Kareao's Heartbreaking Post

12 years ago

(I'm sorry I misspelled your name on the title;
don't know how I did that, & the edit feature won't let me correct it.)

Kerao, you added a response to an old thread;
I am re-posting it for you on its own thread so that it will get the attention it deserves.

Here's Kerao's thread:

Ã¯Â¿Â½Posted by kerao (My Page) on Mon, Aug 26, 13 at 4:04

I lost my beautiful Husband July 22, 2013 from a heart attack at the age of 51.
I was 46.
He was everything to me.
He loved me so much.
We would have been married 12 years in September.
I found him and I watched him die.
Something that will haunt me for the remainder of my life.
I wanted to take my life but my Parents arrived 1 hour before my Baby was taken from me.
I've lost 20 lbs and I can't sleep and cry all the time.
He was a wonderful man.

We moved from our hometown of Idaho to Utah for his Job, but I had him butied back home in Idaho.
Our family and friends are in Idaho.
I will be leaving this unforsaken state asap to be close to him.
I already have my plot by his.

I don't want people to talk to me.
I hate it.
I'm in incredible pain.

I know i need to join a support group of widows only.
But not a therapist.

I have a lump on my breast that I was seeing a cancer specialist for now I don't want to see anyone.
I want to be with my Howie.
I just can't live without him.
I can't.

This post was edited by sylviatexas on Tue, Aug 27, 13 at 16:13

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Comments (3)

sylviatexas1
Original Author
12 years ago
Kerao, I'm so sorry.

Your post is like a fresh wound.

Everything you describe is 'normal', but it's so intense & so deeply felt that you can't cope with it alone.

Please tell your parents, & let them help you.

As grief-stricken as you are, your parents would be just as devastated to lose you;
parents never expect to have to bury their children, & it's just devastating when they do.

When people have the very physical problems that you describe (weight gain, sleeplessness, crying all the time), it's because their pain is so deep that the very function of their brains is suppressed.

When the synapses in the brain don't fire efficiently, our whole system 'misfires', slows down, loses its coordination.

It's very much like a car that needs tuning:
when the engine first starts misfiring or 'missing', the car will still run, but if the problem isn't dealt with, the car gets worse & worse & finally somebody has to tow it to the shop to fix it.

The widows' support group will help you realize that you're not alone, & it'll get you some fellowship & some good advice & tips, & I do think your idea to join it is a good one.
but the only thing that will make those synapses fire properly is medicine.

Medicine today is much more refined & subtle than it used to be;
getting your synapses firing again will not rob you of your love for your husband or your depth of feelng for him;
on the contrary, it'll make you able to continue, so that you can keep his memory alive.

Please go to your physician & describe to him or her the things you've described here.

& please post here again.
peytonroad
12 years ago
I am so very sorry for your loss.. You seem to have with your husband what many people yearn to have. You will survive this and you have wonderful memories to sustain you. Find the good in this somehow. LIVe on and strong and take care of yourself!
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Kareao's Heartbreaking Post

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sylviatexas1
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peytonroad

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Kareao's Heartbreaking Post

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sylviatexas1Original Author

peytonroad

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sylviatexas1
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