Surviving husbands death

20 years ago

I lose my husband over a year ago, and I'm still grieving. Is this normal? What is a normal time for grieving. We were together 24 years married for 21. I miss his present in my life in everything I do. I sometimes feel less then who I am because he isn't by my side. I cry in the morning, mid-day and more often at night. All the friends we had don't come around any more. I'm feel even more alone because of it. When will it get easier. I have not been up to dating again. It is all so different now. HELP ME STOP THE PAIN IN MY HEART!

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Comments (7)

lulie___wayne
20 years ago
I'm so very sorry for the loss of your dear husband. I personally, have not lost my husband but I am well aquainted with grief. There is absolutely NO "normal" time frame from grieving. Each person has to work through their issues of grief on their own timeline.
When you are married and are accustomed to being with one particular person each day of your life and share many of life's good times as well as bad, and almost know each other's thoughts without saying a word to each other, the two partners almost seem like one. I am speaking from my own marital experience after almost 34 years. You feel "less" because your "other half" is not with you anymore. He is not with you physically, but that love never dies and he is with you spiritually now. From my experience of losing my daughter and mom, the pain does become less intense as time goes on. Yes, it does get better. You will feel better in time.
Try to surround yourself with others who know your pain. When you have someone else who you can talk to who knows your pain, that pain is shared and you will not feel so all alone. The world is full of wonderful people who would probably be so happy to help you in any way that they can.
Again, I don't know your pain, but can only imagine losing a spouse of many years.
Please post here whenever you feel alone. There are many here who know your pain and would love to help you.
Lu

Here is a link that might be useful: Christin Cosby Memorial Web Site
sudiepav
20 years ago
I'm so sorry that it hurts so much. Lulie is right, there isn't a timetable for "getting better". And sometimes, when you feel you're making progress, you'll take some steps back. Is there a grieving support group where you live? I didn't join one, but I think it has helped some people. I'm sorry your friends are staying away. I think that often happens because people don't know what to say. If I've learned anything through our tragedy, it's to reach out to others who've suffered loss. Are you working? Sometimes it helps to be able to be involved in something that can take your mind off your loss, even for a little bit. And do come visit here. We all understand your pain and are ready to try to console. You're in my prayers.
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Hi Mary, I went over to Kitchen Table and read your posts. I'm sorry about the loss of your dear husband, now there is a gap where a person used to be and that is always such a challenge to overcome. Someone once told me that they felt that they were cut in two when they lost their spouse. I cannot even begin to imagine. I read a USA Today report that showed some research done by the University of Michigan that mentioned that a bereaved spouse needs at leas 18 months to recover physically and psychologically. Although you may not thing so at present Mary, each day will get better as time goes on. Also, don't be afraid to let your tears flow. Psychologist Dr. Joyce Brothers, herself a widow, likens tears to emotional first aid. Crying is a normal part of your grieving process. You said in one of your posts in the KT forum that you have received many cards of condolence, have you written them back? Why not take some time and put in writing all the good things that you remember about your husband and the moments you shared and thank those who have reached out to you. Make an album with photographs, love letters, and notes of the good times you spent with your loved one. This will be painful at first but in the long run it will help you to heal. I can relate to what you said that some don't say anything because they don't know what to say and I can say that I have done that once. I wish I could go back and change that. But I'm here now trying to help others through their grief by using the Bible. For me, there is no better hope since I know for a fact that the promises we find in the Bible of seeing our loved ones when they are resurrected will be fulfilled. Reading on the resurrection accounts found in the Bible and meditating on them, visualizing the events makes them more real to me. "Time indefinite He has put their heart", the Bible tells us about God (Ecclesiastes 3:11) And He will use the resurrection to make everlasting life possible for people who have died. Psalms 37:11 says, "but the meek ones themselves will possess the earth, and they will indeed find their exquisite delight in the abundance of peace." Life in this earth under God's Kingdom rule will not be like what we are experiencing now, full of war, crime poverty, injustice, illness, and death. It will be a fulfilling and satisfying life beyond our fondest dreams. Learning more about what God's Kingdom is, the Kingdom that we all pray for in the Lord's Prayer: "Let your Kingdom come.."(Matthew 6:9, 10), will give us a more clear picture of these future promises that seem so unattainable to us now. We just need to be focused. Mary, hang in there, these hard times will soon be a part of the past. We all have suffered a loss of a loved one and we all here can somewhat understand what you are feeling. We hope to hear back from you soon. Warm hugs, Ada
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alisande
20 years ago
You might want to check out Widownet.org (link below).

Here is a link that might be useful: Widownet
ann_in_florida
20 years ago
So very sorry that you lost your husband. I lost my DH in 2002 and I still grieve. I know how alone and heartbroken you feel. After all those years together, it's as if a prat of you died along with your husband. Do you have close friends that you can talk with about your husband's death? I can tell you that talking to friends was the one thing that helped me most. There were days that I couldn't have made it without talking about Dennis. It somehow helped me to keep him alive and with me. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help.
heartbroken_2007
18 years ago
My husband died on nov.11 2007 He was in the hospital for lung cancer. That did not kill him he had a heart attack and fell to the floor breaking his nose and knocking his teeth out, it was 2 weeks ago Sunday it was noon he was watching the football game, I was there the heart doctor just walked out telling him his heart was fine for now. 10 min. later he was dead. I just don't think I can go on without him . He was 56 we were married 17 years.
Dotlong_embarqmail_com
15 years ago
I lost my husband Oct. 2009 after 30 years of marriage. The lost feels even greater 16 months "down the road." I have lots of friends and family - I'm getting ready to reopen my business - I exercise and dance daily - but I miss him. He was my partner - it's like an addiction only "you don't get to fall off the wagon again" - you just feel the pain of the withdrawals of that love, companionship, touch... My world has changed. I just try to remind myself that I was so lucky to have had someone in my life that loved me that I loved that kept me company for so long. There are people that never experience that kind of companionship. I could probably just sit and cry for hours and I have but I try not to. It really doesn't help. But staying active - trying to discover if there are other things in life that I may be passionate about - for me one is trying to stay fit - has helped me. I use to always dress like such a bum - because we would be working around the house or in the garden - but now I make myself put on lipstick or nice pants and a top - to go to the mailbox or grocery store. I'm not looking for someone else to fill that void. But I am trying to make myself smile. My husband use to tell all the single girls that they needed to find a husband soon or to be sure to wear sunscreen... he would say no man is ever going to be attracted to a woman with a nose that has rotted off... He was so funny - I miss that humor - and him most of all - but I'm taking his advice for what it is worth and I am wearing sunscreen. Thanks sweetheart. You are forever in my heart.
DSHAM33410_AOL_COM
15 years ago
My husband...best friend died at 44 yrs old we were married 13 yrs (he said lucky 13) and it was sudden. i hurt so bad still and miss and think of him constantly. We were very close as one post said finished each others sentances etc, knew what each other thought then boom gone, i found him 1 hr after i left. So no not sure there is ever a timeline to get over something like this just maybe less minutes per day of thinking about being or "getting it back" not sure one is ever the same after a "real" love loss. You just have to keep busy and know there is a reason you are still here. ((((hugs))))

Surviving husbands death

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lulie___wayne

sudiepav

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