Be firm. Mean what you say and say what you mean. Go to bed knowing that you're doing all that you can do and that you can't solve this problem as a lot of it is completely out of your hands. The "system" can only step after things get dire and even then there are limits to what can be done. I could have written your story only it would be about my brother who refuses to get help or allow anyone to help him. Know that there are plenty of people out there faced with the same crisis as you are. Some stories end up with happy endings and some don't.

mommabird congrats on moving on and doing what you needed for your sons and yourself to get your life back, it's great to hear things are going so well. one thing in your posts really jumped out at me: " " I really do think hoarding is a control issue." as a former hoarder who did get help and learned to overcome the obsessiveness of hoarding, I totally agree that it is about control. I think often what happens is circumstances that make a person feel like they have no control, that could be a job loss, a death in the family, financial problems, poverty, lots of other things that trigger that sense of not being in control in your life. that was very true for me, and the hoarding is like a way to control your surroundings, as long as you control the stuff you feel like you have control over something. one of the greatest feelings though that I wish all hoarders could experience is just letting go, giving up the need to control things and realize that hoarding doesnt improve your life, it doesn't protect you from all the crap that life throws at you and when you learn to let go you get such a sense of freedom from this horrible obsessive behaviour. it's not easy but it can be done and the rewards are so worth it, but I think a lot of hoarders are afraid to try and get the right help but no one can make them face it head on, that has to come from within and just a desire to change and do the hard yards to overcome it. unfortunately though hoarding does affect other people and mostly those who also live in the house, as frankie said above mental illnesses do have that impact, but when a hoarder tries to control everything in your surroundings, it ends up controlling what other family members can or can't do as well. At the end of the day, you realized what is right for you and your kids.

Lazypup thank you so much for sharing your story. So many people misunderstand what mental illness can do to people and those that live with them. My DH was diagnosed with BPD in the last decade. If only he had been diagnosed earlier how different our life might have been, especially financially. He has always been high functioning and a hard worker blah blah blah so it was easy to dismiss the erratic behavior. I can relate to the job walk-offs. One year he had nine different 1099s. He is stablized with a couple drugs that are pretty side effect free for him also. One of the "lucky" ones who hasn't needed lithium. It will never be perfect but it is so much better than before. I also agree with you on the over diagnosing that goes on with children. It is the boys that have it worse since the feminization of our society expects them to have the same behavioral characteristics that girls do. Our children's childhoods are being stolen. They are expected to learn more at an earlier age,have a lengthened school day with less recess,not given opportunity to blow off steam and burn off that excess energy and have every minute of their waking hours micro-managed. Yet at the same time many are still drinking out of those stupid sippy cups and being pushed around in strollers at age 5.

This is a topic I was interested in reading more about, acutally. I am currently reading "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" (I've never seen the movie) and it's going pretty well so far. I am a fan of Shirley Jackson (best known for her short story "The Lottery") and found out she wrote a novel called "Hangsaman" about a girl with mental illness. I can't find the book anywhere... other than at the local university(it's not due back until July!) so I may have my SO check it out at some point. The next book that came up in my search was "The Bell Jar" and I have wanted to read that, so maybe that's next. As for the realistic nature of the portrayal of mental illness... I'm not sure, to some extent this subject tends to be auotbiographical and so as far as you can trust personal experience it's accurate. When I think though of Bertha in "Jane Eyre" I'd like to think that that is a totally inaccurate portrayal of a person with mental illness. Bertha is a described as a monster and as inhuman, two things mentally ill people are generally not and it would not be PC to describe them as such currently.