Tammy, I am deeply sorry for your loss. Please accept my condolences on behalf of your daughter and family and yourself. Try and think of some special things to do for yourself and your daughter that will bring a little pleasure - a new rose bush, for sure and maybe a nice pic-me-up new outfit or something personal. One cannot change this very sad event, but a little indulgence sometimes helps. This may sound like an odd suggestion, but somebody I knew who had been to grief counselling was advised to do this and I remembered. When my mum passed away in England a few years' ago as an only child, I had to look after all her assets and sell up her home etc. It was very difficult but I remembered this from my friend and one day I took myself over to Liverpool saw a most gorgeous pink jacket made from silk and linen, more money than I had ever spent on anything like that - I fell in love with it, it fitted my small frame perfectly, and it was my mum's favourite company that made the jacket, but I knew she would never pay full price, I did, as I knew I would never see it again. I felt good in it, I can dress it up or dress it down, I wear it a lot, though it is dry-cleanable, it does not matter, I get a lot of pleasure out of it, and I thank my mum. :smile All the very best, Hugs Pauline - Vancouver Island.

Ditto, Socks & Brycesmommy, I'm with you all the way there. But let me ask a REALLY dumb question here. And I am no stranger to grief, and ran a grief support group several years ago. Is bereavement counseling the same as bereavement support? Or does support come under the category of as a type of counseling? Sorry for the stupid question. Support/counseling can be a lifesaver. It saved me with the death of my infant son in 1986, and again in June 2005 with the death of my 18 year old daughter. Emma in PA

Thanks for your interest, corgilvr! I have not received your e-mail, but I am including an interactive link to survey here (hope it will work). Altrnatively, you can copy the link in my firt message and paste it to the web address line. Let me know if it still does not work. Here is a link that might be useful: Grief Survey

OK, I see your point about it not being fair to dump everything on my MIL. It would probably be painful for her to listen to us discuss our problems, and maybe we would tend to overshare. I wouldn't want her to feel that she has chosen sides or been unsupportive of one of us. And we would not have been discussing sex! that would definitely be awkward! But no problems there. And I wouldn't have considered it if there were any ugly secrets to be revealed (I always thought it was a mistake for dh's cousin to talk about her husband's affair. He seemed sincerely contrite, and wanted to try to work things out, but I think that everyone knowing the details made it harder for her to think of taking him back. Anyway, I digress..) We have very different parenting styles - he is the authoritative type, and I am firm, but non-confrontational. One of our children is very stubborn, emotional and passive-resistive, and it's dealing with this child that brings out dh and my differences. I love the Love and Logic parenting books by Foster Cline, but that style is the polar opposite of what dh does. Although I asked dh to read these books, which I found very helpful, he just doesn't ever get around to it. I tried to explain/summarize, but even to my ears the message didn't come across as very convincing. I copied a few pages last week, and asked him to just read that much (hoping to pique his interest) but he hasn't got around to that either. I'm not sure how to convince dh to change, but I feel like my love and respect for him slipping away every time I hear him shouting at our son. And finances - we are not in dire straits, but of course with four kids there is never enough money to buy all that we want. He has a hard time denying himself things he wants to buy, so he's working like crazy (sometimes 100+ hours per week) to make enough to keep us afloat. While I am grateful that he is not a deadbeat, I think we'd be stronger as a family with less money and more time together. And he probably does feel that he will be blamed for everything. I am so unhappy and frustrated lately, and I can't imagine that he is not unhappy, too. He says that he has no complaints about me (I must be perfect, right??) but I wonder how that can be true. When we talk, he appears to listen, but nothing ever changes, so I feel like he doesn't really value my thoughts and feelings. I think our issues have been around for awhile, but it's just recently that our finances have been tight enough, and our children challenging enough, that I'm really bothered. I was listening to a radio show on the way to work last week, and the host said that sometime it is pointless to try to change your spouse, who probably has had the same habits for years. In that case, he said, it is better to change the way you feel. I just can't imagine feeling good about our relationship the way it is now.