I try to keep a mindset that I'm not blaming or accusing anyone, I'm simply involving the other party in solving a problem *we* have. In other words, this isn't about your builder doing wrong, being incompetent etc. It is only about a door that isn't right, so what needs to be done to make it right? Hey, you and he are on the same team, because OF COURSE he wants to have that door done correctly! Sometimes the interaction doesn't go smoothly but I've always found by starting out on a positive let's-fix-this-together spirit, often things stay pretty upbeat and there isn't much if any negativity involved. To get defensive, a person needs to perceive that s/he is being attacked. Once that pattern is initiated, it is usually downhill for both parties. If you don't trigger someone else into feeling the need to fight back, the discussion can often stay very cordial and the problem will get solved to everyone's satisfaction. And....how can you feel bad about that?! :) Ann

I love those pans! This reminds me of Lucy! Of course her strategy was to put it in the closet and not wear it for a while and then when she did and Ricky asked if it was new, she'd say, "No, it's been in the closet for months!" Shopping for kitchen stuff (and floor care stuff, the most exciting thing on your list to me was the steam mop LOL) is SOOOOO much better than shopping for clothes.... I hate trying them on too! Something similar happened on the quilting forum a few months ago. It's been a while since I read it, but I'll try to remember. A lady bought an expensive long arm quilting sewing machine... she brought it in and put it in her sewing room. Husband didn't notice and she was scared to tell him because she didn't know how he would react. One night right after dinner, she confessed... he stood up from the table, kissed her on the cheek, said, "Good for you" and went on about his business. It was great! All that stress for nothing! Kitchen toys are usually less expensive than power tools or lawn tractors anyway, so no reason to feel guilty! :o)

I had something framed at one of the national chain places and was pleased with the result. The funny thing was the employee (manager maybe?)that handed me the piece also handed me a piece of paper and a pen and told me I should write a thank you note to the framer. I don't know if it's their normal practice to ask you to do that or if the framer was new and needed feedback but I thought it was odd and presumptuous of him to tell me, more than suggest to me, that I should leave a note that I was happy with the piece. Plenty of times I contact managers to tell them about a good employee, but to be strong armed into thanking them was beyond the pale to me.

For every person who wants a first floor master bedroom, there's someone who doesn't. For every person who needs a bathtub in every bathroom, there's someone who would change them all to huge, elaborate showers. For every person who wants granite counter tops in the kitchen, there's someone who would prefer Corian, or Formica, or marble. For every person who wants hardwood, there's someone who wants wall-to-wall carpet. There's only so much you can do for resale. Don't chose something you dislike just for resale value. Do consider resale if you are doing something outside the norm. I remember a thread on the Buying/Selling Homes forum where someone was designing a new house and wanted to eliminate any trace of a formal dining room, as well as an eat-in kitchen. Wanted nothing but a breakfast bar in the family room. Many posters warned about resale value in that thread, with most saying to have a room that would for his family, but could easily be converted to a dining room if they ever sold. Same thing with taking out all the bathtubs. Most people recommend leaving one in the house. Decorate so that you can live in and enjoy the house. If you make radical changes, incorporate a way for other owners to easily change them. Here's an example: My brother and SIL have a child who is physically disabled. They were debating between a wheelchair accessible addition to their house or buying an new house that had already been adapted for a wheelchair user. What they found while house-hunting was that most handicapped-accessible additions were not well-thought-out. Most were just stuck onto the existing house without any thought to the traffic patterns in the house or how the house would look from the outside. They were basically functional, but ugly, patches on the existing house. So they worked with an architect to add onto their house. They lost the windows in the dining room. They added a family room which they didn't have, a mud room/laundry room which they didn't have, an accessible bathroom with the most luxurious roll-in shower that looks like a spa, and a bedroom for my nephew. You don't notice the lack of windows in the dining room because it is open-plan with the living room and get sunlight from there, as well as from the french doors that separate it from the family room. As much as possible, there is nothing in the addition that screams "I am wheelchair accessible!" The doorways are wider, the shower doesn't have a step into it, there's a ramp up to the mudroom door. Probably the main thing is that most of the doors are pocket doors that are easy to slide open and don't get in the way of wheelchairs. But nearly everything is a stock fitting from regular building stores. Future owners could turn the addition into a nice master suite if they changed out the french doors. It would also be possible to easily turn the mud room/laundry room into a small kitchenette and make the addition into a MIL apartment. Or the new owners could use the house as is. The key thing is that there are *options* for future owners. The house is not just suitable for persons with disabilities, the way some of the houses they looked at were.