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Lost of My Mom

15 years ago

I just lost my Mom 3 weeks ago and just dont know what to do with myself and my thoughts, I am trying to cope by staying busy but there is only so much busy you can do.

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Comments (5)

sylviatexas1
15 years ago
I'm so sorry.

It sounds very trite, but time will help.

Meanwhile, you might try "busy" that involves more parts of you.

If you've been working crossword puzzles or reading, try something that involves your muscles, ideally something *new* that will engage your brain in learning.

Dr Amen says ballroom dancing is excellent;
it involves perception, balance, rhythm, learning different steps, etc;
in other words, it involves much more of the body & brain.

Take care of yourself.
mariend
15 years ago
Find a support group, grief counseling, start a scrapbook, start a journal, find someone to talk about the good things and not so good, and it is ok to cry, but remember to laugh also
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Oh sweetie, that was your mom alright, showing you she is still there in spirit with you and always will be. I am so sorry about your mom. Nothing I can say will make it better or bring her back. I wish I could perform that miracle for you. Know she will always be with you and in your heart. My mom's been gone just over 2 years and I still can't believe it. It is so far from being 'real' in my mind even still. She gave birth to me and was the closest spiritual person to me in my life. It just sucks. Please take care of yourself. Duane
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Thanks so much for everyone's words of comfort. And thank you Dee for the personal e-mail. The support here means so much. Today is my birthday, it's bad enough to be (cough, cough) 40, but I realized this morning that last year on my birthday I had both of my parents, and this year I have none. I say that, and it is true, but I know it sounds childish. I really, really miss them both. I wasn't able to mourn hard for my dad because my mom was such a wreck afterwards - until she died. Now I am mourning them both. But I am okay today. Better than I thought I would be. I don't want to spoil what my family wants to do for me by being so sad. And I know my parents wouldn't want me sad. AND I know they are together, and that really brings me comfort. Thank you all for listening. It means so much to have somewhere to go with all of this.
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I lost my mom 6 days ago
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I lost my mother over two years ago to cancer. I found this forum last night, and cried my heart out I think for the first time since she passed. Reading others posts and knowing that there are people out there dealing with the same emotions is comforting. If you can't find a support group or a friend who understands, then please feel free to share it with everyone on this forum. People just don't understand until they are in your shoes, so don't pay any attention to what they say - I truly think they just don't get it. When my Mom was sick, my MIL (to-be) would come over to my house and remark that my house was too messy. Can you believe that? I was appalled that anyone would think that sitting at home cleaning my house was more important than spending time with my sick mother, knowing her days were numbered. I'm still bitter about it, and probably always will be, but honestly, I love my MIL and all I can say is some people just don't get it. I think you and I have bigger hearts than most, and that's the only way I can find logic with such ungodly insensitive behavior. I have cats and dogs, and sometimes, I think animals are better companions at times like this. Whenever I am feeling sad, my animals KNOW it, and they never let me down. I know it may seem difficult to do, but I dug out a lot of old pics of my Mom and seeing her in those "happy" moments makes me feel better. It helps me think about what I had when we were together instead of dwelling on what I've lost. I hope that makes sense. Carry those happy memories in your heart - it's what she would want you to remember, and in that way, she is still there with you every day. My heart goes out to you and I am sorry for your loss. Be well.
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I feel so alone...lost my mom on June 29, 2011
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Hi Cinful...I know exactly what you mean...when the doctors told her 3-6 months left, I thought I would never stop crying, and I didn't want our last moments together to be miserable. I know we said everything we wanted and needed to say to each other, but in the end, I still worry that there may have been something else left unsaid, something I forgot to ask her, or something from the past that we just wanted to remember. We only got about 2 months together at the end, and even when it finally happened it seemed like it just couldn't be happening already. I am sorry that you are alone, I do have children and a husband, but we all lived together, and they really do not understand what I am going through. I feel like I am alone, except that I can't just break down all the time, I have to be strong...it feels like it is killing me to do that though. I really just want to crawl into bed and stay there. The one thing that keeps me going is that my mom asked me to. She told me to be strong for HER, and to be happy for HER. I am not happy, but I am being as strong as I can be. That means not thinking of her too often, or all I would do is cry. But I know she knows that. She bought me a journal at the end, and I didn't think it would help, but it has. I write to her as much as I can, everyday in the beginning, and I tell her the things I would have told her if she were here. It does help. My mom was my everything too...even though I have other family, and children, she was it. Every moment of the day we were together...have been for 42 years. She has sent me signs since she's been gone, I know a lot of people don't believe in that, and think it is wishful thinking, but it's not. Keep an open mind after everything is over, don't shut yourself down. Stay with your mom till the end, try not to feel guilty...I know that even though my mom and I talked about everything, I still felt guilty when she passed, like maybe there was more I could have done. I am trying to get past that. I feel so bad for you, and your dad...maybe try to be strong for him, as I have to for my baby...it helps to be there for someone else, when all you want to do is go with your mom. I know at least for me that is true. When she first got sick, I thought I would go with her in the end, but I cannot go right now. My family needs me, my baby needs me. I think that is why he happened so late in my life...he was my lifeline from God...Take care, please let me know how you are doing, and I will do the same.
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myliitlehero
15 years ago
I feel the same way. I lost my mom on September 8th, 2010.
I'm a single mom trying to take care of my 5 yr old and i don't live near any of my family. I feel no matter how busy i try to stay i just can't stay busy enough. Just seems so surreal. I wish every night that she would come to me in my dreams but that hasn't happened. : (
ancfan
15 years ago
To all of you........So sorry for your loss. I also loss my mother and best friend on April 10, 2010. We had to have her taken to the hosipital after Easter dinner. She passed the following Saturday, two days after her 75th birthday. After that came Mother's Day :( Me and my sister have been invited to our bf's Thanksgiving dinner but we don't want to go, we both just want to stay home even if we are alone.
kakmom
15 years ago
I am sorry for everyone's losses. I lost my precious mother 4 weeks ago tomorrow. She was 85 and had been through surgery which she did amazingly well in, but something happened an hour or so out of recovery and she was gone. We were told nothing other than "she went to sleep, peacefully, and felt no pain." As comforting as it is to know she didn't suffer, I don't know how time can heal as it seems this pain will never go away. I am trying to do things that honor my mom, like crocheting - a hobby of hers that she taught me when I was only 8 years old. She kept so many babies warmed by her beautiful blankets; I want to follow her legacy and help others stay warm, too.

As difficult as losing her is for her 6 children, our father is experiencing a pain that none of us yet know. Momma was the love of his life for 70 years, married for 65. Poor Daddy also lost the last of his 13 siblings in April 2010 when his last brother, to whom he was so close, passed away suddenly. If anyone reading this can offer suggestions on how to help him I would be most appreciative. As it is now, we are trying to make sure he is not alone for very long at all. We have a sister who has lived with my parents for the last few years so he doesn't live alone but she works during the evenings and we don't want him having dinner alone. We are also trying to encourage him to go out with us and do things that he might enjoy.

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