Lost husband suddenly

nnmfam

I wonder if I am alone. I lost my husbnad suddenly from a medical error he was heathly( we had been reassured ) and 40 on memorial day . Is it normal for me to feel really lost almost like I not only lost him but I lost my mind as well. Will any of this go away I feel so guilty for not making him go to the Er he was going to a different dr tuesday and feel like we should of gone to the Er at a different hospital. .

I somedays wonder how I can manage my kids 17, 15, and 7 alone as I have a very severe immune dysfunction as well.

I miss him so much and my friends they wonder what I need but have no clue that I do not know what I need

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mav63_2007

I am so very sorry for your loss, so sudden and so young. Yes, it is absolutely normal for your to feel like your are loosing your mind, and normal to have feelings of guilt. We all feel like some how we could have done something to prevent what happened but the truth is that we probably couldn't. You don't say when this happened? but I think as time goes on you will find the strength to carry on, as we all do. It is wonderful that you have friends who want to help but don't realize that they can't help give us the one thing we need, no one can.

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marylmi

So sorry for your loss. So young to have had that happen. I am sure now you are very overwhelmed. Lean on those friends for support and comfort as sometimes we find out that we really do need them.

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karen_b

It might make you feel better to know...no you aren't alone. I lost my 55 yr old husband 2 months ago to a massive heart attack and I too had the guilty and regretful thoughts, that too is normal. It's also normal to feel lost and crazy we all go through it. Remember you had been a couple and now you aren't, let yourself cry. Crying is very healing, don't let anyone tell you any different. I felt the louder I cried the faster my grief would go away...but it doesn't work like that. I have found if I hold in the tears I find I end up crying harder later. Don't worry what anyone may think, cry cry cry. I went to dinner with a girl friend to a restaurant my husband and I went to frequently and I told her I might cry. She told me to cry then and not to worry what anyone may think. I did cry a little but held most of it in, but when I got home I bawled like a baby missing him so much.

By seeing a grief counselor I have learned I have to put those feelings of guilt and regret (which are usually high expectations we set for ourself) behind me so I can move on, though you can't imagine now how you ever will. If you aren't already writing your thoughts and feelings in a journal you may want to start, even if you just write what you did that day in letters to your husband it really helps because over time you will see what it is you are really grieving for. Two months later I am grieving his companionship and decision making, a month ago I was grieving the loneliness. Take good care of yourself and take one day at a time, truthfully this helps.

At first I had problems asking people to do things for me, now I don't know what I need either so it's hard to find something for someone else to do. But think of something even if it's just taking out the garbage can to the curb each week or cutting the grass. I live on a long drive way and I've worked it out with my neighbor that I will put the garbage can at the top of the driveway and when he puts his garbage can out he will come and get mine for me. He has on many occassions said he will do anything for me but I have to ask, he isn't going to impose himself on me. Think of things your husband used to do and ask others to do them for you. I'm finding I spend so much time doing the things he used to do I don't have time to do the things I want.

Be kind to yourself
Hugs

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finchelover

I lost my son six years ago by suicide,he was only 45. I had seen and talked with him 2 days before all seemed well. Yes, you got thru all kinds of things. A resturant owner who we came close to his wife came and asked what she could help me with,she dusted my house and made coffee. I had been taking a painting class and especially one girl would talk with me and let me cry . If you need to cry do it and if someone offers help let them,if its to clean,do shopping etc. it will give you peace and also help her. It took me about a year. Oh, yes! when you go anywhere you will see that person so don't let it bother you,no your'e not losing your mind.

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nnmfam

Ty to all of you . I did not day he had passed memorial day. I have loads of friends who want to help but right now my paretns are living with me I have a rare immune defiecny and we are working on a plan so when i have to be admitted I can without the kids scared .
It sure helps to know that others have the same feelings. I just wish nobody on earth had to go through this.
Again I cannto say how greatful to have found people that are right where I am .
Yes I do write my husband letters every day it just helps me deal a bit.
I did try a grief counslor and that really just drove me nuts. I am going to a support group on mondya for the kids and I . I have to pray on how to get through it as it is my anniversay of what would of been 19 years

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