Michaela, I forgot to answer your ? about the Sweet Autumn. I was doing a photo expose with my long lens (I don't think anyone saw me) on my new neighbor murdering that gorgeous Clematis right when it was blooming! It was making me sick at heart! I couldn't believe they would tear it down to the ground when it was blooming! You can see from the photos what they did and after. I enjoyed it every year, right across the street, the scent wafted over to my yard. That spindly little thing in my photos was a seedling from it I've tried to save. I will have to see if it's up this year. I never liked those fences (my neighbor put up one like it) but with that clem on it, which it was a strong support for, it was stunning every year, nobody seemed to ever have to do anything maintenance wise with it. They can be considered invasive by some. I don't know why people do the things they do. What they replaced it with I can't figure out what it is, it's all open with some kind of cement work to sit on, I never figured it out. On the other side of that fence was an old flowering quince. They must have wrecked that, too. At least they spared the beautiful redbud at the corner. I shouldn't gripe about lawn people when some of it probably got to looking like a weed patch, but they could have asked. My new guy mercilessly mowed over a clump of different yellow day lilies with a sweet little Roxanne geranium. It's hard for me to go running out there when they are mowing. I will see if by chance they are trying to come back. I lost every one of the iris except a plain yellow I bought at a plant sale. All the others were special and named. They can't be mulched so made that row which I constantly had to fight that awful Bermuda grass, it's almost got the better of it. I clicked on your name and looked at your photos. They are beautiful. You have a C. Rooguchi, too. You have lots of other clems I've looked at if I had room for them, the names would be familiar if I saw them. They are wonderful. Your rose list is impressive, too. I have or had, will have to look, a pretty red clem named after a lady and Polska. But I especially wanted to mention your pretty little boquet with the lettering. It's so charming. You must love pink! I do too, but think I've always leaned a little to yellow. I get volunteer stuff out front that blows in. I didn't think I wanted black-eyed susans, but I had bunches of them a couple years ago.

During my NH Master Gardening classes, we spent a week on pruning. Not enough but it at least got me started and over my fears. We did "in the field" pruning on state owned properties including the University of NH grounds. Having an expert right there guiding us really helped. I'm no longer phobic about pruning in general. But, I'm still confounded with the pruning of a weeping tree! I've got a 'Snow Fountain' cherry that needs pruning. The lower branches are growing into the ground and the tree refuses to gain any height...just wider and wider and wider. I had an aborist out last year to see if we could save a declining sugar maple (answer was no, we can't) and while he was here, I asked about my cherry tree. He showed me what to do but I missed the timing this year due to all the early season rains. Next year, after bloom, I'm going after that tree! It's going to look odd for a couple years but five years from now, I'll have the tree I envisioned when I planted it. My biggest pruning phobia was lilac pruning. I knew they needed annual pruning to perform at peak but was always afraid of ruining their natural shape. I started with just deadheading the spent flowers...then watching what results those cuts made. The next year, I pruned a little more and watched the rest of the season. After 3-4 seasons, my lilac was blooming twice as heavily and fit in its space perfectly. I also like stuff you can prune to the ground periodically! But, even with that I get nervous...like with my caryoptersis. It doesn't suffer winter die-back and leaves out early in the spring. It's hard to cut down all that live growth. I didn't do it this spring and now the darn thing is humongous and crowding its neighbors. It's just starting to bloom now. The lack of pruning didn't seem to reduce the bloom which is what I'd been expecting. This is the type of pruning I really don't like. What do I do? Do I just make heading cuts straight across the shrub at about 18"...or, do I do something more tactful? I'm afraid it will grow funny from the straight across pruning cuts since the shrub doesn't winter kill. Can anyone please help me with my caryopteris? Help!

Rotties are the best. But one thing I did learn about them....it's not always how they are raised. I bought one years ago from a very high-end show breeder. My dog Cammie had a pedigree that was just unreal!! On her mother's side, there were 5 generations of show champions, Therapy dogs, obedience titled dogs and certified tracking dogs. On her father's side, there were 5 generation of Schutzhund titled dogs and show champions. Unfortunatly, Cammie took after her father's side. She had the looks of a true champion, but she was suspicious of strangers (including show judges....not good for a show dog) and too protective. I tried for months and months to show her and socialize her to strangers and nothing I did worked. I could have returned her to the breeder since I really did want to show her, but we loved her so much. She loved and protected our family for many years. She was awesome!! But she could not be trusted around strangers, ever. She was always "on duty". Cammie taught me a lot. She did teach me that it's not always bad people that make dogs mean....sometimes the dogs are genetically programmed to be that way. My current dog is a pit bull rescue. she is without a doubt the BEST dog I have ever had the pleasure of owning. She is easy to teach, obedient, a good watch dog, and she loves my little bitty chihuahuas. Bailey was quite young when we got her and the chihuahuas were already here. so they established dominance over her early on. The 3 dogs all share one food bowl. There is no food aggression. She is territorial though, and will not tolerate strange dogs. she is genetically programmed to be dog-aggressive. But I understand that part of her genetics and just keep her out of a situation where there will be other dogs. With any rescue, you have to be aware of the dog's genetics and keep that in mind. Something cannot be overcome by love because there is years of genetic programming that dictate the dog's personality.

I agree with so much that has been said. However, I think that there is no one solution. In my case, "Divorce Poison" -as many other step-parent/family books- became a semiread book because I couldnÂt deal with the bleakness of that situation. If you prepare for the worst (it does get 3x worse than what one can ever imagine), please keep on hoping for the best! The odds are against us step-families, but it can be done, and many people here are a testament to that. I did the same thing you did with my "step-wife". I came from such a positive experience, I thought it would be possible NO MATTER WHAT. Boy, did she prove me wrong! If I can give you any advice, here it is: 1. Please try not to let HER issues affect YOUR behavior with the children as others have already said. It sounds like you care for those children; keep on caring and letting them know that you care: they'll receive the message. 2. Find resources that make you stronger, not that instill further fear and doubt. I know there are certain people I can talk to, but others that just donÂt help. I talked to a family therapist to sort things out early on; I began reading books about parenting; I found a momÂs group where my biggest guide has been a bio-mom 3. TALK TALK TALK with your fiancé. He can be your biggest ally as well as your biggest foe. I canÂt tell you the times my husband and I fought, I cried, we walked out on one another, but we stuck with it and things are so much better now. We hit roadblocks every so often, but we have gotten much better in overcoming them. 4. I hate to say this because I like to talk EVERYTHING out, but I agree with everyone in saying that minimizing communication with the children's mother is probably a good thing, at least for the time being. I am all about communication, but if you donÂt have clear boundaries (it takes time to set them, sometimes you have to seek legal recourse as we did), a big wall might just be the best solution for now. 5. Be watchful of that "chameleon" behavior many children of divorced parents exhibit. Reading up on it really helped us call them on it and help them get out of the habit. Their allegiance will always be towards their bio-parent, no matter how damaging these adults can be towards their own children. However, if addressed early on, it can be curbed. The book that helped me the most early on was, "The Single GirlÂs Guide to Marrying a Man, His Kids, and His Ex-Wife". It was so positive and encouraging. I laughed and cried with it and found some good practical tips that worked wonders in my situation. I adored my family-to-be and this book gave me so much hope when things got tough. Good luck lady! Keep us posted PS I just want to say, if I have a gagillion semi-read books, I also refer back to them here and there. I am just not able to read them all the time or all in one period of time. It goes back to suggestion number 2, I try to stay positive.....