I feel so alone...lost my mom on June 29, 2011
I lost my mom on June 29, 2011...she was my best friend and I didn't think I could live without her. We have been together all of my 42 years, and she was diagnosed with cancer almost seven years ago. I had an unexpected miracle in my life--I had a beautiful baby boy on December 18, 2009. He is the reason that I am still here. This is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do in my life. My son was so close to her, and he does not realize why she is not here. He is better now than he was a couple of months ago, but I am not. I miss her so much...yesterday was her birthday. I cannot even go outside to the backyard, because she had the most wonderful gardens and they remind me so much of her that I can't stand it. I am hoping by next year I will have healed enough that I will be able to take care of them the way she did. I live in the house I grew up in, and sometimes I wish I didn't. Everywhere I look my mom is there, and she passed away here as well. I feel so alone most days, even though I have the most beautiful little boy here with me. I also have an older son, who will be 23 next week, and a husband whom I love, but I don't think he really understands how hard this is for me. My mom's birthday was yesterday, exactly nine weeks since she passed. I just want to feel better, and I don't know if I ever will. Actually, some days I DON'T want to feel better, because how can I ever feel better without her here? I know she is in a better place, I do truly believe that, but I miss her so much. She was really the only person who understood me, and who I could talk to about anything, or nothing, as the mood took us. We finished each others sentences, and said things at the exact same time...our bond was so strong, and I feel so completely alone.