I lost my husband April 2010, it seems like yesterday. We were married in las vegas 16 yrs ago. We would frequent Las Vegas for memory sake. I was lucky to go the month before he died. I am so lost. There isnt a day goes by i cry, think of him or pray he hears me. People tell me its time to move on. I cant! I have never met a person who i can relate to so much and have so much in common. We would even sit and watch the three stooges together. We both loved humor immensely. He was a terrific singer in a rock band since he was 17. He was 55 when he passed. Im blessed to have some of his music on cd's., and a couple of Vhs tapes to watch him perform. I dont know what more to say on here. It was a sudden death, cutting the grass and a heart attack. I felt helpless trying to save him, it didnt work. Somehow i blame myself why i couldnt save him. I just miss him so much. Its very lonely, even though i have my adult son living with me, its not the same of cuddling at night or special times with each other. I know i should probably go seek some kind of support group, but i dont have the energy or will to go. How can i be in denial for so long? Thanks for listening

Madeline, in 18 months I have lost 8 people in my life. In 6 months I lost three of these 8 that were very dear friends. The last one that passed was from suicide and she was my best friend. I am coping. I would suggest you try journaling, it has helped me a great deal. To be honest..life is full of joy and wonderful things..My daughter is expecting her first child! Also it is true that life is full of miserable times and deeply sad times. All of us on the plantet have those up and down times. So know that life is not picking on you. This is just life as it is and you are not alone in this. Accept your mixed up feelings and cry all you need to. You have a little one there and she needs you. You have lots of happy times ahead of you.

lafevem, I agree. That's why it angers me SO much that they joined a "support" group for step-families. They both use this forum as an excuse to take out their anger on any stepmother who posts questions (looking for support) because they mistakenly view her as the "other woman" in their lives. It's not only unsupportive, it's insulting. And I wish I could say that I respect their perspective, but I don't. I think they are both lonely, angry, bitter, first wives who are taking it out on us because we're just some women on the computer with no face or real name. There's no repercussions for insulting us like there might be if they took it out on the ones actually causing their anger. Don't insult me because you can't blow up your ex and his girlfriend, y'know what I mean? Take a kick-boxing class and imagine she's the bag. Take her picture to the local range and shoot at her for all I care, but stop treating me like I stole your husband and hate my SK. I also think they use the ole "I'm learning your perspective thing" as a cover to be here. If my son was gay and I was having a hard time "understanding" it and wanted to learn where he was coming from, I wouldn't go to a forum and tell all gays that they are wrong for being that way, that it simply isn't "natural", or that God is frowning on them. (Which I really don't feel - I'm just making an example because that's usually the opposing arguments!) I also wouldn't assume that all gay men are hairdressers who wear designer labels and talk with a lisp just because some of them do. I do not appreciate being grouped into some category of ignorant, horrible mothers simply because Cinderella had an evil stepmother. It's just wrong. We are all people with different situations who are hear seeking support and we all deserve that opportunity to be listened to instead of picked apart. Some of us are better parents than others, some of us are better people than others but it doesn't mean that everyone in here is guilty until proven innocent. "to stepping -- no I wouldnt like or defend anyone hurting a child" Kkny: I will take this as your way of saying that I am not like the "other" stepmothers you assume we all are and that deep down, you see and appreciate that I am more maternal than the BM in my SS(s) lives and understand that those boys now have a chance to have the mother they deserve and that they have a better life now because I'm in it. After all, I don't physically and emotionally abuse them (and I won't list everything I DO do for them!) So, thank you for acknowledging this (even if I had to say it for you.)

You stated that pregnancy, unlike cancer, is a choice, in response to my question as to whether it would be ok for a man to divorce his wife while his daughter was undergoing chemo. The implication in that statement is that the pregnancy WAS her fault. Of course I am a parent, and I was married for many years. I responded to your post originally because, in response to organic_maria who suggested that the divorce may have deeply affected the girl, you said you did not think that was not the case. Divorce ALWAYS affects children deeply, even in homes where there is a lot of conflict. I do not believe that excellent fathers divorce their spouses while their children are in crisis - no matter what their age or who is responsible. It is very rare that someone needs to leave right this second - unless the father was being physically abused by his wife. I believe that what the girl needed during her pregnancy was parents who were devoting most of their emotional energy toward her, rather than concentrating on a divorce and/or a new relationship. I have yet to meet anyone, no matter who filed, who did not find the process of divorce after a long term marriage to be emotionally draining. I believe that excellent parents do not date while they are still married, even in states like mine where it takes a lot longer than a few months to divorce when you have kids. I believe that excellent parents (and sensible people in general) do not remarry with a matter of months after divorce. I am sure you have read the axiom about 1 year of recovery for every 5 years of marriage. There is a lot of truth to that. Not only the parents, but the children also need time to recover before a stepparent is brought into their lives.