present. The generosity issue is a good one to bring up in counseling. I'm not sure why you would want your DS and DIL to be financially generous with you. You have stressed that material things are not your focus, that you make decent money, so not sure why you feel a loss if they don't give you expensive gifts. Perhaps because your DS and DIL give expensive gifts to people they value and you feel not valued. A counselor could help you learn to let that go. Invest in exercise, getting plenty of sleep, eating healthy and counseling. That time will be well spent, and the sooner the better. It may take time to find a good counselor who is the right match for you, so get started now. You may have to try more than one. I hope you find something that helps. Best of luck with your grandchildren.

Brian..Oh my God..Seems to be you do everything right, even Sugar has the whitest fir and the cleanest eyes! What the heck do you feed him, Miracle Grow..?lol Seriously, that coat of fir looks so soft and cuddly and clean! A diamond in the rough buddy..I never saw a dog of that sport look so clean..They usually have a problem with black fir around the eyes if they don't get the right nutrition..You are doing a mighty job buddy! Well I did say everything right, but you fail when it comes to eating sloppy Joe bud..ha Listen, I would kill for a three hour thunderstorm. I can't even get a ten minute one. It's been three years..The deforestation is really doing damage and they are just now admitting it. We are turning into another desert..It's scary. You say you need work between the shoulders..I am all your pal and I won't even charge you..I'll just trade you for one of your trees..lool It was 55 all day here because the front never moved northward until about 3..Then it popped up twenty degrees in a half hour..lol Now it's warm here..60's tonight)))) I love it. You should see how all my trees are loving it and my plants in the yard..Every tree is still outside Brian..I thin after after this weekend that's it...50's and 30's by night for days on end it seems..Arg! Brian, thank you for asking about Mom..She's had a tough day and she can't believe how many here care about her..What a great bunch of beautiful human beings here, including Sugar of course....We need that... I hope you are wrong about this winter..I don't want to spend so many days worried about the heaters going out due to a circuit breaker or storm..It's the most stressful thing for me keeping things in my greenhouse. Every single day it drops well below freezing, I have to keep a thermometer close to my bed for when I wake up or keep calling my home to see what the temps is..My Mother is my watch dog. Sugar must love sitting in there with you buddy> Give him and yourself a hug for me will you? By the way, soil mix question?? Do you have to amend your mix at all? And do you ever over pot or pot just one size up from the root ball? Thanks bud