I am so sorry for all you have been going though. I cannot imagine feeling the way you must feel towards your father especially after losing your brother. Your family is in trouble Cari - you are in trouble. I would strongly urge you to make contact with one of the links or numbers provided by Susan. If you have reached this point, you must certainly realize that nothing may change until you take charge and make it change. That involves the depth of strength in your weakest hour. Please reach out for help - it is there for you and can transform your life.
Please do not back away from posting here. By sharing your problems, it is one way of reaching out. We all care how you are doing and everyone wants to help. Please stay in touch and let us know what is happening.
I looked at the pictures you sent, they were so sweet. I think the one I liked best was the one of your brother in the bowl.
Prayers to you. Please check right back in.

deb

CariJo, I looked at your pictures too. They are precious and I can tell just how much love was between you and your brothers. Thanks for sharing them.
Lu

bumping this for CariJo

Thank you Alisonde. I'm sorry I worried you guys. I'm going to call and see if they can direct me to some free counseling in my state. I'm safe, I'm not having any contact with my father, but it's unfortunate since the holidays are coming up and I'm used to spending them with the entire family. Since he will be there, and I have a restraining order against him in my mind, I can't go. This is our family's first holiday without Danny. He was always a part of that gathering. There are a lot of warm, nurturing people in my extended family and I will miss seeing them.

I got a job, a terrible buffet kitchen baking job, but at least the financial situation is slightly less bleak.

I'm doing okay now. I was in a dark emotional space, more down than I've ever been before in my life. Thinking about Dan a lot. Actually I'll be thinking about all the other problems in life, and then the wall of greif comes up over that, making the discomforts of being alive seem so petty...on top of struggling so hard to get by, my baby brother is still dead and can't feel any of it.

My heart goes out to all of you, from any walk of life, from different generations, we've all had someone we not only knew but loved intensely taken from us. It really changes you and challenges you to find the meaning in life, to go on living even if it hurts, because at least it hurts.

Here is a link that might be useful: The Photos

CariJo, I'm really glad to hear from you. I hope you get the counseling, and it helps. You're obviously so bright and have so much to offer this world. Sometimes moving forward can only mean putting one foot in front of the other, but eventually you discover those baby steps add up and you're in a better place. Keep in touch.

Susan

I lost my mom ,dad and son in 16mths
I feel I am coping ok but I often feel that I shouldn't be coping this well. The fortunate thing for me is that I have my husband and 3 grown up children who are hurting themselves but are very supportive as we are all very close. Because I was a full time carer and mother to my son I have all this time on my hands which for the last 15 yrs I haven't had. I tend to do a lot more hours at my job at least there I can pretend to be like everyone else. I find being at home very hard because my son was always there. I am giving the holidays a miss this yr I just don't think I can cope as Adam loved christmas so much