Kareao's Heartbreaking Post


(I'm sorry I misspelled your name on the title;
don't know how I did that, & the edit feature won't let me correct it.)

Kerao, you added a response to an old thread;
I am re-posting it for you on its own thread so that it will get the attention it deserves.

Here's Kerao's thread:

�Posted by kerao (My Page) on Mon, Aug 26, 13 at 4:04

I lost my beautiful Husband July 22, 2013 from a heart attack at the age of 51.
I was 46.
He was everything to me.
He loved me so much.
We would have been married 12 years in September.
I found him and I watched him die.
Something that will haunt me for the remainder of my life.
I wanted to take my life but my Parents arrived 1 hour before my Baby was taken from me.
I've lost 20 lbs and I can't sleep and cry all the time.
He was a wonderful man.

We moved from our hometown of Idaho to Utah for his Job, but I had him butied back home in Idaho.
Our family and friends are in Idaho.
I will be leaving this unforsaken state asap to be close to him.
I already have my plot by his.

I don't want people to talk to me.
I hate it.
I'm in incredible pain.

I know i need to join a support group of widows only.
But not a therapist.

I have a lump on my breast that I was seeing a cancer specialist for now I don't want to see anyone.
I want to be with my Howie.
I just can't live without him.
I can't.

This post was edited by sylviatexas on Tue, Aug 27, 13 at 16:13

Comments (3)
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Kerao, I'm so sorry.

Your post is like a fresh wound.

Everything you describe is 'normal', but it's so intense & so deeply felt that you can't cope with it alone.

Please tell your parents, & let them help you.

As grief-stricken as you are, your parents would be just as devastated to lose you;
parents never expect to have to bury their children, & it's just devastating when they do.

When people have the very physical problems that you describe (weight gain, sleeplessness, crying all the time), it's because their pain is so deep that the very function of their brains is suppressed.

When the synapses in the brain don't fire efficiently, our whole system 'misfires', slows down, loses its coordination.

It's very much like a car that needs tuning:
when the engine first starts misfiring or 'missing', the car will still run, but if the problem isn't dealt with, the car gets worse & worse & finally somebody has to tow it to the shop to fix it.

The widows' support group will help you realize that you're not alone, & it'll get you some fellowship & some good advice & tips, & I do think your idea to join it is a good one.
but the only thing that will make those synapses fire properly is medicine.

Medicine today is much more refined & subtle than it used to be;
getting your synapses firing again will not rob you of your love for your husband or your depth of feelng for him;
on the contrary, it'll make you able to continue, so that you can keep his memory alive.

Please go to your physician & describe to him or her the things you've described here.

& please post here again.

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I am so very sorry for your loss.. You seem to have with your husband what many people yearn to have. You will survive this and you have wonderful memories to sustain you. Find the good in this somehow. LIVe on and strong and take care of yourself!

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This Friday Sept. 13 will be 28 yrs without the love of my life. He gave me a long kiss before he left for work & fell backward at work as his heart stopped. Everyone did everything they could but it didn't work(fire dept across the street) so I too had to bury my 48 yr old hubby after just 22 yrs of marriage & 2 great kids no longer had a daddy. You find yourself on a stage & you go through the motions even tho you don't want to but you have no choice. Everyone on the street "goes about their business & ignores you" the whole world has changed but they don't notice. You are not alone you have many sisters in same spot you are some are further away from that awful day, some are where you are. If you have kids you have to be strong for them, they also are "lost, confused & wondering what's going on" they need your love & lots of cuddling & attention. If you don't have kids or even if you do you need to reach out to relatives, friends, coworkers that you have had good relationships with in the past. You may not want to but it helps you see that you can go on. If you just sip a cold drink in a café & watch people go by it helps. I had no money so I drove few blocks to shopping center & just sat in my car & watched "the world go by, after few times of doing that I started wondering what they were going through, illness, loss of relatives etc. You realize that we all have to go through hard times & you realize that friends ,[parents & others help you get your bearings & go on. It's hard you will find the strength. You will smile again, you will perhaps love again someday. Take your time to heal 1st so you don't get into a bad situation. Grief is a strange thing, you will sometimes want to stay in bed, allow yourself that once. It doesn't help it tends to make you feel worse. Force yourself out & slowly life will make sense again. Do something you never thought you would do, learn to paint, take a craft class anything that gets you with people, read to kids at library, volunteer at a soup kitchen & learn that others have it even worse, helping others does amazing things for you! Don't decide to leave this earth, I had a relative that did that many yrs ago & it is still affecting the family. Parents, cousins, children, friends, teachers, coworkers etc, it is hard on everyone that is left to deal with it. Your sweet hubby would want you to go on & live for him & you were so blessed to have a wonderful man & don't take away from that by doing something to harm yourself, his parents are hurting now also, get your medical problem taken care of & reach out to them. Hope you already have after all they raised a great guy for you!! Every person on this forum will be thinking about you too! It gets better & memories grow even more wonderful, don't be afraid to talk about him either. He's been huge part of your life & always will be.

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